Live Regret Free, Day 1

I designed this Regret Free Challenge for people who are unhappy in their marriages. After all, that’s the primary readership here. Many of the exercises for this challenge, however, will help you even if you are happily married, and they might even help if you are single. These exercises will teach you important skills that will help you feel happier and live the life you were meant to live.

If you are married—happily or unhappily so—I encourage you to read and consider the exercises together. That said, you will still find them beneficial even if your spouse does not play along.

Today, I’d like you to think about your funeral. Yeah, it’s a downer, but this is important.  What do you want people to say about you at your eulogy? How do you want to be remembered? What qualities about yourself do you hope others see and cherish?

I’m guessing that you don’t want people to say things like, “Dang, that man could not let go of a grudge” and “Boy, she was one angry woman.”

I’m also guessing that you don’t really want people to say things like, “She always got to work on time. Gosh, she was the most punctual person I ever met.”

This isn’t about what you’ve accomplished. It’s not about your job title, the size of your house, the make of your car, or how many children you produced.

No, this is about the person you are and have been and will continue to be. Who is that person? Who do you want that person to be?

List every adjective that describes the person you want people to remember. If you are stumped, think of people you admire and why you admire them. What qualities do they have?

Now, weed that list down to just three adjectives. For instance, when I did a similar exercise with life coach Tim Brownson many months ago, I leveled all of my positive adjectives (or values) down to these: Creative, authentic and generous. This is how I want people to remember me. It’s how I want people to perceive me.

Now be honest about this next question. It’s the kind of question that many of us just don’t want to consider. It’s easy to lie and live in denial, but doing so won’t get you to a happier place. To get to happy, inner honesty is so important. Got it? Good.

Here’s the question: Is there a disconnect between the person you want people to remember and the person you are today?

It’s okay if there is. After all we all have moments when we are not our best. Tomorrow I’ll teach you a method that will help you grow into the person you wish to become. For now, just envision that person. Who do you want to be and why?

FOR DISCUSSION

If you are taking this challenge with a partner, talk over the following:

1.     Who do you each want to be?

2.     How do you both see one another now? (Be kind, but be honest)

3.     What qualities do you love about each other that go beyond how you each want to be remembered? In other words, what parts of each other do you cherish and hope will never change?

4.     What are ways you can help each other be the people you wish to become?

UPDATES

• Jennifer Margulis is a good friend and wonderful writer. At her blog on Mothering.com she writes this about PHEA, “I admire Alisa for working out the kinks in her marriage and I’m grateful to the book for inspiring me to work out the kinks in mine.” She also writes that reading about my husband made her appreciate hers all the more.
• Tom and Melissa from TheLongHaulProject will be at my house in a couple weeks to film me and my husband talking about marriage for their site and their documentary. They read, loved and reviewed PHEA. Here’s an excerpt from their review, “I’ve been reading a lot of books on marriage recently, and Project Happily Ever After is by far my favorite. A former journalist, Alisa has a knack for storytelling and her conversational, witty writing style is a breath of fresh air in this genre. It’s like reading a juicy novel rather than a traditional “self-help” book.”
• On her site FrequentForeplayMiles, Shela Dean remarks that everyone can see themselves in my journey. She writes about the book, “There’s something for everyone to learn from this book regardless of the state or stage of their marriage. And, for the icing on top, it’s well-written with humor, hope, and just-between-us-girls honesty.”
• At Cest-la-Me Amy Reverdy writes that PHEA can even help the happily married. She writes, “I felt like I was reading a boy-meets-girl (and everything that comes after) story or a series of letters written by a girlfriend. The book held my interest and I wanted to know how their love story would end – or not end as the case may be.”
• There’s still time to enter the Fabulous PHEA Giveaway! Be entered to win a Kindle, a stay at a B&B, marriage counseling, a vibrator and more with proof of purchase of Project: Happily Ever After.

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Tagged as: regret free challenge