Last night, my electric toothbrush was sluggish. It needed a charge. I walked into the kitchen where I’d last left my charger. It wasn’t there.

First, let me back up a bit because you might be wondering why I’d left my charger in the kitchen in the first place. This would be a logical thing for you to wonder. After all, why charge an electric toothbrush it in the kitchen when I could charge it in the bathroom where I brush my teeth?

Well, our bathroom counter top is very small and cramped. The only logical place for the charger would be on a very narrow area of counter top right next to the sink and perilously close to the toilet. Call me crazy, but I don’t like to plug things into outlets too close to where water will be running. Plus, in the past, my husband had said that he would like to keep our bathroom counter top completely clear of clutter. I figured if I put a toothbrush charger on the bathroom counter, he would eventually move it and not tell me where he had moved it to. Then I would have to search all over the place to find it.

Therefore I put it in the kitchen because he’s never been persnickety about the kitchen counter. I figured it was safe there.

I was wrong.

Now I will say that I am getting older and that I sometimes lose things. I will also admit that I more than occasionally mentally blame my husband when I lose things, thinking things along the lines of, “Where did that man put my car keys?” and “Why did he HAVE to feel the need to move my cell phone?” And I will also confess that 99.99 percent of the time my husband has actually been innocent. Often I was the person who had misplaced whatever I had lost.

But this time I was almost certain that he really was to blame. I had a very strong memory of placing the charger in the kitchen, right next to our set of butcher knives. I’d picked that spot because it is where we keep the recycling until one of us has the energy to haul it outside to the bin. I figured a stray toothbrush charger would fit right in with the assortment of empty beer bottles.

But it wasn’t there. I knew my husband had cleaned the house just a day before. I thought, “He moved it when he cleaned the kitchen counter. I’ll ask him where he put it.” I was not annoyed. I just wanted to locate my charger without opening every drawer and cabinet in the house.

I asked him where my toothbrush charger was. He answered, “Your toothbrush has a charger?”

I described said charger. “It’s white. It looks phallic. It was by the knives with the recycling.”

“Never seen it,” he claimed.

I knew better, so I pressed. “Are you sure?” I described it in greater detail. A little more loudly, he again said that he had no idea what I was talking about.

So I looked in every drawer and cabinet in the house. I eventually found it in a kitchen drawer, the one where we store our whisks, spatulas, measuring cups and that cheese grater we never use.

“Ah-ha!” I shouted. “I KNEW you moved it!”

I showed it to him.

“I don’t remember it,” he said.

Fair enough. He’s getting older, too. I figured he just didn’t remember moving it. No biggie.

I plugged it in by the kitchen knives – yet again — and put my toothbrush on it to charge. He walked by. “You’re going to leave it THERE?!”

“Um, yeah,” I said. “Would you prefer I put it in the bathroom?”

“Um, yeah,” he said in a voice that was starting to sound a bit snotty.

My next thought was not one that was conducive to continuing a conversation without me starting a fight. It was, “Why does he have to be such a God Damn Pain in the Ass all the time?” So I sighed loudly and decided to let it go until I’d had some time to meditate.

Flash forward one meditation session and a good night’s sleep.

I woke and realized that my husband really wasn’t a pain in the ass at all. Suddenly and with a great deal of clarity, I could see his side just as easily as I could see mine. He wanted one thing. I wanted something else. Just because he wanted the toothbrush charger in the bathroom and I wanted it in the kitchen didn’t make him any more of a pain in the ass than it made me.

We just wanted different things. That was all.

I also realized that my husband gained a certain degree of pleasure and contentment from having counters look a certain way. I don’t really understand this and I don’t share it. That doesn’t make it wrong. I, for instance, like the house to be quiet and scent free. He doesn’t necessarily care about having the house quiet and scent free, but that doesn’t mean I’m crazy.

It occurred to me that I had three options.

Option #1: I could stand my ground and force him to bend to my will. The end result of this method would probably be a game of passive aggressive warfare where I continually put the charger in the kitchen and he continually put it somewhere else. I don’t like not being able to find my charger when I need it. My time is precious. I figured I would end up buying a brand new electric toothbrush every time he hid my charger just to avoid turning the house upside down. We’re on a tight budget. I decided not to go for this option.

Option #2: I could give in and just put it where he wanted me to put it. I don’t like the idea of being electrocuted. I also am not yet big enough to acquiesce quite that far. I decided not to go for this option.

Option #3: I could come up with a different solution, one that would appease both of us. That solution is this: I will ask my husband if there is a place in the house that he would not mind me charging my toothbrush. I will charge my toothbrush in this location. When it is not charging, I will keep the charger in a drawer. This will require a little practice on my part, but I’m pretty sure I can get in the habit of putting the charger away after I use it. This way I will always be able to find my charger and my charging location will not annoy my husband. It’s a win-win.

Here are all of the marital lessons in all of this:

* Arguments are not about who is right and who is wrong. After all, in most arguments, you are both right, even though you don’t agree with each other.

* Your spouse doesn’t always share your opinions. That doesn’t make your spouse’s opinions wrong.

* If you think your spouse is being a pain in the ass, there’s a good chance that your spouse thinks the same about you.

* Don’t try to win and don’t try to prove your spouse wrong. That’s folly. Attempt to solve the problem instead.

Were there other lessons from this story that I missed? What would you have done in this situation? Where do you think my toothbrush charger should be stored?

UPDATES

* I will be on “Whatever with Jennifer Hutt” on Martha Stewart Living’s Sirius XM channel 110 this Monday July 25th around 5:30 pm. I hope you can tune in.

*Best of You Today ran an interview with me about how to save a marriage. You might enjoy reading it.

* Kiri Blakeley quotes me in this Forbes article about the Jennifer Lopez split.

* Yes, I ENJOYED my break. Much needed. I will be announcing the winners of the previous post very soon.

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