Can a cheating spouse ever reform?

Q: My husband has cheated on me many, many times. I don’t think he’ll ever stop. I know I should leave him, but I can’t. I still love him! There is no one else I’d rather be with! So I’m wondering: will he ever stop cheating? Am I just wasting my time? How can I mend my broken marriage?—Please Make Him Stop

Dear Please Make Him Stop,

There’s one thing I can say about my husband with great certainty. He’s not a cheater. I’ve never once caught him checking out another woman. He doesn’t have female friends. He doesn’t flirt. It’s just not in his DNA.

Because of this, I found your question very tough to answer. Will your husband ever stop cheating? Perhaps, but probably only if you Bobbit him. (Please know that I am not suggesting this as a remedy to your problem.)

But what do I know? Really. This is out of my area of experience.

For a credible opinion on the matter, I turned to a friend who was once in your exact situation. Her first husband cheated on her repeatedly. She was a stay at home mom who raised three kids. He was a dad who wanted to do it with any woman but his wife.

I sent her your question. Here’s her advice:

You’ve already answered some of your own questions. You say, “He’s cheated on me numerous times.” You say, “I don’t think he’ll ever stop.” Go with your gut. You already know that staying with your husband any longer is just a waste of precious time. You deserve better treatment, a better relationship, and a better life. Your children will respect you more and have a better self esteem if they see that you will not allow yourself to be made unhappy and abused. Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse.

He is choosing to cheat on you. You might think this is about the other woman, that they hold some power over him. It’s not about the women, though. It’s about him. He’s choosing not to exert self control.

You say you love him. Can you love him with the cheating part of his personality? Because that’s who he is. My first husband had the same personality issues. At first, I was like you. I thought I could mend my marriage, I thought I could change myself so that he wouldn’t think these other women were so great. I have 3 kids, grown now, and I didn’t want my family to break up. I didn’t want to lose my dreams about the future that I had envisioned. But, after too long of a time I finally became so disgusted that I realized that anything would be better than living with a cheating, lying husband. I wanted my peace of mind back. I wanted my children to live in a peaceful atmosphere. I have never regretted filing for divorce. I do regret taking so long to do it.

See? She’s great. I think her advice is right on the money. The only thing I would add is this. I think your main problem is a lack of self esteem and self worth. You don’t realize that you deserve better. The day you realize that? You will become a powerful woman.

Do you have any advice for Please Make Him Stop? Leave a comment.

120 comments… add one

  • deb March 28, 2013, 6:27 pm

    I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. About 3weeks ago I got a funny feeling and started to snoop. I found he was on 26 different dating web sites. I confronted him and he said he just did not delete them . Then I looked at his phone and found text messages. He said the dates are wrong on them. I do not trust him now. He said he would never cheat on me and even wants to marry me soon. Should I cut my losses and move out?

    • que August 8, 2013, 6:16 pm

      Boyfriend? I hope you’ve left him by now. He is not your husband and he knows it. As women we’ve got to learn not to fall in these traps. You should be excited knowing your not married to him. Why don’t you get a life without him. The only reason they keep certain women longer is for permanent pu**y. Yes ladies that’s all the majority of them think of us. How long they have to wait to get it and how much do it cost. Your heart and mind means nothing. Well, maybe the heart it’s against the law to have sex with a corpse.

  • JO April 2, 2013, 11:29 pm

    OKAY…. so i must be out of my mind, for the past few years i have been on and off with what i believed to be the apple of my eye, the love of my life whatever you get my drift. However he cheated 2 years ago, rang me balling his eyes out, he slipped up, ‘fucked everything’- he kissed another girl.
    from then on everything went down hill, the up then DOWN ! Things didnt sound or feel right, i brushed them off thinking i was paranoid and insecure as he always had an excuse for not answering his phone or why he never left his phone unattanded. i had a few ppl mostly females tell me that they thought he was single and we broke up again.
    i got told that the kiss wasnt just a kiss and that the affair went long on after i took him back, i thought they were conflicting girls causing trouble.
    it wasnt till recently. when i i was briefly talking to one of his friends about my hurt and confusion and he mentioned a girls name, one i never heard of i asked him to repeat and spill what the EFF he knew, he thought i knew then all the other secrets, bragging and lies and other girls- they all fell into place. it all made sense. i ended it. we got back together after a few months, it ended again for a month. i thought i was okay alone. we are now what i think is back together. what the fuk am i doing/thinking/ feeling and how does it stop will it all stop?

