Last night I was writing a post for mcall.com when my husband walked up to me and said, “Kaarina can’t find her white cat.”
“Did you look for it?” I asked.
“Yes, and I can’t find it,” he said.
“Are you sure you really looked for it?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, sounding annoyed.
“Oh, al-right, I’ll look for it when I’m done with this, okay?!” I said, sounding way more annoyed than he had.
I was grumpy. I’d been grumpy all evening. I’d been grumpy when I’d taken a nap instead of going to the gym. I’d been grumpy when I’d asked my daughter to “Please stop talking” while in the car.
But it had not been my best week. On Monday I’d almost taken my daughter to school. I was on my way out the door when I’d happened to glance at the school lunch calendar and seen “school closed.” That had a major dent in my work production that day, not to mention my pride. I felt downright stupid for not knowing that Monday was a holiday.
Then, on Tuesday, I learned that my neighbor’s house was robbed over the weekend. I learned this when the police detective knocked on my front door to ask me a “few questions.” I answered the door just seconds after checking voice mail and listening to a message from my daughter’s school about how I hadn’t signed a permission slip for a field trip that was about to happen in five minutes. I asked the officer to give me a moment as I called the school, only to learn that they’d gotten a hold of my husband who’d taken care of it.
Then I talked to the officer. Then I ate four giant bakery sized chocolate chip cookies to self soothe.
And yesterday it was pouring rain. I went to retrieve my daughter from school. I stood in front of the school, as usual, for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain as I waited for the school to release the walkers. I had an umbrella and was wearing a raincoat, but the rain still soaked through my shoes and drenched the bottom of my pants.
It wasn’t fun. Right around the time I was thinking that it wasn’t fun I heard a “fancy meeting you here.” It was my husband. It was his day to pick up our daughter from school—not mine. I’d lost work time and gotten wet FOR NOTHING!
“Hey it’s better that we both show up than neither one of us showing up,” he joked.
“Yeah, sure,” I said, thinking that the “neither one of us” day was right around the corner at the rate I was going.
My husband was out last night. I spent the entire evening feeling cold and tired—and pining for bedtime.
So, yes, I was grumpy. So yes, when he came home for a brief 30 minutes and asked me about that stupid cat while I was desperately trying to get my last work assignment out of the way, I thought, “You were looking for the stupid pepper the other day and you asked me where it was and I told you it was in the spice cabinet and you said you had looked there and I’d asked if you really had looked there and you’d sworn that you really had but then I got up and I walked to the spice cabinet and I’d moved a few things around and, low and behold, I’d found the pepper right where I’d told you to look for it. That darn cat is in her room and you know it and you didn’t look very hard because her room looks like Hoarders Gone Wild and you don’t feel like dealing with it so you’re coming in here telling me you can’t find it because you’d rather I spend the time looking for it because you think your time is more valuable than mine. That’s what is really going on here!”
It could have been worse. I could have said all of that out loud.
By the time I finished writing my post, my daughter was asleep. I felt guilty for taking so long to look for her cat.
And then I watched Criminal Minds. And then I couldn’t get to sleep because I was too scared.
And then in the morning I woke up grumpy because, of course, I hadn’t gotten enough sleep and the sleep I had gotten had been fretful because I’d been dreaming about serial killers. Then I stepped on the scale and I saw a number that did one and only one thing: cause me to feel fat and grumpy.
Then I did something that I don’t usually do. I said, “Self, this has got to stop.”
So I meditated, and I meditated on the phrase, “I will make the effort to take care of myself.”
That helped—tremendously. I went from grumpy to bliss in just 10 minutes.
Then I got my daughter ready for school. We were running late. She asked me to find her cat.
I said, “YouGetYourselfReadyBecauseWeAreRunningLateICanOnlyLookForTheCatIf YouGetYourselfDressedLickeySplitIsThataDeal?”
She didn’t get herself dressed. I found the cat. As I did, I mumbled, “I KNEW he didn’t look for it.”
Then I got her dressed and rushed her off to school. As we were walking down the alley next to her school a huge minivan full of kids came barreling past. I thought, “Why don’t these damn people park a block or two from the school and just walk a block? Why do these lazy parents have to pull up right next to the school and run over us poor walkers in the process? Lazy good for nothing parents!”
