33 Surefire Ways to Screw Up Your Marriage
1. When your spouse comes to you with a problem, you downplay it, saying, “Things will get better in time,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
2. When something bothers you, you don’t tell your spouse because your spouse should know not to act this way without you saying anything!
3. Your relationship with your children is more important than your relationship with your spouse.
4. You refuse to compromise. It’s your way or the divorce court.
5. You belittle your spouse because it makes you feel better about yourself.
6. You constantly brush off your spouse’s sexual advances because you are “not in the mood.” You do not look into ways to get yourself in the mood. Thus, you can’t remember the last time you had sex.
7. You treat your mother-in-law like vermin, even though you know this bothers your spouse.
8. You let yourself go. You no longer take steps to make yourself sexy and desirable for your spouse. Sometimes, you don’t even brush your teeth or bother to make sure you don’t have B.O.
9. You cook your spouse’s least favorite foods on purpose.
10. You flirt with the opposite sex, even though you know it bothers your spouse.
11. You refuse to give your husband the “atta boy” for doing mundane things like emptying the dishwasher simply because he never gives you an “atta girl” for doing the same thing.
12. You never tell your wife that she’s sexy, beautiful or hot, simply because she never thanks you for emptying the dishwasher.
13. You only hug your wife or grab her rear when you want to get busy. You never do it just to make her feel good.
14. When your spouse says, “We need to talk,” you reach for the remote control.
15. You stopped dating your spouse the day you got married or the day your first child was born.
16. Your idea of the perfect vacation is one you take with the kids. You would never hear of going away somewhere just with your spouse, even though you have many viable baby-sitting options.
17. You never notice when your spouse has a new haircut because you rarely look at your spouse.
18. You don’t try to understand your spouse’s hobbies and passions.
19. You refuse to give your spouse space, because space makes you feel vulnerable.
20. You don’t take turns reaching each other’s dreams. You think your spouse is there to support you and not the other way around.
21. You stopped getting to know your spouse years ago. In fact, you just read that sentence and thought, “What else is there to know?”
22. You belittle your spouse in front of other people.
23. You refuse to give your spouse a second chance. You hold every single indiscretion against him for eternity, no matter how many times he’s said, “I’m sorry” and no matter how successfully he’s changed his behavior.
24. When you fight with your spouse, you try to get other people around you—your kids, your friends, your parents—to take sides.
25. If your spouse asks you for a favor, you say, “No” because you don’t think he deserves one.
26. You only practice random acts of kindness with strangers. You don’t do it for your spouse.
27. When you see your spouse struggling with exhaustion, depression, anxiety and other issues, you do nothing.
28. When something is bothering you and your spouse asks you about it, you shut down, even though you know this bothers your spouse.
29. You can’t bring yourself to say, “I’m sorry” even though you know you were wrong.
30. You can’t bring yourself to say, “You’re forgiven,” even though your spouse has said he’s sorry.
31. You’ve told your spouse so many lies that you need to write them down in order to keep track of them.
32. You are living a secret life that your spouse does not know about.
33. You make fights with your spouse about “who is right” rather than about “how can we fix this.”
What are some other ways to screw up a marriage? Leave a comment.
Tweet This Post 
Facebook 
Stumble This Post
Related posts:
- 5 ways to affair-proof your marriage
- Can this marriage be saved?
- Top 10 Signs You are Stuck in a Bad Marriage
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Tags: bad marriage, Marriage Advice
May 4th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Good list.
I would add:
“You’re reading this list and only thinking about the items that apply to your spouse.”
May 4th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Why dont u take your trash as garbage out the door, you fucken feminist moron
May 4th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Wow, cunt. You’re so fucking witty and insightful.
May 4th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Personally, I saw a bunch of points that fit me, and a bunch that fit my ex-wife.
This list made me sad.
May 4th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I like that you have a picture of two men on a bench.
May 4th, 2009 at 11:28 am
These 33 things can be merged into one: Listen.
May 4th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Me: Thanks so much for the compliment. I will remember it always.
Phil: That’s a picture of two men??? Look at the shoes. I guess the woman has androgynous legs.
May 4th, 2009 at 11:48 am
34. You use sex as a trading commodity to get what you want from your husband and sex deprive him when you don’t get it (should be #1 IMHO)
35. You expect your husband to listen to every single insignificant details of your miserable journey, but when he has something to share you cut him in mid-sentence and continue to complains about things that only relate to you.
36. You expect your husband to suffer from instant blindness in regard to other women and see beauty solely in you while you can discuss openly with your girlfriends in front of him about that cute guy you saw at the club last weekend.
37. You expect your husband to be sexually aroused anytime you feel like having sex, but when it’s your turn he should understand that you just don’t feel like it.. most of the time.
38. You expect your husband to delete all his previous relationship partners, flirts or even opposite sex friends from his contact list, but of course you can keep yours since women never cheat, that’s a well known and scientifically proven fact !
39. You try to manage (or micromanage) your husband like you would manage a child or you’re condescending.
40. You ask your husband to always tell you exactly how he feel and what he think, but when he does you get ape shit and start screaming and then wonder why your husband seems distant and don’t tell you anything anymore.