    • que August 8, 2013, 6:26 pm

      No, it will never stop! Not unless your praying to God that he will change. Sounds like when he’s not getting sex by his other women , he wants you back. He’s not going to say it to you but he’s horny and wants to bust a nut and he knows what to say to you to get the pu**y. It’s mean, cruel, and harsh but its Truth!

      • JO August 8, 2013, 6:53 pm

        we have been going well for the past few months, he go a new job moved town, quit smoking (weed) and doesnt talk to girls (that im aware of) i practically live with him so he doesnt have a chance or time to play up even if he wanted to. his phone is now left un attented and is never on silent. he isnt paranoid and insecure like he used to be and feels more secure. helps cook dinner, leaves cute notes for me around the house occasionally, cleans up and mentions me in the majority of phone calls made (im no longer that secret that he is single) asks every day how my day is and we actually can have decent conversations now. he does little thoughtful things that he never used to and is trying every day to make a consistant effort. he tells me who he talks to that day without me asking and doesnt question everything i do anymore. im hoping this is going in the right direction for a better life, relationship and future. he wants to settle, he admits his wrong doing and doesnt want thay shit anymore. is this all something that will wear off??

      • que August 9, 2013, 12:12 pm

        He could be a changed man. What type of phone does he have? My soon to be ex husband has taught me a lot about secret apps that hide, phone calls, photos, text message, and pictures. Don’t be ignorant of how far they will go to deceive you. They will go to counseling. Do house work, look after the kids. Whatever they have to do to get you back under their authority, they will do it.

      • Jo August 11, 2013, 5:46 pm

        He just has like a tradie nokia phone, nothing flash just something that wont break if dropped.I guess time will tell. im only investing (emotionally) what i can afford to lose at this time and making a point of my happiness being priority.

  • mel May 29, 2013, 12:24 pm

    me and my husband have been together for ten years and he has cheated on me many times and has apologized every time and now he claims that he is only texting and chatting with women but how do I get him to stop and understand that that is a form of cheating too? can a cheater really ever reform?

    • Que August 9, 2013, 9:52 am

      Y-O-U will NEVER be able to get him to stop! As women we chase dreams and fantasies of how things could be. Live in the present! Face reality! Do you feel safe and secure with him? Do you trust him? Does he bring out the good in you, or the bad? Are you emotionally stable? Ask yourself, like I had to ask myself, ” What is it about me that makes him disrespect me so? I’ll tell you, I stayed with him! They don’t care how miserable you are, as long as they get what they want from you! It could be sex, do thier laundry, preparing them meals, etc. Get a back bone like I did. I stopped doing everything, I told him, ” Let your whores do it”. I have male friends now. I go out and will stay out and there is no guilt. Your husband defiled the marriage bed along time ago, so move forward. Don’t be afraid to tell others about the abuse you are going through. Talk helps you to heal, You would be suprised at how many people would be willing to help you, if you left him.People are not going to bless you with him around.
      Stop being foolish! You know damn well he is still sexing around. Feeding you some BS cause he know you will fall for it. “I won’t do it again”, is key words that he will. This is all a fun game for him and you better beleive that his male friends already know what he is up to.
      Truth sets us free. once you discover that he hates you, then you will feel nothing for him. NEVER get confused by if they are paying bills and spending money on you. they always buy gifts for their whores.

  • frances June 16, 2013, 9:23 pm

    honestly to everyone i know how u feel like you get cheated on and it stops after a while but im gonna say this im still married to the guy barely after 8 months a frustration and abuse i almost left him he completely changed his attitude hes been gone 10 months now is military at one point was bad dissapearing not calling or answering his phone on off time now here is the thing were not realising idk what to do i feel like leaving is teh best thing yes we are wasting our time but im saythis after reading this these men have the power they have us but do they love us no we are ther doormats what the touch part is letting go we need to get strong and find ways to move on because im gonna say this they dont love us when they go touch or go inside another woman its degrading to us if were not good enough to be with and they feel they need wat we give them from someoen else there not worth it there trash and they will get the trash they deserve were better then that the way we feel we can find something worth our while i say screw em leave like i said its not easy to leave but that trust that feel that they will ever love us is completely gone someone who has sex with somoene else repeadedly isnt in love with u they dont care about you and what if tehy get aids what if us the neive ones stay and they give watever they catch to us when we didnt doo nothing wrong key we need to reak away i need to find a way to leave and not come back idk how im do it where i can leave but i suggest you stop being blind to and realise you can do better please itl only ake ur life better and one day youl look back and realise he as never worth your youth ty thats all i haveto say

    • Que August 9, 2013, 10:09 am

      Not only do they not love us, but they hate us! Women always say, ” but I love him. ” The real question is does he love you?

