My I Don’t Suck List
And Why You Might Want an ‘I Don’t Suck List’, Too
I’ve had a sad, weepy day. Some of why I’m sad and weepy is, no doubt, chemical. I come from a long line of people who get sad and weepy whenever the barometric pressure drops, and today has been a dreary, drippy, rainy day.
Still, I have other more concrete reasons for my weepiness, but they fall into the category of topics that I don’t blog about. I know. I know. You find it fascinating that the woman who openly writes about how to give a blowjob and how to shave your bush has topics that are off limits on her blog.
But I do.
Let’s just overlook why I was feeling down and weepy, shall we? It’s beside the point. All you need to know is that I found something in the mailbox, and I interpreted it to mean this: I am the world’s worst writer.
That’s basically it.
End result: I went back to bed at 10 am. I pulled my knees into my chest and I felt so, so sorry for myself.
Eventually I channeled Tim Brownson. He asked, “Can you reframe this? Is it possible that you really don’t suck?”
I thought about that for a while. Then I thought about whether the real Tim would ask this question. Then I thought about emailing Tim to see if he would ask such a question.
And then I thought about calling my mother, because she surely didn’t think I sucked.
And then, for some reason, I didn’t email Tim or call my mother. Instead, I logged onto a writer’s group and I posted that I was feeling sucky.
Then I ate quite a bit of chocolate.
Then I went for a run. A quick aside: a big dose of chocolate followed by a run isn’t necessarily a good combination.
Still, during the run, I had a revelation. It was this. What I found in the mail that morning was NOT a message from the universe that said, “Your writing sucks.” No, it was a message from the universe that said, “Stop wasting your time and energy on crap and start focusing your energy on what matters.”
Yes, a door was closing, but another door had already opened. It had been open for a crazy long time. And the universe was all in my face and practically shouting, “Just walk through the dang door already!”
When I got back from the run, I couldn’t wait to write this post. Still in my stinky sweaty running clothes, I sat down at my computer. That’s when I found all sorts of emails from various writers who had read my Do I Suck? Post and who wanted me to know that I was the OPPPOSITE OF SUCK.
Oh, they told me all sorts of reasons I didn’t suck. They told me that I was their role model. They told me that I was funny, that I had a gift, and that I was kind.
And, just like that, I thought, “I need an ‘I don’t suck’ list.
So I mined the emails from these writers and I mined my “feel good folder,” which is full of emails I’ve gotten from blog readers, editors, clients and others over the years. What follows is my list.
People Tell Me I Don’t Suck Because…
- I’m funny
- I’m generous
- I’m kind
- I’m entertaining
- I write about blowjobs and nether grooming, and no one else has the balls to write about such things. Oh, and I write about balls, too.
- I’m brave (see #5 on why).
- I help people feel normal
- I help people feel better
- I help people feel less alone
- I help people feel possible
- I help people find courage
- I give people hope
- I help some people get through the day without having a nervous breakdown
- I have inspired others to start blogs, save their marriages, and make other important changes in their lives
- I have helped people understand themselves, their spouses and others around them
- I connect to people, and they connect to me
- I am an example of how to live with integrity
- I am a positive voice in the stew of negativity that is on the Internet
- I have a special insight into the human mind
- I am tapped into the heart and soul of women
- I am a rock’n and amazing person (curious if the person who emailed that to me will recognize himself?)
- My sex writing is conversational, but not base; friendly, but not ingratiating; honest, but doesn’t suffer from Emily Gouldism.
- I matter.
I’m amazed that I was able to come up with 23 pieces of evidence that I really don’t suck. When I started the list, I thought I might get to 3 or possibly 5. But 23? Wow. Maybe these people know what they are talking about, you know?
What I found so powerful about this little exercise was this: I wasn’t arguing with myself about why I didn’t suck. No, I was just looking at the evidence—at emails that other people had written to me over the years and what these people had told me without being coerced or paid to do so.
I’m guessing you have Suck Days, too. If so, I highly recommend creating a Feel Good folder. In it, store all of the evidence that you don’t suck. Then, once that folder is nice and thick, write your I Don’t Suck List.
It just might gag that devil on your shoulder once and for all.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really need a shower. I might not suck, but I sure do stink.
