Yeah not in a million years would most of you consider this a marriage book, right? After all, it’s an anthology about women who leave men for other women. You might think that, if anything, it’s a divorce book.
Here’s why I think otherwise. Dear John, I Love Jane, at its essence, is a book about attraction and it’s a book about love. How many of you are struggling with one or both of the following niggling fears:
I’m not sure I was ever attracted to my spouse. Did I marry the wrong person?
I’m not sure if my spouse was ever attracted to me. Did my spouse marry the wrong person?
And then you come to a site like mine and you read advice about how attraction can be manufactured. You gulp down what I have to say about soul mates not existing, about attraction waning from most long term relationships that are not properly tended to, and about false expectations. This gives you hope.
But still. Still—there’s that thought. There’s that fear.
And that’s where Dear John, I Love Jane comes in. Dear John includes essays from several women who thought they were straight, wanted to be straight or pretended to be straight for many years. Some of these women were attracted to their husbands. Some of them weren’t. Some of them wanted to be attracted to their husbands. Most desperately wanted their marriages to work. Many wanted to fit into what they considered the societal norm and to keep their families intact. Some didn’t know they were gay until the moment the love of their life (a woman) walked into their life. Others always knew it, but didn’t know what to do with that knowledge.
Still these marriages had a fatal flaw. These women eventually realized that they were not married to the right people.
It’s for this reason that I’ve included it in the Marriage Books You’ll Love series.
If you want to know what a terminal absence of attraction feels like, read this book. If you want to know what it feels like to love two people in two different ways, read this book. If you want to break out of the black and white mindset about what attraction is and is not, read this book. If you want insight into how these women made that very difficult decision of whether to stay or go, read this book. If you’ve always wondered somewhere in the back of your mind if you could possibly be gay, read this book.
If you are looking for something to distract you while you are flying from one side of the country to the other (as I was recently) read this book.
It will help you pass the time. It will help you feel normal. It will help you answer your deepest unanswered questions.
Next up in the series: How to Sleep Alone in a King Size Bed.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
My sister would have loved this book
I’m 27 years old, and this is the second time in my whole life that i’ve heard (read) the word “niggling”, and both happened within three days of each other. The first time was a few days ago in a crossword puzzle. Very strange!
I’m not sure about this one, Alisa, but I’ve added it to my Amazon wish list. I trust your judgement. I’ll let you know what I think.
Mary–you know what’s odder. I don’t know if I’ve ever typed the word “niggling” before. I’m not even sure if I used it correctly.
I’d add one fear to the list. A lot of my married female friends have admitted that sometime (usually early on in marriage) they had the panicked fear of “What if my husband is actually gay?”
I think that, too, is a really normal fear . . . although this book probably doesn’t help calm the nerves on that topic! Haha.
Mrs. Levine….hum. Just wait til I get to Can’t Think Straight (another book in the series).
Alisa;
You used the word correctly “niggling”, that little feeling in the back of your mind that you could be missing something or some understanding.
I have no comment about the blog today. Amazing.
I love the word “niggling” tho. I don’t use it much. But I love the word.
Alisa, from my viewpoint and limited grammar abilities – you used the word correctly.
Alisa, you should work a deal with Amazon for promoting so many of these books, My cart is filling up on Amazon – I can’t wait to read these books!!
I’m currently reading “for better or best” and “if only he knew” by Gary Smalley. I can’t remember if these were suggestions from you or from Amazon’s ‘people who shopped…’ feature. But I would love to hear your (and any one else that has read or might read or will read) opinions on them.
“Niggling” – a nagging feeling? Neat! New word for me today too!
I agree with Marissa about Amazon. Altho it is my wish list that is filling up, not my cart
I admit I did not add “Dear John, I love Jane” today. I added “if only he knew” that Marissa suggested – hadn’t seen that one before. I am a big fan of Kevin Leman’s books – Have a New Husband by Friday, and Have a New Kid by Friday. I want him to write one called Have a New Wife by Friday for my husband to read! The husband book basically explained by husband’s behavior to me and gave me ideas about how to deal with it better. I’d love it if someone explained ME to my husband so he would know how to deal with me better! I think hubby would read it too – just because of the casual way Dr Leman writes.
Zoe´s last [type] ..LOVE my Mug Warmer!
Niggling is a totally new word for me today as well. Learn something new everyday
Ya know in my first marriage there was never that huge physical attraction for my wife. But she was a really good person & I fell in love with so many other qualities. But never once did I see a mans hairy butt & go…Ohhh baby, Gotta get me some of dat 
To each his or her own I guess…LOL
My beloved does have a gay friend & former boss who married early in life & divorced when he admitted to himself who he was. He & his ex actually parted on good terms though & worked through all the anger. I admire them for that.
I hope you add Harville Hendrix’s books to your reading list – I’ve gone on about him in previous blogs and still think he’s the best author (present company excepted, of course!) I’ve read on marriage issues.