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by Alisa Bowman

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I am a journalist who covers health, relationships, psychology, parenting and other topics for a variety of national publications and websites. I’m also  as a book collaborator, with 7 ghosted and co-authored works making the NY Times bestseller list. You can learn more about my projects and magazine work at AlisaBowman.com. Some of my works include:

PROJECT: HAPPILY EVER AFTER

Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters

In Project: Happily Ever After I tell the story of how I went from wishing my husband dead to renewing my wedding vows. My four-month project was a last ditch effort to save a marriage that many—my friends, colleagues and even my own mother—had written off as hopeless. I’ve been told that it’s equal parts funny, poignant, and helpful, and that the book offers other divorce daydreamers courage and hope. I include a 10-step plan you can follow to start their own marriage projects at home.

Buy a copy from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books a Million, Buy.com, Indie Bound, or Powell’s

 

PitchPerfect

PITCH PERFECT

How to Say It Right the First Time, Every Time

For this collaboration, I worked with media guru and Emmy Award-winning correspondent Bill McGowan—coach to some of the biggest names in business and entertainment, including Eli Manning, Kelly Clarkson, Jack Welch, Thomas Keller and Kenneth Cole. He is also a trusted advisor in the C-suites of tech companies like, Facebook, Spotify, AirBnB, Dropbox and Salesforce.com.

Saying the right thing the right way can make the difference between sealing the deal or losing the account, getting a promotion, or getting a pink slip. It’s essential to be pitch perfect—to get the right message across to the right person at the right time. In Pitch Perfect, Bill McGowan shows you how to craft the right message and deliver it using the right language—both verbal and nonverbal.

Pitch Perfect teaches you how to overcome common communication pitfalls using Bill’s Principles of Persuasion, which are highly effective and easy to learn, implement, and master. With Pitch Perfect you can harness the power of persuasion and have people not only listening closely to your every word but also remembering you long after you’ve left the room. I’ve used Bill’s techniques to get over my fear of public speaking, so I can vouch for their effectiveness.

DANGEROUS INSTINCTS

How Gut Feelings Betray Us

Chances are you’ll never be kidnapped at gunpoint, your child won’t be the victim of a predator, and your financial advisor won’t be Bernie Madoff. But every day, you make choices that could turn dangerous in an instant, from trusting a date with a drink to letting your son ride home with his soccer coach. Written with former FBI profiler Mary Ellen O’Toole, PhD, Dangerous Instincts teaches you that what we rely on to assess danger—fear and emotion—simply doesn’t keep us safe. What does? A smart, proven analysis. Using anecdotes from her thirty-year career, O’Toole explains the SMART method that she developed based on her experiences at the FBI. From recognizing the risk of a situation to observing people for clues on their intent, Dangerous Instincts shows how to make the safest decisions possible for yourself and your family.

{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

brittney June 15, 2011 at 5:38 pm

this book is mad good am writing a story about happily ever after

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Heather June 27, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I have you book on my NOOK! I loved it and quoted many lines to my husband. However my husband has recently voiced this……My wife suck. Should have married a rich one like you! This was sent to his friend after telling him we could not afford to go to the beach with them! ugh,

Frustrated and married to a 36 year old adolescent
Bethlehem PA! ;)

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Alisa June 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Heather–I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s comment. That sounds so hurtful.

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Linda Bruhn June 28, 2011 at 10:44 am

I am so computer dumb How do I order your book? Cost and where to send it. I read your blog everyday it comes and love it. I tried to get this book I while back but it was hopeless. So please make it simple for me. Computers make me insecure!!!! LOL
Linda Bruhn
612-987-1917

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Alisa June 28, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Hi Linda–

It’s available are regular bookstores. If they don’t have Project: Happily Ever After in stock, they can order it for you. You can also get it online here http://www.amazon.com/Project-Happily-Marriage-Fairytale-Falters/dp/0762439017/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1309282871&sr=8-1 and here http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/project-alisa-bowman/1100754785?ean=9780762439010&itm=1&usri=alisa%2bbowman

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Robin July 13, 2011 at 8:21 am

Alisa, I am very glad that you included this papragraph in your first chapter:
“Although our marriage felt dead, we didn’t suffer from anything that
would rule out resurrecting it from the grave. Neither of us was addicted
to anything other than caffeine.We weren’t co-dependent. He wasn’t emotionally
or physically abusive, and neither was I. Neither of us was an overspender
or gambler.We were both intelligent, reasonable people. Perhaps
most important, we both wanted to save our marriage.”