Why don’t you suck? Why do you matter? Do you have weepy days? How do you get through them? Leave a comment.
Note: I have not abandoned the By Your Request posts. But I do have one more unrelated post I’d like to write before I resume them.
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Tags: mood
May 22nd, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Hmmm..Who could have said you rock?
& no you DO NOT suck. Except with the hubby I guess & that is a good kind of suck lol. Just kidding with ya, hey you wrote about it…..ha! 
I look forward to writing my own list but the band has a show to do tonight so I gotta go rock in my own way. Keep up the GREAT work & keep rock’n 
May 22nd, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Something in the air yesterday mired me in the I-suck place, so I totally know those days and what can trigger them in our shared realities as writers.
You are all good things, and many more.
Roxanne @ Champion of My Heart´s last blog ..2010 Lilly Wellness Exam
May 22nd, 2010 at 7:08 pm
A feel good folder! Why didn’t I think of that?
I agree with your list, you are truly a generous, kind, open, lovely person and I’m very glad to know you.
My don’t suck/why matter list? Hmmm, without searching my emails, I’d say it’s because I’ve got unique perspectives, I’m intuitive, I seek to encourage others and most of all I am pretty darn spiffy and zesty.
(note: nobody has ever literally called me spiffy and zesty, but I am holding on to hope that this will happen one day)
May 22nd, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Loved this post. You definitely don’t suck. I will have to make myself why-I-don’t-suck list.
May 22nd, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Alisa…..You are a Role Model! So REAL!
I always refer back to God…who says I don’t suck and He loves me no matter what. (COGPOW: Child of God; Person of Worth). On a bad day, my husband or my daughters or my son will let me know that I am worthy. I thank God that I have a supportive family.
May 22nd, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Tracy: stop holding out hope. You ARE spiffy and zesty! And gosh dang cool, too.
May 22nd, 2010 at 9:05 pm
And those are exactly the reasons why I subscribe to your blog. Thank you for being (a non-sucky) you.
May 22nd, 2010 at 9:11 pm
Hey there, Alisa–
I’m too tired to write anything clever here (even though I admit I had hoped I could conjure something smart up), but just want to add to your list that you don’t suck because you truly care about other people and make us know that.
Sucky people don’t endeavor such things.
Big hugs,
Lara
May 22nd, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Perfect post for me today–thank you, thank you, thank you!
May 22nd, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Alisa, you suffer from SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder (or something like that). I have the same problem. If the sun isn’t shinning, I’m in a depressed mood. I hate when the sun doesn’t shine. I call myself a lizard – one that needs to lie on a rock in the sun.
Back in March I was seriously depressed (no I won’t take anti-depressants). One day I was still in my pajamas (men-style, with peach and yellow vertical strips – my favorite colors) and my feet were getting cold and the weather outside wasn’t helping my feet or my mood. I went and got the socks I was given in February during a medical procedure – the socks are purple, blue and yellow horizontal stripped – a complete and total clash with my pajamas. But the socks are very comfy and very slippery on hardwood floors. So, I went sliding thru my house. If I had to get to another room, I slid across the floor. This also made my dog very excited. (For once, she’s not the only one sliding on the floors.) Not only did it lift my spirits, but it got me out of the depression I’d been in for a month.
If you have hardwood floors, I highly recommend sliding on them with goofy looking socks.
Why don’t I suck – because I’m fun, funny and very giving and caring. I matter because I make sure other people know they matter to me.
May 23rd, 2010 at 12:04 am
Someone posted something on my Facebook wall today saying how hilarious–I thought it said “I” was–so I walked around all day feeling incredibly clever and hilarious sure that the universe completely understood me and totally loved me–later I got home and realized on my bigger screen than my phone-screen that it actually said how hilarious “it” was–”it” being something I didn’t even post but something THEY had sent ME.
Then I felt the opposite of understood and loved.
Later I thought, f*** that! I AM hilarious!
I decided to remember how good I felt earlier and how many good things happened to me today because I was feeling so good and if I have to go around pretending the world thinks I’m great then why not!?
Your post made me think of all this
Hang in sweetie Alisa. You don’t suck and I’m hilarious.
