Please Help Me Win This

Do you remember that time I wrote about taking a taxi to the ER?

I was in Nashville and I was pissing blood. For two days I’d ignored my pesky little problem because I was too shy to ask my very good friends who happened to be staying in the very same hotel to drive me to the hospital. So I waited until my back hurt so bad that I was hobbling around like a little old lady. And then I took a taxi to the ER. It was there that I met this very hot Southern doctor. He told me that I had the worst urinary tract infection his lab assistant had ever seen in a plastic cup.

Do you remember that story? Do you remember how I asked you all for advice to help me get over my inability to ask for help?

Well, you all delivered. You had some awesome advice. I’ve put some of it into practice.

But I’ve come to a couple conclusions about my inability to ask for help. I don’t like to ask for help because:

  1. I’m worried that people will say, “yeah sure” but really be thinking, “My Gawd, I CANNOT believe she just asked me to do THAT!”
  2. I’m worried that someone will agree to help me change a flat tire and then come back a month later and say, “Remember that time I helped you change your flat tire? Well now I need $5000 to pay my bookie.”

I have a Not Asking For Help Affliction, and it’s one that I’m not proud of.

So I’ve been trying to force myself to get over it. I started with relatively minor things. Like I asked my husband to go to the grocery store yesterday. And I asked my daughter for a hug today. Oh, and I asked my lit agent to feed me a few compliments because I’ve been feeling like a sucky writer lately.

That sort of thing.

Now I’m taking things up a huge notch. I’m going to ask for a humongous favor from thousands of different people. (That would be you all, in case you were wondering). And this is an exceptionally embarrassing favor because I’m worried that you all are going to think that I think I’m funny but that, in reality, I couldn’t get a laugh out of a drunk clown who has recently snorted nitrous oxide.

Oh, and it requires me to beg. Let me tell you, there is a reason that I did not become a panhandler. It’s this. I wouldn’t have been good at it. I might feel like a sucky writer right now, but I can tell you this. No matter how much I might suck at writing, I would suck ever more at panhandling.

But I’m going to give this begging thing a shot.

Here goes. For some very not-so-bright reason, I decided to enter The FamousBloggers Guest Blogging Contest. Worse, I waited until the last week of the contest to write my post, which means that other people have had weeks and weeks and weeks to beg for comments and tweets and I only have a few days. And here I am already in this “I suck” place. Now I’ve entered a contest that I’m surely going to lose and I will end up feeling like I suck even more than I already thought I did.

So I’m begging you. Don’t let me wallow in I-Suckness forever. Please check out my post about How to Write a Post So Funny That It Makes People Wet Their Pants.

And please leave a comment and tweet about the post. The post with the most comments and tweets wins.

I know, I’m asking a lot, especially if you don’t know what a tweet is. But you love me, right?

I Have To Print This Stuff In Order to Win

Really, they told me I had to.

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    15 comments… add one

    • Sarah Liz March 23, 2010, 12:15 am

      Great article, Alisa! This is all very true and you do have a special way of being funny without being offensive–a tricky wire to walk. I don’t have a Twitter account and don’t really want one, but I’ll consider getting one for this cause, and also, people keep asking me why I don’t have one. I have the flu right now, so when I’m home sick from tomorrow, I’ll look into the Twitter thing. Anyway, I hope you win this contest, you are an excellent and funny, entertaining and witty writer! Goodluck!

      Many Blessings,
      -Sarah Liz :)

    • MarthaandMe March 23, 2010, 7:37 am

      I hate to ask for help too, so I know what you mean. I commented for you there and hope you win. I felt like the tips you wrote don’t reflect this blog very well at all though! I don’t see you writing about gross things most of the time. I like your humor because you talk about real things in real life and you’re very honest about them.

    • Deagh Dia March 23, 2010, 9:53 am

      Gah, you are SOOOO NEEDY !

      I came here to research which husband dead-dropping techniques my wife has been reading about and now I have to fire up a twitter client ? Sheesh Lady !

    • Kathy March 23, 2010, 11:16 am

      OK, I commented.

      You can beg, it helps. People really feel they are truly helping when you beg.

      Now, if you ask someone to help you change a tire and they come back and ask to borrow $5,000, that is just wrong. Not even on the same level of help. And if a friend asks to borrow $5,000 to pay their bookie, probably not a friend you want to have. Just my opinion.

    • Gerald Weber March 23, 2010, 11:29 am

      Actually the first place has been bumped up to $100. and 2nd and 3rd place are $50 each and so on.

      I know I haven’t updated it on my blog either but this changed happened after the contest already started.

      Looks to me like your post is being received very well. I hope you win. :-)
      .-= Gerald Weber´s last blog ..How to Write Better Press Release Headlines =-.

    • Shannon O | Confessions of a Loving Wife March 23, 2010, 9:36 pm

      Commented and tweeted Alisa!
      .-= Shannon O | Confessions of a Loving Wife´s last blog ..Loving Quick and Easy Ways to Relax =-.

    • Edgy Mama March 24, 2010, 6:33 am


      Hey, Alisa, I just told Kelby I want to present on humor writing for Type-A-Mom. You must be on that panel with me. You totally clarified my constant search for funky, funny words.

    • Alisa Bowman March 24, 2010, 6:36 am

      Edgy: I’d be totally into that.
      .-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..What’s Stopping You From Saving Your Marriage? =-.

    • Sarah Liz March 24, 2010, 3:31 pm

      Okay, Alisa, for you, I opened a Twitter account, now, how do I tweet about this? I’m completely new to this Twitter thing….please help me, help you! (Sorry for the cheesy movie line, but it’s true!)

      Many Blessings,
      -Sarah Liz :)

    • Sarah Liz March 24, 2010, 3:35 pm

      Never mind, I think I just did it…I tweeted about your article and posted a link, I hope this works. If I didn’t do it right, please let me know!


    • Alisa March 24, 2010, 3:40 pm

      Sarah Liz: Thanks! I’m sure you did it right. And get this: I’m in the top 4! I actually have a shot at this–thanks to you all!

    • Alexandra March 24, 2010, 6:53 pm

      Top four??! Your post is awesome. Can we go vote twice?

    • Laura March 24, 2010, 7:47 pm

      This is my first reading here, I’ve found you through Andi, of Misadventures. I connect asking for help with admitted to some deep dark psychological judgment of my total inadequacy as a woman!! So, I’m totally getting what you have to say.. and I’d love to go vote for your post!

    • Laura March 24, 2010, 7:48 pm

      oops.. admitting, not admitted…..
      .-= Laura´s last blog ..Wondering on Wednesday =-.

    • Ar March 30, 2010, 8:13 am

      Don’t pay that insensitive guy any mind, if anything, you’re the opposite of needy, strong. I totally understand the ‘independence’ thing. I have a disability & have to rely on people more than I like. However, that doesn’t mean I’m dependent. It just means that I need a lil xtra help. I learned to be more interdependent after an older woman helped me with my struggle. She said that it wasn’t always a matter of me being dependent as much as it was that sometimes, even though people will tell you otherwise, people NEED to be NEEDED.
      .-= Ar´s last blog ..One Question That Could Save Your Marriage =-.


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