Eh, yeah, grumpy was back. At least I didn’t give the minivan the finger.
The van parked. That’s when I noticed the big blue handicapped sign hanging over the rear view mirror.
And, yes, that’s when I felt incredibly guilty—yet again.
So I walked home and I took a shower in the hopes that a little soap might just wash the spiders out of my soul.
I was going to end this post with some self care tips, but, I have a better idea. Why don’t you all offer your best self-care tips in the comments? I obviously could use them.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I hate those days. Hell, I hate those weeks! It’s sort of a self-perpetuating cycle, isn’t it? You’re grumpy and don’t feel like doing anything but sleeping and eating junk food, and then you feel terrible about yourself and more grumpy and MORE inclined to just eat junk food and lay on the couch…
I don’t have any answers, but I think talking about it helps. Calling a girlfriend and going for a walk and gabbing for an hour. Even posting about it on my blog. Or going for a walk by myself and listening to an audiobook. Having a glass of wine and going to bed early for a change to make sure I’m well-rested. Forcing myself to the gym to a class I know I enjoy (even if I’m having a hard time getting myself there). And if all else fails, I drive home, alone, to my parents’ house for a day or two and just bask in being near to my mom, who always comforts me. Sometimes it helps only for a few minutes, and sometimes it helps for a while. All you can do is keep trying, I guess!
JenA´s last [type] ..32 Things About My Husband
Wow – sounds like you need a nice weekend away from everything. Or maybe just a big glass of wine.
I don’t have any real tips, but don’t worry you’ll snap out of it. You’re probably just trying to do too much at once.
Hope you feel better soon!
Figments of a Mom´s last [type] ..Dog Walk Photo Diary 1
I find some comfort that I am not the only one that has days/weeks like this. I have 3 kids and for some reason it is almost always my 13 yr old that I am late picking up, dropping off, forgetting to sign some paper about something that he can’t do unless I sign it. He’s the busiest of the 3 and things are always changing with his schedules so I write it down then I get 3 e-mails about time changes and I end up getting mixed up between football and hockey or the ex picks him up and doesn’t bother to phone so I wait 30 minutes here and there outside of rinks and sports fields looking like a jackass incompetent mother. Then furious with everyone, especially myself.
Somewhere in there are 2 other kids and me working full time shift work, and a 5 year marriage that hasn’t been a bed of roses lately.
I am the wage earner, the one that pays the mortgage, worries about bills, plans for the future and it is exhausting hauling that load around plus just daily life. I have always said that I need a wife. Somebody to keep the home in order, love to cook and live to do laundry. If they could do some small repairs around the house that would be nice as well!
My self care tips? Well I try to gather the family into the same vicinity and have a small rant that includes the line “Work with me people!” Then we update and revise the calendar (of which I am buying one the size of the living room wall for next year) so that I don’t look and feel like an incompetent jackass in the upcoming few days.
I also allow myself some alone time and most importantly sleep because I am running on about 3-4 hours a day or night sometimes.
My little attempt at humor is to read my youngest the book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” it makes me smile even on my crankiest days and then I can apologize for being such a bag to my little guy who sometimes gets the cast off frustration. I’ve told him to “PLEEZE just stop talking for 5 minutes” and “Take that toy downstairs to play” and all he’s doing is just being a normal little kid.
Thankfully I guess is the fact that I recognize I’m being a cranky bag, I wish I could fend it off a lot better. But when your life feels like you are running through chest deep mud with a lot of financial and grown-up burdens on your shoulders you need someone to throw you a rope sometimes.
It sounds like a bad week, I agree. I saw your post on Facebook @ Chocolate Chip cookies being the best medicine, I have to agree! I love them! Could use a few right now.
I’m sorry you had a sucky week, I was in a bad mood on Monday–for a variety of reasons. I just was not a happy camper, and instead of fighting it–I decided to just go with it. I stopped being short with people and changed my attitude towards others (no point in spreading negativity around) but I did NOT try and feel better instantly. Why? Because it just wasn’t going to happen and sometimes, we’re all entitled. I KNEW that in a few hours, or perhaps the next day, I WOULD feel better, and I did!