May 23rd, 2010 at 2:03 am
I totally have weepy days, and they tend to come in spurts. By the end, I’m sitting there thinking, “What is wrooong with meeee /whine whimper. It’s been like this for so loooooong /whimper moan.” I love the idea of an I Don’t Suck list, and I think I’ll make one as an antidote to my next bad day.
I also love that you recognized the sign to focus on what matters. I had one of those two days ago, along very similar lines. Rejection really telling me that I was, once again, focusing on things that don’t matter. No more of that!
Jess @OpenlyBalanced´s last blog ..Sustainability Saturday – #2
May 23rd, 2010 at 7:11 am
Hmm I musta forgot to check the notify me thing AGAIN lol
May 23rd, 2010 at 7:45 am
yesterday was a crap day for me, one of the days where i should wear a “warning – contents of this package are under pressure – and may explode” t-shirt. (in fact maybe i will make one and sell it on Cafepress… )
you do not suck. in fact your blog is one of the reasons I’m still married. so thanks for that.
I have a “Blue Day Journal” that i found at the bookstore, It is full of prompts for things you like… movies, foods, books, activities, etc…
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:58 am
I posted a reply last night and it’s not here today. Alisa, am I blocked?
May 23rd, 2010 at 9:00 am
Too bizarre. I didn’t see my reply from last and commented about not seeing it. And now it’s here. Very spooky!
May 23rd, 2010 at 10:33 am
Something is wrong with the comments not refreshing properly. I have a weird tech glitch going on.
May 23rd, 2010 at 10:58 am
I used to be a publich school teacher. I always had a folder that was labelled with “:)”. Inside it, I had things that made me want to keep teaching (letters from parents thanking me for teaching their child to love math, notes from kids that were going to miss me, college acceptance letters for kids I had tutored, etc.)
My husband is not the type of guy that will keep an “I Rock!” folder, so I keep one for him! When he is feeling down, I will give him an envelope with a quote about how awesome he is. They’re just random comments that someone made about how he cooks great pancakes or how wonderful he is with our children. Those comments are enough to chear him up on those “down” days.
May 23rd, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Oh honey. I know just how you feel. You are not the world’s worst writer. You are the best. And the nicest person. And whatever was in your mailbox… let’s just say I’m going to come over and punch it.
(p.s. This post made me cry. It’s raining here too…)
May 23rd, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Marissa, I’ve GOT one of those “Warning: Contents Under Pressure” shirts. I got it at Despair.com, but it doesn’t look like they sell them anymore…looks like an opening in the market for you.
May 23rd, 2010 at 2:21 pm
This is such a great post with such a terrific idea! We all need an “I don’t suck” folder.
Thank you for sharing your list, and your down days, we all have them. You’re honest is indeed one of the things that make you great, Alisa!
In fact, no kidding, I was like that too yesterday. I wasn’t exactly depressed about myself, just a few things in my life–and that did suck. But, at some point during my day I stopped trying to fight it and went with it. And then, after a good cry, I got myself up and out and went to a pool party where I proceeded to dance my butt off and get everyone else dancing too–literally!
That was so much fun and made me feel much better!
I also have a “Sentimentals Box” where I keep old cards, letters and yearbook entries from people who have loved, liked and/or admired me–whenever I’m feeling really down about myself, I pull it out and look! It always helps and always reminds me of the great person I am–or at least, am capable of being!
I also watch my wedding video–seriously–I was never so humbled as on my wedding day. I had never felt so loved and that was the best part of the day, everyone taking time to be there–everyone there proved how much both my husband and I are loved!
I really, really like what Judy said–Child of God, Person of Worth–that’s so true for me too! I am a child of God and while everything isn’t going to be perfect–it is worth it–and so am I! That brings me a lot of comfort! I personally don’t see anything wrong with patting yourself on the back–especially when you’re feeling down. We should all be proud of our accomplishments and learn from our so-called “failures” because if we DO learn from them, as you learned from this little incident Alisa–you turned into a door opening instead of closing–BRAVO!–than it is NOT a failure. (That shows so much expansion as a person and is such a positive force in the universe itself!)
I once heard something in a song that said “failure isn’t failure if a lesson from it’s learned” and I’ve always, always believed it! Perhaps it was in the universe yesterday–feeling blue and down, I don’t know. It was sunny here and I still felt that way and so did a few of my friends. But, I got 10 hours of sleep last night and now I feel SO MUCH better!
