31 Very Random Life Tips

Partly because the job of writer is a constant learning process and partly because I’m the type of person who tries to learn something new from just about every person I meet, I know a little bit about a lot of things. I’d like to share many of these  random little bits with you, because you just never know when some of it might be useful.

1. Old ladies use Ponds night cream for a reason. It’s one of the best dry skin remedies around. I learned this last week after I talked briefly with an old lady who smelled like Ponds, thought of my late great Aunt D (who wore the stuff religiously), and decided to buy some, just because I was feeling nostalgic. Even though I smell like an old lady at night, it’s worth it. My skin is as soft as a baby’s bottom.
2. I once wrote a book with a dermatologist. She told me that, if one is on a tight budget, one’s anti-aging skincare regimen can be pared down to just two essentials: A night cream that contains retinol and day cream that contains sunscreen.
3. Your hair stylist sections off your hair with banana clips for a reason. That way he or she can blow dry small amounts of hair at once. This allows the heat from the hair dryer to reach all of your hair, styling your hair as it dries. One of the hair stylists at FOX News taught me this. My hair looks much better thanks to her—assuming I take the time to follow the advice.
4. The cheapest way to get your skin to kick up a glow? Have an orgasm. I’d like to say that I learned this from a specific person, but I mainly have figured it out from personal experience.
5. Apparently conditioner makes your hair go flat. I’m quite addicted to the stuff, for reasons that I don’t quite comprehend. This is why my hair has no body.
6. For the rich, there are face-lifts and Restylane injections. For the rest of us, there’s brow waxing. A nicely shaped brow can take a few years off your face.
7. Vaseline is the cheapest and most effective diaper rash treatment available. I learned this from the ladies who work at my daughter’s daycare. I didn’t believe them at first. Then I tried it, and then I stopped buying diaper rash cream. It also works on chapped lips and dry skin.
8. Some babies sleep a lot. Others rarely sleep at all. If you end up with the latter? You’re screwed.
9. When your child wakes you at 5 a.m., a coffee shop somewhere will be open. So will any number of 24 hour grocery stores.
10. If your kid can’t find something, ask your kid to look under his or her bed.
11. You’ll yell more at your kids if you don’t get enough sleep.
12. We’ve been socialized to think certain things are gross. In reality, most yucky, nasty, gross things aren’t so bad. That’s why so many 2 years olds eat their boogers.
13. It’s Murphy’s Law of Parenting that the moment you put on a new outfit is the moment your kid will throw up all over it. If you want your nice clothes to stay clean, only wear them when your kids are not around.
14. Certain foods contain so many calories that you really ought not to eat them very often. The M&M cookie and ice cream sandwich is one of them.
15. Restaurant food tastes so much better than what you cook at home because most chefs sneak a stick of butter into just about every single dish. This is why eating out a lot generally causes you to gain weight, even if all you eat are fish and vegetables.
16. The best way to lose weight? Eat more vegetables. Few people eat enough of them. As a side benefit, you’ll live longer and stay regular.
17. Most of the nastiest people on this planet are already boiling alive in their own personally created hells. You really don’t need to do anything to get back at them. They are already doing a very effective job at doing themselves in.
18. You can’t control the world, but you can control how you react to it.
19. At first, meditation will feel like the most boring thing you’ve ever tried. That’s because your brain is out of shape. Over time, however, meditation will grow on you—but you’ll still have trouble talking yourself into doing it every day for reasons that you will never quite understand. At least, this is the case for me.
20. Sitting is one of the worst things you can do for your back.
21. Your brain is capable of learning a great deal of information—and then promptly forgetting it, especially after you become a parent.
22. The best way to capture any live animal (goose, hawk, etc) is to put a blanket over its head so it feels safe and protected.
23. Owls seem to be able to poop upside down. This I learned from cleaning out the owl cages at an animal rescue.
24. The most dangerous part of any raptor (owl, hawk, eagle) is not its beak. It’s its feet.
25. Rabies shots are not the big deal that everyone makes them out to be, but you might as well take off a day of work anyway.
26. Dogs are very neurotic animals. If you change their dog food and they don’t like it, they’ll start eating your toilet paper, just to teach you a lesson.
27. Most problems don’t seem so tragic after 8 hours of sleep.
28. People react to you based on the energy you emit. If you walk around with a smile, most people will smile back and treat you in a friendly way. If you walk around with a scowl, people will avoid you.
29. You can get most of the things you want in life by doing one simple thing: asking for them.
30. You will generally get better service at a restaurant—and perhaps a free appetizer or dessert—if you take a moment to get to know your waiter or waitress.
31. If you are scared, put your blanket over your head. Then you will feel better. I learned this from my 5 year old.

What random life tips do you have to share? Leave a comment.

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