  • frances June 16, 2013, 9:26 pm

    oh and i been married to this guy 4 years now he lies about even small stuff and doesnt take responsibility for nothing he does a man someoen who cheats once it can be a mistake if they regret it and apologise some people make mistakes but repeadadly and ignoring ur calls and stuff isnt a mistake thats abusive and down right cruel they dont deserve love from a decent person

    • Que August 9, 2013, 10:21 am

      When they cheat the first time, its not a mistake! They wanted to do it! They keep woman after woman lined up just in case they come across a woman with back bone. Then there is no lost., they got plenty of more where that came from. Get you some male friends and spend time with them. Don’t tell him your whereabouts! Talk in riddles, give him one and two word answers. Of course they will get mad, even shed tears when the time comes (if thats what it takes to convince you to stay). Your goal should be to ignore him in such a way that the tables will turn. He praboly will still cheat, but now you have his attention. Act mad and upset or even devestated. Tell him you got tested and was told that you have full blown aids. That will mess up his mind big time. The same game he is using on you, turn around and use it on him. You’ve got to become a great actress afterall he is a great actor. Don’t be afraid, Don’t be afraid. If there are threats made , use the law.Throw him in jail if he takes it too far. This is not a game! Your heart even your very soul is at stake! Learn how to fight back!

      • Tim December 8, 2014, 11:20 pm

        You’re seriously suggesting a woman tell the man who cheats on her that he gave her AIDS?

        Women like you are the reason men cheat in the first place.

  • Aanelta June 19, 2013, 3:54 am

    My husband cheated on my with my nanny when I was 8 months pregnant, my nanny got pregnant my child is 7 months old i found out that he again cheated on me while he’s at work. I’m on the process of healing, but now I’m totally insane on how can I suppose to trust him again if he actually did cheat on me twice.

    • Que August 9, 2013, 10:28 am

      You shouldn’t trust him! He has cheated on you more than twice and he still is. Do you! no matter what he has said, he defiled the marriage bed. F**k what he is talking about! Let it go in one ear and out the other. You might be a married to a man, but he is no husband.

  • Tiffany July 13, 2013, 9:44 pm

    My husband and I both cheated on each other during our 6th year of marriage. We reconciled, and spent the next 8 years being faithful, and rebuilding our life, or so I thought. While I had changed, and made my life an open book for him to examine at any time, forgiven him and never mentioned his affair again, the same was not true for him. He spent those 8 years calling me names and bringing up MY affair anytime he was upset about anything, while I never mentioned his, but because I was truly sorry, I never defended myself or my grotesque past actions. Now here we are.. 12 years of marriage, he has taken at least 3 lovers, one night stands etc in the last 6 months, hidden them and their correspondence, started being very angry all the time, calling me names more often and becoming down right verbally abusive, telling me he never loved me, threatened to stop paying the bills (I’m a homemaker and homeschool our children). He is military and deployed to strange countries all the time, and he would disappear for days and sometimes weeks, not call or write or respond, and then when he did resurface, he was angry and frustrated etc. He blames MY affair almost 8 years ago for what he is doing today. So that is what ONE guilty adulterer looks like, but I am sure they take other forms.

    As for change, I think a tell tale sign if they are going to straighten up is as follows:
    1. NO EXCUSES for what they did,
    2. NEVER blaming anyone for making them do something
    3. NEVER DEFENDING their actions,
    4. an attitude of MEEKNESS and HUMBLENESS when asked questions or when their partner seeks reassurance.
    5. Respecting reasonable boundaries the partner sets for the road to reconciliation, NO PUSHING LIMItS or TESTING those boundaries

    I am in the midst of separation, and I gave him 1 year to prove he has changed, the proof is adherence to those 5 points above, with the obvious checks of phones, bank account, emails, computer files etc.

    He pushed very hard for a divorce, and wouldn’t meet me in person except at the lawyer office in the middle of a year long deployment, so we have a neat little settlement agreement which includes alimony and child support and exclusive use of the marital home. Now that he wants to reconcile, again ( he changes his mind every two or three days) I laid a few other things out for how this will work until I”m convinced he has changed: No sex, no depending on the other for normal marital things like picking up from airports or cooking meals, no getting angry when I’m ready for him to leave the house in the evening, counseling once a week for deep underlying issues, full faithfulness sexually and emotionally.