Alisa, you absolutely do NOT suck! You are a motivating, inspiring, downright awesome writer and all around fantastic woman! You do inspire, you do make us all feel normal and most of all, you make us laugh and give us a place to vent and be honest and real with others. That is so terrific, and such a relief, I can’t even begin to tell you! You are a worthy writer, a worthy person and worthy of praise and good things! Please don’t let anyone else tell you differently for too long–we all have those days, it’s normal and even healthy once in a while, but don’t get too down for too long–you’re too fabulous to do that! Oh and also, I admire you having “off topic” limits on this blog–everyone should have a few of those! What’s nice about having your own blog is that you get to choose what goes on it and what doesn’t–it’s admirable to have some things aren’t for sharing–it will keep you sane in the long run! Good luck with this situation and I’m glad you’re feeling better! Keep up the amazing work (writing, blogging, etc.) that you do! You are loved!
Here is my “I Don’t Suck List”–in no particular order!
1.) I am genuine, I say what I mean and mean what I say.
2.) I usually say such things with tact and respect!
3.) I am fiercely loyal.
4.) I am a good daughter, granddaughter, sister and friend!
5.) I am a good wife–most days!
6.) I am great with children
7.) I love with all my might
8.) I’m overly sensitive sometimes, but at least I’m real. When I feel things, I feel them 100%, that makes me authentic!
9.) I give 100% to whatever it is I’m doing
10.) I love unconditionally.
11.) I’m a terrific writer myself! Or at the very least, I have “a way with words”.
12.) I’m also a fantastic cook!
13.) I have beautiful eyes–and when I make them up, I always get compliments on them!
14.) Speaking of compliments, I give them freely and abundantly! If I like someone’s watch, shirt, shoes, jewelry, glasses, kind deed they did, etc…..I say so! I try and give at least 3 compliments a day! Seriously.
15.) I know how to live in the moment–so important!
16.) I’m compassionate
17.) I can meditate–and do it well
18.) I am open to people of all faiths and willing to listen to all view points when it comes to religion and spirituality. Plus, I can see the validity of most beliefs, (even if/when I disagree with them) as long as they come from a good place and it doesn’t hurt anyone else in the process!
19.) I am well-mannered and usually kind.
20.) I inspire others with my story of strength and faith
21.) I am incredibly, amazingly strong.
22.) I am good in the midst of a “crisis”.
23.) I have the courage to dance–always! In grocery stores, in my house, and even at a big pool party (yesterday) where I’m the ONLY one dancing and am clearly having so much fun doing so that everyone else at the party joins in and starts dancing too!
24.) I’m an extremely grateful, joyful person
25.) I am a child of God! As everyone else is too!
That all being said, I don’t think I’m generous enough, I don’t think I laugh enough. My sense of humor comes and goes. I’m incredibly stubborn and headstrong. I’m not always the nicest person to my husband. I’m working on it. I can be rather impatient. I have incredibly high standards for myself and those around me–sometimes, those standards are too high. I suck at any kind of sport. Unless it involves every day math like grocery shopping and budget balancing, I suck at most math. I cannot make holandaise sauce if my life depended on it. I’m not the best at physically writing with a steady hand–my penmenship is always changing. Science fascinates me, but don’t ask me to explain it. And I can be a little judgemental when it comes to people complaining about their health and yet being unwilling to change it or improve it.
So, see, I’m FAR from perfect. But, at least I’m in touch with both sides of myself! And once again, this was a wonderful post!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
May 23rd, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Marissa: pls make those t-shirts. I so need one.
Thanks Alisa for another post that hits just the right note. I struggle with this often and it’s made a little harder since my husband doesn’t “get it” – nor does most of his family. His reaction is more like “again? snap out of it.” And God forbid we have to go to a family event on one of those weepy days. I try to stay even-keel but they are all asking me what’s wrong… I usually just say I’m tired and try to end it there. Thus the t-shirt sounding good. Or maybe I should just hang a Do Not Disturb door tag around my neck.
