This is a new feature here at ProjectHappilyEverAfter. Once a week, I’m going to bring you a short story about a good deed. It might be a good deed gone right, a good deed gone wrong, or a good deed gone neutral. You’ll find out what my initial reaction was (usually not so positive), along with how I talked myself out of the negative response. I’m bringing you this series, in part, to encourage myself to respond to situations more positively. Although most of these situations will probably come from events that take place outside of the home, it’s my belief that Karma Practice in Daily Life helps encourage Karma Practice in Home Life.
I’m hoping that you’ll feel encouraged and welcome to share your own stories of Karma in Action.
This Week’s Karma Practice
I was in line at a fast food restaurant that will go unnamed. I do not believe in fast food. I think it’s bad for our health and bad for the environment. That said, I also don’t believe in black and white thinking. The best way to ensure my kid falls in love with fast food and eats it behind my back is to tell her she’s never allowed to have it. Therefore we have a Once-a-Month fast food rule in our house. Our daughter is allowed to request it that often and no more. Once she has it, she waits another month.
Since the first of the month was this week, she asked to go. So there we were in line with lots of other grumpy people. It was hot and loud. Kids were screaming. The line was moving slowly. The woman in front of me made the following order, and I do not exaggerate.
I’d like the #1, except with pickles.
I’d like the #3 except no lettuce.
Oh and the #5, but with a side order of fries.
And I’ll also take then #4. Make that two #4s.
It went on and on. Right around the time I was thinking, “Figures I get in back of the person who is ordering fast food for an entire office building,” the man behind me said quite loudly, “Why do I ALWAYS get in back of the WOMAN who can’t make up her MIND. Sheesh!”
The hair on my arms literally stood on end. Let me tell you: that’s a lot of hair standing on end, as I’m quite hairy for a woman.
What I really wanted to say: Why do I always get in line in front of the annoying sexist pig.
What I really did: Took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and did my best to relax. I worked diligently on mustering a small ounce of compassion for the man and for the other people in the restaurant. I tried my best to let go of my need to be comfortable amidst the chaos. I worked so hard on relaxing that I didn’t notice when it was my turn to order. The man behind me then said, “Hey it’s your turn.” But he said it kindly. It’s my belief that he said it kindly because he felt the small ounce of compassion oozing out of my pores. It’s either that or he thought my kid was quite cute in her karate uniform, which she so is.
What I think I should have said: Yeah, I’m really uncomfortable standing here, too. It’s so loud and chaotic, and it’s hard to tell where we’re supposed to stand or which line is moving more quickly. I feel really stressed out right now, too. I wish I were more patient in situations like this. How about you?
What do you think I should have said? Have you worked on being compassionate this week? If so, how has it gone for you?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Does not yelling at my kids count? Because I’m working hard at achieving that.
If you are working hard at it and learning from it, then it definitely counts!
I probably would have given him the **side eye**
I am usually the one with all the special orders. What can I say, we are picky eaters LOL
Adrienne´s last [type] ..Pirate Fun
I seem to always get behind the car in the drive through that is ordering for 10+ people, always wondered why these people couldn’t go inside.
Todd | Channelingmyself´s last [type] ..GM Food Awareness
This was such an appropriate post after my weekend at Walmart. I live in a big urban area with some great local grocery stores so I try really hard not to go to Walmart very often. Unfortunately I had to on Friday night and it was as bad as your fast food trip. I am fostering a Doberman, Titan, for a rescue foundation. I needed a turkey pan to put under his water dish because he was making Lake Titan in my kitchen.
So I get the turkey pan, a baby gate to keep Titan out of the hallway and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Three things and I was the third person in the express checkout line with my husband. The ladies checking out divided their order in half so that they could use the express checkout. And then they price matched EVERYTHING! My husband was getting obnoxious about why didn’t they go to the store they were price matching from. The guy in front of us joined in the complaining. I tried to remind both of them that the ladies may not have transportation so they are shopping at Walmart instead of the market the ad was for.
The ladies took 30 minutes to get checked out. So I finally went and stood in a different line behind five other people. We finished checking out at the same time the guy in front of us did. As we walked past the customer service the two ladies wee arguing over the prices on their receipt.
I feel like I did a good Karma job because I reminded my husband and the stranger in front of us that not everyone has the means like we do.
“Why do I always get in line in front of the annoying sexist pig?” made me laugh hard. It’s true.
Though for me, I can see sheer positivity in your question–in FRONT of.
