As a part of my never-ending attempt to become a happier, calmer, and more optimistic person (i.e. the opposite of my natural personality), I’ve been studying Buddhism. How could I not? Buddhists, after all, are masters at the art of marketing. The books they write have titles like “The Secret to Happiness,” “A Field Guide to Bliss and Inner Peace” and “Joy: in 10 Easy Steps.” (Note: I made up those titles as I typed this. If they actually exist on Amazon, please do not interpret this as an endorsement. I have not read those books.)
As a result, each Monday for the past few months, I’ve been attending a Buddhism class. I would love to say that I’ve embraced every single Buddhist concept. That would be a lie, though. In reality, I’ve resisted nearly everything the teacher has taught me—initially, anyway.
After nearly every class, I would come home and tell my husband things like, “Yeah, we’re supposed to love our enemies because they are poor deluded people who are suffering in their own personal hells. It sounds doable in theory, but impossible in reality.” Or I might say, “I’m supposed to see my anger as an opportunity to practice patience. Do you think that will work for me?” He would say, “I doubt it.” Then I would say, “I doubt it, too.”
But something strange has happened. Even as I’ve resisted each teaching, the material has somehow taken hold. Last week, for instance, I got irritated with an email that someone sent to me. I almost fired back something very un-Buddhist-like, but I decided to take a walk first. During the walk, I found myself thinking, “Anger? Good. Suffering? Good. I can practice being a good person now. This is a good opportunity!” And then, just like that, I thought, “Who are you and what have you done with the Alisa I know?!”
This past week, my teacher told us about the concept of Karma, and about positive, neutral and negative actions. In short, the Buddhists believe in a law of cause and effect. If you continually do good things? Good things will come to you and you will reach a state of bliss. If you continually do bad things? Bad things will happen to you and you will become grumpy, angry, stressed, and unhappy.
The good actions that will bring about good results are as follows: Giving to others, moral discipline, patience, meditation, spiritual training, and wisdom. The bad actions that bring about bad results are as follows: killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, divisive speech (such as trying to get some people not to like other people), hurtful speech, idle chatter (such as talking about the weather), covetousness (wanting something that is not yours), malice, and holding wrong views (not believing in Buddhist practices).
Well, right around the time my teacher finished talking, I had one of those negative thoughts that I usually have. It was this, “This might be true, but how do I really know? There’s no proof.”
Just call me Doubting Thomas. Go ahead. Just know that doing so is bad for your Karma, not mine.
Anyway, I decided to conduct a Karma experiment to see if the Law of Karma really held true in my life. I decided to make a concerted effort to maximize my acts of good Karma and minimize my acts of bad Karma, all the while keeping track of my personal state of happiness and inner peace.
Immediately I started to worry, though. After all, according to Buddhism, I am a serial killer because I kill flies and eat meat. Also, not only would it be damn difficult to avoid idle chatter, it might actually render me into someone who is a tad bit boring.
Despite these issues, I decided to give it a shot.
So I came home and announced to my husband, “I’m going to start a Karma project. I’m going to see if I can do more good things than bad things every day.” As I said it, I reflexively reached out and grabbed a small bug that happened to be flying in front of my face at that given moment.
“Uh-oh,” I said.
“What?” He asked.
“I just got started on the wrong foot. I just killed a bug. Crap.”
He didn’t say anything, because, after all, what can one say when one knows one’s wife is destined to be reincarnated as a bottom feeder in a polluted body of water due to her rampant murder of insects?
“Do you think this is going to turn me into a boring person?” I asked.
“How could improving your Karma make you boring?” he asked.
“Well, the Buddhist monks on TV don’t seem like exciting people, you know? They might be serene, but they are not exactly the type of people you want to invite to a keg party.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it,” he said.
So I decided not to.
Instead, I decided that each day, I would keep a tally on a piece of paper, putting a check mark in the negative category whenever I:
- Killed a bug
- Said or emailed something sarcastic, negative, or mean to someone
- Lost my temper
- Talked about someone behind his or her back
- Gossiped
- Lied
- Stole something
I decided not to count my meat eating, at least for now. Same with my idle chatter. I didn’t want to overwhelm myself and end up quitting the project before I started. I decided I would put a check mark in the positive category whenever I:
- Did something nice for someone
- Complimented someone
- Did not act in malice when I really wanted to
- Successfully transformed anger into compassion
But I need some accountability, which brings me to this blog. Each Wednesday I’ll be updating you on my Karma Project, giving you a run down of how my points are stacking up, and on how my good acts are affecting my mood.
