Apparently Kiri Blakeley and I were destined to become friends. Kiri used to write regularly for Forbes Woman. One day, about a year ago, my phone rang. I picked it up. It was Kiri. She interviewed me about something or other. I think it was a story about celebrities and how they suck at staying married.
Something like that. Then almost as soon as I was on the phone with Kiri, I was off it. That’s how things generally go with reporters, I’ve found.
A few months later, I met Jonathan Alpert, a Manhattan psychotherapist, at a TV station. We were both there to talk about Tiger Woods. Somehow one thing led to another and he told me about this woman that he thought I should meet. It was Kiri.
As it turned out, Kiri had a book coming out. As it turned out, I had a book coming out. As it turned out, both of our books were coming out on the same date: December 28th. (Cue the music from Twilight Zone now).
Kiri and I decided to make the best of this peculiar situation. I sent her my book. She sent me hers. We agreed that I would blurb her book. She would blurb mine.
I Facebook friended her. She Facebook friended me. It was like that. Love at first interview, as they say.
Anyway, as I read Kiri’s book, a few thoughts occurred to me.
Thought #1: Dang, this girl is brave. I sweated over the one sex scene in my book and about whether it would be okay to use the phrase “went down on” when referring to something I did with my husband. Kiri proved to me that I had nothing to worry about. More important, she proved to me that one could write about having sex in a very detailed way with very detailed words and still look you in the eye the next morning.
Thought #2: I had to read Kiri’s book in private, with the book in one hand and a vibrator in the other. I do not exaggerate. It’s a great story, but it’s vibrator worthy, too. If you are struggling with your sex drive, read this book. You’ll be cured.
Thought #3: I never want to be single ever again. And if, for some freak reason, I become single, I am not going to date. I’ll just become a nun or something, even though I’m not Catholic.
This last thought is the reason I’ve decided to include Can’t Think Straight in the Marriage Books You’ll Love series. Can’t Think Straight tells the story of the year Kiri spent recovering from the news that her fiance and boyfriend of 10 years was gay. That’s right. The guy she was about to marry—the guy that she thought was perfect for her in every way—one night said, “Honey we need to talk.” That conversation ended with her realizing that her boyfriend was not attracted to her because he was attracted to hairy men instead. (Watch this video of Kiri reading the first chapter of the book for all of the details of how he came out).
After that split, Kiri spent a year rediscovering her sexuality. She went on a wild dating spree—the kind that my unhappily married mind fantasized about quite often.
I don’t know about you, but when I was unhappy in my marriage I had all sorts of wonderfully unrealistic thoughts about what the dating world was like. For instance, I thought the dating world was filled with these hot, sensitive guys who knew how to cook.
Apparently, this isn’t the case. Or, at least, it’s not the case in Brooklyn. Now, let me tell you something. Kiri is drop dead gorgeous. And she, at that time, was working an enviable job at Forbes magazine. She was quite the catch by anyone’s standards.
Yet, the guys she dated were just, in a word, ugh. Slimy. Upsetting. Sorry excuses for men is what they were.
Kiri somehow found every sorry excuse for a man in New York, and she dated every single one of them.
I’m not going to spoil the ending. I will only say that she did learn a few things about herself and about men during that year.
And I’m going to say this: thank God I’m married.
I’m going to make my husband a happy man tonight. How about you?
Next up in the Marriage Books You’ll Love series: Fits, Starts and Matters of the Heart.
Note: At 2 pm EST Tuesday Dec. 7th, I’ll be on FoxNews.com Live with Courtney Friel to talk about Project: Happily Ever After. Tune in at this link.
There’s still time to enter the Fabulous PHEA Giveaway! Be entered to win a Kindle, a stay at a B&B, marriage counseling, a vibrator and more with proof of purchase of Project: Happily Ever After.
Learn more about Project: Happily Ever After. Watch the trailer and get a sneak preview into the book.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
The book sounds fabulous.
Getting back into the dating world sounds dreadful. I’d rather have my teeth pulled with no pain drugs.
Just a note to others on the site: I seem to have a troll who is making nasty comments and pretending to be me. I am on top of it. Please ignore any mean comments that have my name on them. Do not respond to this person. Thanks!