These are very important words. This message should be a wake up call to those of us who do live with addiction and abuse (which so often go hand in hand) that we have other important work to do first, before we can “save” our relationships. We must start with ourselves, to heal ourselves, to repair our relationships with ourselves, before we can have any hope of healing a marriage. This doesn’t mean we should just give up and divorce, but that there are serious problems in the relationship that will surely impede any efforts to repair the marriage IF they are ignored.

Lastly, and so sadly, we must learn to accept the reality that if a partner doesn’t wish to come along for the journey, there is no journey for the pair of you.

These are both such difficult things to accept. I wish peace and healing all those dealing with addiction and abuse, and whose partners have no interest in doing the good work to have a successful and satisfying relationship.

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DC October 14, 2011 at 10:28 am

I would like to tell you ladies that i am a husband that has been separated for 2 years.. I have been a horrible husband never cheated but has had anger issues… i just realized 6 months ago that i had a problem and have started to work on it. I am now on my way to win my wife back and am going to buy this book today…

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joel April 1, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Hi dc,me and my wife have been together for 15 years married for 7.we have 2 kds together ages 8 and 6.i too have had bad anger issues and have been a horrible husband for all these years.we have been separated for 7 months she wants a divorce and we are waiting for the date too go to court.i too have realised that i had a problem and took the steps necessary too try and save my marriage.i have been diagnosed with being bipolar.she says she loves me alot my not in love with me.what advice can u give me.i love her and will do anything to prevent this.thanks,joel

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JM November 6, 2011 at 6:17 am

Alisa, I am intrigued by your book. My husband and I married 1 year ago after having dated for 5 years. It is a second marriage for both of us. We have a great relationship and a wonderful marriage, but I secretly have trust issues stemming from some rocky times earlier in our relationship. Will your book help me? Or is it just for women who hate their husbands?

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Alisa November 6, 2011 at 9:22 am

Hi Jen– The book is more of a story–like a novel, but with advice. It tells the story of my own marriage and what went wrong–and how I fixed it. So it’s not just for women who hate their husbands. I’ve heard from husbands who have read the book and have told me that it has helped them. I can’t promise you that it will help you, but I’ve gotten good feedback from about 80 percent of people who have read it, people in all sorts of marriage situations ranging from basically happy all the way to one step away from killing each other.

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How To Be Happy December 12, 2011 at 2:31 am

Hey Alisa
this is really something i am missing this will surely help to save marriages and surely to get happiness in their life. Before i have read one magazine How To Be Happy that tell us the secret to get happy and now this book really help to get happy with family.
Really appreciate you for writing this book.

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Bill January 16, 2012 at 7:06 pm

We have been married over 30 years. we were very much in love. Now, my wife will not talk to me or even let me touch her. She wants to separate.She says that I don’t make her happy. She says that she loves me but is not ‘In Love’ with me.
We have had some rough years with our relationship, my unemployment etc. The work is back and the children are gone. I am devastated.
I have not been happy in life. I want to turn this around, be happy and make her happy.

I truly want to save my marriage.

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Shelley March 28, 2012 at 10:45 am

This comment is for Bill. I am having the same issure. My husband and I have been married to 22 years and in November he said he no longer loved me, I made him feel bad about himself and wanted to leave. He stayed for a while and then left for 2 weeks, came back and after 2 weeks left again. Hes now been gone going on 6 weeks. He wont speak to me about our relationship only the kids, who by the way wont have anything to do with him, because he doesnt want to try to save a 22 year marriage. I also despritely wish to save my marriage. If you or anyone have any advice on how to do that or if you think this book would work for me please let me know.

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Kimberly S March 2, 2012 at 9:23 am

