9 stages of an unhappy marriage

If you are making this for him, you're probably still in Stage 1.

If you are making this for him, you're probably still in Stage 1.

This morning, I woke up before my husband, looked in the fridge and found only three eggs. I eat eggs for breakfast nearly every morning. So does my husband. This was a problem.

I did something that surprised even myself. I made myself a frozen waffle and a smoothie. Later, my husband, who was having a very difficult time getting out of bed, asked, “Are there any eggs?” I said, “There were only three eggs left, so I didn’t eat any. I saved them for you. You know I love you now.”

He smiled and said, “I do.”

Now, let me be honest here. Not long ago, I would have eaten all three eggs, and I would have done it while I thought, “If he got his lazy sorry ass out of bed on time, then he would have beat me to the eggs. You snooze. You lose.”

It made me realize that there are 9 distinct stages of marital disharmony. In these stages, I’m using eggs as an example, but it might be chocolate or English muffins or something else that you and your spouse both love and also tend to run out of before it’s time for the next grocery store run. Note: I’ve written these stages from the female point of view, because, after all, I’m a female. For the most part, you could insert “he” for “she” and “she” for “he,” except in a few somewhat obvious places where you just can’t.

Stage 1: Dating

You wake up. You realize you only have three eggs. You drive to the store to get more, so you can make you and your special love interest omelets. You want to prove to him that you have special kitchen skills because you are hoping that, one day, he might want to marry you because of your special kitchen skills.

Stage 2: Serious dating

You wake up. You realize you only have three eggs. You stare at them for a while. You think about eating them. You don’t. You leave them all for that special guy who is sleeping upstairs, because any day now he might get a notion to pop the question. You don’t want to do anything to dissuade him from that notion. See? Aren’t you marriage material? You leave the last three eggs for him! Who wouldn’t marry a woman who does that?

Stage 3: You just got home from the honeymoon

You wake up. You realize you only have three eggs. You sigh. You wake up your husband and explain the egg situation. He says, “Oh, honey, why don’t you eat them? I’ll just have a slice of toast.” He’s under the misguided impression that he’ll get morning sex for this gesture. He may or may not be disappointed, depending on how many weeks have passed since the honeymoon.

Stage 4: The honeymoon is definitely over

You wake up. You realize you only have three eggs. You split them with your spouse, but you are not happy about it. You stare longingly at his eggs the entire time he’s eating, thinking that any moment now he’ll turn back into that man who once gave you his eggs. You pledge to never have sex with him again, no matter how excessively horny you might become.

Stage 5: The honeymoon is so over that you can’t even remember why you ever wanted to travel with him in the first place

You wake up. You realize you only have three eggs. You eat all of them nearly raw. You weren’t even planning on having eggs this day, mind you. You eat them so he can’t have them, because he doesn’t deserve them.

Stage 6: Marital therapy

You wake up. You realize you only have three eggs. You throw them at your husband.

Stage 7: Martial therapy just might be working

You wake up. You realize you only have three eggs. You eat them, but you feel guilty about it.

Stage 8: Wow, marital therapy actually worked!

You wake up. You realize you only have three eggs. You make something else for breakfast.

Stage 9: You have achieved the much talked about but rarely experienced state known as “Marital Enlightenment”

You wake up. You realize you only have three eggs. You make something else for breakfast. You make the eggs for your spouse.

Note: I have not reached stage 9. I’ve only heard about it. When I again walked into the bedroom this morning (yes, he was still in bed), my husband asked, “Are you almost done making my ham and eggs?”

I said, “I don’t love you that much. Get over it.”

What stage are you in? Leave a comment.

To help you go from a bad marriage to a good one, I wrote Project: Happily Ever After’s Relationship Rules, which details some of the techniques I used to save my marriage. It’s yours for free when when you subscribe to this blog by email. Just type your email address into the “subscribe by email” box in the upper right column. I will never sell your email, and I will never spam you. Note: if you are already a subscriber, you can still download it. Just look for the download prompt at the bottom of your email digest.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • rzan August 13, 2011, 11:20 pm

    My fourth marriage. Am I a failure or what?…current husband is estranged and usually gives me the silent treatment. He has a ‘holier than thou attitude”-usually demeans ,talk unkindly to me and is not appreciative of anything i do or say. I am so pathetic-a failure in all my marriages. Must be jinxed. Definitely stage 6.

    • Shoegal August 14, 2011, 8:12 pm

      Your not a failure or jinxed it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve been married it’s a two way street and he’s taking a detour smile and keep going or, take a detour yourself whatever makes you happy :)

  • tina garcia August 18, 2011, 6:18 am

    mwahahaha! this made me laugh…im on my second marraige now and there’s one thing i learned from my 1st which im now applying on my second. that’s compromise. the way we deal with the 3 egg situation is that we share the 3rd egg. =) we both know how to cook so that food thingy was never a problem

  • Christina Rizzo August 26, 2011, 6:59 pm

    I’m not sure what stage were in. I wake up to only 3 eggs and I find something else to eat because I want to be a supportive loving wife. He wakes up expecting 3 eggs, makes them and eats them and the entire time I’m hoping he chokes on them.

    • caz September 3, 2011, 6:05 pm

      So know where you at Christina but i’m sorry to say i have no answers.

  • SMH August 27, 2011, 8:12 am

    Great article! I’m lying in bed looking for answers on the Internet to fix my unhappy marriage and I see I’m definitely not alone but that also is a bit discouraging and sad! I too have a husband that does everything and there are no complaints at all but he no longer feels the need to converse with me. He has always been on the quiet side but he can now go days without engaging in any conversation with me (only talks to me if I ask a question and he never continues on with any conversation). I can’t stand it any longer I’m so unhappy and lonely in this relationship. We have been together for 18 years and married for 10. I too had postnatal depression we have a 4 year old and 8mnth old. I don’t want to leave but even after bringing the issue up today of no conversation we had a bit of a fight and he hasn’t spoken to me since, even though I have asked him
    how we might be able to fix the problem. Obviously not talking about it is his solution. I cooked the eggs this morning for myself as he doesn’t eat breakfast but then threw them out after the argument as I wasn’t hungary anymore not sure what stage this is??

    • Never been more miserable August 31, 2011, 1:58 pm

      I have been physically beaten in relationships and I have been happier than I am now. Mu husband constantly talks about how fat I am. I just had a baby 6 months ago and I have a 6 year old I work full time and I have aggressive quotas. I make the bulk of the $ and he is never there to support me with the kids at all. I cant even leave my home for an hour alone once every 3 months bc he complains about staying with the kids. And then when I ask for time he makes feel like I dont love my kids bc I want to go to the store with the kids. I am so unhappy I am getting fatter and so unhappy that my 6 year old says that when he has a wife he will never be like dad. I am at the point I think of suicide it wasnt for my children. I would never be with him bc I would kill myself. He tells me he has no connection with me. And the way I act is the reason he doesnt dig me. I catter to him cook for him I try my best to do whatever he wants me to do and nothing is ever good enough.

      • NewWife September 2, 2011, 7:24 pm

        i have NEVER been physically beaten so I cant say that I know what that feels like but I did loose a sister to Domestic Violence and it was because she stopped loving him first and started loving herself more and decided to leave. Like u said u have two children that need you. I know what we as wives are going thru may be hard BUT NEVER let him have that much control over you that you wanna take your life. I know u dont know me but if u wanna talk Ill share my info with u just let me know. I feel what u saying as far as catering to ur husband and making sure he’s content and not getting the same in return. I often wonder why that is..is it because we are nurturers by nature and so forgiving? well my husband is pushing a GREAT woman who takes care of ALL the bills, the house, the kids, and got my head on straight right away Im not a size 4 and wasnt when we met so why show a difference now. Dont understand how a MAN can just be such a dog to someone he say he love. Im praying for you and ur children!

      • samantha September 13, 2011, 5:22 am

        Hey girl don’t beat yourself up, over that Jerk sorry I know that’s not what you want to hear right now. Now is the time that you start to be selfish, look after yourself And that beautiful children, go on a healthy eating plan, take the children fow a waqlk around the neighbourhood, drink water instaid of gassy cooldrinks and get that butt into shape for the next guy that would have actually sais “darling you where allways beautiful”, do what you feel is right… No one should tell you, you are fat BUT yourself! F*#k him, you deserve better! Regards sam

    • mark September 28, 2011, 10:39 am

      Keep hope. U probably have a salvageable situation. Sadly, he is not going to tell you what he is suffering from. He is just clanking up and doing what he has to do. He is doing his part, from your post, but must feel he is not getting his needs met. And you bet it, it likely has to do with the 3 things men care about: being respected-yep, sex am taking time to make his sexual needs, which can be strong a priority, and complaining. Great story. A man lost his job. Felt horrible. Struggling with money. When came home woman had a candlelight dinner ready in the darkened home. He didn’t know why. When he went to way his hands, lite would not go on in the jon. Wife did not want to tell him the elec had been turned off for not paying. He won’t tell u what it is: but try to figure out and he will be open to finding out about your other currently unmet needs. It might appear immature, but he can’t subvert his nature entirely. Good luck.

  • Michelle Holmes August 28, 2011, 11:36 am

    I’m at the stage where I’m not sure I care to fight over the eggs anymore. It really scares me. My husband and I have been together since I was 17 (30 years) and married for 23 of them. We have a 16 and a 17 year old. There is a pattern of him making lots of money, then losing jobs, but always shopping for luxury items that in my conservative state we cannot afford. Last job was lots 8/11/11 and Corvette was bought on 8/22/11. He makes not sense to me in his Peter Pan life. I’m no longer amused. He is tall, good looking, very sweet and treats me and my extended family very well. I’m just not down for the craziness anymore. I need a budget that makes sesnse to me and more stability and respect for my opinion in this relationship. Help.