I also like the idea of rejection being a voice telling you it’s not the right path. Now that’s food for thought…
May 23rd, 2010 at 7:22 pm
This was a very timely post. As always, you strike the right balance between advice and humor and levelheadedness. I’ve recently been grappling with the seemingly unarguable fact that when you reach a certain level of success as a writer and/or blogger, you’re going to be faced with people telling you that you suck. I wish I could just accept this and move on, but it can really ruin my day. I guess I haven’t built up a tough enough hide yet. But I like your idea of listing evidence to the contrary. I have been doing some of that — mentally at least — but maybe writing it down and looking at the list in black & white will help the message sink in more. thanks for this post!
May 23rd, 2010 at 9:06 pm
You don’t suck . Well maybe you do i have to read the bj post. I love your lists. They don’t suck. Gotta go read the bj post.
May 24th, 2010 at 7:00 am
I’m glad you came to the conclusion that you don’t suck, because you certainly don’t. And I agree with your conclusion that sometimes you need to stop wasting time with some things so you can focus on the things that matter.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:04 am
When I’m having an “I suck” day, I will often come to this blog and read your posts and everyone’s comments. It helps me get out of the “my life sucks, I suck” hole. So there’s another reason why you don’t suck…you help other people not feel sucky!!
May 24th, 2010 at 8:05 am
Ok, I’ve got another reason you don’t suck. I just started to read Eat, Pray,Love and I keep thinking to myself that her style of writing is an awful lot like yours. You are real in describing your humanness. I can laugh at some of the stuff you write because I am, have and can imagine going through them too, except the strip club visit because I am still about 30 lbs. over weight.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:20 am
Sorry , I don’t have a very high opinion of myself, I probably really do suck.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:26 am
I was just being tongue in cheek, I’m having a crappy day and yes it looks like rain again today.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:34 am
Joanne–You are a lovely, wonderful, kick ass person. You are Anti Suck.
Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..Odd Todbits That Fail to Bore
May 24th, 2010 at 9:13 am
Dear Alisa; Your comment will be my first keeper. Thanks.
Joanne’s: Why I don’t suck list:
1) I am an amazing friend. I really care about my gal pals, I will laugh with them, cry with them, get drunk with them, talk about absolutely anything with them, am always available, give a kidney kind of friend.
2) I adore my children, beyond love them, even though they are 29 years old, 26 years old and 23 years old, they will always be My babies and I am proud of the wonderful human beings they are.
3) Even after 15 years of marriage I still am so hot for my husband that all he has to do is give me a look and I would stop, drop and roll (so to speak).
4) I am a more than adequate wood worker. I can probably build a house from the ground up and I spent alot of my youth as a boat builder.
5) My boss says he would be lost without me (Yes I asked) He does feel I am a bit of a female chauvinist though. I told him that wasn’t true, I love men, in their proper place, on their backs extremely happy to see me. He is still laughing at that one.
I’ll think of more later , he said I have to work now.
May 24th, 2010 at 11:39 am
I went onto my facebook page and told my friends and family about this. I realized that the reason I have a hard time thinking of why I don’t suck is because I’m not very introspective, I’m not that deep. I do love the “Feel Good Folder” idea though and I told them all about it. I started their Feel good folders for them of why I know they don’t suck and send it out into cyber space. I feel really good about it too. so…..
6) I really enjoy making those around me feel loved, appreciated, and special even if it is in some small way.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
@ Joanne. Wow you are good at woodwork? Personally I can’t even build a birdhouse. At least not one that any self respecting bird would live in anyway ha!
.
My reasons I don’t suck I guess could be done in one phrase. I am a nice guy. All my life I have been told that. So most of the rest of the reasons build off of that, kind to others, etc. So there is my list lol.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
@ Drummer Guy: Just from reading your interactions these past months, yes you are a nice guy, that is really easy to see but you are also:
1) loyal to those you love
2) An example of agape love in the way you care for your sweetheart
3) Honest and open in your interactions with all of us
4) You are reading these posts loooking for ways you can help with advice or just a well timed kind word.
Just thought I would add to your list.
