In a couple weeks, I will become a woman of a certain age. This does not embarrass me, and it doesn’t make me feel wistful for my youth-gone-by either.
At this so-called halfway point in life, I have no regrets. My life is exciting, and it is filled with opportunity and with people who love and adore me.
A woman on the verge of 40 could not ask for any more.
More important, I’ve already given myself the one thing I wanted this year. It’s a trip to Italy, and I’ll be taking it with one of my closest friends in late September. The only other thing I want—a really cute pair of shoes—my daughter and husband will be buying me.
My life is rich.
Yet, the lives of others are so poor.
So for anyone who was even thinking of buying me something this year: please don’t.
Instead, I would much prefer that you donate to one of the following causes.
Drummer Guy
Anyone who frequents the ProjectHappilyEverAfter comments area is familiar with Drummer Guy. He’s a regular. During the past couple of months, I’ve smiled I-don’t-know-how-many-times when Drummer Guy (whose real name is Ron) helped various readers with his kind words, advice, and insights. As far as I’m concerned, he’s a part of the family.
Drummer Guy is married to a woman who he always refers to as his “beloved.” She is dying from liver disease, an ailment that she probably got from dental work done many years ago. She needs to be on about 23 different expensive prescription medications. She has been hospitalized numerous times for the disease. She’s supposed to follow a special diet that requires the purchase of an array of expensive food items.
Even though the couple has health insurance, they now owe more than $200,000 in medical bills. The situation is so dire that Ron is forgoing expensive heart meds that he needs to stay healthy because he can’t afford them. His home is in foreclosure. His bank account is overdrawn.
He and his wife are hardworking people who have been devastated by disease.
He and his wife need your help. Please consider sending money orders or Wal-mart gift cards (he’ll use them to purchase his groceries) his way. I don’t want to publish his address on the Internet, so here’s what you can do.
Email me alisa (at) alisabowman (dot) com with “Yes, I want to help Drummer Guy” in the subject line. I’ll talk you through what to do from there.
Clean Water
I originally got the idea to donate my birthday from Seth Godin, who donated his 50th to My Charity Water, an organization that digs wells for people in third world countries. If I raise just $5000, it will supply water to 250 people. You can donate at my campaign page.
Starving Writers
The Writer’s Emergency Assistance Fund offers grants to writers who have suffered a serious financial tragedy. One year, for instance, the fund paid the mortgage for a single mom who was dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease. This allowed her children to remain with her during her last days.
This fund is maintained by volunteers. Its only operating cost is for the accountant who files various paperwork every year. You can learn more here.
Copyright 2010 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Well Alisa for once I don’t know what to say & I usually got a BIG mouth
Thank you so very much. This has been an ordeal that has been more difficult than I could ever put into words both financially & emotionally. It has been a six year ordeal that may be coming to a close. We just don’t know. She has been in really bad shape before & gotten somewhat better. But I am thankful she is still with me. 6 years ago the docs told me she probably would make it a year. So we just treasure every day we do have. Thanks Alisa & thank phea for being so caring & compassionate.
Ron
Oh & here’s a good idea that has nothing to do with me..lol Because of our financial situation we haven’t been able to donate money to the very many worthy causes that are out there. What we can donate is time. I play music for my church which enriches the worship experience. My beloved (before she took this lattest bad turn) worked on a volenteer basis one day a week called STARC. That stands for St Tammany Advocacy for Retarded Children. It is actually for the most part adults but most have the mental capacity of children. She is an artist so she teaches art. While we aren’t all artist or musicians we all have some gift we could share with others. Our church has a nursing home ministry. But I am sure if we looked we could all find something to do right in our own community that could use our time.
One thing I learned during this whole ordeal was just how good it makes you feel to do something for others. This illness made it impossible to give financially but we both had time & talent we could give. Also by doing so I have seen that no matter how bad it got there is always others in even worse situations. So when things are going bad do something to help others & it gives you great joy.
Ron
Thanks for this Alisa. I emailed you. My bday is tomorrow and my present to myself will be a check for Drummer Guy (hi Drummer Guy! I love your comments). And I’m totally in tears of happy-sadness about what a kind person you BOTH are.
