I read an interesting article in the New York Times about monogamy and how it’s going out of style. According to love guru Dan Savage, monogamy just doesn’t work for a lot of couples.
It’s an interesting viewpoint, and to some extent I agree with him. Some people don’t have what it takes to be monogamous. They lack the self-control and they just don’t value it in general. The problem is that these folks still seem to embrace marriage. This is problematic because they seem to mostly embrace marriage with folks who are good at monogamy. And when this happens, the folks who are good at monogamy get hurt.
At any rate, it seems as if the media champions stories about how monogamy sucks. That’s why I decided to write a post listing all of the reasons monogamy rocks.
- You can accidentally fart during sex and it’s not a big deal because it’s happened before.
- But you wouldn’t ever fart on purpose during sex because you know each other’s names and will be seeing each other again and thus can’t just conveniently pretend it never happened.
- You’ve already figured out what to do about the wet spot. In fact, figuring out what to do with the wet spot is so 15 years ago.
- You know how your bodies fit together comfortably—and how they don’t.
- You don’t have to worry about STDs.
- You know each other so well that you trust one another to take a razor to each other’s private areas.
- You’ve given each other so many orgasms that you can perform this role in your sleep and sometimes do.
- You will never need a paternity test to determine who the father of your children is.
- For women: you’ve long overcome your fears of him thinking your boobs are too small.
- For men: you’ve long overcome your fears of her thinking your penis is too small.
- If you call your spouse by the wrong name during sex, it’s because you are trying to be kinky and not because you don’t know your spouse’s name.
- You’ve tried all of the positions and you know which ones give you leg cramps and are therefore better left out of your usual repertoire.
- Because you’ve tried all of the positions, you have many memories to make you laugh and lighten up the mood in the bedroom. For instance, all I have to do is say “Do you remember the shower incident?” and my husband smiles.
- There is no walk of shame because you are having sex where you live and with the person you are married to.
- If you accidentally lose your panties under the bed, you don’t have to worry about the wrong person finding them–unless you happen to have a cleaning lady.
- If your spouse pulls a sex toy out of a drawer and wants to use it on you, you know exactly where that toy has been.
- You can send your spouse a text message with a photo of your package and not have to worry about your spouse forwarding that text to the media.
- You can challenge each other to push out of your comfort zones—for instance by exploring how long you can both hold out or how many orgasms she can have before she starts thinking about how messy the house is.
- If sex is just so-so on any given night, it’s not a big deal because there will always be another night.
- Sex is comfortable, and there’s beauty in that. For more on the benefits of comfort sex, check out this article.
What do you think the drawbacks of monogamy are? What are the pluses? Do you think we should legalize two different marriages? One for people who want to be monogamous and one for people who don’t?
A professional journalist, Alisa Bowman is the author of Project: Happily Ever After, a memoir of how she saved her marriage, and coauthor of Pitch Perfect, a must-read if you've ever had a sense of dread tie up your insides before a speech, presentation, or conversation. If you enjoyed this post, you will no doubt love her updates on Facebook and Twitter.