Stripped Down, by Tony and Alisa Dilorenzo is a new book that takes a Christian perspective on intimacy of all types (it’s not just about sex). They are selling an autographed copy for $16.95 and the ebook for $12.
A bunch of writers recently worked together to create a good thing. As you may or may not know, every aspect of the writing industry (books, magazines and newspapers) is in a shrink mode at the same time. Writers are out of work. Freelancers are struggling to find work. And recent college grads with journalism degrees about as employable as art majors. Well these writer friends of mine snubbed the economy (and traditional book publishing, too). They collaborated on a book. It contains essays from some of the top writers in the industry. Called Fits, Starts and Matters of the Heart, it’s a great gift book. And when you buy it, you are directly helping a large number of struggling writes to survive.
Woman’s Day recently quoted me in an article titled 4 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage. I understand that I’m also quoted in a current issue of Parents magazine. The article is not yet available online.
Andrea Frazer who writes “My So-Called Sex Life” for Good Housekeeping recently mentioned me and my book on her blog. Loooooooove her.
I recently wrote a post about Why You Should Never Give Up on Your Book for my friend Jennifer Margulis at Sticking Your Next Out. The advice mostly applies to chasing a book publishing dream, but some of it spills over into any dream you might have.
Sabrina I think it is great that you are trying to reach out maybe someday I’ll be there too. Right now I’m concentrating on breathing in and out and not allowing this thing to swallow me up whole.
I don’t have a book about surviving divorce, but I do have experience – on my 3rd marriage – hence two divorces under my belt.
1. find a song to listen to that helps you cry, so you can let it out and get it out. I listened to Madonna’s “Love Doesn’t Live Here Anymore”. But don’t wallow in the grief. Allow yourself X amount of time each day if needed, but don’t stay there.
2. a platonic male friend is also very good to have. Mine helped me feel good about myself in the looks and brains department. (Also, if it’s a friend with benefits, it doesn’t hurt.)
3. girlfriends, not to vent to so much (but one or two for that is good), but to get you out of your head for a while. Also, if it’s a sticky divorce – financially &/or children – one that can help you sort thru all of that confusion and heartache and looking at your future. (I was there for my friend when she was going thru a sticky divorce with the finances and custody – she said it helped to have someone else take a look at the details for her.)
4. a really good attorney that will fight for what’s right.
If I remember correctly I did skim a book possibly called “How to survive the loss of a loved one” or something like that (this was 22 years ago). Divorce is very similar to death – there are a lot of emotions you have to get thru.
My last word of advice – don’t get into a rebound marriage. Take time to truly heal. I had a lot of rebound relationships after my first marriage broke up. I didn’t take the time to heal my wounds. Hence the 2nd marriage about two years after the first one ended. I was young and scared of being a single parent. And I wasn’t much into girlfriends at that point in my life. Now I get the value of girlfriends.
Sabrina– I don’t. But I think the community here can help you. Also there is a site called Divorce 360. I don’t know much about it, so I don’t know if I am putting you onto a good or a bad thing. But it is out there and people talk about it. Might be worth surfing around. Take care of yourself. We’re all here for you!
Thank you all for the advice. I might look at the website Angela, but I dont want to get into a woe is me sort of thing. I more want to learn how to heal and move on and get all the anger and hate out of my system. I want my daughter to come out of this unscathed (sp). I know I will be fine eventually, but this pit is swallowing me up. I will continue to come to this website for support because you guys are just AWESOME.
Kathy, it will be hard, because I am essentially alone in this state, my step parents are moving to FL next week, so that is the extent of family. I do have 3 friends here that are willing to look out for me. There is my SIL and MIL who want to be there for me, but I know that they are HIS family and will be there for him, more than me, so I have to take that with a grain of salt.
Joanne, feel free to email me and we can go through this together. Alisa can give you my email if you want to take me up on that offer. Maybe we can be each other’s divorce support team .
I’ll take you up on that offer. Maybe with us caring, sharing, and helping each other through this it will help us heal individually. My situation is complicated by the fact that Ray refuses to leave the house and I can’t afford to support two households ( I being the breadwinner and all) so I have to stay. We have separate rooms and I am out of the house working as much as possible so I don’t have to see him but it is still difficult. He isn’t going to make this easy either because he wants me to move out or go back to playing house with him and give up all this nonsense.