    I hope this helps someone.

    • Que August 8, 2013, 10:16 am

      You do know that he is still going to cheat on you. A man that cheats all the time and you cut off sex? Stop wasting your time because he’s not going to stop! I would beleive him if I were you when he says he doesn’t love you. Of course he wants to be at the house, it benefits him. As long as men get what they want, they don’t give a damn about your feelings!

      • Tiffany August 12, 2013, 4:47 pm

        I, sadly, agree with you. It’s all about finding a way to still have those comforts of home without any of the responsibility. Everything he’s ever accused me of has turned out to define him. It’s sickening.

      • que August 12, 2013, 5:49 pm

        Personally I am disgusted! I know the truth now and it set my mind free from my marriage.

    • Jane January 27, 2015, 4:18 pm

      These men have secret phones! Why does nobody ever mention that? They hide their phones!!

  • Terri August 8, 2013, 5:22 am

    I been with my husband for 18 years and married for 13 years. Our relationship as been upand down for years now choose to stay because I love him very much..but everything I do just doesn’t work..I realize thru the years he has been cheating on me since we been together…I want to leave but don’t have any where to go so I stay…I get really crazy trying to find out info..I go thru his cellphone..I look at the phone bill, emails everything even his car..I have found so much stuff in his thru the years receipts underwear, and of course numbers…now everything is in his phone I even pre tented to be him so the girl will give me info and there all stupid they spill the beans…I just don’t know what to do….I tried to change myself and give in on what he was doing he wanted threesomes I did it..having a girlfriend I did got so bad we had a live in girlfriend and he was still cheating on both of us…he had best of both worlds and it still wasn’t we moved to a different city we were fine until he started getting on this website talking to females and now in just found out the slept together…my heart is so broken I just don’t know what to do…I don’t why he keeps disrespecting me…

    • Que August 8, 2013, 10:20 am

      It doesn’t matter if you have money to go. I don’t and still don’t! What I am is moving forward with my life. I know the feeling of seeming trapped because it’s all in your head. You need to get a life of your own! Truth sets your mind free. Get you some male friends.

  • Que August 8, 2013, 10:01 am

    Satan is the author of confusion! If any womans husband is a cheater then you need to face reality and stop hoping, wishing, and dreaming that things will be the way they were, I must say that the way they were was all a show and still is. How else could they have gotten us if they would have revealed their true identity. Cheating spouses Do Not, I repeat DO NOT love there wives or husbands. They play on your emotions and how you feel about them. Love does not hurt! Trying to love someone who refuses to give it back in return does. I prayed to God and asked him to reveal to me how my husband felt about me. I told the Lord that I needed to hear it from his lips. Lord I thank you for answering my prayer. God made him speak the truth to me from his own lips. My husband said, ” He enjoys using women.” Say what you will, but I beleive this to be true of all cheating men and women. what these hateful people do is push, push, and push to see how long you will tolerate their BS. Ladies your husbands hate you! They want to keep you down, that way they can control you. If you leave them , they would not be messed up about it at all. They have more women to conquer and control.
    What has happened is that they have led you in captivity. If your thinking, searching, can’t sleep at night, crying all the time, etc. Your mind is in a strong hold. Lord Jesus, I thank you for coming to set the captive free. This is a spiritual war! Married or not, Remember they always buy gifts for their whores cause thats how they see you.

    • Susan August 8, 2013, 2:25 pm

      Amen to your Comment:
      I was married to The Devil for 11 years who cheated on me constantly throughout the marriage.
      Told Me I was the one with problems.
      He only cheated because I didn’nt get on with his hateful daughter WTH?
      I forgave and tried to forget his cheating and constant lies but it didn’nt work.
      Phoned the Police on me several times to report me for drugs, lol, assaulting him and his new woman lol. Sent horrid messages to my children, the list could go on and on.
      Once you have “Taken the Mask” off the Devil. Beware.
      He will hate You forever.
      I am in the midst of a know- to- be horrid divorce with the narc. now.
      He drove me insane, checking up on his phone bills, where he was (screwing other women)
      Love, They don’nt know the meaning of the word.
      He left me on My Birthday – little did he know it was the best Birthday present that I have ever had.
      Good luck to the new prey – because that’s ALL YOU ARE.
      Run Like the Wind. The will cheat on the next one, the next one, goes on forever.
      They will use, abuse and cheat and lie to get whatever they need from You.
      Good Karma to All

      • que August 8, 2013, 6:40 pm

        The Bible says that our enemies will be them of your own household.

