How to combat a case of the crummies
Friday, February 27th, 2009
If flowers are so great, why don't I feel like her?
In my How to be Happy series, I recommended analyzing negative emotions rather than fearing them, asking yourself, “What can I learn from this? What is this emotion telling me about my life?”
Sometimes, however, those questions lead to this answer, “I have no idea what this means. My life is wonderful, but I feel crummy anyway.” In short: crummy happens. It’s as if our bodies have entered a mood-reality warp. We could list hundreds of reasons why we should feel happy—yet we feel unhappy anyway.
This happened to me just this week. I should have had a fantastic day on Wednesday. An editor for a national consumer magazine stumbled across my website and immediately contacted me to interview me for a story she was writing. That same day, a profile about me and this website appeared in a health care publication with a circulation of 280,000! I also got word that some issues of April’s First magazine were starting to hit newsstands, and they contained a feature about me, my marriage, and this site.
On top of that, my husband was especially sensitive, caring and supportive. I could offer a million different details, but here’s just one. I was staring at my face in the bathroom mirror that evening when he walked in and said, “Hi Good Looking!” I responded with the non-sequitur, “When did I become so haggard?”
He said, “You do NOT look haggard! You’re hot, and you’re skinny, too.”
I said, “Are your contacts out? Are you sure I’m skinny and that I’m not haggard? I think I’m haggard and fat.”
Him: “Oh, I’m sure.”
It was an argument that I was happy to allow him to win, but it wasn’t one that left me skipping through town while singing “I feel Pretty” at the top of my lungs. Despite his sweetness and despite my awesome day, I found myself feeling numb, tired and glum.
My mood did not match my circumstances.
I could go into all of the scientific reasons why our brains get the blues-telling you about serotonin and dopamine receptors and such. Or I could just say this: sometimes we feel crummy for no reason. Sometimes there’s no use analyzing the situation. Sometimes, crummy happens.
Crummy Therapy
When crummy happens, it’s important to stay calm, especially if you are like me and have that thing called “mental illness” running in your family. You might be tempted to go to that dark and scary place, the one that brings you visions of straight jackets, drool, and electroshock therapy.
I have four words for you: Just. Don’t. Go. There.
There are two important things to tell yourself over and over again when crummy happens. They are:
- Crummy doesn’t last forever
- Crummy never killed anybody
You can get through this. Crummy comes and crummy goes. You eventually won’t feel so crummy. The feeling will lift and, just like that, you’ll find yourself smiling again.
Try any of these the techniques to help yourself tolerate a Bad Case of the Crummies.
Tell others you feel crummy. A couple days ago, I posted a message to a Savor the Success discussion board with the title, “Make Alisa Happy.” I told the other women that I was feeling blah and that I could use encouragement. In no time they were commenting there, commenting on my site, and sending me emails telling me how wonderful I was. I felt surrounded by love. Caveat: only mention your inner crumminess to people who know how to deal with it. When you are crummy, you don’t need people to fix your problems. When someone tells you, “this is what’s wrong with your life,” it tends to makes you feel just one thing: crummier. So lean on people who will love you up and down and inside and out.
Perform random acts of self-love. I like to think of the following self-love gestures as stand-ins for retail and chocolate therapy. They help you feel better without ruining your bank account or making you feel uncomfortable whenever you wear a pair of jeans.
When you perform random acts of self-love, you tell yourself, “You are important you are worth it.” My favorites include:
* Blow off 10 minutes of your workday. Spend it sipping hot tea while you gaze out a window, sitting outside in the sunlight, taking a leisurely walk, or doing something else that you find equally self-indulgent and relaxing.
* Scrap your to-do list. Rather than tackling what you think you should do in the morning, do what you most feel engaged to do-even if it doesn’t really need to be done. For instance, this morning, to break out of my crummies, I wrote this blog rather than work on a book chapter. I’ll get to the chapter eventually-just not right now.
* Take a nap.
* Moisturize. Our bodies crave touch, especially when we are have a case of the crummies. Take a few extra moments each morning to slather moisturizer all over your body. I like to think of it as the poor woman’s total body massage.
Change your brain chemistry. There are a few proven ways to do this without drugs. They are: 1) exercise 2) sunlight 3) deep breathing and meditation 4) sex 5) laughter. To make yourself laugh, I recommend singing, “The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, they’ll be sun!” Swap the word “vagina” for the word “sun” and sing it at the top of your lungs. If you manage to sing this song while having sex outdoors in the sunlight, you’ll soon emerge as the happiest person on the planet. Note: Do not sing this version of the song if you are at work. If you lose your job, you’ll have something real to feel sad about.
Notice the small stuff. When you have the crummies, your mind tends to get stuck in a negative mode where it notices everything that’s wrong with the world-the ice on the ground, the driver who just cut you off, and the person at work who never smiles. To counter this tendency, force yourself to notice everything that’s right. For instance, this morning I noticed that I could smell the first hints of spring. I listened to the sounds of the birds chirping, and I tasted my latte as if it were the first latte I’d ever had. Wow, it was good.
How do you combat a bad case of the crummies? Leave a comment.