    • D August 29, 2011, 12:46 pm

      Based on your statements, it sounds like you are more the one that has changed and not him. Even if that is the case, I see no reason why you can’t take to him regarding the family finances. Simply share with him that you would like play a greater part and see if you two can’t come to a common ground. It’s understandable that different people have different levels of convert when it comes to spending and saving money. It’s sounds like you have maybe become a little more conservative over the finances in the long term and your husband doesn’t share those same worries.

  • NewWife August 29, 2011, 4:21 pm

    I am a newlywed only been married since May 2011. I see trouble in paradise already and I need to know how to fix it…my husband says Im too emotional and I am always complaining. I feel like he puts his friends before me. If I ask him about us going out on a date he has some kind of excuse, but let one of his friends call or come by he’s all for hanging out. He doesnt talk to me anymore he talks at me and when I try to tell him how I feel he said to me ‘my feeling are a waste of breathe and dont matter cause Im not appreciative or content”. I was so hurt. I work night shift so I already feel like I am neglecting my home life….I feel so cheated and unappreciated not even as much as a cheap thank you card or flowers. I dont want to separate already but what else do I do. Sometimes I feel like I lost myself by trying to make sure he is happy. what can I do to save this marriage

    • L'eggs August 29, 2011, 10:15 pm

      @NewWife – I got married in 2010 and we definitely had our disagreements and aggravations in our first year of marriage. Do you both share your “core” assets together? Meaning, like spiritual/religion, intellect, emotional and physical? My husband and I are strong in our beliefs and we are both working towards the same things. Make sure you have your girlfriends to hang with and do things with. There are days when I just have to get out of the house and do my own thing and when I come home, I find hubby wanting my company. Believe me, I’ve had my time crying and not feeling “happy” but remember that love is a choice. We chose to be with one another and not every day is going to be awesome and lovey-dovey. You can’t live your life based off of how you feel all the time. Most days I don’t “feel” like going to work, but I get up and do it. Sometimes, I “feel” like throwing eggs at my husband, but I don’t. Listen, you’re going to be OK. My advice is when you catch you & your hubby having a good moment…a happy moment, hang onto that memory tightly. Be independent and hangout with your girlfriends…go shopping, wine tasting, kayaking, etc…. Not everything you do in life has to be about your husband and his happiness. Hang onto those good memories so when a not-so good argument or fight evolves, remember that good times will be had again in the future. At least, this is what helps me! :)

      • NewWife August 30, 2011, 8:18 am

        @L’eggs thank you. Yes we do share the same core assets we worship together pray together. We are from different cultures so I wonder if that plays a role. I thank you for your advice. I just need to know how to get back what we had before we said I do…how to get him to see and understand how I feel sometimes and not blow it off like it dont matter. I tried to even suggest having a certain date night then he wouldnt have to worry about me complaining about him always wanting to hang with his friends instead of me. He said that was to traditional. I always remind him actions speak louder than words and small things from the heart matter to me cause I know it’s genuine. Am i wrong for feeling this way?I know not everyday will be happy go lucky but I should never feel like Im unsure about what’s going to happen to my young marriage. Praying that GOD will move in our hearts and bless our marriage soon. Please keep us in your prayers.

      • samantha September 13, 2011, 5:29 am

        Wow awsome! I’m going to try this! ThanX x

  • Toni August 29, 2011, 8:29 pm

    To NewWife: Was this the basis of your relationship to start, that you were always making him happy, or did he make you happy in return? If you started out this way, unfortunately, you don’t have any reason to expect him to change, because your behavior prior to the marriage said otherwise. Now, if he changed after getting married, you have something to work with. He needs to know that he is a married man now and his friendships come second to the marriage relationship.

    Just so you understand, as wives, it’s not OUR job to see that our husbands are happy 24/7, as there are times when you are NOT going to please him. The point is to find a middle ground that works for the two of you, but I will say it saddens me to see you at this point after only 3 months of marriage. Hope all goes well.

    • NewWife August 30, 2011, 8:09 am

      @Toni NO the basis of our relationship was not me making him happy. He in return made me happy and at times still does HOWEVER..when he what I call puts his friends before me I dont get why or how he could CHOOSE to hang with them over spending quality time. I know we need our own time apart and with our own set of friends but I have always felt HOME comes first. I dont disregard my friends but my friends understand the importance of quality time with my hubby. I too am very saddened that this has happened and so soon. Not all days are bad but lately Id say 4 out of 7 we arent on the same page. Ive tried talking to him and he “acts” like he dont get it he says Im taking it the wrong way. I cant say I dont care because Id be lying. I justwanna know how to get back wha twe had before we said I do.

      • men dont want eggs September 2, 2011, 8:39 am

        new wife, how is your intimate wife. its hard to think that any man would rather hang out with his male friends t han to spend time with his wife in hopes that there is a “happy ending”. women want to converse and feel appreciated. men want to also, but want to feel appreciated in another way. i rather hang out with my wife than go out but nothing ever happens anyways. even a well planned date results in her just going to bed.

  • Hmmm September 2, 2011, 8:01 am

    I am not sure what stage I am but I can definitely relate to wanting to throw the eggs at him! I came on this site because although I love my husband, I don’t believe he loves me. We have only been married for nearly a year and I’m only in my early twenties…he is very selfish and everything is on his terms. It is very disheartning because this is not the man I fell in love with at all. He has done a quick switch in personalities…and I think of leaving him often. Unfortunately, I know that if I left right now…I’d go back to him so I stay put. He is in a good mood now but I don’t expect it to last…and at this rate, unfortunately I don’t think our marriage will either unless he realises that he is not the only one in this relationship who requires love and support. Hopefully things will improve and he will realise that his behaviour greatly affects our marriage…but if not, I hope that one day I can say to him ‘ I love you but I love myself more’ and have the courage to leave.

    • samantha September 8, 2011, 4:58 am

      Wow I feel exactly the same, I’m so emotional today I just want to cry! Can’t handle it any longer, I’ve been with him for 13 years and I can’t believe I thaught things was gonna change if we get married! So lost don’t know which way to turn, I’m the mother of our child and can’t bare the thaught of letting my daughter grow up in two seperate households! Good luck to you dear all we can do is pray and I’ve actually almost given up xxx greetings samantha

  • men dont want eggs September 2, 2011, 8:35 am

    lets face it. men dont want eggs. they want sex…….and good sex. if a woman doesnt cook “eggs” or clean but blows her husbands socks off in bed, most men will be happy. in the original article, the author mentioned the husband the husband giving up the eggs for hope of morning sex. this is why most men are different during the dating stage. there is that “working” for what seems to be the award. now the want for sex doesnt mean that the man doesnt love his wife. thats just how men are wired. i worked my butt off to make sure my wife has a comfortable life. shes doesnt really work, she doesnt really cook, she doesnt really clean and she doesnt want sex…this makes a man unhappy. i have offed to go to therapy or counseling but she refuses so yes, im unhappy just like many of you. for the person that mentioned suicide, i hope you rid yourself of those thought. there is always something better. dont get into shape for your husband b ut rather do it for yourself. exercising and a healthy diet effects your stress and depression dramaticaly.

    • NewWife September 2, 2011, 7:16 pm

      @Men dont want eggs: I love my husband and TRUST it’s not becuz I withhold sex..I make sure he is pleased whenever he wants even if I didnt feel up to it (which is almost NEVER) he actually says to me” we have the rest of our lives together u dnt have to have it all the time” I just believe that he is selfish and inconsiderate to my feelings. And like Hmm said I love him but i dont think he really loves me back the way he used to before we got married.Im not sayin Im perfect but I feel like I shouldnt have to ASK my husband to spend some time with me, take me to a movie, or out to eat then if I end up asking him he has some excuse..but if one of his friends call or come by and mention going somewhere or doing something he’s all for it. Then when I try to talk to him about how that makes me feel he says Im taking it the wrong way Im taking it personal well how the hell else am i suppose to take it. Prime example we were suppose to go out for a date night (to which he says is a formality since we are already married) I had the siter already set up kids dropped off for the night..what does he do wait till i leave and im pulling back up at home for me to see him pulling off with one of his friends, then he calls like oh we bout to make a run and ill be right back mind u this friend is from out of town. That was almost 2 hours ago we was pose to go to dinner at 6:30pm…..I ask myself why keep trying. I dont need him cause I make the $ BUT I chose him so why he choose to treat me this way…and only after we got married.

      • D September 6, 2011, 5:28 pm

        NewWife: there would appear to may aspects of your relationship which seem a little off. It does seem a little hard to believe that your husband has changed this much in such a short period, as men tend to be creatures of habit. Could there have been a chance that many of this treats and behaviors have always been there and you where so tied up early in the relationship and getting married, with the hopes that once you two where married that his behaviors would change and simply over looked them. It’s a little like the saying goes, men get married and hope that nothing will change and women get married hoping things will change. If you two already have children together, its even harder to imaging that he could so easily bail on them and you like that. If that is the case I am truly sorry and do wish you all the best.
        I fully agree with men don’t want eggs, that as a guy I would rather spend time with my wife and make her happy in the hopes that it may lead to a happy ending. And yes we men are wired different, which doesn’t mean it’s a bad think, just different. The act of being sexually intimate with a woman for men is almost a primal thing. This lack of being intimate with my wife has been the drive factor behind most of our problems. It’s to the point that I’ve all but given up on even asking as being turned down time after time is harder and harder to deal with. Which in return I know that I’ve worried less and less about making my wife happy. Just the other day my wife asked me out of the blue way I no longer told her that I loved her at the end of phone calls. I simply return the question with a question of my own. That was way she wasn’t intimate with me anymore. Do not one’s actions speak loader then works. She had no reply and dropped the matter all together.

