Did This Really Just Happen?

For the past few weeks, I knew that we were going to appear on the TODAY Show, but it just didn’t feel real. I’d told others about it, but I didn’t really believe it. I thought that it all might fall through. I figured that, at some point, some wise person at the TODAY Show would be all like, “What? We’re putting HER on TV? You’ve got to be joking.”

And then that would be that.

Last night, when I crawled into my hotel bed in New York and set my alarm for 5:45 a.m., the reality of it all hit.

I tossed. I turned.

I got up and paced around the room.

I went to the bathroom, even though I didn’t have to go.

I tossed and turned some more.

I tried to outwit my mind by telling myself that I didn’t need to be rested for the TODAY Show. I could pull an all nighter. People like me didn’t need sleep before national TV.

It didn’t work.

At some point, I must have dozed off. I know that because I woke up with a pain in my arm. My husband had poked me. He’d done it because I’d be snoring. I have a cold. That sort of thing happens when one has a cold.

I tossed and turned some more. I not only worried about the TODAY Show. I am  also worried about accidentally snoring and waking my husband again.

At 5:15 am I gave up and I took a shower.

I had been told that someone at the TODAY Show would do my hair and make up. I did my hair and makeup anyway. I just didn’t feel important enough to have someone else do my hair and make up. It still didn’t feel completely real.

My husband turned on the TV some time later. I watched as Matt Lauer came on. When he said the words “TODAY Show” I blinked back tears. I tried as hard as I could to hide my tears, and I did this for two reasons. Reason #1: I was wearing mascara. Reason #2: My husband and daughter both caught me crying during the Justin Bieber movie. There was no way I was going to let him catch me crying because Matt Lauer happened to say “TODAY Show.”

I had envisioned having our photos taken next to a sign that said 30 Rock. I don’t know why. I guess I just thought that it was cool that I would be there, you know? I wanted to have the 30 Rock picture taken with me holding the antique shoehorn that I’d wanted to give to David Sedaris for blurbing my book. (He never got said shoehorn because he didn’t blurb the book. You can read that saga here toward the end of the post).

I realized a few things. First, I didn’t pack the shoehorn. Oops. Second, it was raining and I’d just blown out my hair. Third, the sign probably doesn’t say “30 Rock.” It probably says something more like “30 Rockefeller Plaza.” Fourth, the TODAY Show isn’t at 30 Rock. It’s next door to it. That’s why I still don’t know what the sign might say because I didn’t actually see a sign. I went in through a very normal looking side door. It was so normal looking that I wasn’t quite sure it was the right door.

But it was.

A producer said, “We were going to take you to hair and make up but it looks like you are already made up.”

I said, “I wore makeup just in case. But they can make me up again.”

In the green room I met a women who would be modeling slimming clothes. She told me all about the wonders of SPANX.

I waited in the same room with the little boy who went to heaven.

Soon it was time to go on the set. I’ve been in TV studios before. Most of them look like little dungeons—places where serial killers do in their latest victims. The windows are usually boarded over. Everything is usually dark. The furniture often looks like it was a hand-me-down from someone’s deceased great uncle.

The TODAY Show, however, looks like the living room of someone with good taste and lot of disposable income. There’s lots of light, and there is furniture that actually looks comfortable. I walked into this room and Ann Curry and Al Roker were sitting on this white couch, and they were chatting and laughing. I got this strange sensation that I had just accidentally walked into someone else’s house. “I’m in the wrong place,” I thought. I turned around to leave. The producer was right behind me. She said, “This is it. Go ahead and sit down.”

I thought, “You mean there? On the same couch with Al and Ann? Are you sure?”

But I said nothing. I just decided to go and sit there and see if someone made me move.

No one told me to move.

Then Ann smiled my way. She is stunningly beautiful, one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. She also has a Southern twang, one that she seems to turn off when she’s on air and turn on when she’s off. In her warm, Southern twang she said, “This segment is really going to help a lot of people. Let’s help a lot of people together.”

I could have kissed her.

Three huge cameras suddenly glided across the room and were positioned right in front of us.

“We’re going to commercial. You’re going to be on the camera. Just look pretty,” someone said.

I tried my best.

During the commercial Matt Lauer walked by. He waved. I looked around, trying to figure out who he was waving at.

He was waving at me. I waved back.

I don’t remember much of what happened after that. At some point I was trying to answer Ann’s question when I realized that I had a big phlegm ball stuck in my throat. I had to stop and swallow. That sort of thing happens when one has a cold, but it’s not great for TV. No one seemed to notice, though. That was good.

Maybe I shouldn’t have written about it.

At any rate, it was over before I knew it had begun. Next thing I knew, we were walking out into the rain. I was telling my husband about Matt waving at me and me thinking he was waving at someone else. My husband was telling me that he met Matt in the bathroom.

I was telling him about sitting down on the couch with Al.

He was saying that he met Al in the hallway.

It was all rather weird because my husband and I were both in the segment—sitting next to each other. How was it that we’d had two completely different experiences? How had Matt waved at me on the couch, but met him in the bathroom?

Marriage is like that sometimes, isn’t it? One thing happens. You both remember it two completely different ways.

That’s why people read books like mine.

All I know is this, I love my husband and I am thrilled that he was willing to do this with me.

You can watch it here.

Welcome to everyone who came to the site because you saw us on TV. I promise to write about marriage tomorrow.

UPDATES

* I have many updates, but I’m too wired to remember what they are. One article that I would love you all to read–especially the writers among you–is this post at the Urban Muse offering advice for first time book authors.