Unlike Christians, the Buddhists don’t believe in grace. You can’t really wipe your slate clean. The millions of mosquitoes, flies, and ants that I’ve killed so far during my lifetime? They will one day have their sweet revenge, I’m sure. For now, however, I’m going to allow myself to start fresh. After all, it’s my Project.
Day: 1
Good Karma Points: 0
Bad Karma Points: 0
Happiness score: 5 (0 = suicidal, 5 = neutral, 10 = I must have just smoked some really good stuff)
Please wish me well. It’s good for your Karma.
Copyright 2009 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
A highly realized individual doesn’t generally worry about being boring. :~) Keg parties become less important. Winning a war becomes less important. Possessions become less important. I think someone in touch with their own bliss is very very exciting!
All of this ego stuff is a barrier to discovering your true nature. What you do that you call “bad” is the feeding of that ego. The ego is highly concerned with what other people think of you. It serves your fears and your doubts. It sounds like you’re worried about being “weird,” but the fact that you’re pursuing certain things in your life is not an accident. Allow it to happen. You’re not changing your behavior as much as you’re allowing yourself to discover your true nature. Yay for you! You’ve probably been around a bunch of times already and have learned enough to grow in this life. Don’t underestimate how huge that is! This blog is even part of it. You’re sharing what you’ve learned. You’re giving of yourself.
Instead of tallying up your deeds, just do what’s right, now. Not yesterday or tomorrow. They don’t exist. You might start a momentum toward behavior that you’ll find is far less elusive. You might not even have to consider your behavior on a case-to-case basis any more. You’ll just “feel it” so to speak. Meditation will help you listen.
That peace you think about as a concept might just sneak up on you. :~)
I know little about karma, but when I looked it up on wikipedia, what struck me is that it’s not a “this” results in “that” immediately kind of thing. If I have it right, an individual is born with a total karma that plays out over a lifetime (or several lifetimes?). One cannot change one’s total karma. Good things that are happening to you now are the result of all good things that you have done, are currently doing, and will do in the future combined.
I think that you are helping thousands of people with this blog, and that you have worked hard to keep your marriage happy mean that great things will continue to happen for you!
Oh, one other small note: I was surprised to see Small Talk on the list of Bad Things. I suppose it’s all in the context – I think if you do it just to fill a void in the conversation, then that’s not good. But if you do it to break the ice with a stranger, to try to reach out to someone to find a commonality for further conversation, as a way to indicate friendship with someone, then it counts as a Good Thing.
I admit I know absolutely nothing about karma other than what I’ve heard from people who throw the word around like an old towel. But I admire you for realizing that belief can take work. You may not be approaching this as others would (see prior comments), but if I know anything (not about karma specifically, but about “life”), I know that we each must follow our own path even to something someone else has come up with. Good luck on yours.
P.S. I’m happy to be on the receiving end of any compliments that might help your karma score
Hi Morriss: Yes, you’re right. It’s not a “I help someone today = I get a check in the mail tonight” kind of thing. And I will probably not be able to quantify, truly, in a scientific way whether or not my shift to good actually does me good. But I’m curious to see what turns out, mostly from a mood/happiness perspective. I’m mostly doing the scoring thing to 1) see how I’m doing (again, somewhat curious to know exactly how often I kill bugs, say not so nice things, etc) 2) encourage myself to do more good. I’m finding (I’ll write about this next week), that the scoring is already causing me to pause before acting re-actively and reconsider my behavior. I don’t think it’s necessarily something I would suggest others do. Just something that works for me.
The “idle chatter” one relates to how idle chatter tends to turn to backbiting. So it’s really not so much about “hey nice day” as it is about “Have you seen Susan lately?” … “Yeah, have you heard THIS about her?!” type thing. At least, that’s what my teacher said when I asked her about it, because I wondered the same thing.
Thanks for taking such an interest. I’m flattered that you looked it up and put so much thought into it.