    • Tahlia September 13, 2011, 5:53 am

      Well that’s your wife.. Has it ever occurred to you that maby your wife is gatvol of being the ‘perfect wife’ you can’t make someone happy by buying them things.. And then expect sex in return for payment,for her to show you how grateful she is.. Woman don’t always want to be spoiled with gifts and that,sometimes all they need is for their spouse to be there for them,appreciate them and love them.. Or maby she’s just spoilt and loves living the high life.. A reltionship should not be about sex!

      • samantha September 13, 2011, 7:02 am

        Hey there girl, you are not married to this boyfriend… Tell him, you are going to save yourself for the wedding night he he, he will most probably chuck you if he’s not the real deal or wait and respect your decision, then you know he is going to pay labollah, good luck, you can’t just drink milk from the cow if you hav’nt bought it, but in the same tone MAKE SURE this is the guy you want to grow old with

      • samantha September 13, 2011, 7:13 am

        Sorry the lasr reply was meant for tahlia

    • samantha September 13, 2011, 6:00 am

      Hey there! I am a hard working wife and mother, I work from 9 to 7, I make enough money to support the family and my husband feel intimidated by just that, but never offer to pay for anything, because I have enough money to support for just about anything, from nights out,luxuries and dinners at restaurants and more,. He does a lot for me in change… He would carry the laundry down, make the bed and do the dishes even cook, because of my long working hours, now all he want in return is for me to have sex with him on a regular basis,,, now I don’t see this as a threat, but if one night I’m tired I have to hear it and when I hear it, I get put OFF for tonights intimate session, because he put me off I refuse to forse myself in making love with him, then that is an even bigger probleem and then I’m totally cold and don’t want to have sex,!!! No man you guys should know we r not cold we r human, be patient 3ome wasn’t built in a day and the same is it with us woman, we want to feel lust as wellan you caqnt allways be huntingan wait in quite for us to make an effort, IF YOU WAIT LONG ENOUGH, baby you won’t be disappointed… We don’t want to allw)s hear its us and we are cold, we also r tired sometimes, but let us rest an when we have energy u would know it was worth the wait PS patience, silence an tataaaa!

  • L'eggs September 6, 2011, 10:38 pm

    Sometimes I find myself reading these posts thinking that it’s written by a woman, but then later on I read something referencing them to being a man! lol! Well, it’s funny but I totally feel like the male in my marriage. I ask my husband for some lovin’ quite often and get turned down. Crazy, right? A man who doesn’t want any. Strange… but most times it’s because he doesn’t feel good or he feels “off” or something. Ah well…. humans are strange creatures is all I gotta say.

  • Nona September 7, 2011, 11:00 am

    Am on the fifth stage and I am really considering divorce…
    I feel that I am independent, I am the one supporting the family and the only thing I am asking him to do is pick up to the kids or register them to the school…I mean helping with things but not in the financial part but he is too lazy to do so and he can’t stop complaining when he is doing something that makes me rather do it myself…On the top of this I don’t hear any sweet words from him..no gifts in valentine’s day…not even a flower…this leads me to not wiling to have sex with him…I don’t feel it anymore…I am desperate and I don’t know what to do…I am only staying for the kids.
    By the way, it is almost 5years that we are married.
    Can you help me pliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz

    • samantha September 13, 2011, 6:20 am

      Shame man, I also have my mistakes no one is perfect and birthdays, christmas, valentines day and all those special dates are very important in my life and obviously there is a lack of just this in your relationship. Let me tell you what I did… I am with a guy for 13 years, he used to shower me with gifts the first two years then all of a sudden it just stopped,. My birthday will pass and I won’t even get a flower out of the garden, I mean its the thaught that count, I don’t want jewellery, although that is what he used to get me.. Any case I still made him feel special on his birthdays and christmas and I still do, after another two years he was kinda. Back alfter I cried one birthd) and said, I also want to unwrap something, even if it was just a chocolate,,, well he changed overnight, I started to pop little loveletters into his lunchbox and work pants pockret and tried to bring back the so called spark, he changed accordingly,,, now after all these years, I still always get a flower or a chocolate even a card!!! Try it be strong I know its not nice when your other half don’t take special dates seriously, I think it’s because he grew up like that sterkte

  • Anonymous September 7, 2011, 10:19 pm

    I don’t know what stage I am in, because for me this marriage has been over for the past 3.5 years and I just don’t have the means to get out. I am currently studying so that I can eventually gain some financial independence. I have been through a major depression and a nervour breakdown. I used to be so in love with my husband. After having been emotionally, psychologically and physically neglected, there’s nothing left. I try to spend time outside (at the Uni) because being in the same house with him is just unbearable now. Have two young children who are beyond disturbed by our fights. But he just doesn’t want to let me go at the same time doesn’t want to give to this marriage. I have already told him that if someone else comes along, he shouldn’t be surprised.

    In the last 10 days something has happened. I feel alive again. An attraction between a family friend (who is married with kids) and I has developed. It is electric and pulpable. I started noticing that at recent cultural gatherings, he has been watching me and trying to find ways to be near to talk. Very difficult in a semi segregated environment. When he is close by, it is wonderful. I know he is feeling the same chemistry. Since this spark has happened he is trying to find ways to invite us over or meet up. This is where it stops for me. I would never want to wreck his marriage. He has a beautiful wife and children. For me, this is a symptom to the end of my own marriage and feeling emotionally vulnerable. I think he is also going through some stresses. This guy noticing me has filled a miserable void I have been feeling for years. What to do now?

    • L'eggs September 8, 2011, 10:04 am

      This is definitely a fear of mine – that one day a man will come along and I’ll have this connection you speak of with him. I don’t want that to happen. I want to make things work with my husband, but it’s just hard when it feels like only a few sentences are spoken to one another each day and he is not even sleeping in bed with me! We haven’t even been married that long. Ugh…. I miss having a man who would grope me in bed each night and want to be with me. I had boyfriends in my past that were like that. It is odd to be with someone who isn’t, although he just tells me that is because he always had so much respect for me that he wouldn’t do that. But now we are married and it’s legal and fine in the eyes of God for him to grope me and be physical with me, but he still doesn’t do that!? I don’t know…I just worry one day that I will fall in love with another. I really don’t want that to be the case though, but if he doesn’t change and be the husband I had hoped he would be – what else can one do?

      • Anonymous September 9, 2011, 1:24 am

        Thank you for you response…

  • samantha September 8, 2011, 4:47 am

    Hi am so unhappy and stage 5 definitaly. I am at a stage where I’ll consider throwing him with the eggs! Want to divorse, but have a child with him. I’ deeply unhappy! Been with this guy for 13 years and almost 1 year married to him, our anniversary is 10 october ‘whatever that word mean’ I hate myself for marrting him soooo emotionally unhappy,,, he just talk about sex sex sex but never pleased me ever! I feel so stupid

  • NewWife September 8, 2011, 11:35 am

    SO im going to ask when is enough enough and u decide u want to follow through with a divorce? I have only been married since May 2011 and I am feeling emotionally neglected. Seems like we are fighting every other day. I keep trying to get him to see its not like im asking him to give me the world I just want some quality time with him. I am a nurse and I HAVE to work, I work 12-16 hour shifts 3 days a week. I asked him is one day a week to much to ask when it comes to spending time with your wife? He has every excuse in the book…we dont have the money to be going out or he wants to just sit in the house or on the porch..the latest he told me I dont spend enough time with the kids (we have 3). I just flat out asked him are u ashamed of being seen out with your wife or have you found interest elsewhere? i dont know what else to think. He told me last nigh he regret marrying me cause I have a bad attitude-well when he chooses to hang with his friends DAILY I might add and has an excuse anytime I want to do something or only want to give me “left over time” then HELL yeah Im a be upset…all this cause I want to pend time with my husband and would rather spend time with his friends? It’s like he scared to tell them no….well Im the one paying all the bills (and Ive never brought that up). Im a the end of the rope and Im so ready to let go. I feel like I love him and I CHOSE him he aint a requirement! Sorry Im hurting and needed to vent cant talk to him cause he said my feelings are a waste of breath if its not going to benefit our future. There aint gonna be a future if he keep this up.

  • understand September 8, 2011, 2:14 pm

    WOW.. I really dont get it with these men. I have gained 50 lbs bc of stress. And all I do is tip toe around what my husband wants to do and he never sees it. I understand that quality time is important. What does he do when you want to make Love he says no then he has a problem. I am not the one to give advice bc my marriage is a disaster and I feel totally empty and alone. My husband and I can’t fill the void with each other at all. No matter what I do I can never make him happy. He does make me happy from time to time. But my husband acts the same way like he is ashamed to be seen with me. I think its bc of weight problem. I pray that you are able to work your marriage out and you go see a counselor or your pastor. I hate when there is no communication bc its tough to get to the root of the problem.

  • worried September 9, 2011, 7:38 am

    Been married since Jan 2011 and its been all a nightmare since. We had some issues prior to the wedding day but thought we could sort it out since we’d been together for many years. We have very different values, beliefs and priorities. He wants to start a family but im hesitant because im afraid of what the future holds. Firstly, he doesnt treat me with the repsect i feel i deserve. Secondly there is a chance that a child we have will have a genetic condition that my husband has. I just dont know whether i can cope with my husband let alone having a child too, feeling so much anxiety! what should i do? Also in my late 30′s and dont have too much time on my hands.

