Marriage Improvement Monday
Sunday, March 7th, 2010
Get to Know Your Spouse All Over Again
Toward the end of my 4-month marriage improvement project, I read a book that suggested I get to know my husband on a deeper level by asking him about the meaning of life.
Before I go on, I’m just curious. How many of you think that’s a swell idea? Don’t read on until you’ve decided. Really, don’t. Just think about it. Good idea or bad idea? I’d really love to know what you think. And if you read on, my story will bias you. So think about it. Then read on.
Whether you thought about it or not, this is how my meaning of life discussion went.
Me: What’s the meaning of life?
Him: Beer.
Me: No, really. Be honest.
Him: Yes, really. It’s beer.
Me: I don’t know why I stay married to you.
See? It didn’t get us anywhere. Maybe we should have smoked a joint first.
Oh, man, there I go again—putting things out in cyberspace that are going to bar me from ever working in corporate America again.
Although the Meaning of Life Question did not help me grow closer to my husband, I do like the idea behind it. I like it for two reasons.
1. Part of what attracted us to our spouses all those years ago were those long telephone talks and late night discussions. Do you remember those? You could not get enough of each other. And you felt so special and adored because your spouse kept asking you question after question. Didn’t you love being listened to? And didn’t you love learning about your spouse? I know I did. Yet, if you are like me, then those heart felt discussions stopped somewhere after you discovered how you each lost your virginity and before the birth first of your first child. If you are like me, your conversations eventually were reduced to one-word answers, grunts, and surface talk about the weather and your bank account balance. Yawn. Boring. Midlife crisis waiting to happen, right?
2. During a lifetime, people change. Your spouse is not the same person you married. You are not the same person your spouse married. If only you could find a way to unlock the mystery of one another! You’d have something interesting to talk about! Just imagine it. You could fall in love with each other all over again. Dinner would suddenly become the most exciting part of your day!
The problem, of course, is two fold. One, you need to have faith in the idea that your spouse really is an interesting human being who is capable of talking about things other than the weather. Two, you need to ask the right questions, ones that will stimulate discussions about all of those things you still do not know about one another.
What to Ask
Here are some questions that might work for you. Please report back and let me know if you tried them and how it went, as I’m supposed to talk about “Conversation Starters for Conversation Starved Marriages” on TV in a couple weeks. Ladies: please know that I put all of these questions through the Cave Man Test. In other words, I asked my husband whether or not he would answer them, evade them, make a joke about them, or refuse to answer. He said that he would answer every single one of them. By the way, he said he would not answer the question, “What most embarrasses you?” so I suggest you stay away from that bombshell.
- Is there anything you are afraid to tell me?
- If money were no object, what would you do for a living?
- Heck, if money were no object and you never had to work a day for the rest of your life, how would you prefer to spend each and every day? (Note: my husband said he would answer this, but he said the question was rather long. Speak slowly and shorten as needed.)
- Do you have any regrets? Is there anything you wish you could do over?
- Why did you fall in love with me?
- Why do you love ________? (For instance, “Why do you love riding your bike?”)
- What would make life no longer worth living? (Note: when I asked my husband this question, I was convinced that he would tell me that life would not be worth living if he could not ride his bike. Instead he said, “My penis could fall off.” See? That was interesting! I had no idea!)
- Is there anything you want to do before you die?
- What’s the hardest thing you ever accomplished?
- Of what are you most proud?
Postscript: I happened to read “Sweet Romantic Pick Up Lines That Work” at ItMightBeLove.com as I was thinking about this post. I realized that most of the pick up lines double as conversation starters for married couples. They’re worth checking out. But please know that I have not put any of them to the Cave Man Test. So tread carefully.
Do you have any conversation starters that you’d like to share? Have you ever talked about the meaning of life? If so, how did it go?