Sometimes we get impatient or forgetful or just grumpy–we’re human, and that’s okay. As long as we don’t go around taking it out on others, I don’t see a problem with it. Plastering a smile on our face when we’re clearly not happy doesn’t do any good either–unless we’re severely depressed and then sometimes faking it ’till we make it CAN be helpful, but I digress. A bad mood is sometimes nothing more than a bad mood.
Anyway….
Thanks for sharing this story. And about the losing things–is deal that once you become a wife you become the designated finder of all things lost? I’m sure it’s worse when you become a mother, but so far, it happens as a wife too. I lose stuff all the time so I really can’t judge, but it is something I’ve noticed.
I’m sorry about your neighbor’s house being robbed, that’s scary. And as for nightmares about Serial Killers, perhaps you shouldn’t watch those shows right before bed. I know you love crime shows, but whatever I watch right before I go to sleep (or even think about right before I go to sleep) I always end up dreaming about. Just an observation.
I hope your weekend and following week go better!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
I am on the grumpy train too. Men are missing the “find it” gene somehow. It can be right there, staring them in the face and they somehow cannot see the item they are looking for. I don’t know why I have a homing device in my head that leads me to the exact location of every item we own, but I do.
I got to say I love reading your posts eventhough I am happily single and have no kids I still love to read about marriage advice for future reference. My past relationship was a ‘open question’ forum in one of your posts about my bf not working for 3 yrs and we’ve been in a long-term relationship for 9 yrs etc and I was pulling out my hair trying to figure out how get him the perfect job. It turned out to an emotionally abusive relationship that I left 4 months ago.
But anyways, I could feel the stress emanating from your story. But my self-care tip (s) would be get some exercise, go running and hit the pavement w/ your grumpiness and turn up the music while you run. Do some explosive exercise like stairs or weights and turn your negative energy into something productive.
Also, what helps me is to just turn on music and dance/sing to it and be silly. And one more thing: find something to laugh about. Laugh heartily, find someone that makes you laugh and laugh together. Laughter always dissipates grumpiness.
Alisa, you need a day of Nothingness. A day all to yourself. Let hubby take care of the kid and himself. You can take care of the dog. That’s it! When I’m like you’re describing (which has been more frequent of late due to depression and who knows what all), I need a day to myself. Monday was my b-day and I was seriously grumpy. Hubby and I’d had a huge fight on Sunday because yet again he didn’t do what I’d asked for my birthday. (No, I know better than for him to read my mind – I actually tell him, exactly what I want done.) I didn’t even answer the phone when my friend called (as she does every year) to sing me Happy Birthday. And then of course she said on the message: “I told you I’d call about 9 O’clock”. And my thought was “well yes, I’m just sitting here waiting for you to call, NOT!!!”.
I finally felt better after getting my 3rd tattoo – a little (or a lot) of pain got me right out of my grumpiness. Actually, it was doing something just for me, that I really wanted to do that got me out of my grumpiness.
So that’s my advice/suggestion: do something just for you. And then don’t feel guilty about it.
I tell my husband I’m having a really hard day (or week) and that I just need him to lay down with me and hold me and pet my head just hold me without talking if I cry. I get this feeling of being completely surrounded by love which helps me a LITTLE in finding some love from myself toward myself again. Cuddling with my husband is what I imagine would feel like to be in the presence of God except that would be to the power one million. So, basically, physical touch but not in the sexual sense helps me to regain a little self love…
Usually bad days and weeks are a sign to me that I’m resisting life. I’m in a “Don’t Wanna” mode, throwing an adult fit—quietly grumpy. It helps to admit it to myself and meditate on how I, and everyone else, are exactly where we’re supposed to be. It helps bring me back into harmony with God instead of resisting Him.
Breathing, and meditating everyday is my best self care. Letting go of my need to be right, and accepting that everyone has the human right to be who they are, nurturing and accepting my inner self, these are my self care practices. Taking time for myself helps but only when I’m good with life, not as means to get good with it.
Hope this makes sense, and/or helps.
Rule I: do not ever watch any of those CSI’s, etc., especially before bedtime. I think those programs are making all of us crazy with fear. It definitely did not help that your neighbor’s house was robbed–that actually kept me up last night.
Rule II: keep a daily detailed list of everything you have to do every day (and check the calendar on the wall as you make it out). This advice comes from the person who “missed” an art show opening in which she had two paintings accepted and a performance of Capitol Steps because she did not look at the calendar during the past 7 days.