Alisa, I found myself looking on google.com because I felt as if I were having an early midlife crisis when I stumbled upon your website. My husband and I have been married for three years and for both of us it’s not the first attempt in marriage. We met 10 years before and dated but I had children and that scared him because we were young and he was not ready to become a family man, I loved him though I had to make on, we both later marred other people he had two kids and then his wife left him, my marriage lasted only a few short months because I married the man out of lust and discarded any rational thinking abilities I had. My husband and I med again just by chance at a doctors appointment and we have been together every day since. I thought that I was depressed but I am really not. So when I found myself looking in the mirror yesterday crying I asked myself why was I unhappy and decided to look up early midlife crisis. I found a lot on the subject but nothing seemed to match me and how I am feeling, then I landed on your site and read a few things and ended up buying a copy of the book. I have finished it, I read it in under eight hours and with three kids and a husband I don’t really finish a lot of what I start because I’m always putting their needs before mine. First I want to say the book was great. It has given me a new look at my problem, after reading and with a lot of thinking and comparing I know why I feel this way, my husband has stopped being the man I fell in love with. Just as mentioned, the little things he did or said no longer happen and because of this and lack of us talking about it, I have begun to think that I am not a good person or a less than what my husband wants me to be. I’m not young anymore at 33 years old I know I’m not over the hill but things are changing and I don’t feel attractive as I did when we started dating. We have had many things that we have worked through but I guess we never completed the process and made sure that we were both getting the things we wanted from each other. I am going to tell him about your story, he won’t read the book, he is the type of man for example he purchased a book on how to overcome procrastination and read the first chapter only to put off reading the rest of the book, it’s still sitting next to the bed a year later. But I hope that he will have an open mind such as your husband and I wanted to thank you for sharing your life to help others, if I had not read your book I was on the brink of checking myself into a funny home to see if I was just going crazy. You gave me a lot of tools and insight that I didn’t have and unlike yesterday today I’m willing to look into the future and see that my husband and I can fix our issues and be as happy as we were the day we met. My husband is my soulmate, I told him from the first time we met and although it took us ten years later we came together when the timing was right and share a deep love that I never want to lose. Thank you for helping me see that again because my mood and sadness only made him upset and moody as well, now I understand what we need to do to live happily ever after. FIVE STARS….

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Madalena Francisco March 9, 2012 at 12:12 pm

hello Mrs Lisa iam very gratefully to have been seen your bok withi a tailtle projecto felizes para sempre for a magazine claudia so Iam divorced for aproximately for tres years but sometimes a feel bored with me so i need to buy uor book how a quem this my telephone number is 923302498-Iam woman angolan.

best regardas

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Beck April 14, 2012 at 7:09 am

Alisa,
All those things in chapter one are exactly what I feel and I’ve only been married 8 months! He spends all his time on the internet, never talks to me, never spends time with me, is always at a friends house, doesn’t want sex, he lives in his own world and i am the main breadwinner and do all the housework. I’m starting to wish I’d never married him. Will marriage counselling help or is it just the 1st year blues that every one tells me about?

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Laura July 30, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Alisa, I just read your book Project Happily Ever After and all I can say is THANK YOU!! I read it within 24 hours of sampling it on Amazon. I’ve been married for 3 years in September. We have a 15 month old little girl and things have been rough for the last year. When reading you’re book it was like reading my marriage..well most of it was at least. We are both so excited to start putting to practice what I learned from your book and get back to where we were when we first got married. I truly believe this book saved my marriage. I was so close to giving up and you gave us hope.

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Alisa July 31, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Laura– Thank you so much for your kind feedback. I’m so happy to hear that you found the book helpful, and I wish you much happiness and success.

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Brandy October 3, 2012 at 12:08 pm

All your advice is awesome. It is really working for me. But…my 35 yr old husband & father of 3 is a pot head. Should that be a deal breaker? He’s a good dad, works really hard, and helps at home. He has an addiction and is not ready to face it yet. He’s wonderful. Just so very immature.

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Alisa October 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Dear Brandy: if you were just dating and no kids were in the picture, this might be something you could call a deal breaker. But since you are already married and, by your own words, his pot smoking doesn’t seem to affect you, I would say that it’s not. Sounds like you have a good deal. We all have demons and faults. He might decide to give it up at some point, that that will be his choice. On the other hand, if it does affect you (neglect, anger etc), that would be a different story.

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Clare October 5, 2012 at 8:16 am

Brandy, I have the same problem, my husband is a pot head and I feel like he would choose the drug over me. He has even taken his children to pick up the pot and will drive in the car with the kids and the drugs. I want him to quit, and cut back on drinking. I am very depressed and cry all the time on the way to work. I do not think I love him…. Do I need to buy this book?

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Alysa October 29, 2012 at 1:41 pm

My Husband and I separated almost a week ago. I sat down with him one night and decided that I was going to tell him every thought in my head as of late because we had been going through some difficulties. Yes, I will admit, I said some things that were most likely very hurtful to him, but not with that intention. I was not trying to be snide or mean; the things I said were my absolute true feelings. The rest of that evening into the following evening, he actually ignored me. Everything from Good night, to how was your day was brushed off and he pretended he didnt hear me. At that point; I could no longer stand it. I packed a bag for myself and let my boys decide if they were coming with me or staying their dad (explaining that It was most likely just for the night for them anyway) and left. The very next day; my best friend calls me and says she has found my husband as a new user on a dating website. He is seeking other people but continues to tell me he loves me and he misses me (As I have not been back). He tells me I am being selfish and need to think more about the kids. Is he right? Am I just being selfish?

