Don’t Take No For An Answer
Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
No is not a dead end. It's a detour.
To get where you want to go in life, you will often need the help of someone else. If that someone else says, “No,” to your request for help, it can be very demoralizing.
For instance, let’s say you want to put your kids in daycare one day a week so you can spend that time launching a work-at-home business. Your husband tells you, “No, we can’t afford that. That’s why you are home, so the kids don’t have to be in daycare.” Ouch. That hurts.
Or, let’s say you want to go back to school to learn a new skill, but the school you want to go to is too expensive and the financial aid officer won’t give you a scholarship because you are “too old.” Kind of makes you want to give up, doesn’t it?
Maybe you have an essay that you think is great, but every magazine editor says, “I’m sorry, this isn’t right for us.” You should just stop writing essays, right? After all, they are the experts. If they think your writing sucks, then it probably really does suck.
It doesn’t matter what you are trying to do. It doesn’t matter who is telling you, “No.” What matters is this:
On the road of life, “No” is not a dead end. It’s a detour.
By that, I mean this: when one person turns you down, you don’t have to stop trying. You have not reached the end of the road. Rather, you just need to reassess the situation, look at your map, and find another route that will take you to the same place.
For instance, that husband who tells you that you can’t afford to put your kids in daycare? Maybe you work a little harder to convince him, trying to prove to him that you really can afford it. All you have to do is stop eating out, and you will help make that happen by packing his lunch. Or, maybe you find another mom who wants to do the same thing, and you switch off the care of the kids.
When that school turns you down? You apply somewhere else. Or you see if you can learn what you need to know online (which is usually free), by reading books, or by finding a mentor who is willing to meet with you every once in a while.
As for that essay (which, if you couldn’t tell, is my personal detour), you fine-tune it and send it to yet another editor, until you find the brilliant editor who knows talent when she reads it. Or, you write a different essay and send that one out instead.
But you’ll need more than a map to navigate the many detours in life. You’ll need some sustenance to keep you going. Whenever you feel too tired or too frustrated to go on, watch this video, which depicts Susan Boyle, a 48-year-old unemployed woman who had been told time and time again that she did not have what it took to be a professional singer. She was too fat, too ugly and too old. Or was she? When she walked out on stage for Britain’s Got Talent (The British version of American Idol) the judges and audience giggled and rolled their eyes.
And then see what happened next. Watch as often as needed. Susan Boyle didn’t take “No” for an answer. You shouldn’t either.