    • samantha September 13, 2011, 6:34 am

      Its hectic, wow – - I was proposed to 3 times and I broke it twice whereas he broke the wedding date the last time, as I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter, I proposed to him last year with a wedding date. We got married whilst our daughter was 3 1/2 years old, she is now 4 1/2, this was a year ago. All I can say is don’t have a child if you are not shure what you want out of this relationship, YES a child change your whole outlook to the world, but make sure you are going to WANT to bring this child up together… So the baqll is in your hands. I have the most beautiful daughter! But sadly so unhappy with her daddy ,,,,,,,Now I can’t walk out as easy as you could x

      • L'eggs September 13, 2011, 8:58 pm

        I wish a man would turn a new leaf once their offspring is born, but I’m fearing this won’t happen. My husband isn’t working and constantly tells me he doesn’t “feel good”. He’s abused painkillers in the past and I fear he is at it again. Most nights I come home from work and turn on TV in bedroom and he’s down in living room. Weekends I basically hangout with my girlfriends. I feel sad that this is our marriage. Some days it feels OK, but then I see my friends with their BFs/husbands out and about having a blast. Meanwhile, my husband is moody, irritable and either has perpetual headache or just “doesn’t feel good”. I don’t know what to do at this point. I feel like it’s a roller coaster ride. I got on it with all of the best intentions, but I feel like it’s all downs and hardly any ups. We don’t have kids yet, but want to start this year. I don’t know if I should separate now or what. I just feel more and more we do things apart from one another; and if that is the case – why be married??

    • thoughts September 21, 2011, 1:59 pm

      DON’T DO IT. It will not solve anything. Be vigilant about birth control. Marriage is stressful. Kids are ten times the stress. Work out your marriage. If you try to discuss the problems you feel in your marriage and do not get adequate resolution, that problem in communication will be a disaster once there are kids.

      Good luck.

  • Anonymous September 9, 2011, 1:36 pm

    Marriage is all about give and take. To make it work both partners have to find a balance that works for the two of them. I know I am not an angel of a husband, but I do my best to take care of my family. To make my marriage work I communicate instead of yelling – something I am still learning how to do, I do my fair share of chores around the house (laundry, dishes, cleaning, exterior house maintenance, shopping, and etc…), and I make sure I spend time with my family (wife and daughter).

    I am still growing as a husband and know that each day I have a chance to improve and be a better husband and father. I know I still can do better at be romantic and I know that I can do better at listening to my wife’s stories and complaints. I know I can improve but only if I am committed, which I am and I do try but sometimes life happens and it doesn’t go the way we thought or planned.

    As for the other side of the story, I don’t feel appreciated. I do as much as I can and do the best as I can, but for all my hard work I get a wife that rolls over in bed and leaves me wondering how much more do I have to do to be appreciated. In case you are wondering what form of appreciation I am referring to, it is sex. Most husbands don’t feel appreciation from romance, we feel appreciated if our wife are into satisfying our need and taking a bit of the control in between the sheets. I know my ability to meet my wife’s romantic side would increase by a large margin if she started appreciating me without me needing to ask or do all of the work to make sex happen.

    • D September 9, 2011, 10:14 pm

      Your story is all to similar to my own. It’s not simply the lack of sex, but the fact that I’m always the one to ask over and over, and or go way out of may way in the hopes that she will appreciate it and in return hope that she maybe turned on. I read many women bitch about not feeling appreciated and feeling that because their husband doesn’t take them out that its a sign that they no longer love them, which very well maybe the case. But maybe look at it from his side. Like in my case, the fact that my wife is no longer showing any signs of wanting to be intimate with me, lets me know that she is no longer attracted to me and or I no longer turn her on. In my case, I’m the one that works out couple time a week and now in my late 30′s I’m in even better shape then I was when he met back in high school and she’s the one thats changed, which hadn’t changed my feelings for her. It’s all the times being turned down which have been taking it toll on me. I see less and less reasons for me to make the effort to make her happy or go out. If the return and or lack of appreciation and intimacy was this sad when we where dating, I wouldn’t of married her. So ladies, when your husband complains that your never in the mood, lesson. Because if you don’t like my wife does, they you have little grounds to bitch that your man doesn’t lessons to you. Please understand I know that this isn’t always the case ladies. I know that there are just some guys out there which are just a**holes and makes it harder for all us guys.

      • Nona September 12, 2011, 8:34 am

        I just want to ask a question to a man to understand how does it work.
        For me, my husband doesn’t turn me on at all and to be honest he didn’t really since we met, it is just that it is getting worse. I never had the courage to talk to him about it, he was the first man i’ve ever met and we didn’t have sex until we got married, so I was shy and I didn’t know how to tell him. For me the sex part it is not important at all what’s important for me is the before and after sex. I would love that he gives me sometime before having sex just kissing me and hugging me for a while and after sex too I would love that he holds me for a while, which almost never happens. After he is done he just gets up and leave me alone like if I was a prostitute paid for this…at least that’s what i am feeling. adding to this that he is not taking me out, we would never celebrate our anniversary if it wasn’t me inviting him out, I never got a flower from him at all, he doesn’t help me with the kids and the housework, and I am the one supporting the house by 80% if not more.
        To be honest i don;t know what to do, I am desperate, unhappy, depressed and I don’t know what to do.
        Pleaaaaaase reply to my message and give me some advice from men’s prospective…thanks a million

  • D September 12, 2011, 11:14 pm

    Nona, I understand that for some people they choose to waiting to have sex tell marriage and in some cultures one gets married for other factors then just love which maybe your case I don’t know. So please don’t take this the wrong way but why did you date and marry a man that you were not attracted too and one that didn’t turned you on? Basic attraction has many different forms and levels which differs for everyone, but it would seem that one would need some form of attraction early in the relationship, if not just to simply set the spark. Is it that you may simply have a really low sex drive. Have you been turned on by other guys in the past? You stated that what’s important to you is more the before and after parts. If two people are in love and attracted to each other they its more of a give and take as both of you can take control of things. The fact that your husband “doesn’t turn you on at all”, more then likely shows up in your actions and body language and are all signs which your husband is more then likely picking up. It toke me years of seeing the signs but not really noticing them or putting them together tell recently. Your husband maybe reading the signs as you simply don’t care or love him anymore, which may account for way he doesn’t buy you flowers or help out more around the house. If the man doesn’t feel like the king in his own house, they I could see how he may pull himself away for all things associated with the house. One last point, if you are not turned on by your man, then way does it bother you that he doesn’t celebrate your anniversary? I guess in my case I see less and less reason to plan out our anniversary as it would more then likely end with me ether being turned down or even if she would agree that I would simply feel sheepish after as her body language would make me feel as if I did just sleep with a prostitute. That is a prostitute is only doing it out of service and not because they are in loved or turned on.

    I’m not sure if this has help you better understand from one guy advantage point. But I’m not sure want you can due, it you have never really been turned buy the guy. I wish you all the best.

    • Nona September 13, 2011, 4:03 am

      Thanks a lot for your reply D
      to clarify things to you I didn’t Marry my husband because I needed to, It was my choice and I did Like him, The way he was talking, his plans about the future, the way he talked about sharing everything and helping one another really made me like him but maybe I didn’t love him. I mean he was the first guy I ever talked to and I guess I thought my feelings for him were love but i wasn’t at the end.
      I never been attracted to any boy before, I was too much concentrating on my studies that i didn’t want to be interrupted by anything, and once i finished my studies i got married. so i really didn’t have much time to meet or discover other people.
      I was satisfied with our relation at the beginning,Maybe because we weren’t living in the same city, so we just met from time to time, but after we moved together things didn’t get better. I mean, we don’t fight, rarely if not at all, but i feel things are cold between us. I am not sure if only me who is feeling like that or him too. Everything is monotonous and boring. I am wondering is there is a way I can know if he is feeling the same.
      by the way, according to my cousins(ladies) when they got married the frequency of having sex was too high, they might have sex 3 times a day. this never happens with us. we had sex 3 to 4 times a week and now maybe once a week if not less. does it mean anything??? i really don;t know, I lost..that’s all i can say…but i really wanna save this marriage for the kids and for us too…what shall i do??

      • D September 15, 2011, 2:18 pm

        Nona…. I fully understand feeling the need to make your marriage work for the kids, as I’m on that same boat. I too got married young right out of college and my wife and I had been dating since high school, so there wasn’t a ton of other girls (I state girls as I was a teenage at the time) that I dated. My wife in college was a real go getter type of woman that wasn’t goanna have anyone tell her she could do something. But that woman I married is now gone. So I too can kind of understand where you coming from. But where I’m a little loss is that even than I was attracted to many of my wife physically and your person treats only turned me on more. It appears based on your statements that you may have married this guy more out of the need to follow that typical social path that I’ve seen so many of may girl friend do (I to went down this path), that is go to college and then find a guy in college and shortly after college get married followed only a couple of years later with kids. But along the way you didn’t take any time to really enjoy life and learn how you really are as a person and what you really want and like. This maybe the reason that you find yourself in the place that you are in now. It’s been several years and you are feeling that you need more. Simply just living with the guy, but not feeling attracted to him is kind of like living with a friend. At less in my case that pretty much has been the feeling. One factor that ties my wife and I together is our love for our child, for which is the only reason that we seem to do things together.
        Regarding your cousins, there husbands are like like men. I would being giving my wife the world if I was getting it 3 times a day. These days I feel lucky if it happens once a month and even then it’s not even that good. That is because I can tell that my wife in not into it and it really kills the mood. If you are not engaging him with sex and it’s him that always need to ask or make all the moves, then I can see way its been dropping off. Almost a year ago I pretty much all but stop asking my wife or doing all the right things to set the mood and after a four month dry spell I cracked and asked. But also I learn that she never engaged anymore and therefore it hit me like a ton of bricks that my wife was no longer attracted to me and I just gave in to that fact. Now I focus most of my energy on my kid and work.
        All I can tell you is that you really should at less try and talk to your man. Plus may need to learn that does turn you on and if need be do some role playing with your man. You may learn a lot about yourself and him to doing so.
        I wish you all the best.

