How to argue with Mr. Always Right

A Reader Participation Post

Here’s a “biggest marital problem” sent to me by a reader:

My husband is aggressive, rude, and is always right and I am always wrong. Therefore I no longer have serious conversations with him. I try to avoid talking about anything that he might find upsetting, even though it may be something that is upsetting to me. We basically don’t have a relationship. I desperately would like to have a relationship, but I honestly don’t know if my husband is capable of it. I just agree with what he says. If I don’t he gets very angry and says that I just want to argue. If I ask him questions he gets angry too, so I will just ask him one question if I want to know something. If I don’t like or don’t understand his answer, I won’t say anything because that makes him very angry. What should I do?

Readers: This is all you. Can you help this reader with her biggest marital problem? I’m giving you two weeks to wrestle with this one. I will be awarding prizes to 5 people who I judge (by purely non-objective standards) to have the most helpful and insightful advice. The prizes include a free signed copy of my book Project: Happily Ever After + several other books that publishers have sent me recently: Jenn Berman’s Rockin Babies (I have two copies), Byron Pitts’ Step Out of Nothing, and Hulk Hogan’s My Life Outside the Ring.

Note: For the next two weeks, I will be taking a social media vacation. It do this once or twice a year whenever I start to feel stale, burned out, and irritated with humanity. Now is that time of year. I hope to return in two weeks as the generous, kind, loving, somewhat positive person I once knew. Because I won’t be posting much this month, the more comments you leave on this and other older posts, the higher your chances of winning the next Reader of the Month. For July Rental Car Choices will be giving away a free pass to Universal Studios. Make sure you click through to the actual blog ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com to comment. Comments sent to me via email or left on Facebook don’t count for this promotion.

182 comments… add one

  • Linda June 5, 2015, 10:27 pm

    I’ve lived with the same husband as yours for 43 years. Youngest of 3 kids is 34 and she (only girl) is most like him. Love all 3 and wouldn’t change that but we are early 60s and life has to be better. Should have followed my instincts 30 years ago. I now have no close friends (he has made sure of that) and none of my kids want to be around him. So I’m lonely, depressed, want a relationship and have none. Don’t wait till your old and decide life won’t get better. Decide if this is what you are in for LONG term. I took my vows in1971 and have tried to be the pin cushion but it gets harder everyday. Only you can weigh your circumstances as I’ve had great times but wondering now if it’s worth the daily emotional abuse.

    Reply
  • Jemna Card June 6, 2015, 3:32 pm

    Option 1 :- Record him, when he’s “right”, prove him wrong, treat him the same way back and when he confronts it, show him the same treatment to you by him on recording, if abusive, you have evidence. Do this, be in a unhappy game until it changes or ‘doesnt’

    Option 2 :- Walkout, secretly start setting yourself up somewhere else, make the plans then when he’s least expecting it, bam, give him the finger, smile and just walk out, leave the bastard speechless

    That’s my plan with my pathetic disgrace of a parner!

    Reply
  • Calli June 25, 2015, 10:10 am

    For many years we managed to keep my husband from using his seniority at work and disrupting peoples lives. We used a combination of sex denial, Promises he would get something better in the future, compromise that he could have the next vacation , weekend or holiday If he would just not make waves. After a brain sugery to remove a tumor and relieve adult onset hydrocephalus, things started getting violent in his refusals the last this last march when he invited himself along on a cruise I was invited on his father was going to intimidate him into going back home with a ball bat, my husband did not pull his punch and broke his fathers neck, two years ago he also refused to allow me to refuse sex any longer and he forced me. We have been told we abused my husband for 33 years, so why does it feel like he is abusing us.

    Reply
  • Libby June 25, 2015, 10:12 pm

    I am going through the same thing after two failed marriages n two daughters from each. I thought I met Mr. Right! Wrong ! He sounds just like what u described in yr husband. He thinks I want to argue every time I open my mouth. Oh and I am always a lier he says. My daughter’s can’t stand him and tell me I can do so much better n don’t wait till I am to old. Luckily where not married because he is not into the marriage thing he says after 3 years. He has no children n can’t stand it when my kids come over. I hv six grandsons. He doesn’t acknowledge them but only yells when they don’t listen, n won’t let them watch their shows because it’s his tv. I hv to get a plan in place n leave this narcissistic boy that has no respect.

    Reply
    • Libby June 25, 2015, 10:27 pm

      I am so relieved I am not the only woman going through this with my supposed to be companion he calls me!

      Reply
    • Libby June 25, 2015, 10:31 pm

      I am so relieved I am not the only woman going through this with my supposed to be ‘companion’ he calls me!

      Reply
  • mrs21 June 28, 2015, 11:20 am

    I’m in a relationship with a guy I love so much and he makes me happy.he always have to talk about his self I can’t never talk and when I do he blows up and argue with me and tell me I’m always trying to argue with him .he thinks he’s always right.I have to walk on egg shells every day.then he will say sorry I love I didn’t try to blow up on u.and always say he going to change and treat me better.and he hates saying sorry so he will blame me and I end up saying sorry for making him upset or talking when he talking ..I really need help he is a good man..and very controlling

    Reply

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