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Thanks so much to both Alisa and Ron for your sincere passion for helping others. It’s a brutal world out there, and it brings me joy knowing there are folks like you guys.
I’m a recipient of the Writer’s Emergency Assistance Fund when my hubby went through a liver transplant several years ago, and my dear friend Lori Hall Steele is the single mom with Lou Gehrig’s you mentioned, Alisa. I know first-hand the blessings of that super fund for writers.
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I make a small monthly donation to WEAF, and I’d like to help out Drummer Guy as well. Sky high medical bills are one of the most common reasons people file for bankruptcy. What a terrible thing to deal with on top of a serious, possibly fatal illness.
Awesome post. I hope you will raise a lot of money to help out Drummer Boy. How did his wife get liver disease from dental work? That is frightening. Since my own cause is clean water in the USA, toxin-free, I am choosing to celebrate your birthday with a gift for clean water on your campaign page. Totally inspired here but your generosity and ability to think outside the box.
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Does she have HepC, Ron? That’s what resulted in my hubby’s liver transplant. He contracted HepC from rabies shots when he was a kid. Whatever the reason, sending all good thoughts your way.
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Hey Alexandra & Jane,
Yes she has Hep C Geno type 1B. It is the worst form of it you can get & has the lowest response rate to chemo (Interferion & ribovirin). Were not totally sure how she got it, dental is something the doctor through out as a possibilty. Another possiblity is when she had my oldest step son she had a c-section & required blood. 20-30 years ago dentist didn’t use autoclaves & blood wasn’t tested. But she has never been in any risk group for it. The doc told us that more than 20% of the cases can never trace where they got it.
She isn’t eligable for a transplant because after two rounds of treatment they weren’t able to clear it from her system & the disease would just attack the new liver. We had to stop after 6 weeks of the 2nd round because she became so enemic from it she nearly died. Also she is now in too bad a shape to withstand the surgery. She is already at end stage liver falier. She probably had it for 20+ years before she even showed symptoms. Some people have Hep C & never get symptomatic & live a long life with it but 50,000 people a year die awaiting transplant or they don’t qualify. Almost like the luck of the draw. Thanks everybody for all the kind words, thoughts & prayer. My beloved is really sick today & could use them
Many Blessings
Ron
Oh I’m so so sorry, Ron. There really is no rhyme or reason to it sometimes, and I know how devastating it can be. Please know I’m praying for you and your beloved.
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This post and resulting comments have left me speechless. The fact that Ron and his beloved have found the time to give of themselves while illness knocks the financial underpinnings from their life is more than amazing.
Alisa, I’m so impressed with you. Look for an email.
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Alisa, I think this is so awesome. I’ll have to find a charity that I truly trust and believe in and have friends give gifts to that charity for my future birthdays. I’ve gotten to the age/financial comfort, that if I want something, I go out and buy it myself.
Ron, I’ll see you on FB. Maybe we’ll work something out regarding those greeting cards.
What a generous friend you are! I’m so sorry for Ron and his beloved; heartbreaking.
Just beautiful. To think of what you can do to help others even when you’re having a hard time yourself, that’s something. Last year we “adopted” a grandpa in our area. Our family became so close and then when we moved recently–he was the one we’ve all missed the most. We still keep in touch by phone, but I miss getting hugs from him–and his snazzy ruler suspenders.
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I tweeted this one…a beautiful idea you have!
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Wow. Would like to leave a comment and can’t. I’ll make a donation instead.
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Alisa, You have certainly learned a lot in your (almost) 40 years; more than most of us learn in a lifetime. I’m in awe of your kindness. And Drummer Guy, I hope only for a miracle turnaround for your beloved. Life is not fair.
Today is my birthday, and I can’t think of a better thing to do than donate to Drummer Guy! Wow, it always seems like the people who are dealt the toughest cards are the ones who still manage to do the most for others. It is completely inspiring to hear about both of you volunteering, even though your wife has been sick. I’m so sorry for what you are going through, although you seem to be handling things with such grace. Good luck to you.