This sounds like a good and funny book, I’m keeping track of all the ones you reccomend here and looking them up. Most importantly, though, I finally pre-oprdered YOUR book, last night! Actually, my mom pre-ordered it for me as a Birthday Present (I’m Dec. 23rd), but still, I’m excited! I think it will be so cool to read a book that I kind of “followed” before hand, you know. This blog is great and I’m sure the book will be even better–even though it won’t arrive until AFTER my birthday, that’s okay, what a great way to extend my gifts! Have a great week, everyone!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
Trolls are such butt heads. Sorry you have to deal with that.
Finding out that my senior prom date was gay during the after party did not even sway me from going after the sensitive, book-loving, gooey type of guy and then just forever fearing that everyone I loved might be gay. I’m wondering if Kiri found a new love of big hairy manly men in that year or if her sexual discoveries made her more fearless in loving meterosexuals. Guess I’m going to have to read to find out …
Dating is such a tough process, especially here in NYC. So many awkward moments, stress and expectations. But if you’re not gonna do it, you’re just gonna be stuck single forever…
Henway´s last [type] ..Medifast Foods Group
Where the hell are the hot, sensitive guys who can cook anyway?
I could totally hear you saying that, Alisa. Made me laugh.
Brewgasm´s last [type] ..Big beer week ahead plus
First of all, thank you Alisa for writing about my book. You had such a fabulous take on it– clutching vibrator in one hand, wedding ring in the other. Turned on and terrified. Kind of how I was during that year! To Mrs. Levine, my fiance, who came out, was the least metrosexual man imaginable. So I did not develop a fear of metrosexual men, which is fortunate, since that is mostly what you get in New York.
I hope you’ll all look up my book and if it sounds palatable to you, give it a read, and let me know what you think at kiriblakeley.com.
I work out in a gym at least 5 times a week and there is a group of men 35-60 years old who come in every morning about 6am when I’m there and they lift weights and discuss what makes the perfect salad and how to make a good turkey lasagna. I am married to a man more suited to baking a cake and folding the laundry properly than swinging from a tree or scratching his crotch. I think the stereo typical man we grew up seeing in our fathers is gone. In most ways that is 100% a positive thing but gotta tell you, the John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, Tom Berringer types are still what female fantasies are made of.
If you ask me vibrators were invented in a nick of time.
Joanne, you crack me up.
Give me a rugged man any day. It’s nice if a man can cook, but he can still be rugged. I have a guy friend that is a great cook and a sushi chef – he’s still very rugged.
My fiance (the gay one) was more typically masculine than all of the supposedly straight guys I dated after him– so it was a bit confoozling to say the least. I was not engaged to Clay Aiken!
Kiri- I understand what you are saying. Ray isn’t feminine at all either in his looks or affectations (neat word huh?) but being married to him for 16 years I have to say I wouldn’t be surprised if he told me he was gay someday. I would actually think “Gee that explains “it”!”
Boy am I glad he doesn’t look at this sight often. Alisa, you need to get some posts on there to bury this one.
haha–Joanne–figures you write those comments on a day I don’t do a follow up post. I’ll bury it today for you. No worries!
Ha, then you are ahead of me because I was shocked as hell!
OK – to all the sensitive guys out there, we love that you cook, really.
To Ray- just kidding honey, honest, I know you are all man.
Thanks Alisa- I hate to waste months of marriage counseling, I meant to just think it not write it.
Excelent post as always. From experience between my first & current marriage I can tell you the dating world is just as bad for men. 90% of the available pool is divorced. What I discovered was that many of them were divorced for a VERY good reason. NOBODY COULD LIVE WITH THEM……LOL Not true of all of course. I met the good & the bad. But the bad was REALLY bad. In just 3 years I met some of the worst drunks, abusers, self centered & narscisistic women you can imagine. I saw every form of psychosis & neurosis imaginable & that was just on the first 3 dates..HA!
I partially kid. I also met some that were very nice but just weren’t a good match for various reasons. Finally I met my beloved. I was BLOWN away. In more ways than one…Did I just say that?
Yea I put it out there…. I so crack me up. Anyway thanks for the post. I am trying to catch up on a few I missed while my computer was down.
You Rock as always
Ron
I read about Kiri and her book in Marie Claire, and when I googled the title this post came up! Can’t wait to read both of your books.
Thanks Susan! Let us know how you like them