  • Gem September 3, 2013, 1:46 am

    I cant believe my situation at the moment, 6 months pregnant with my husbands baby.been together for 10years,married for 2 of them. he keeps getting caught out cheating on me, its driving me insane!!! yesterday,found out that he was going to meet up with someone next tues.a lady that he was mucking about with before we got married.i feel so sick at the moment.i packed my bag and was on my way out.he said that hes got problems and feels the need to just get female attention to comfort his ego all the time. i wouldn’t mind but he does get plenty attention from me but clearly my voice doesnt matter.i have been brought up with a happy family background,he hasnt.i dont want to be treaten like a mug,silly nieve wifey at home always forgiving him. I know that he is worried about us splitting because there is a baby involved now and thats all he has ever wanted.he wants to scrap everything that has happened and start again.i feel so scared. i dont know what to do? Im a strong person but my hormones are all over the place.i dont need this stage of my pregnancy.i do love him pregnancy

  • lala October 7, 2013, 11:51 am

    Let me tell you, i have been in this relationshit for 10 years, with 4 wonderful kids together. This man has broken me in every possible way. I didnt leave before because i was afraid of what would happen. I am a sahm, tried getting a job with no luck (college degrees dont mean a thing with no experience) He’s lied and cheated so many times to count. Just recently i found out about him sleeping with prostitutes. Woooooosssaaahhhh, i ended it all. He refused to leave saying its his house and his things so hes at work today and guess what im doing. Taking everything and disappearing. Hes texting and calling apologizing, nut ive heard it all before. Its so true once a cheater always a cheater. Ladies i will be praying for us all and all women in these situations.

  • Sarah October 15, 2013, 4:47 pm

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. I kissed an ex and he kissed a girl when drunk and we got over it very early in our relationship. However I’ve just found out he also had a drunken fumble for a couple of minutes then stopped it at the start. This was about 5/6 weeks into our relationship. I love and trust him now, even after hearing this, but am worried I’m making a mistake staying with someone who could do that to me. Looking back he was a completely different person then who has matured and grown with me. Would appreciate advice please

  • kaniz fatima November 21, 2013, 1:28 am

    16 years of marriage and now i know my husband has cheated on me. He pretended to be very God fearing, he used to pray five times a day. And i tursted him blindly.The woman with whom he had AFFAIR called me and told every thing about him. How he used to meet her.

  • kaniz fatima November 21, 2013, 1:34 am

    Not only he used to visit her, she said he used to gossip and slander about me. I could not take this there are so many things i cannot mention it. When i came to know about this i hit and bit him very badly.

  • kaniz fatima November 21, 2013, 1:36 am

    He deserved it. Now i wait for GOD TO PUNISH HIM FOR HIS DEEDS.

  • Cher March 19, 2014, 4:23 am

    12 year relationship here. He cheated w my best friend 4 yrs ago. Tried my best to get over that. He desires more than what I do. I tried to have an open mind to let him do what he had to to with me being the rule maker. The blame of his mistakes seem to always end up at me. Found out few days later that there were more lies (earlier he confessed about some). Once a cheater always a cheater. This person I feel has an addiction to it. Ultimatum was served to get phys help. Dont even know if making him aware of his addiction can save this

  • Casey April 16, 2014, 9:53 am

    Together 13 years, married 12. I worked, he worked some and went to school. He is now an RN. We are both in our 50′s. He has affairs with other women from his current job. He wants young (skinny) women. He tells me I am NOT a feather in his cap, because of my weight. He hates that I am fat (240). I am going to WW and working out. It is hard to drop the lbs. due to my age. He won’t leave, but he won’t stop either. He said I have no self respect because I won’t file for divorce. I told him (and the other women) I would not roll over and die. I am fighting for my husband and marriage. Most walked away. One did not and he continues to try and get her back. He drinks everyday. (vodka) and is mean to me when he does. He tells me he has to be drunk to have sex with me. However, when he is sober he is sorry.
    I want to heal our marriage. We have both had caner and have been there for one another. To the best of my knowledge he just started cheating a year ago. We have no children together or separately. Is there is HOPE for us?

  • Catherine April 16, 2014, 6:47 pm

    Sorry Casey but he is an alcoholic, and a cheat, plus he emotionally abuses you and has no respect for you. Do you really need to ask if there is any hope for your relationship? Don’t stay in this situation any longer. Throw him out and divorce him. And keep up the WW and working out – build your self esteem.