Rule III: Laugh at all the screwups. And remember: they make great material for your posts, which we all love!
@ Groovy Granny: I love your rules. We have a white board monthly calendar up on the wall by the kitchen table and a large weekly one too. The weekly one works well for regular scheduled weekly things, like dance classes or volunteer times. The monthly one works well for all the extras, like my oldest daughter’s work schedule. With myself in school, my kids in all sorts of activities, and homeschooling, this central schedule area really helps. The large white board calendar has a cork board area where all their daily goals with school work get posted.
I love CSI shows but have to agree with you. And this week’s show was scary to me and that’s not normal for me.
And do you know that old black and white movie with the song, “Gotta Dance”? I have Gotta Laugh running through my head like background music all the time.
Thanks!
I haven’t posted for quite a while for many reasons primary of which is that yes I have stopped looking for unicorns and it has me very disappointed because I’ve never settled before in my life and I guess I just don’t do it well. This wouldn’t work for me now but in the past when I was in your place Alisa I knew I just needed to regroup. I would call a Burt mental health day. That would mean the kids would stay home from school, I would dismiss work from my mind. We would stay in our PJs all day watch Anne of Green Gables and Star Wars (I had both girls and boys), eat peanut butter and jelly sandwichs, macaroni and cheese( the cheap stuff), and sit on the floor building every legos set we had making notes of any pieces missing so we could write the lego company and get replacement pieces. There would be no cleaning, cooking or even teeth brushing for one day and we would let the world go on without us. The kids felt better, I felt better and you know what the world was still right where I left it the day before, I was just much more rested and able to deal with it again.
Step back, chill with your daughter, invite your husband if you must and let the world go away for one day. I can send you the complete set of Anne of Green Gables or Star Wars if you think it will help.
Much Care;
Joanne
Joanne–welcome back! I came very close to tracking you down like a worried momma hen. Glad you are basically okay. Hang in there.
Forgot the stupid button again.
Oh I love Joanne’s advice I wish I could allow myself one of those days.
On grumpy days I run to my favourite sitcom and veg out. I also meditate on a favourite chapter in the bible. Oh I go to the hairdresser when I am really really grumpy… a new hairstyle does wonders for the mood
Alisa I had to laugh at you and the mumble about knowing that he didn’t look… I tell my husband all the time that if something doesn’t hit him on the head he is not going to find it. One of my pet peeves LOL
On days/weeks like that you should up the meditation time
Gayle´s last [type] ..9 Things Every Couple Must do!
Joanne, I’m too glad you’re back! I noticed though you’re just JoAnne–not that it’s any of my business, but for so long, you were “JoAnne & Ray,” just wondering…..
I LOVE your idea, though, about taking a “mental health day”. I think they should be required just like sick days…..veg out, do nothing, eat cheap food, no cooking/cleaning or anything remotely like it.
I also agree with Gayle–normally, I’m not a huge TV-watcher….I like certain things, but when I’m down, I LOVE to veg out while watching my favorite Sit-Coms. If it takes a Sitcom to make me laugh, than so be it!
I hope this week has been better for you, Alisa!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
I laughed through this one. We have two dobermans, two mutts and two cats. I have to play find the animal a lot with my husband. One of my dogs, DB, is deaf so she is fun to find. I hate playing find the grocery items. Or even better is “Honey have you seen my prescription?” He is diabetic and that one kills me. I usually let go of an f-bomb for that. I really am with Martha, men are missing the “find it” gene.
As for self care I can’t help with that one this week. I am off of work in fifteen and I am planning on a nice hot bath.
Yes, great to regroup and take stock when life gets stressful!
there are lots of cheap foods on the market that taste like crap but there are good quality ones too :
This is pretty retroactive and I have no self-care tips; but I just wanted to say, thanks for leaving the post unresolved. I’m having a pretty frustrating week right now, and I have no idea how to fix it–and sometimes there’s nothing you can do but let it happen. Seeing that you obviously have written posts since October of last year, and everything turned out alright, I guess that’s that
So, when Im feeling like that, I try to stop and ask is there anything really wrong? Probably nothing is actually wrong. Try to get away from work. I don’t have kids and I fear them because of the 24/7 reason. Anyway, I accept whatever is going on sensation-wise and focus on the little nice things around.