A couple weeks ago, I went to an off-Broadway show called Miss Abigail’s guide to Dating, Mating & Marriage. The show is about a relationship expert who uses wisdom from the 1950s era (and earlier) to provide advice for modern men and women.
I hadn’t been to a show in years, not since ticket prices jacked up beyond $100 each. Since becoming a parent, I just don’t have that kind of cash – not to mention much free time.
But I went to the Miss Abigail show because I got a free ticket, and I got that ticket thanks to this blog. I loved the show. I laughed myself silly. It’s one of those campy shows with lots of double entendres, non sequiturs, and audience interaction and participation.
As I watched, I spent more time than I care to admit thinking about how dang hot Manuel Herrera (who plays Paco, Miss Abigail’s sidekick) is. The man sitting next to me told me that he thought Manuel was hot, too. That’s saying something.
I also spent some time thinking about Eve Plumb—who plays Miss Abigail–and how she no longer resembles Jan from the Brady Bunch. Eve played the role flawlessly, by the way. Her timing was impeccable, and every pore of her being became the role. It was impressive to watch her perform.
Afterward I got the opportunity to interview Eve. I’d looked forward to this interview for weeks, and I’d planned over and over in my mind exactly what I would ask her. Then, during a moment of nervous anticipation, I had a glass of wine before the show—and I had it on an empty stomach. I filmed my interview with Eve, but I’m not posting that footage. I asked her the lamest questions imaginable.
Instead, I’ve decided to write about how Miss Abigail’s advice seems to have survived the test of time.
For instance, Miss Abigail offers this advice for couples that wish to improve their relationship:
1. Decide together to make change.
2. Listen to what your partner has to say.
3. Don’t be critical.
4. Order some Chinese food.
5. When in doubt, get counseling.
It’s good advice, and it’s memorable. Call it the DLDOW law. (See? Campy.) I purchased a copy of Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating and Marriage at the show. It’s written by Abigail Grotke, who started the website on which the show is based. I’ll mail that copy + 2 free tickets to the show to one lucky person who comments on this post. Note: you must redeem the show tickets by Jan 2. Sorry. It took me about a month to write this post. It’s my fault that they are nearly expired. But the book doesn’t expire. I’ll pick the winner by 12/23.
Here’s the challenge: What age-old advice (from the 1950s or earlier) still makes sense for us today? What advice about relationships did you learn from your mother, grandmother or great grandmother that we all could benefit from?
Comment away.
If you don’t win, you can get discounted tickets by using this link and typing PROJECTHEART in as your discount code. The ticket price varies based on seating, but this show is quite affordable—and a steal with the generous discount that the show is providing PHEA readers. I believe it’s important for you to use the correct link or the discount code won’t work. I just know someone is going to email me and tell me that the discount code doesn’t work for them, so just one more time: this is the correct link.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Truly, Chinese food solves many problems!
Really listening to what others are saying is THE hardest thing.
It’s so simple, if couples truly would listen to this advice, that alone would create so much improvement! To me, the chinese food comment means enjoy each other! Don’t take yourselves so seriously and have some fun!
Here’s what my mother told me at the young age of 15 or so – give him a blow job so you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant. (no, my mom was not the best in the mom department)
From my three marriages – women being women and men being men is still sage advice. I’m old fashioned in that regard. Even tho I’m capable of working on a car, do repairs/remodeling of a house – I like when my man can take care of the manly jobs. (Now if my current hubby would get the trash to the curb, I’d really be happy – he quit that job and he won’t take it back.)
Marry someone who is your “best friend” – when the sex goes away, you’ll need someone who you can always talk with about everything, share your laughter as well as tears, someone who loves you the person, not just because you are a wife or a mom or a grandma (husband, dad, or grandpa), but because of who you are and what you mean to each other.
And, not that I expect my husband & I to no longer be intimate, but, I’m looking at various elderly in their 70′s, 80′s and more – hugs & kisses, holding hands, those are easy. When our bodies begin to age and “shut down” or “fall apart”, good conversation and a mutual respect for one another will be very improtant. JMO
I’m loving reading this comment thread.
My mother said, “Don’t go to marriage counseling. It only makes the divorce worse.” It’s not age-old advice but I say completely the opposite. When all else fails, allow someone with a fresh perspective and a couple of degrees in the subject to help you work it out.
My mom told me that it’ll take at least 10 years of marriage before you learn completely accept your spouse for who they are and get settled in for the long haul, so “unless he’s cheating or beating, you can overcome everything else.”
I love that advice, but unfortunately 1 and 5 rely on a husband’s participation. That said, my favorite advice from my grandmother, 10 years after her husband died and months before she did, was, “Have sex with as many people as you possibly can. I mean it.” I haven’t taken that advice or anything, but it was delivered with conviction and I will always remember it!
Hey! I live in Minneapolis and am going to NYC on Dec 27 to the 31st with my family! I’ve love to see Eve Plumb perform as I grew up watching her and wanting to be her. It be great to take in a show like this with my husband. Obviously it would be a good kick in the pants for our marriage. We’ll do whatever it takes to make this marriage work! Thanks for everything!
BTW, I think you should put your name all over the place! I had to look for it!