I would focus on the in FRONT of part more than how that person was acting. I think being front of someone impatient is so much better than being BEHIND someone impatient. Not that I want to sound impatient by stating that alone, LOL, but my point is, I always try and see the positive.
Being next in line IS a good thing as we all have things to do and so on. I have actually done what you thought you should’ve said “I wish I was more patient, how about you?”
It was in line at a make-up store about six months ago where I just struck up a conversation with a woman waiting rather impatiently in front of me (see, I was behind her, not such a nice place at first) about how I too don’t like waiting in line and also don’t understand having only two check stands open when there’s a line literally a quarter of a mile long. She agreed with me and we bonded. It was great!
I chose, in the moment, to connect with her and try and meet her on a mutual level. And it worked.
I agree that that man behind Alisa probably felt compassion “oozing out of her pores,” as I believe our energies towards one another are absolutely real and can and do change in an instant. People sense that whether they’re aware of it or not.
That being said, I don’t think being impatient SOMETIMES is a bad thing.
I mean, we cannot let EVERYONE go in front of us, and we can’t be so compassionate and patient with everyone else that it leaves no room for compassion or patience for and with ourselves. Does that make sense?
There’s a fine line between being considerate and acknowledging what is a sucky, stressful situation. How we RESPOND to that is important, but to expect ourselves to be patient ALL the time and ALWAYS put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, I’m sorry, that’s just not real.
I think one of the best ways to send and receive good Karma is to be kind, patient and considerate of others AND of ourselves too.
I think you handled the situation brilliantly, Alisa, and did nothing wrong. To not acknowledge your own frustration at all would’ve been wrong, you matter too–as each of us do.
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
LOVED it LOVED it LOVED it
Alisa I think we go to the same fast food place..lol I also think I am a magnet for slow people, people with special orders, people who are using 37cupons for 15items at the grocerie store etc etc..lol Also has anyone else ever noticed that the shortest line is ALWAYS the slowest???…lol
I get frustrated but do keep it to myself. We never know why a person needs more time. Being married to a person who is now disabled I have had to learn patience. There are still things that I get agrivated with as everybody does but I have never been one to voice it & am working on not letting it get to me inside. Like most it is a work in progress. These lessons are a real help with that. So once again YOU ROCK Alisa
Here is a tip I have learned. Because I am a full time caregiver I have to run all the errands. Walmart, drug stores etc etc. One thing that has really helped. If it is at all possible (& I realize it isn’t for everybody especially when you have kids) go VERY early in the am. When you do the lines are non existant. If I need to go to walmart I get there before 8:30am. If it is the weekend I do it before 8am. I am in & out in less than an hour. If it is the pharmacy (especially if it is walmart pharmacy) I get there as soon as they open. No lines. But that also applies to Rite Aid etc.
I understand this is tough to do when you work & have kids. But some help from your spouse would be great. Maybe he/she could watch the kids early on a Saturday/Sunday morning would help. Try to stock up on those days. It not only saves trips but can save a LOT on gas. With the price of gas everybody could use help with that. Anyway just a tip I have learned. It helps me with the whole stress thing to. Then I don’t have to worry as much about the wrong mindset being behind somebody slow. Now if we could just find a way to buy lunch & keep it hot & tasting good at 7am before work we could have this thing mastered..LOL
Ron
My husband and I were walking into a WalMart on a Saturday. That in itself is nuts because it’s the busiest time, people and gridlock everywhere. As we’re walking in a very elderly gent is walking slowly into the entrance, he is very thin, frail-looking. People almost knocked him over they were in such a hurry to get into the store. My husband notice some little ones wildly running for the entrance, mom screaming behind them to slow down. They didn’t. My husband managed to step in front of them just in time to avoid a collision. Hubby’s a big guy, it would take a semi to knock him over. The mother says in passing, ‘why don’t these old people just stay home!’. Other people seeing what happened were listening. One woman hollered out, ‘just wait til you’re the old lady walking into a store and someone’s brats almost knock you over lady!’ The old guy thanked my husband and apologized for being such a bother. My husband tells him ‘Not a problem, it’s busy out here today. People are in too much of hurry to get their errands done.’ He started a conversation with the old gent. My husband gave me a look like he was going to stay and visit and I went shopping. When I came out they had gotten coffee and were chatting on a bench. Hubby shook hands with the man and we left. He told me as we were leaving that the woman had come out with her wild children, she had one screaming child by the arm, one was upset that she hadn’t gotten what she wanted and the other was running out into the parking lot. The old gent said, ‘well it looks like she isn’t having a very good day is she? But I did, I made a new friend.” Awesome…