  • claire July 11, 2014, 7:07 pm

    My husband has cheated our whole marriage. However, as crazy as it sounds, I swear I never had any idea that he was doing that! Not until last summer when I found a condom and condom wrapper in my laundry. This time he slipped up. He claimed that he’d been having an affair with a woman who was a surgeon all summer but he’d never cheated on me before. After many, many months asking him if he’d ever cheated before (just couldn’t believe that he hadn’t) he admitted to having sex with at least 6 other women over our 9 yr marriage. According to him, they had all been one night stands and only the most recent was an actual affair. Because this was the first I’d known about any of it I was inclined to give him another chance. It wasn’t as if he’d been cheating all our marriage, I’d known about it all and he was still cheating, I had never known. And guess what, at this point, nearly one year later I’d swear he has changed (I’m still on guard and watching like a hawk). He realizes he was missing out on his children’s lives, he was being selfish and was acting like a teenager. He has not missed one morning in almost a year of getting our kids up and getting them ready for school or camp. He packs lunches, he walks them to the bus stop and does all other things that you’d expect a good father/husband to do. I think it is possible for a repeat cheater to change, but probably only the ones that don’t cheat again once you’ve figured out what they are doing. If my husband cheated again, now that I know what he was doing, I’d give him the boot!

  • lynn September 21, 2014, 1:44 am

    My husband and I have been together 15 years – married 13 years. I found out 3 days ago that he’s been cheating on me with numerous woman over the last 18 months as far as I can tell. He had a bike accident last week and is recovering in hospital at the moment – I have his cellphone for safekeeping and this is how I found out about the affairs / cheating. He doesnt know yet that I know as I felt the hospital wasn’t the right place to approach him on this ? am I right or just being too considerate. I still have to go see him each day and pretend that all is okay and I don’t know anything – it is so painful all I want to do is cry.
    He had a heart attack just over 2.5 years ago – I helped nurse him back throughout the recovery period so much so my business suffered drastically as a result but I wanted all my attention focused on him. He’s 48yrs old and I’m 44.
    Over the last 18 months he became obsessed over his cell phone – even takes it to the toilet with him. He goes out more, gets home drunk sometimes. All things he never used to do. I approached him so many times as to whether he was having an affair – he denied each time and his reasoning for changing is as a result of his heart attack !! I believed him – so stupid. I asked him two weeks ago again if there was something I should know – he denied again. IN FACT right now whilst he’s in hospital he’s telling me how much he loves me and how I’m all he has in his life – WTF ????
    The messages I have read on his phone are disgusting and made me want to throw up – he has bought them cellphones, cars, paid rent, medical aid you name it ! The sexual things he has said to them via text and then meeting up with them – I have NEVER heard him speak like that – it’s almost a totally different person – I don’t know him.
    The problem is we work in the same industry – we both have our own companies and I recently signed up a new 2 year lease etc etc for my business. I can’t believe he allowed me to do all this and get myself deeper and deeper into debt commitments knowing what he was doing.
    The texts he sends them go on from early morning till late at night – he picks one of them up in the mornings on his way to the office ?? – the others he meets during the day when he is supposedly ssoooo busy at work – sometimes after work when he supposedly is in meetings – and best of all he meets them on weekends when he tells me he’s playing golf, or going to the office, or going for a ride on his bike.
    I am angry, hurt that all that I believed in isn’t real at least not over the last 2 years. Hurt that he could lie to me every day – sleep with them and come home to me and ask “what’s for dinner” !!

    Please help me -

    • Rosanna October 6, 2014, 3:32 pm

      Dear Lynn:

      You are in the shock and awe stage as I call it. When I first discovered the cell phone texts and credit card charges I had a panic attack which put me in the ER. My husband is 66! He acts like he is 30 now. I can’t control him for two years I’ve tried. He has hormone induced amnesia which means he’ll keep going back for more. No more. No more. I’m trying a trial separation which will probably be permanent based on his no remorse attitude. Good luck. Hope your guy is at least truly sorry and cries. Mine didn’t.

  • Rosanna October 6, 2014, 3:09 pm

    I was married 35 years and two years ago discovered my husband was cheating with a girl of 31 for over a year. They were dating and meeting together on business trips. He even rented a house in Arizona and they bought furniture together. It was a shock and awe to me which I will never recover from. I put an end to her and he promised it was over etc. A year later I discovered another rental agreement in Long Beach with a different girl. And he had pictures of her on his cell and personal texts.