    • Nona September 16, 2011, 3:51 am

      Thank you for your reply D
      I guess I don’t have the courage to talk to him about this face to face, but maybe i will send him am email and leave him sometime to think about it and hopefully this will help.
      what about you and your wife, I mean did you ever talk to her? did you tell her what do you feel and why she is not interested in you anymore?? because it might be something else not you that makes her acting like this…try to talk to her and maybe things will get better between you two guys. I wish you best of luck in your life and I really hope that things will workout for both of us.
      cheers

    • S September 16, 2011, 10:49 am

      D, I don’t think your wife has actually lost attraction for you. It sounds like she has lost attraction to sex. Loss of Libido can make sex such a chore for a woman she will try to avoid it as much as possible ( i have even started arguments to avoid sex) Tiredness, stress and anxiety all can lower sex drive in woman as well as poor body image and confidence problems. These issues can be common after having children. Depression also causes low libido, has your wife also lost interest in other things she used to enjoy? Talk to your wife, ask her how she feels. Try not to be accusing about the lack of sex, she probably feels bad about it and thus defensive. Make it about your love, concern and support for her, finding the problem and what she needs to overcome it. My husband is very glad he did!

      • Nona September 16, 2011, 3:36 pm

        I totally agree with S you should talk to her about that. You while I was reading S comment I realised that maybe I am going through a depression…I lost interest in many things that I usually do, even my friends I don’t c them anymore so it might be a reason for me lose interest in my husband too…it might be the case for ur wife…so give it a try and hopefully it will work for u guys. :)

      • D September 16, 2011, 4:06 pm

        Nore & S….. Yes I’ve told my wife several times over the past several years that it deeply concerns me and down right bothers that see that she is unwilling to be intimate with me. For a long time she would just say that I was always asking at the wrong time, to which I would reply that if I didn’t ask it would never happen. Plus, even if I were to ask every day and the answer was always no than it has little to do with the timing as it does with me. This was the case long before we had a child. And yes my wife knows that it is likely that she has a low sex drive due to the fact that she had already gone throw menopause years ago. Note that we are both only in our mid 30’s. I’ve asked her several times in the past if she would speak with her doctor regarding this. After a couple of years of bring this up and her unwilling to speak with her doctors lets me know that she is unwilling to even try and see if this is or is not the problem. She is still interest in all the same things and I’ve always been supported of her and if anything I’ve always been her biggest fan and still to this day try and support her with all that she does. Like I’ve stated in previous post that it wasn’t tell around a year ago did I find lee wake up and put all the signs together, which all pointed to her no longer feeling any attraction to me. I’ve all but stopped over a year ago asking and even engaging in being intimate with her and she didn’t even seem to noticed. Wouldn’t you like that if she truly was still attracted to me that after years of me letting her know how I feel, that she would have at less spoken with her doctors if not for me, or that she would have noticed that I’ve stopped engaging over a year ago. I believe that I’ve stated this earlier, but a little over a month ago my wife asked be out of the blue, why I didn’t tell her I loved her at the end of a phone call. I asked her way she wasn’t intimate with me any more. She didn’t answer my question.

        Nore, if I was you I would speak to your husband face to face, if not out of respect for him and your relationship, than so you can see his reaction. Though I would state that you don’t find him attractive, but that you would like to work on your relationship in hopes to liven things up. If he doesn’t respond than I’m sorry I don’t know what to tell you as I’m currently stuck at that point.

  • Tahlia September 13, 2011, 5:08 am

    I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a year already.. His been married before,but divorced now. We practically living a married life.. He was the best person in the world,he made me laugh when I felt like crying,he was there for me in every way possible.. It was fun and I loved how he accepted the person who I was,and who I am.. But over the past 6 months,His changed so much,he makes me feel like the worst person in the world,he just wants and wants and wants.. He wants sex almost everyday (call me silly but sex should be a way of showing each other how much you love and care for one another,its about making love) His tryna change me as a person.. (Someone with a big heart) he wants me to be something that I’m not.. Its become such horrible routine.. I have to cook,I have to clean,I have to do washing.. A few months ago he pushed me so far he pushed me into the arms of his twin brother,I fell inlove with him.. I could speak to him about anything and the funny part is was that he 12000 miles away,he told me he loved me too and I believed it.. Long story short I called it quits with him as I didn wanto disappoint in his family (his family makes me feel like I’m part of the tree,and I have nevr had that.. So now I’m beginning to regret my decision, being with my boyfriend for a year keeps me going to where ever I am going.. I feel so down.. A friend once told me “that very reason why you fall inlove with someone,is the very same reason why you going to break up in the end” and apart of me is starting to believe this.. I havn had much stab
    ility in my life,my 3 year old daughter loves him,his family loves me.. But if only they really knew how it is behind rose coloured glasses.. Please help :(

  • samantha September 13, 2011, 7:09 am

    Hey there girl, you are not married to this boyfriend… Tell him, you are going to save yourself for the wedding night he he, he will most probably chuck you if he’s not the real deal or wait and respect your decision, then you know he is going to pay labollah, good luck, you can’t just drink milk from the cow if you hav’nt bought it, but in the same tone MAKE SURE this is the guy you want to grow old with

    • Tahlia September 13, 2011, 7:20 am

      Lol that will never happen.. He will never accept that! Thing is I wanna be with this man.. But then a part of me just wants to tell him to FUCK off,I’m sorry.. Its just he continuously plays mind games with me.. And throws my past in my face

      • samantha September 16, 2011, 5:21 am

        No one deserves the past to get thrown in their face, I mean you are still together because both of you accepted the past and that should not play a part in your current relationship. Open up to this guy and tell him you love him and if he love you, he will pause before he ever consider bringing up the past, that is if he want you to be happy in this relationship. Tell him what you want and ask him what he want’s in this relationship. Write it down on a piece of paper and stick it to the fridge and every time you go to the fridge both of you will remember to play the part and try to make it work. Good luck Tahlia x x

  • Never been more miserable September 16, 2011, 3:55 pm

    Hey thanks for the replies and the up lifting words.. Just yesterday he went on a rage bc I didnt want to get on a scale so he can see what I weghed. Its hard for me to except that I married someone who is absolutely out of mind. And I had such low self esteem that I didnt view the warning signs clearly and try to run. I am just in a position where I am holding on to my kids. But my 6 year is like mom whe I have a wife I will never treat her the way daddy treats you. I am going to be nice to her. And I just hugged him and kissed him. That at 6 he has such strong character and he knows that its wrong. I just need to Lord to do an intervention right now.

    • samantha September 17, 2011, 4:06 am

      I will pray for you! You don’t deserve to be treated this way. I know I am the type of person, I allways said once I’m married – will Never get a divorce, well… I give advice to everyone here, but can’t even give advice for myself. I went to 2 different psychiatrists and both told me that I am in a unhealthy relationship, the told me Just being unhappy is good enough reason to not be with him any more and they told me that I am looking for a physical reason to get out. All I can say is if a guy lifts his hand to you, just concidering to give u a slap and not going to do it, you don’t deserve to be treated like this, think of your 6 year old, you are making this happen in front of a child that understands and think of you that is allowing it, no get out get out, good luck x x x

  • utterlyconfused September 23, 2011, 4:44 am

    @mendontwanteggs: I’m so totally confused. You say men don’t want eggs, but prefer sex, but my husband is just the opposite. I basically have to ask him for sex and he doesn’t like to give it to me if I initiate it. We’ve only been married for a little over a year and we’re 27 and 28 years old. He makes love to me maybe once, possibly but rarely twice a week, and only because he feels sorry for me. Honestly, he could masturbate 7 days a week and be completely content about it (and he has no problem admitting this). As a matter of fact, I’m quite positive he enjoys masturbating to porn (I’ve seen the websites he visits) more than having sex with a his real life counterpart. This really really hurts my feelings (and he knows it does) and I would like to know if I’m just being too uptight like he says. What confuses me even more (and I don’t mean to sound immodest) is that I am beautiful, and I have people tell me this all the time. I have a great body-I work out-an hourglass figure and very proportionate (5’5, 34d), a great tan, I’m not overweight, a beautiful face, and long flowing black hair (sorry for all the details). And I’m such a nice person (not a b-word at all), but he acts like he’s not attracted to me. I’m smart and classy, and I have good, sophisticated taste in the arts (and in clothes), but I feel like I don’t ‘do it’ for him anymore-and we haven’t been married that long. He gets upset when I try to talk about the problem and, like I said, me mentioning the lack of sex in our marriage doesn’t make him want to have sex with me. I’ve tried everything. I even started walking around the house in only my undergarments, but still get no rise out of him. Most of the time, I don’t even get him hard and I have to go down on him just so he’ll be hard enough to have sex. Why does he prefer porn? We’re not old and gray and I certainly don’t deprive him of anything. Please, could someone “enlighten” me. Maybe I’m missing something here. Maybe this is normal behavior. I’m in love with my husband and do everything a good wife does, but he doesn’t seem to feel the same for me. He also doesn’t converse much with me unless I speak to him first, and even then he doesn’t go indepth with his responses. He shows next to no affection toward me-the only “I love you” I ever get is the occasional and very quickly mumbled, “I love you, bye” like he’s embarrassed to say those words, and I know he only says that because he feels obligated. What can I do to make him love me more (or to make him make me feel more loved)? I’m so sorry for the long post, but I moved 3 hours away from my family (not that I would feel comfortable talking to them about this) to come live with my husband and I have no friends. It wasn’t like this at the beginning of our marriage, but it has been like this for quite some time..probably since the beginning of this year. I’m terribly confused. I love my husband and do not want a divorce. Other aspects of our marriage are great and he loves doing activities with me-we go to bridge class, we go to the movies, I cook, I clean, and we both completely trust each other. We look like a great married couple- we both like being married, he likes introducing me to people as his wife and I vice versa-and everything is good, apart from the intimacy problem. I just don’t know what else to do. I have a great self-image, but on the other hand, I don’t and my self-esteem is suffering because of this issue. Again, sorry for the long post, but this has been bothering me for such a long time and It’s just bottled up inside me and I’ve had no one to talk to about it. I pray about this everyday and I’ll keep you guys in my prayers, also. Thanks in advance.