Alisa,
I was actually invited to this show also and I have a post/review about it on my blog. Additionally I have a set of tickets to giveaway and since many of my readers are not local to NY, I’d love to offer an additional set of tickets to your readers!
So if anyone is interested in a second chance to win, please visit the post below and comment or tweet to win a pair of tickets to see Miss Abigail (and that hottie Manuel!)
http://thehubbydiaries.wordpress.com/2010/12/13/giveaway-miss-abigails-guide-to-dating-mating-marriage/
Happy Holidays!
The Hubby Diaries´s last [type] ..My Own Christmas Elf
Advice given to me by my grandmother which I’m sure we have all heard is “Don’t go to bed angry”. My mother expanded on it by saying and never get larger than a queen size bed. My grandparents were married for 72 years and my parents were married for 50 years. As a child having the bedroom right next to my parents I heard many late night “discussions” and an awful lot of springs squeaking.
Yet ANOTHER Rockin post Alisa
Joanne you cracked me up with the squeaking bed comment. But what a lovely image of a loving couple.
I think so often it is human nature to reinvent the wheel when the old tried & true things still apply. One of my favorites is over 2,000 years old. Simply put, the Golden Rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. While it applies to life in general it REALLY applies in marriage.
How often in life do we see a spouse (not ours of course) do or say something & think “What if her/his spouse did/said the same about/to YOU”? Kind of goes back to your hidden camera marriage post. I like many have really learned from that one & now often ask myself “what if there were a camera in the room? Would I still do the same?. If not then I just don’t do it. So my personal fav would be the Golden Rule.
You ROCK
Ron
Some of you had wonderful advice from your mother’s and grandmothers. My mom’s only advice was men are dogs. My grandmother was almost the same as my mom.
The one person who taught me what marriage was and how to make it successful was my grandad. My Grandad took care of my grandmother who was a quadrapeligic. My grandmother was rear ended by a drunk driver in the early 1970′s. He was responsible for cooking everything, cleaning everything and all of my grandmothers needs. He refused to hire a home health nurse and spent forty years putting her to bed and getting her up. He dressed her, replaced cathaters, bathed her, brushed her hair,etc. He did everything for her. He spent forty years loving a woman that had nothing left. He fell in love with her and stayed when things got really hard. My grandmother passed away June 12th, 2008. My grandfather passed away seven weeks to the second after her. I really think his work was done here. He took care of the love of his life and had nothing left to do.
On November 1, 2008 I married a man just like my grandad. So he taught me what marriage was. He taught me the sacrafice you will make for someone you love.
My grandfather was born in the 1920′s so that is really old advice.
Angela P…. What a wonderful story of selflessness in love. Today’s marriages seem to be For better until it gets worse instead of together come what may. I think the downward spiral started with the phrase “Look out for number one!” Love can’t grow and thrive if all we care about is our own happiness above all else.
When my mom got really sick with a neuralgia she developed from undiagnosed shingles she couldn’t be touched by anything even clothes on her back and breasts was painful. My dad used to get up each morning and wrap her in saran wrap so she could stand to put a shirt on. I know if that happened to me Ray would be able to wrap me each day to ease my pain. We still have problems but as you pointed out being there for each other is a huge part of love.
I really needed your story today. I need to give my husband a hug.
Alisa; So many times your posts and the wonderful people who contribute Humble me! I am becoming a better person because of this blog.
A quick note to tell you that I just received your book, I cannot wait to start reading it. I LOVE your picture on the jacket, very pretty.
Cat’s Cooking: Glad you got your book! Hope you enjoy it!
As a nurse I often ask my patients who have been married like 40+…”So what’s the secret?” Something I’ve heard a lot is, “Never go to bed angry.” I think it’s good advice to follow. Also my great-grandmother kind of unknowingly provided me some important advice many years ago. I remember asking her if she loved her husband for them moment she met him. It had been an arranged marriage and they really didn’t know each other for a long period of time prior to getting married. She didn’t get into specifics but she made it clear that it was definitely NOT exactly love at first sight, and she said that she “learned to love him”. At the time, I thought that was an odd response, but I understand it now. Even though we obviously are not in arranged marriages, once you get past the point in your relationship with your husband of butterflies and flowers and hearts everywhere, you might be asking yourself questions like, “Who is this? And how did I not realize how annoying it was when he did that when we were dating?” I think that’s when you have to “learn to love” your husband, and it’s worth it. Which is what this blog is all about, right? Many thanks Alisa for your insightful posts that always make me think!
The most true advice that’s not really advice that was given to me: “Marriage is hard. Don’t expect that it will be easy now that you have found the one you love & want to be with. Marriage isn’t easy and if you expect it to be you will be disappointed.” It’s helped me to know that there are others (many) who also have struggled.
I’ve picked the winners. I picked one by random drawing and one because I knew she could actually use the prize. They are Rose and Rebecca. I’ll be in touch about how to redeem. Thanks for playing!
I like Angela P’s story – and agree with Joanne; it is a lesson to us all if we want to have a long and happy marriage. Also agree with Joanne’s comment about people only staying in a marriage until they think it has got worse rather than making a life-long commitment. I thought Pam summed up the same sentiment well with her commment “unless he’s (or she) is cheating or beating, you can overcome everything else”. Couldn’t have put that better!