    Finally I have asked him to move out and I feel a strange sense of relief. Hardest part is telling my grown boys. I can’t believe myself that I am going through with this but I deserve a loving, honest, kind and trustworthy person in my life.

  • Kimberly December 10, 2014, 10:24 pm

    My husband of 14 years. Not sure where to start probably has been cheating off and on the whole time. Never has admitted to it, never had solid proof, but I knew in my heart he was. What’s crazy is I still love him and can’t picture myself without him. We have a four year old set of twins. He recently lost his dad and had to go to New Jersey to take care of his dads affairs. The second night he was there, the app I have on his phone records the sounds around his phone, text, calls, websites busted ect. I was recording the night after he left and heard him having sex with another woman. He admitted to it a week later while he is still there and is apologizing and saying how he is going to change and can’t be without me blah blah. He said he cheated cuz he was in so much pain from his dads death, I told him that is no excuse to cheat. Now I don’t know what to do. I’m devastated and can’t eat or sleep. This will be the first time he has admitted and apologized. Other than this I can’t complain about anything. Should I give him a second chance even though this is like the third or fourth?

  • Ruth December 17, 2014, 4:51 pm

    I been married for 22years. And for the past 4years my husband has been cheating on me. I even caught him 2times.He has moved out on me and got his own place in the past 4 years. I really like your answer. Because I don’t ever think he,s going to stop. I’ve gave him chances after chances. And it hasn’t stopped yet. Thank u so much for the advice.

  • julius December 20, 2014, 2:47 pm

    Am so happy today, i am a business man and i am married with 2kids, our marriage was moving on well until my wife start changing towards me i never knew she was seeing her ex and she just came to my room to tell me she needs a divorce. I had to make some investigation then i noticed my wife is seeing her Ex, i was touched and was looking for a solution because i know my wife very well we were both in love and we lived happily but all of a sudden things changed. I just believed that something is wrong somewhere, Then I contacted Dr Mutuma (drmutumahouseofsolution121@gmail. com) after which i have read some wonderful reviews on the internet, i called him to explain it all he just told me that my wife has being blind folded with black magic, So i begged him to please help me out and make my wife come back to her normal sense because she became a total stranger to everybody even turned against her own kids but God bless Dr Mutuma (drmutumahouseofsolution121@gmail. com) for bringing my wife back to my arms within 48hours i am so happy my wife has come back to her normal self. She cried and asked for forgiveness for all the emotional trauma she caused me. Am just so happy that things is working out well also with my business. He also healed my dad cancer that he has been suffering with for over a year. Contact Dr Mutuma today his a man of his word and i know he will surely put a smile on your face like he just did for me. Am so happy.

  • me January 16, 2015, 2:34 am

    My current and I have been together for 7 years off and on but more recently 4 years straight, I even gave him 2 beautiful twin boys a year ago only to find out he’s been lying and cheating with escorts and even gave me a std wtf! So I’ve been holding my tongue to tell him what I know (have proof & took pics) of his blatant disrespect off his work phone totally forgot to look at the pics that were sent to him, but I’m lost with 2 toddlers to care for. I CANT TAKE IT! NEED TO SAY WHATS ON MY MIND REAL SOON! To hell with the money my sanity seems to be more important.

  • nikki January 31, 2015, 4:32 am

    Hi I have been reading all these posts looking for an answer…

    well my dilema is I have been with my husband now for 19 years. We were both teenagers and 1 year into our relationship he cheated a few time. He was very remorseful and told me whilst crying. I forgave him. 3 years in he cheated again. I found out….he was remorsful I forgave him….after getting pregnant I found out he had cheated again…this time i left him
    for almost a year….he did everything possible to win me back….i fell for it …got pregnant again.

    We got married with 2nd baby on the way now 8 years into our on and off relationship.

    settled into married life with me still not trusting him but he was a good father….I always suspected he was cheating….He denied it and I never had proof..

    Fast forward 4 children later one day I discover he had started seeing this girl from work..whom I had warned him about….and he had flatly denied anything was going on…..I left him…..our local church reccomended counselling….I had been gone 1 week when he begged and begged promised to get councelling…..we went to 2 sessions and low and behold it came out……

    Throughout our whole marriage he had been cheating……

    So he promised to change admitted all the affairs…..WHY DID I STAY?????