    • Nona September 23, 2011, 5:15 am

      utterlyconfused,
      as far as my experience, your husband loves you…just the fact that he go out with you, you share ur activities together, u go to the cinema together means that he feels good and happy with u.
      concerning the intimacy thing, we did study in science that there are some men who does prefer masturbating than having a real sex and this is manly because they’ve done that for so long that they feel that no one can satisfy their needs except themselves. so him not having sex with you frequently does not have anything to do with you, it is just that he feels more comfortable doing it for himself.
      i can suggest that you ask him to let u masturbate him first, just a gesture from you to show him that you want to please him and i guess with time he will let down masturbation and run into u. i am not sure about what men in this forum thinks but i think this is a way to do it and also if who could c a psychiatrist for this it would be very helpful for you both…but what i am sure of is that ur husband loves u and u should be sure of this too and the problem he has can be solved… u just need to be patient and try what i told u…wish u the best…cheers :)

      • utterlyconfused September 24, 2011, 8:53 am

        Thank you for your reply. I totally understand what you are saying about him being more comfortable doing it himself, but it still hurts my feelings that he’s imagining himself being with someone else and looking at their bodies in an intimate way. It makes me feel so insecure. Maybe I’m crazy for letting this get to me, and maybe I wouldn’t feel so crazy about it if he made me feel loved, like if he would tell me he loves me every once in a while or if he would tell me I’m beautiful or something, but I get nothing out of him. Sure, we do things together, and I’m thankful for that, but I need to be made to feel loved inside the home. And I think intimacy is a big part of marriage. I never even so much as get a kiss out of him. And to me, it doesn’t seem fair (it seems selfish of him) because I am a woman and I have needs too, so isn’t him being with me one of his duties as a husband? It makes me feel inadequate that he doesn’t want to be with me, that I don’t “do it” for him. And why does it turn him off if I try to initiate sex? It’s like he enjoys denying me it because he knows I want it, but he is my husband, for crying out loud. Once, he said he wasn’t going to make love to me in order to teach me a lesson (what lesson?) and he does things out of spite-like when we were trying to conceive, he got mad at me for something and whacked off the morning of my ovulation just so he could see the look on my face when he told me he wouldn’t be able to have sex with me that day because he was already spent (he says it’s impossible for him to go twice in one day, but he can masturbate 2 or 3 times a day if I’m not home-he let me know this). And as far as offering to do it for him, he says he doesn’t like for other people to do it, and seeing a psychiatrist about it is totally out of the question because he would never go for it, not to mention we don’t have the money for that even if he would be willing. He doesn’t feel he has a problem, but I feel that if it interferes in our relationship, then it is a problem. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t love me the way I love him and why he doesn’t love me enough to respect me and not do it because it hurts my feelings so much. I would never do that to him and I know that he would not like it if I were visiting male porn sites. Why is there such a double standard? He doesn’t apologize or feel bad for doing it, even though he knows how terribly much it hurts my feelings, because he says all guys do it, but I don’t believe they do it to the extent that he does it. and like i said before, maybe if he gave me a little balance in the relationship and let me know that he cares, I would feel differently about this. Why doesn’t he make me feel good about myself or why doesn’t he want me to feel good about myself? He says that I’m just insecure (a problem I’ve never had before this relationship), but he is the reason for that. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound like I’m whining, but I’ve never faced this in other relationships before and I’ve never been made to feel so unloved.

      • D September 26, 2011, 5:15 pm

        @utterlyconfused…. It would seem that there is more underlining problems, both with your relationship and with your husband. But as a guy and a husband myself, I would love to see my wives reaction if I told her that as a man I have needs and isn’t her being with me one of her duties as a wife. I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t win me any points. The fact that he watches porn or looks at other women has little to do with you or any kind of sign that he loves you any less. Men are way more visual, and simply the act of looking at another women naked or not doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or doesn’t find you attractive. This is one of those big differences between the way man think and women think. Please ladies don’t take this the wrong way but for most women they think just because their man looks at porn or looks at another woman that they are less attached to him, but this is not the case. Look at this way, a man will watch porn which has little to no story line and not think twice about it. Where as there are thousands of romance novels, where the only picture is of a half naked guy on the cover, but ladies buy them like crazy. Have you consider looking that the website that his going to. This may give you some insight into want turns him on. I know as a guy it’s really not that easy to tell the person we love what turns us on or want form of intimacy we like or may like to try, because as a hole all man have been deemed as pigs from the time they are teenagers. As a man we worry that the person we love may think differently of us, based on this thoughts. With all that said I can totally understand how being turned down by the person you love over and over does have a negative impact on ones self image. A little over a year ago I had to just tell myself that it wasn’t me, but a issue that my wife was no longer turned on by me…. and this for now has help me. Its hard for me to understand way any guy wouldn’t want to be intimate with their wife or girl friend if it was their wife being the one to push for it. Plus I’m sorry but my hand isn’t and well never be that great that I would turn down my wife for it. I do wish you the best of luck.

    • L'eggs September 24, 2011, 9:55 am

      @utterlyconfused: I’m guessing you’ve told him how upset his actions are making you? I am surprised that with all of this non-intimacy stuff going on in the bedroom (or NOT going on) that you two can still go out and enjoy life together? I would think that conflict would flow over into other aspects of your marriage? It sounds like your husband has lots of sex…with himself. I’d suggest that if he does not get help for his addiction to porn and masturbating, you’ll check out of this marriage. I don’t know if you two attend church or have a Pastor or someone you can talk to about this. Your husband withholding his semen when your ovulating is odd, yet probably a blessing in disguise really. I mean do you really want to procreate with someone who behaves in this way right now?? I’d demand the two of you seek counseling and if he will not go, I’d consider getting out of the marriage. Hope things improve honey.

    • mark September 28, 2011, 9:26 am

      I can’t say for sure that your hubby loves you or not, but he is not acting in a healthy fashion. I wish you were unhappily married to me, because the woman initiating sex is such a gift!!! Anyway, I think you need to realize there are at least two problems in your marriage that must be addressed separately. First, there is hardly any question that your hubby is addicted to porn. Having dealt with a lot of men – in a large men’s group- i have found that once a man reaches a certain threshold of porn (consuming major portions of the day), it is impossible to turn away from that on his own. If he has trouble making money or keeping a job, he is just like any other addict. He needs to be confronted with help of professional. Good luck. Stunningwords at gmail com the other issues really have to wait until this one is resolved. You can’t negotiate with an addict.

  • What to do now? September 23, 2011, 4:47 pm

    I am at a crossroads like many of you and when I reread the comments I have made I was sure you would all tell me I am a fool.

    I would love to have a sex filled marriage, but the sex has never been good and I faked it for 15 years. I did it because I enjoyed the closeness and feeling wanted and the conversation afterwards and hubby is a great cuddler.
    So what changed? He had Several affairs, an STD scare when I was pregnant with our 2nd son and him moving into the gust bedroom 2weeks after son number 2 was born. We have discussed how to get our marriage back on track and I do want to….but I can’t go back to the crap sex. I’d rather have nothing.

    He is the only man I have slept with – so it could just be that I am useless in bed!

    Question to the men…how do you bring up the subject of bad sex. How would you like it phrased?

    • Samantha September 23, 2011, 7:27 pm

      Hi there, I am a woman and told my husband about this website that I visited and joined. He has never actually been here, but I read your question to him and this was his answer…my husband said, you should tell him exactly what it is you want out of sex, if your fantasy is for him to do certain things with you, you should open up to him and ask him/tell him what you want. That’s my husbands answer. My answer is. Write down your fantasy with sound and in the tiniest detail, get it typed out and printed. Buy the sexy outfit that you would like to wear, may it be lingerie or a pair of shoes. If there is toys and condoms in volve get that as well. Put all of these in a wrapped box except for your sexy outfoit, you should wear it when you give him the box. What I would reccommend is sit him down and let him read your fantasy before showing off your hot outfit, you do not want him to read the information wrongly, its okay if you talk through the love making and if he ask you if he’s doing it right. It’s all going to be okay, after 15 years he can still figure out how to please you, you just have to be open with him… Wow I must do this myself… I have a huge emagination,,, let me know if it worked. Good luck angel, I’ve been with 1 man 13 years and honestly having the same trouble…. Maybe we should try this together and report back. Good luck. X

  • What to do now? September 25, 2011, 1:35 am

    Hi Samantha,
    Thank you for speaking to your hubby about this.
    I will think about what I want and how to verbalise it. I guess I have nothing tonlose and so much to gain at this stage.

    Let me know how you get on
    X

  • What to do now? September 25, 2011, 1:55 pm

    D

    • D September 28, 2011, 5:50 pm

      What to do now….. As a guy there is nothing more than I can think of that would make me feel like the MAN, than to know that I rock my wife’s world in the bedroom. Women I know love to bitch about how the men in their life’s don’t listen and as men we all bitch about our wife’s and or girls are always talking. But you know when it comes to sex, most women don’t speak up and let their man know what they like or don’t like. All the rest of the time you ladies have no problem letting us men know if you like or don’t like something. Trust me this is the one time that you ladies have 110% of our attention. Remember we men are not mind readers and unless you speak up or simply be a little more vocal if and when your man is doing the right thing or hitting the right spot for you, he will have little clue if what we are doing is working for you. I would agree with Samantha husband. Tell your man exactly what you want out of sex. I would bet that most guys would pay for this information to know exactly what there lady wanted and for the most part would work their ass off to make this happen. I’m not sure that I would go to the full extent and down to every detail as Samantha stated with the letter and box of stuff. At less not right away. At that point it may come off a little like your giving your man a honey to due list. This would seem like a path more suited for a guy to do for his lady…. as women love to read stuff along these lines and the hole build up would set the mood for her. At less for me, I wouldn’t need all that to get in the mood, just having my wife surprise me with a sexy text, letting me know that she had some knotty plans for me and she would take the lead and just tell me what she wanted me to do….. and trust me I would be more then turned on and happy to listing to anything she said. At less for me, it’s a bigger turn on to know and hear that my wife is turned. Best of luck.