Kathy is right though you will need support, I would suggest taking advantage of some counseling. There are plenty of women’s service groups that can point you in the direction of low or no cost counselors. It will be important to help you deal with the depression.
I have been divorced and I am now remarried to a much better man. You will survive what you are going through. I think it is great that you are mostly concerned for your daughter. I also agree with Kathy on two points: Don’t get into any rebound relationships and if you live near Albuquerque, NM you can get my email from Alisa also. I waited two years after my divorce to even date again. It served me well to learn who I was and what I really needed in a relationship. Also if you don’t live near me still get my email address. I get unlimited long distance on my cell phone. I would be happy to be your sounding board for divorce frustrations. Please take care of yourself too!
Joanne, I am sorry that Ray is making it difficult for you by staying.
Angela, i wouldnt mind dating just for the distraction, but I am definitely not going to be looking for anything serious for a long time. My faith in the male sex has been shattered and will take a LONG time to rebuild.
Sabrina,
The one state I don’t know anyone. I’m with Angela P., I have unlimited long distance.
I took nearly two years off men/dating after a bad short-term relationship. I should had taking the time off sooner, but we don’t always know what’s best for us when were going thru something.
Sabrina: I live in New Jersey and can certainly drive up for a weekend if you need a shoulder I just need to wait awhile till I’m a little stronger, that’s why I haven’t been responding to the blogs for awhile. Right now it wouldn’t take much for me to shatter so I’ve been keeping to myself. Sorry I can’t be of much help right now.
Joanne,
take as much time as you need. Our situations SUCK ASS and thats putting it nicely. Today isnt a bad day for me, so i am going out to dinner and drinks with 2 girlfriends. I went out and got 2 pairs of shoes and a new coat, and my mother in law bought me an outfit (she knows what a POS her son is). So here is to a good night
You girls rock. Joanne, good on ya for buying yourself an awesome car. Sabrina, I’m glad your MIL knows who her son is.
My smart arse comment on the title: “How to sleep alone in a king size bed” – spread out baby, it’s all yours. I loved my king size bed after my 2nd divorce.
My thoughts are with you both, Joanne and Sabrina, while you are going thru these trying times. But I always believe there is a silver lining in every hardship. Even if we don’t see it immediately – it will show itself.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Alisa,
Do you have any book recommendations about surving a divorce and life after divorce. That would be extremely helpful for me right now.
Thanks for the links! I just read the 10 secrets of Marital Success. It was good!
Sabrina, there is a support group for all things at http://www.dailystrength.com. They have a breakup and divorce group that seems supportive.
I was wrong…
it’s http://www.dailystrength.org
Sabrina I think it is great that you are trying to reach out maybe someday I’ll be there too. Right now I’m concentrating on breathing in and out and not allowing this thing to swallow me up whole.
Sabrina,
I don’t have a book about surviving divorce, but I do have experience – on my 3rd marriage – hence two divorces under my belt.
1. find a song to listen to that helps you cry, so you can let it out and get it out. I listened to Madonna’s “Love Doesn’t Live Here Anymore”. But don’t wallow in the grief. Allow yourself X amount of time each day if needed, but don’t stay there.
2. a platonic male friend is also very good to have. Mine helped me feel good about myself in the looks and brains department. (Also, if it’s a friend with benefits, it doesn’t hurt.)
3. girlfriends, not to vent to so much (but one or two for that is good), but to get you out of your head for a while. Also, if it’s a sticky divorce – financially &/or children – one that can help you sort thru all of that confusion and heartache and looking at your future. (I was there for my friend when she was going thru a sticky divorce with the finances and custody – she said it helped to have someone else take a look at the details for her.)
4. a really good attorney that will fight for what’s right.
If I remember correctly I did skim a book possibly called “How to survive the loss of a loved one” or something like that (this was 22 years ago). Divorce is very similar to death – there are a lot of emotions you have to get thru.
My last word of advice – don’t get into a rebound marriage. Take time to truly heal. I had a lot of rebound relationships after my first marriage broke up. I didn’t take the time to heal my wounds. Hence the 2nd marriage about two years after the first one ended. I was young and scared of being a single parent. And I wasn’t much into girlfriends at that point in my life. Now I get the value of girlfriends.
Sabrina– I don’t. But I think the community here can help you. Also there is a site called Divorce 360. I don’t know much about it, so I don’t know if I am putting you onto a good or a bad thing. But it is out there and people talk about it. Might be worth surfing around. Take care of yourself. We’re all here for you!