41. You fart too much.
May 4th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Hmmm… Nothing about money problems?
When poverty comes in the door – Love goes right out the window.
May 4th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Alisa,
I think you misread “me’s” comment. That comment was pretty clearly about the one before, by a user named “cunt”, making the quote: “Wow, cunt. You’re so fucking witty and insightful.” not about you.
May 4th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Anonymous: good points, but it’s clear you’re bitter about women’s hypocrisy. But what about the double standards we men lay on women?
May 4th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Good list, thank you for writing it.
May 4th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Jerry–thank you. You are right! Thank you “me” for sticking up for me.
May 4th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
After 2 marriages I realized it could be way cheaper to pay for substitute mother to save nerves and time – like Ricky Martin did. Marriage/love/etc. is for poor people who cannot afford modern technologies.
May 4th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
@Another anonymous:
Even if I went through most of the points I’ve enumerated at some point or another in my life, I’m not really bitter about women.
The real reason why I commented those points was more in reaction of the growing feeling I got while reading her points than bitterness. She seems to imply that men are more to blame for screwing up marriages than women.
I believe that women should have their share of the blame, I mean most of her points are directly targeted at men and are often just side-effects of deeper underlying problems. In fact I think she portrayed a very simplistic picture of common relationship problems and didn’t give any really insightful advice on how to handle them.
Which leads me to think that *she* holds bitterness against men and needed to vent it out.
May 4th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
@Anonymous
“The real reason why I commented those points was more in reaction of the growing feeling I got while reading her points than bitterness. She seems to imply that men are more to blame for screwing up marriages than women.”
Uh — where does she mention either sex doing any of these things more often than the other? She used the word “spouse,” not “wife” or “husband.” I thought of people I know (sadly) of both sexes to whom any of her points might. If you feel these points pointing fingers at you, you might have some assumptions of your own to challenge.
May 4th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Dealing with issues of depression and my partner just says ‘I don’t know how to help you”. I worry that if he can’t help me through this in a more active way, that doesn’t bode well for (god forbid) any other health crises are worsening issues of depression in the future. On the other hand, I have absolutely no idea what I want/need/hope for him to do to help me…
May 4th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
@Anonymous
“Dealing with issues of depression and my partner just says ‘I don’t know how to help you.’”
This seems like an honest reply; he doesn’t know how to help you. When you do know what you need from him (assuming what you feel you need is something reasonable that he can actually do — are your expectations in line with what is actually possible for him?) is he willing to do what he can, or does he blow you off?
“I worry that if he can’t help me through this in a more active way, that doesn’t bode well for (god forbid) any other health crises are worsening issues of depression in the future.”
For me one of the biggest problems with depression is how it compresses individual problems into indistinct, amorphous problem…”feelings.” When I am very, very depressed it does not seem possible to address one thing and solve it, because even then there will still be…this and this and this and this AND THIS and this and this. (So is that depression or perfectionism? Regardless.) It is very hard to deal with and you have my deepest sympathy. Are you getting help? A counselor might be able to give you the help that your partner knows he can’t. Also, finding the right medication has made all the difference in the world to me. I tried a lot before I found the magic bullet (effexor, btw. Worth trying if you haven’t. In my family everyone who’s tried it has responded very well to it.) Keep trying. Whatever happens, you’ll get through it. Don’t give up. Don’t let fear hold you back. Don’t let a chemical imbalance hold you back. Don’t blame yourself. Your brain is a problem-solving instrument, but right it doesn’t have the tools it needs to solve itself.
(Anonymous thanks for your comment. Sorry to hijack the thread y’all — this comment struck home with me and I wanted to offer what help I thought I could. Sorry also if my advice was way off track. I only speak from own experience. Disclaimer liability waiver not a trained professional etc.)
May 4th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Oh I’m not at all bitter about men. In a few cases I used “he” just because I hate using the he/she construction. I definitely had a few points in the post that were geared mostly to women, because I’ve heard their husbands complain about those issues. But I am a woman, so the post is going to be female centric. I’m overjoyed that so many men are commenting because it gives the post more balance.
May 4th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Oh how funny — I didn’t even notice you used “he”. Indeed you did. I guess I read the old-fashioned way where “he” was used to describe everyone. Call me a chauvinist. Sorry for my inaccuracy. And I am really enjoying this Alisa, thanks you.
May 4th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I’m not convinced that #1 is always wrong – it could be a bad habit to get into, but there are times when people need to be told exactly that.
Also, #28 isn’t always a conscious choice, so it’s not really relevant to give advice like “don’t do this”
Otherwise the list quite accurately describes my successful 20-year marriage – good job!
May 4th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
You forgot one: Printing out this list and circling the one’s that your spouse does that irks you
Just kidding, great list.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:47 am
Marriage is a contract made under duress and should be nullified. It is a trap and always has been. Just about the time the new wears off she’s pregnant and you’re obligated for the rest of your life.