    I guess it was the 4 children (all boys) who adored their father… anyway he asked me to marry him again……renew our vows…..forgot to say in between this time we went to a family friends barbeque he got drunk off his head and took this womans number??!!!

    So apologetic….i was drunk blah blah blah….I travelled for 3 weeks and he was alone with the kids…..realised he couldnt live without me blah blah and said he wanted to renew our vows… an idiot I did….

    Just 2 months before we renewed he was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer…..a few months after the renewal he told me an ex whom he had cheated on me with….had been in contact …..I heard alarm bells…..I started monitoring his text messages between the 2 of

    Of them……he was having a terrible time with chemo and radiotherapy and he used to be extremely muscular with a six pack……it all dissappeared…hence why i didnt really want to confront him at this stage…

    Then came a message from the ex saying I love you..
    i kept quiet…….then there other messages that had been deleted mid sentence so they didnt really make sense……I WAS FUMING but I kept quiet….

    the straw that broke the camels back was when he said the ex girlfriend wanted to “officially” meet me and visit him. To say I was angry shocked hurt….is an understatement!!!!!

    He swore blind it was innocent and said ” if anything ever happened to her and I didnt see her I would never forgive myself”

    At that moment I realised this marriage is over
    He is waiting for surgery and is housebound at present I am his full time carer. We have 5 children our familirs are so entwined…friends….finances….business….everything….he is ill with cancer…..I want to leave once he is better…but how do I? He is the most loveable husband right now….will do anything for me…tells me he loves me a million times a day….but then he has always been like that….whilst cheating….except this time I DONT BELIEVE HIM

    He said if I am going to leave I shouldnt wait untill hes better because that is another trauma he will have to deal with….but I still care for him as a person and I genuinley dont want any added stress to him….so I told him Im not leaving…..but my heart left that day….


  • sarah February 5, 2015, 8:41 pm

    I was with a man for 3 years, he had been cheating on me right from the start, one night after an argument i got up, grabbed my bag and walked out, i stayed with a friend for two nights and then went into refuge for 7 months, i lost everything and i mean everything, after 7 months in refuge in i got a flat, it was awful, i decorated it, went out more, joined a gym, life has never been better, i worked hard and i am in the progess of setting up a beauty wholesale business which i have gone without for to save and save, my advice ladies is remember you are strong, dont put up with it, get a life , dont waste it, there is so much out there for you, your children will grow up and know how to be strong like you, its not easy but it gets better, i am free now and happy..

  • IRENE February 11, 2015, 8:33 am

    i have been married for 6 years with 3 kids, my husband has been cheating on me since we got married, i always forgive him he once left home and leaved with another woman recently i was feeling so angry feeling that he started again with his cheating then i told him that i am leaving the house to go stay with my mother, he never even argue about that he said its ok i just find out that hes is staying with another woman at my house but i have mixed feelings that i made mistake of living my house and scared to move on

    • Lisa March 1, 2015, 5:09 pm

      omg I am going throw same situation right now i am with my husband for 16 years first time he cheated on my when I was pregnant with my second chiled I found some messages on his phone then After 4 month I found a condom on his car wich we never use together after maybe another 3 month I found another message from another girl wich he was going out with he told her he was marriage but he divorced he lie to her the girl was in love with him the day I found out I left I went to a friend house he was calling me and begin me to came home then I decide to forgive him I went back home next day we talk he sed to me he just went out for a drink with her he never done
      nothing with her wich was lai it’s been now over a 4 years time I keep forgiving him it’s sems he never gone stop this. I have 2 kids I don’t want to distroy them life and I love him i don’t now what to do he is caring husband he take me out bays me thing the only this is I think he is addicted now. he goes out some times and tells me he is going because off his work meeting and he always came back 3. 4 in the morning it’s been one year he asked me to go and sleep with another man he sad it tern him on I sad to him no chance u gone see me with another men I dot see there a love same time he Doesn’t want to live we I m getting crazy I don’t now what to do . one day I found his his shirt all foundation when I woke up in the morning I woke up to go te work I went at my work I sed to my self I am going back home and I am gone tell him it’s over. I went home and I asked him were have u been list night your shirt all make up he start shouting at me he sed I am paranoyed I am stupid and I sed live it this time then again another day he did same thing he came for in the morning I dident sed any thing I dident talk to him at all I so his pans was discasting with sperm all over I told him this time is over I am not talking to him at the moment I left thing on hold I told him many time I am gone live u but never did he thinks I am only talking I am never gone live him


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