  • sarah woodward September 25, 2011, 2:56 pm

    I hope it helps!

  • Unloved September 29, 2011, 8:32 am

    Wow…so many with similair issue but I feel so alone. I am at the stage 5. I am so sick of my husbands usual antics that I can feel my contempt and hate building. There is just an overwhelming feeling of doom when he enters the room. I have stopped communicating with him because he never listens anyway and I actually hope for him to meet someone new so I can get out of here.

  • sambaloelek September 29, 2011, 8:53 pm

    Thank you Alisa, for bringing up this website…..
    I wonder… only women here, having the situation with a husband, doesn’t seem much interested in marriage anymore. I have a wife like that and actually came to your website by searching: “what to do with a nagging wife?” That said, everybody recognizes where I’m coming from. Last year, about the same time, at our first anniversary, I already left her and went back to Europe. After month of writing emails and having phone calls, I believed her that she was seeing the point and she also was promising to change this situation and not to make my life miserable anymore. We just had our 2nd anniversary and I am ready to go again. Nothing changed. She is addicted watching TV all the time and isn’t talking at all, but of course telling me, that she loves me. It’s a big lie, I talk to myself, because love comes also in words and in actions, when true. But nothing happens on this side. I share just the daily routine, going to work, coming back, watching TV. Did I miss anything? I don’t think so, that was it. So now I will plan my escape to Europe again, because I love myself and do not allow to treat my less, than I treat myself. If somebody is looking for love and relationship, that somebody should also be able to explain ideas of how to. How to make myself happy, how to make you happy. What actually makes you happy. Do we have something in common? Do we have interests we would share? Alisa said it right for my marriage… Dating… Honeymoon… that was it. I still do believe in love, but obviously it’s hard to find or should I say… very seldom seen?

    • L'eggs September 29, 2011, 9:08 pm

      Wow, your life sounds exactly like mine, only my husband is addicted to TV and his shows that he watches constantly. He is not working right now and my job is SO busy and hectic, I don’t know what to do! He does not want to “talk” just sit and watch TV?? I feel so lonely and miserable that I cannot even talk to my own husband about my work and how stressed out I am because he has to catch up on his “shows”? Really? Like TV is that important?? I don’t know… I don’t know what to do. We don’t have kids yet and I am just contemplating if I should tell him I want out of the marriage. I’ve never said those words to him. We haven’t been married that long, but the time we have been married has not be great. I don’t know… every day is just blah and I am not a depressed person by any means. I just fear that what I have witnessed in this first part of our marriage – isn’t going to change down the road. He is who he is and I am who I am and I feel we’re just too different people. Ugh… some days I see things differently, other days I try to like put myself in his shoes. But tonight… tonight is one of those I wanna pack up my stuff and just go stay at a hotel to just be alone. If I am feeling lonely, might as well BE alone!

  • Advise Seeker September 30, 2011, 2:09 am

    Good site! Finally got someone to share my thoughts and probably get some useful insights to stay happy! If you see I have a perfect family husband, one child (3 yrs old). Husband doing well, support from both families, everything! But dont really understand why I am not happy! My husband has always been the non-expressive types and just cant express his emotions at all. We have been together since 6 yrs now. After our 1st and only child, of course there have been changes, but our communication, our talks everything has become less. He doesn’t seem to have time for us, even on weekends, as he thinks he needs to give time to what he likes more, his sports which consumes his entire Sunday! Lifes without emotions, there is nothing physical between us now..everything seems to come to an end. There is no point in talking to him, as I have tried earlier and he thinks its just a passing phase and I will come over it. Just feel like leaving and going away, but I have a small child to think off and of course both the families!! I don’t feel like even calling him and saying a hi while he is in office and I guess that really doesn’t affect him as he doesn’t even realize it. Its like living like strangers and talking only when necessary or unavoidable.
    Dont really know which stage I am at, but I guess I am the broken egg as of now…..

    • L'eggs September 30, 2011, 8:38 am

      Hey, I just had a thought, how about unhappy married people unite group? lol! I’m in the Chicago area. Who’s nearby and we can meet up and complain about our spouses together! ha ha!!

      • Mark September 30, 2011, 12:15 pm

        @L’eggs –
        I totally understand about TV-watching wives. I can’t stand TV. It’s such a waste of time. I think you are also right that it is not possible to change someone. But if he is sitting around watching TV – what are you doing? Go out with your friends. If they aren’t going out either, then you have let your interests go by the wayside – or never developed them. Get into your own life and see if he will join you. If you don’t develop your own interests, then when you leave, you will be alone in a a hotel – alone. If, instead, you develop your own interests, then you keep up those interests and when you leave him, you won’t be alone. Don’t expect him to solve your loneliness. Go out and join an exercise class, a tennis class, a this or that. Develop interests and hobbies and you will become interesting and thereby you won’t be lonely. Not any harder than that. That way you don’t jump from the frying pan to the fire! Don’t leave him to himself – develop yourself into who you want to be and see if he’ll join you! He very well might not, but he’s going to understand that if sits on his duff all the time, he will lose you. And you do this without being confrontational -just take care of your needs. Good luck! Meeting up with others is just going to end in an affair, probably. and then you’ll still not have developed your interests!

        Just my suggestion!

      • Samantha September 30, 2011, 12:26 pm

        I absolutely agree with Mark, you go, that’s the best answer I read so far L’eggs.

      • Samantha September 30, 2011, 12:28 pm

        Sounds like a good idea, but I’m in South Aftica. Would love to talk with someone face to face x

    • Samantha September 30, 2011, 1:02 pm

      You said…”there have been changes, but our communication, our talks everything has become less. He doesn’t seem to have time for us, even on weekends, as he thinks he needs to give time to what he likes more, his sports which consumes his entire Sunday! Life’s without emotions, there is nothing physical between us now..everything seems to come to an end. There is no point in talking to him,” , … All I can say is that you are happy with what he does for you, but you don’t. Feel thankful enough, because of the lacks ion your relationship. Don,t worry I don’t have An answer ONLY want to let you know I feel the same,,, I don’t need materialistic trhings to be done for me… I need. To feel loved and love everything feel so fake for me… I hate to kiss him, only do so when I’m drunk… Love to read this comments on this site, make me feel like I am actually human and that aklike u said’, ‘ I’m not alone”, wow sittin 35 km from home in a restAurant with my daughter, for my husban needed to save his petrol and time to sort out his shit, now here I sit with my phone and a savannahan treated myself to garlic snailsn if he was here he would have said NO its to expensive and I make the most money in our house, well felt good, 6 beautiful golden snails in garlic butter, I should listern to Mark and go out on my own more often YES!!!! Good luck to you I’m listening to Mark and goiung to try it. I just work, work, work and he has Many hobbies that he fulfill, gonna try itn thanx Mark

  • Samantha September 30, 2011, 1:33 pm

    I want to thank everyone For this opportunity to receive and give insight on relationships… But I have not really received any feedback myself, maybe because I have not given enough information… But, I’ll try to explain to the best of my ability and try to keep it short. My problem I have is this… I have a mAn that does everything for me, when I make a lot of money… Its like a payment back… But on days that I don’t make money he is short tempered and it’s like he need sex to take his frustrations out on someone and that someone is me. When he stress he does the same. We use to have sex everyday 2x a day then maybe 4 times a week, now its like 2x a week and feels like a duty. He treats me well when I can provide, other days which is not very often –I’ll get treated like shit,,, why is it that u get people that are marry to u when u have money ,,, but when you have nothing a few days u r shit. I’fe been with him for 13 years and almost married for 1 year. So unhappy miss being with someone accepting me just the way I am and who want to provide for me… Don’t like beinG the provider and having noooo say over my own money… Hee feel like a stranger in our home even though he is the father of my child … God help me… I don’t believe in divorce ,,,, but yes thinking about it. I don’t want to live like this… Life, sex, money, work aaaah just toooo much for me

    • mark September 30, 2011, 3:06 pm

      To Samantha,
      You’ve got a tough case. I feel like we are only getting half of the story…I think nobody has given you advice because it is so difficult to tell what is going on. You say that it is only bad on rare occassions, but you are so unhappy, maybe there is more going on. WE ALL SYMPATHIZE with your unhappiness, but maybe we aren’t sure what to say or do becuz we don’t understand. Not sure what it means to have a man “do everything for you” on most days and then every once in a while he’s a monster. This seems so polar opposites. You sound like your bringing in money is on a daily basis: working as waitress?
      Why don’t you have say over your money? Does he work at all? How come you can’t assert more control over your money? Have you tried to talk to him about it? If so, was he receptive?
      Do you have no say over your money because if you try to assert some control in this area, he becomes abusive? That’s the feeling I have that makes me remain silent. Is there abuse going on you aren’t sharing? What does getting treated like shit mean?
      I mean, if you are getting hit, then that’s a very different course of action than if you are just unhappy becuase he is not communicating or something.
      If not abusive, then tell him you can’t take it and just need some release. Get a housekeeper, get a massage, get some friends…take some time for yourself so that you can be there for his needs. If he says you cannot, then you need to be honest, and say, heh, this ain’t working and this is a whole lot cheaper than going nuts! Plus, you are spending money based on other posts: dinners, restaurants.
      Sorry – can’t give more without finding out more!