Man you talk about a global conspiracy brother, that’s it. The worst part is the guy is browbeat into being her financial slave and courts are consistently on her side. I know guys can be assholes too but not one has ever pulled the classic, not really his child but I’ll make him pay anyway’ episode. Or the ever popular, ‘If you breakup with me I’ll cry rape’; that’s always a crowd pleaser.
It’s all about the chemical phenylethylamine and since you can’t control it, you’re not in your right mind under it’s influence, the contract is void. Usually wears off 16-18 months
but for most guys….it’s too late.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:46 am
There are a lot of ways to destroy your marriage. I destroyed mine. It would’ve been over had my wife not been an angel and I not finally realized I loved her. So anyways, here’s how I destroyed my marriage. Try not to be:
* Wrong. Refuse to hire a babysitter because you think your kids might get molested. This results in you and your spouse only ever going out without each other. For 6 years.
* Vacant. Create your own hiding place, like a home office or game room, where you smoke weed and play World of Warcraft 99% of the time and leave her with 100% of the house management.
* Whackin it to porn. Women really seem to take that shit personally. I don’t think they notice that the women aren’t very attractive, but they’re doing wild shit that your wife would never do.
* Lazy. It’s kind of how women sometimes think men’s need for sex is shallow. I thought my wife’s complaining about me not doing dishes or cleaning the house was kind of shallow. Turns out it actually kind of sucks balls to do housework and your wife probably gets really tired of it.
* Sarcastic. My wife knew I was being playful when I gave her a hard time and made offensive comments to her. That’s how I talk with all my friends. But it wore on her. Your spouse needs kind words.
* Boring. My wife was bored. Even a suburban housewife needs to get drunk at a death metal concert once in a while.
* A flake. This is the #1 thing I did to lose my wife’s respect. I would make a commitment, and then never do it. It didn’t seem like a big deal, but a man really is only as good as his word and my wife had no faith in me at all because I never honored my commitments.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Great list. I’m just 6 mos into my marriage and I’m already guilty of a couple of these.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Great list. Good reminders about how we really can mess things up and not even realize it! As always, Thanks!
May 7th, 2009 at 8:44 am
This is a great list! It’s so true. For those of us who are married or in a relationship, we need to put this list up on the fridge, or have it pop-up on our screen saver … so that, somehow, we keep these things in mind. I’ve been doing marriage counseling for over twenty years and will be handing out copies! It’s so easy to get into patterns in relationships which in-validate one another, push one another away, interrupt communication, undermine trust, and erode intimacy. We need to make deliberate efforts to counter these over-learned habits.
Carl Hindy, Ph.D.
Psychologist, Marriage Counseling in Nashua NH
May 8th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
This is great. I printed this list
May 12th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
great list seen alot to do with me and my soon to be ex
May 13th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Masturbating in to her clean underwear and bras.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Good List.
May 14th, 2009 at 8:41 am
I have done some of these and need to work to stop doing others. My spouse has done and currently several on the list. While reading the points I thought someone was writing about my marriage.
I would add:
42. You are not interested in spending quality time (movies, dinner,show, etc.) with your spouse. “You just don’t have time for that.”
43. 90% of the time when friends ask you to do something you say yes while 90% of the time when your spouse asks you to do something you say no.
44. You view your spouse as an income source.
45. Sex is allowed a couple of times per year and is restricted to one position.
46. You are quick to be critical of your spouse but are shocked and angry if your spouse points out the same faults in you.
47. You like to brag how strong willed you are as if this is a great trait. Everyone else calls it for what it is STUBBORN.
48. When you suggest sex your spouse claims they are being pressured.
49. When your spouse talks to you about sex and the lack thereof you say “I just don’t think like that.”
May 15th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Just to throw in my own 2 cents here. I read this list (all of it comments too) out loud to my husband as I was going down it. There were several laughs and several O.o involved. (really good list, loved the listen comment)
Something that was said, and I have seen over and over again or heard is the situation dealing with porn. (various forum boards, websites, and plain word of mouth)
When porn completely replaces your sexual relationship that is about the only time it should appear on any list.
Porn is not evil, masturbation is not evil and just because someone likes porn or strip clubs does not mean they suddenly have no interest in you or are going to run off with someone that has a body to die for. Your partner is with you because they choose you and you choose them. I really wish women would get out of the mentality that men are so shallow that they will drop you the very next time a nice ass walks by.
*yes I had to learn that lesson myself too, I am a woman.. I still get insecure moments but now I make sure to take a reality check*
June 1st, 2009 at 11:11 pm
To those people who thought this list put the blame on the man, that is entirely nor the case. As I read this list I checked off some of the things that I do that I have vowed to change.
Great discussion as well on here!
Awesome blogs, I feel like I have learned a lot and am more prepared for my future!
June 26th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Reading this list just made me feel wonderful! I didn’t recognize a single behavior on the list. I read some of them to my husband, and we both thanked each other for never doing these things to each other.
Thank you so much for this blog.
March 6th, 2010 at 6:33 pm
I am so pleased to see this list. We are all so very much more human together in this struggle called life and love. There is a lot to keep learning day by day and I’ve been married 33 years and am 63 years old!