Yesterday’s post about a celibate marriage sparked a lively and wonderful discussion. I’d love to continue that energy because I feel we can all learn from one another. Although I am not a 100 percent convert to the Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus camp (not even a 50 percent convert), I do believe that men and women are different, and those differences both attract and repel us from one another. Those differences can, at times, prevent us from digging deeper and getting to know one another better, too.
With that in mind, I’d like to start a discussion about turn ons and turn offs. I’m not talking about specific incidents here, such as body odor or bad breath. I’m talking about the kinds of turn offs that cause you to lose your attraction to your spouse in an ongoing and painfully long way. I’ll start.
For me, all of the turn offs have a theme. They cause me to fear being vulnerable, and when I fear being vulnerable, I don’t like being naked. In order to feel sexy, I need to feel safe.
* Talking down to me
* Not listening to my problems
* Making fun of my weaknesses
* Refusing to consider my view point
For me, turn ons are about feeling adored, about the instinct to nurture or about feeling like a woman.
* Him being the strong guy who makes sure there are no serial killers hiding in the closet
* Him trusting me to listen as he tells me about a problem
* Him complimenting me, smiling when he sees me, and giving me a shoulder rub when he knows I’m sad or stressed
* Me being irrational and him just being supportive without telling me that I am being irrational
* Him taking an interest in my writing
What about you? What keeps you attracted to your spouse? What repels you? There are no wrong answers here. Again, be kind. Be open minded. We’re all here to learn from one another.