      • Samantha September 30, 2011, 4:42 pm

        Hi Mark,

        Thanx for ur reply. I was taken out of my home being promised a better life. I was young an innocent only 19 and fell for the first guy that promised me roses. Well the first guy I ever started to love. I worked hard and studied, went for training and tried my best… I got so many jobs , but never lasted long, because I knew I deserve better, so being successful and everything I was still stressed, on antidepreSsants for about 6. Years. I went for interview and got a job at a massage parlour and when I found myself.. I was giving happy endings. My husband know how much money I make on a client and I make more money than he could ever try to. Make. Welllllll will you allow your girlfriend or wife to be exposed to other men? I poay for everything and he just take it is okay, I don’t its hectic, anycase so he knows and approves and spend $y money I worked for, is my blood and my sweat and it is taken for granted, now I must still be ready for him, I feel cold, cs if I was my wife I would not like to share my woman sorryan rather be poor, than to share my wife8x x x x x will. Continue again…

    • mark October 3, 2011, 9:59 am

      @Samantha,
      I suspected that this might be the case…but didn’t want to presume and ask and offend you!!! Well, my 1st sentiment is that a pimp that isn’t even providing services, like protection, is hardly worth it!!!
      Having said that, I think you have to realize, and take stock of, just how dangerous of a situation you are in. You may not feel like you are in a dangerous situation, but you are. Realize that what you are involved in is a crime. Now, personally, I consider you more a victim of exploitation that any sort of criminal, but the fact that the law considers what you are doing is a crime puts you in a very compromised position. First, if you ever were to get arrested, the state would likely look into taking your child away. Your husband will likely use this to scare you into staying if you finally decide to leave him. He will tell the court that he just found out that you are doing this, and argue that he should retain custody of the daughter: not that he probably really wants her, but he is an agent of manipulation. Also, if you are not a US citizen, they could deport your ass if they even suspected you of this.
      Personally, I think your husband is a creep. I don’t think it very useful to pass a moral judgment on what he thinks about your doing this or what you think about it..i have the feeling you know in your heart what is right and wrong. But just from a humanistic point of view, he is fine sitting around and pimping you out and taking all of your money. He is further putting you into a situation where he controls you and that is basically his job. Whatever your definition of love is, I doubt it includes putting the object of your love into a dangerous situation. Of course, the problem is that being a bum at home and taking all of your money is not a crime. So, he is sitting pretty and holding you into a situation where you take on great deals of risk: from prosecution, from STD’s, from losing your daughter, and he sits around. What will happen if you get busted and can’t perform: how will he treat you then? Will he find another? Will he coerce you into getting back into it again? A second offense comes with a much heavier sentence. You are in a very dangerous situation and he is manipulating the hell out of you in my opinion. I do not really think there is much love in your relatoinship to lose. I think you need to own up to your participation in this process, and decide whether you want to clean up your act – for you and for your daughter. Think about it this way: do you think that you would be loving your daughter if you got upset at her every time she didn’t make money from doing something that is illegal? You’ve answered your own question, sister. You need to make a plan and get the hell out of Dodge. You need to look into how to get a restraining order against him (particularly if he has ever threatened or used violence against you: physically or sexually) and start learning a new trade. Start by looking at public resources and shelters: they can help you with all the paperwork to get the order, etc. Be sure to tell them about your ‘career’ because your husband likely will use this against you, but the legal aid clinic might help you to resolve this, particularly as your husband apparently gets more forceful when you aren’t “providing.” There are risks in leaving him: he is not likely going to view the loss of his free gravy train pleasantly. But the risks in staying is that you are a slave to someone who is just using you (and your daughter) for personal privileges over you, your body, and your money. Eventually, this is not going to work out great. That is so whether you leave or some other force (the police, escalating pressure/violence from your husband) puts you into action. The question is whether you want to be the person that initiates change: (figuring out how to provide for you and your daughter in a non-criminal fashion) or the state does so (prosecution, child protection services taking your kid). The clock is ticking…sorry for the tough love, samantha, but you really are underestimating just how serious and dangerous of a situation you are in. I will pray for you to have the courage to face the situation you are in and start taking steps to change. Be careful: he is likely a very dangerous person. It is not uncommon, if you put him into a corner (which leaving him would put him into the corner of having to get a job), he will become violent against you or threaten to kill himself: a typical reaction.
      I mean, you say that your hubby cannot make as much money as you, but he might be able to make enough if he started learning how to do something and started working hard at it. That’s a copout to force you to keep at your current job. Hopefully, you just made this story up, because it is a nightmare.

      • Samantha October 4, 2011, 4:33 am

        Mark! Thank you for your advice ;)

  • mark September 30, 2011, 2:44 pm

    To L’eggs:
    If you suspect your husband is abusing painkillers and has done so in the past, you are probably right. Trust your instincts. People who are addicted cannot control their addiction. Many want a way out, but they cannot do it alone. I suggest you find out if he is using painkillers. Even if not addicted, he is likely depressed as hell. After all, he is sitting in a basement all by himself! He cannot go around being happy and have a blast in either case. Time to reach out to professionals. Who cares if it is expensive. Divorce is WAY more expensive. He may not like it, but tough tooties! He’s driving you crazy and likely he wants help. If he won’t go for help, you probably will have to…that should motivate him to get help. Men really don’t like to talk about their problems – or even admit they have them – so do be gentle and realize that his admission that he is having a problem in life is terribly difficult because he is supposed to be the strong one. That means be gentle, not postpone this forever. Do all from love – I think I saw you post about being religious, too, so do it from love, but still do it. He might be really hurting and hoping for deliverance from addiction or depression. Good luck!

    • Samantha September 30, 2011, 2:56 pm

      Wow Mark wee need a rooster like you between us hens, wow like your comments so far x

  • Wifey October 5, 2011, 3:41 pm

    So I got married a month ago to what you could say was my highschool sweetheart. We have a 3 year old son and another son on the way (I’m 9 months pregnant). Our relationship has gone through hell and back. I can admit that i wasn’t the best girlfriend in our dating years but as time passed I’ve learned from those mistakes and haven’t repeated them since. Since we’ve married, I don’t feel the newly wed bliss or the excitement you hear about. I feel that every opportunity my husband has to leave the house, he takes it to go hang out with his friends. He wakes up and takes off. His current job situation is at a standstill because of legal issues from past charges, which explains why he’s off work. He leaves me home to do nothing but sit around. He expects me to cook and clean for whenever he gets back home, like I’m 9 months pregnant chasing after a toddler trying to keep him entertained, while on my hands and knees cleaning the house and doing laundry.. Then he expects me to cook for him. Not to mention, he has no money cuz he’s not working.. Which leaves all financial burdens on me. So that means when he’s hungry and he hasn’t eaten he must go out and buy food (for himself), when he runs out of cigarettes, I must supply the funds for it, and when there’s no gas on the car for him to go gallavant, I must provide gas money. Like is it just my hormones or am I overreacting ? In addition to all that, my birthday just passed and he ruined the whole day for me to where I ended up sitting at home alone, nor did he make the attempt to buy me a card. Whereas his birthday is upcoming this month.. And considering my income I bought him an early birthday present that will take me a year to pay off!!! Divorce is not an option for me because of my spiritual beliefs, but considering the situation it may just have to be. Am I crazy to stay in this marriage ? Is it worth fighting for ? Or should I just throw the towel in and call it quits ? I’m trying to analyze the relationship from different points but idk if my horemones are getting the best of me where I’m being selfish or what ? Help please !!!!!

    • mark October 6, 2011, 3:41 pm

      @wifey: this one doesn’t seem all that hard to me. What, pray tell, will you be losing? Unemployed men = inevitable trouble. Needs to get a job or volunteer. Be careful, unemployed men are notoriously difficult to deal with… OK, so don’t divorce, just tell him he either needs to work as a volunteer (so he can get a job eventuallly) or get a job that pays next to nothing. It’s not the money, it’s the principal. He’ll feel better about himself and it will keep him out of trouble. Period.

      WIse man once said: The devil finds work for idle hands…

  • den October 9, 2011, 2:16 am

    hi!! im not very sure why i wrote you this letter…maybe i relly neeeded help.!! weve been married for 8 years we have 3 children. i always feel that im not that special for him, he works at a hospital and this past few days i had difficulty on breathing, he never bother to bring me for a check-up.yesterday was our anniversary i naturally am preparing for this occasion for days… yes he greated me..he opened his facebook and read my greetings for him i expected for a reply since i didnt recieved any gifts or just a simle i love you..and guess what he ignored it and commented on his friends greetings..i mean i felt so empty..i felt betrayed,,i tried many times to make this work but its just not working..and im already growing tired of everything..of not being appreciated..please help me.. i dont know what to do..i dont want to end up not loving him or respect him… thankyou id be so gratefull for your help!!

    dhen

  • L'eggs October 9, 2011, 9:12 am

    @Mark – yes, believe me I’ve gone out with friends; I work out alone constantly at the gym; I go shopping alone; I meet up with girlfriends a lot. The thing is, is that now they are asking me what my hubby is up to and starting to wonder why I am always out with them and not him. I don’t want to dive into things. I don’t want to like make people aware that there is an issue. What’s worse, is I see couples casually strolling down the Target isles or couples working out together and encouraging one another…and when I see this, it just makes me sad with my own marriage. I work Mon-Fri and then weekends, I hang with friends. Honestly, some days, I feel like I am single except when I look down at my wedding ring finger! I know I married for better or worse, but is this the typical “worse” that a married woman would deal with? Just trying to hang in there, but thanks for your kind words.

  • Alisa October 10, 2011, 3:44 pm

    As much as I hate to do it, I’m turning off the comments on this post. Sorry folks.