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Deise Monteiro October 30, 2012 at 11:21 am

Hi Alisa!
The books are here!
I just want thank you so much for sending me your wonderful book…can’t stop reading it!
You are such a nice person, and it means a lot to know that you’ve spent a few hours and bucks to go to the post office and send the books all the way to Brazil!
Your book is perfect, my husband and I are half way trough and we agree that you must be helping many other couples improve their marriage just like you’ve helped us.
We’ve been learning a lot!
Thanks!!
Love,
Deise Monteiro.

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Katherine November 14, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Hi Alisa,
My husband has come to me 3yrs ago saying that he is not in love with me anymore and isn’t happy! We had just had our 2nd child and I was suffering from post natal depression.
He said at the time I was always angry irritable and moody. He said he would walk in after work and come home to me yelling and screaming. Clearly I was not coping with 2 young children.He told me at the time I needed go and see someone about it but I didn’t want people to think I was weak or a failure.
We have been married 8yrs but been together 16yrs! I find it really difficult to understand in such a sort space of time(6mths) after the birth of baby 2 that he fell out of love with me.
He said he wanted to leave then but felt bad to leave me with a 2:5yr old and a 6mth old children by myself.

We are currently on a break now it’s been nearly 3wks! He still picks our 2 daughters up every afternoon and brings them home we have dinner together and put them to bed to keep the normality for them.
I still love him very much which I have told him.. But he has just said he needs a break to think..I cannot help but think he has already made his mind up considering he has stayed after he has come to me 3yrs ago with his feelings.
I’m really devastated there has been a lot more good than bad in our relationship! I have said this to him and he just says ” I’m not thinking about that at the moment and nothing has changed!! I know it’s only been 3wks and there is nothing I can do or say.. I just want to get things back to the way we were again!

Is there any advice you can give me!
Cheers :-)

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AL February 1, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Well where do I start. I am an unemployed husband who goes to online-school. I served my country for 6 years in the USMC and then did construction for 10 years after. I am 43 and have been out of work for 4 years now and fill the time by going to school. My reward for serving my country was injuries that now make me unable to work, SSI is playing their little games and the VA tells me it will take about 4 years before they even look at my claim. What do I do? My injuries are getting worse and I just can’t do what I used to do. Also as the days pass… it seems to take me longer to do the basics around my home, My wife is the love of my life and I hate not being the provider I used to be. I hope that one day I can put my marriage back together… but it seems very far off.

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Stephenie May 15, 2013 at 2:49 pm

Hi Alisa! I just finished your book and I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you for writing about your marriage project. I want every one I know to read your book because I think your advice is so great. In fact, I’m passing it on as soon as I make notes for myself from the pages I dog-eared. :)

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Alisa May 15, 2013 at 7:35 pm

So happy to hear you enjoyed it–and thanks for sharing it with others!

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Cara Rogers May 16, 2013 at 10:12 am

After reading comment after comment about how amazing this book truly is I absolutely have to get a copy now. I have been looking for something I can do to save my marriage and I really don’t want to see it end anytime soon. I’m glad I found this page.

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replica rolex July 11, 2013 at 2:18 am

I was suggested this website by my cousin. I am not sure
whether this post is written by him as nobody else know
such detailed about my problem. You are incredible!
Thanks!

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Armywife75 September 5, 2013 at 7:40 am

My husband and I have been married for 6 years this December, but the past couple of months he has changed.
3 years ago we had a rough patch after I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. He was extremely supportive but after 2 years of me not being intimate because of the treatment and changes it made to my body it pulled him away from me a bit.
Our intimacy has gotten better but now he’s back talking to his ex girlfriend who he was going to marry 10 years ago. I have talked to him about it and all I get is I’m jealous and they’re just friends.
What scares me is he’s changed all of his passwords to fb, phone, email and he brings his phone everywhere, even the bathroom. He doesn’t notice when I get dressed up nice for him anymore, doesn’t notice when I do things for him anymore. All he does is sit around private messaging her on fb.
He openly admitted that his past relationships have failed because he can’t get past the relationship he had back then with his ex but he wants to try and fight for our marriage.
It seems like I’m the only one trying though, while he’s still talking to her on fb.
I have mentioned marriage councilors but he won’t go. I don’t know what else I can do but keep trying to show him how much I love him and be a wonderful wife to him.
Any advice would be wonderful.

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