Thank you all for the advice. I might look at the website Angela, but I dont want to get into a woe is me sort of thing. I more want to learn how to heal and move on and get all the anger and hate out of my system. I want my daughter to come out of this unscathed (sp). I know I will be fine eventually, but this pit is swallowing me up. I will continue to come to this website for support because you guys are just AWESOME.
Kathy, it will be hard, because I am essentially alone in this state, my step parents are moving to FL next week, so that is the extent of family. I do have 3 friends here that are willing to look out for me. There is my SIL and MIL who want to be there for me, but I know that they are HIS family and will be there for him, more than me, so I have to take that with a grain of salt.
Joanne, feel free to email me and we can go through this together. Alisa can give you my email if you want to take me up on that offer. Maybe we can be each other’s divorce support team
.
Thanks again everyone.
Sabrina:
I’ll take you up on that offer. Maybe with us caring, sharing, and helping each other through this it will help us heal individually. My situation is complicated by the fact that Ray refuses to leave the house and I can’t afford to support two households ( I being the breadwinner and all) so I have to stay. We have separate rooms and I am out of the house working as much as possible so I don’t have to see him but it is still difficult. He isn’t going to make this easy either because he wants me to move out or go back to playing house with him and give up all this nonsense.
Kathy is right though you will need support, I would suggest taking advantage of some counseling. There are plenty of women’s service groups that can point you in the direction of low or no cost counselors. It will be important to help you deal with the depression.
Sabrina,
If you’re anywhere near Dallas, TX, get my email from Alisa.
Also, if you need a “girlfriend”, I can be that for you. Or I may know someone where you do live. I have friends/family in all time zones.
Take care.
Joanne, you know how to reach me.
Hey Sabrina,
I have been divorced and I am now remarried to a much better man. You will survive what you are going through. I think it is great that you are mostly concerned for your daughter. I also agree with Kathy on two points: Don’t get into any rebound relationships and if you live near Albuquerque, NM you can get my email from Alisa also. I waited two years after my divorce to even date again. It served me well to learn who I was and what I really needed in a relationship. Also if you don’t live near me still get my email address. I get unlimited long distance on my cell phone. I would be happy to be your sounding board for divorce frustrations. Please take care of yourself too!
You ladies know anyone in Rhode Island.
Joanne, I am sorry that Ray is making it difficult for you by staying.
Angela, i wouldnt mind dating just for the distraction, but I am definitely not going to be looking for anything serious for a long time. My faith in the male sex has been shattered and will take a LONG time to rebuild.
Sabrina,
The one state I don’t know anyone. I’m with Angela P., I have unlimited long distance.
I took nearly two years off men/dating after a bad short-term relationship. I should had taking the time off sooner, but we don’t always know what’s best for us when were going thru something.
Sabrina: I live in New Jersey and can certainly drive up for a weekend if you need a shoulder I just need to wait awhile till I’m a little stronger, that’s why I haven’t been responding to the blogs for awhile. Right now it wouldn’t take much for me to shatter so I’ve been keeping to myself. Sorry I can’t be of much help right now.
Joanne,
take as much time as you need. Our situations SUCK ASS and thats putting it nicely. Today isnt a bad day for me, so i am going out to dinner and drinks with 2 girlfriends. I went out and got 2 pairs of shoes and a new coat, and my mother in law bought me an outfit (she knows what a POS her son is). So here is to a good night
Sabrina:
I have you beat, I went out and bought a 1968 Austin Healey convertible bright red.
Boys and their toys my ass. My daughter does auto body work and is really good so this is a mother daughter project.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, THAT IS AWESOME. Good for you.
Sabrina and others in the same situation: I just head about this author, site and book and I think it might be helpful: http://www.facebook.com/pages/How-to-Sleep-Alone-in-a-King-Size-Bed/226636320553?ref=ts
Thank you Alisa. I will definitely look into this.
You girls rock. Joanne, good on ya for buying yourself an awesome car. Sabrina, I’m glad your MIL knows who her son is.
My smart arse comment on the title: “How to sleep alone in a king size bed” – spread out baby, it’s all yours. I loved my king size bed after my 2nd divorce.
My thoughts are with you both, Joanne and Sabrina, while you are going thru these trying times. But I always believe there is a silver lining in every hardship. Even if we don’t see it immediately – it will show itself.