Drummer Guy,
I praise God for you and your beloved. I am praying for you both.
Peace Brother.
Drummer Guy;
Sorry I didn’t see this post before I left a message on your facebook. I’ll handle it through Alisa if you prefer. My B-day is on Saturday and I love your Idea Alisa, I’ll be emailing you.
One thing I do every year for my birthday is I send a thank you card to all the wonderful people in my life who make it all worthwhile.
Thanks everybody for all the kind words & offers of help. It has really touched my heart. Joanne I love the idea you have of sending cards on your birthday. I would have never thought of that. I will have to do that this Sep. I’ll be 29 for the 20th time
Thank you so very much everybody
Ron
I love how this blog reading family is coming together to help out in a time of need. It really shows how people actually do care and have time for others.
I got to help two other friends last night while on FB. One I’ve met in person. The other is a friend from an old message board I used to comment on.
I ended up getting very little sleep. But I was fulfilling a higher purpose.
Oh & happy birthday Joanne. I thought I would say so now. On Saturday my band is booked for a show at an area casino so I wont be online much. We have to do set up & sound check all day. It doesn’t pay very much but part of the contract is for a free room overnight at their hotel so I am not driving home at 2am (to many drunks on the road at that hour) & free meals. YEA!!!!! I’m gonna get the steak (a rare treat) & bring back some boiled shrimp for my beloved from the brunch buffet the next morning. They make GREAT food at these places. A neighbor will be siting with my beloved so I can go. Just depends on how she is doing that day. So:
Happy Birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday Joaneeeeee
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu!!!!!
I know my singing is tourture & banned by the Geneva Convention but isn’t it the thought that counts?…lol
Ron: You are precious!! Thank you
Alisa,
First let me wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I just happened to discover your site and I like the concept and what you’re doing.
I think it is great for you to do what you’re doing for your neighbor and people in general. Times are just difficult right now and it’s great that you reach out to help those in need and to support worthwhile causes.
I will make a monetary contribution to help Drummer Guy (a.k.a. Ron) when things get better for me financially, but something I can do is offer $10.00 off at my online gift store to anyone that makes a donation to Ron as a way to thank those that have donated and give others an incentive to donate. When a purchase is made for $25.00 or more, I’ll donate 15% to Ron and his “beloved”. I wish I could do more, but I hope I can follow your lead to use my online gift store to help others the way you have used this site to make a difference.
By the way Alisa, contact me so I can give you a small birthday gift for the positive work you’re doing and inspiring others to help those in need.
Sim Young
P.S. – Ron just hang in there and stay strong!!!
Happy Birthday Alisa, and an excellent and selfless way to celebrate it! An email is on it’s way to see what I can do to help Ron.
Hope you have a great day.
I love this idea. I turn 50 next year and I will plan something special for that, as you mention Seth G. did. What a great idea!
This is amazing, it doesn’t surprise me,(I mean that in a good way!) but it’s so cool! Your trip to Italy and shoes are pretty much my birthday wish too! Well, Italy, and maybe a nice Italian handbag to go with me! LOL! I think turning 40 would be awesome and personally, I’m looking forward to it….in about 13 years….BUT….each year is a gift, and each year is accomplishment! To survive AND thrive through 40 of them, BRAVO! I will email you @ Ron (Drummer Guy), I can’t give much, but I’m sure any little bit helps! And I think this is a great idea–my birthday is right next to Christmas and so I could always give one or other to charity, that is a wonderful idea! Thank you, Alisa, for your kindness and generousity!
Happy Early Birthday, Alisa, and here’s to 40 more–you definitely deserve it!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
Wow. This is a fabulous idea! Maybe I’ll create a charity page on my blog of organizations I support, so that when people are burning to give, I can point them there.
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Okay, so I’m late to the table on this one. Just want to say a belated happy birthday Alisa and that your generosity will be repaid in ways (not necessarily monetary but certainly karma-wise) for years to come.
Kudos to you for an idea I plan to emulate in my own modest way.
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