I think Chris needs to lighten up! Its obvious through Alisa’s openess and authenticity that there is not an ego problem, but a genuine concern of hiding an awesome quality of entertainment!
Alisa,
You are enlightened, hilarious and awesome!
I don’t remember writing anything about an archetypal “ego problem.” I only wrote from the perspective that all human beings have an ego as part of their psychological makeup. Kim, I was celebrating and encouraging Alisa.
Chris–I got that you were celebrating + offering some advice. Thanks for doing so.
Kim–Thank you, too! Glad you get my humor. That makes me feel good!
How interesting! As you know, I’m in the middle of a life adjustment project too. I’ll follow yours to see how it goes.
What a lovely “project”! My soul salutes your soul, Alisa.
Alisa,
I really like your husband’s question. thoughtful and with a sense of humor, I think too.
thinking about no concept of grace in Buddhism — so one carries the weight of bad things/wrong choices always? or, alternatively it’s only just today and there’s no weight, by that faith? in any case. thinking about you on your journey with this…
Kerry–I’m really not an expert on either religion, but I’ll try to answer you question. So, it’s my understanding that in Christianity, once you profess your belief, grace wipes your sin clean. In other words, you can be born again and start over. This is why a serial killer can, just before going to the electric chair, find religion and, presumably, gain entrance to heaven in the afterlife.
Buddhists believe in reincarnation, so the collective Karma (both good and bad) of many lifetimes will affect you in your current life time. Eventually, if you practice good acts and do a host of other things (meditation, etc), you can reach a state of enlightenment. In other words, you can’t say, “I’m sorry” and receive clemency for all of your past wrongs. You have to practice doing good for a very long time (again, there are also some other things involved) before you can purify your mind.
Sorry I misunderstood ya Chris!
How did you find a Buddhist class. I’ve so wanted to try this for a long time but not known where to find one. The yellow pages?
Interesting project! How great that you’re taking a class. I agree w/ Morriss about this blog generating good karma for you. I like that the overall tone is positive & encouraging. And trust me, that doesn’t make it boring! I get an icky feeling after reading blogs & comments that are all snarky & mean. That’s not how I want to spend my limited blog-reading time! So you (& your commenters) are a breath of fresh air. I look forward to following the Karma Project.
This is great! I love your light seasoning of humor throughout the whole thing.
And as far as the concept goes, I’ve often felt myself wishing that I could be a better person. I’ve looked into Buddhism a bit. And been interested. But never taken the initiative to actually study it at all.
However, I’ve believed in karma for a long time, and I do love your checklist idea. I think I’ll try that one. Maybe it will help me stop lying so much, and stop getting so angry and selfish. I hope so.
Thanks!
I started a local ‘charity’ here in Las Vegas this year called “The Karma Project”
Basically what we do (or what I do) is various good things for random people who may be in need because you can never have enough good Karma is our motto, while not a believer in actual Karma, I liked the idea and name.
Things we’ve done:
Taken several homeless women to a beauty salon for manicures, pedicures and makeovers.
Bought Phone cards for college students
Bought towels and blankets for the homeless and made sandwiches
Bought gift cards for people who dont have the money to buy them on their own
This Holiday I am hosting a party in my home for the displaced and those who are just lonely and dont have anywhere else to go, we’ve already recieved $100 in food donations!
Id like to eventually take this idea to a different level but I dont know what will happen.
Next i am giving away boxes of books to the elderly and those who love to read but for whatever reason are unable to get to a bookstore/library or cannot afford to be in one.
I think for me, its just about helping people and doing the right thing on every possible level, helping the enviroment and animals is important to me as well and its not a reward that I am seeking because there is no cosmic reward to me for being a nice person, I just want to help where I can, when I can….
One word – gratitude. What are you grateful for? Once you have given thanks (genuinely) for what you have in your life, then you will be able to accept what comes next. The Karma part, I guess, would be “Everything you need has already been provided and will continue to be provided. You just have to realize it and not take a self-centered approach.” Not easy, but with practice it will begin to make some sense.
Personal growth has been ignored for too long, but is quite fulfilling as I have come to realize. Small steps. Two forward, one back, etc. Keep moving forward.
Thanks for sharing.