Yes I enjoy making furniture, I also do alot of my own remodeling, tiling, flooring, this last weekend I was tearing out the laundry room to make a full bath out of it. Ray loves that I can do this stuff and doesn’t feel at all threatened by my use of power tools. Our first 5 holidays together I got my lathe, band saw, disk grinder, etc. I get him William Sonoma and Bed, bath and beyond. He loves my blue side and I love his pink side. He still won’t ride on my motorcycle with me though.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
This whole last weekend I was really feeling sucky because I had decided to replace the toilet in the laundry room downstairs it was 30 years old and pretty gross. I never did one before but how hard could it be really. So I went down to measure. Got to Home Depot to pick out a new toilet and see that sinks and vanities were on sale also. Why not I had two days right. Got them home only to discover the sheetrock behind was moldy as was the insulation. No problem, just tear that piece off, put in new insulation and a new piece of sheet rock then replace the toilet and sink. Except that the sheetrock was wet because the pipes behind were leaking. Ok, Ok, it is just 1/2″ copper pipe and I always wanted to try that blow torch and soldering stuff. Except in ripping out the sheetrock I discovered that it had been dripping on an electrical outlet above the sink I already tore out. How hard can it be to rewire one circuit right?
It still didn’t occur to me that I may be in over my head until my husband came downstairs to find me knee deep in all the sheetrock I tore off the walls, because yes, it all needs to be replaced along with the insulation, the toilet, the sink, all the piping and a sagging ceiling joist I discovered. he feels we should just sell. I told him give me two weeks and it will be like new.
I lie like a rug some times, Ray really believes me though, but at least I don’t have time to feel crappy anymore. I should have just gone for a run like you Alisa.
May 24th, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Thanks Joanne. I am flattered & you are too kind. Honestly I owe all my traits to my parents. Both were examples for me to follow. I am real impressed at your skills. I am not talented in those areas. Good thing my beloved wasn’t looking for a fix it man lol. Oh & I am with Ray on the motorcycle thing. I rode a dirt bike in my much younger and braver days. Like when I was high school age. Street bikes make me nervous too
May 24th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Those days sound familiar to me, too. Alisa, you definitely don’t suck, and this particular post is a good example of why. Your writing strikes a chord for a lot of people, which I feel confident saying based on the responses you receive and the reactions of people who I have discussed your work with. That, coupled with your hard work to turn your own marriage around and parent a child while working hard on your career, pretty much makes you Superwoman, in my opinion.
Once, I had something like a “Feel Good” folder – I kept compliments I received written down on index cards in a recipe box. Because I am slightly neurotic, I even organized them into subgroups. However, after I got married and realized that about 95% of them were from guys I dated, I felt funny keeping them. I think I am ready to start a more diverse collection…
Lauren´s last blog ..One more reason I’m not crazy for making it at home
May 24th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
@ Lauren; I’ve been telling people about this website also, including our marriage counselor, I think this is the must real group of people I have met in a long time.
May 24th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Hi Alisa,
You totally don’t suck. Your posts frequently make me laugh and almost always make me smile (except for the sad ones). You are a sincerely and awesome person and an amazing writer. As a fellow writer (and an editor), let me tell you your writer is fantastic. You manage to combine helpful, useful information with amusing anecdotes and stories from your life in a way that has made me read every post you’ve written ever since I found your blog… even though I’m not married yet.
I sincerely hope to one day be as cool as you.
Melissa´s last blog ..Tip of the Iceberg – Diving into Networking
May 24th, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Alisa, LOL at your closing paragraph. I also loved the Vegas metaphor in your Eat, Pray, LOVE post: “Those were our Las Vegas years. In Las Vegas, nothing is what it seems and everything is a copy of something else.” That is genius. I have already read all the servicey stuff I need to for one lifetime, so I subscribe to your blog strictly because I <3 your writing. So you most assuredly do not suck.
May 24th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Alisa- Laugh of the day– I texted Ray during lunch about the topic for today to get his thoughts and considering some of the topics you have tackled….. he got the wrong idea about the type of sucking you were talking about. His comments was “So what is wrong with sucking?” Gotta love him.
May 24th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Joanne–I see that as progress, too.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
A very good list Alisa, and I liked the contributors ones as well! A cliche for you here – “if you think you can or if you think you can’t, then you’ll prove yourself right”. What it really comes down to is ATTITUDE! I’ve read so many times and in so many places variations of the expression “We often can’t change the circumstances, but what we can change is our attitude to them”, and that thought really does keep me going when I’m feeling a bit down or something doesn’t go as well as I hoped.
When I was at my lowest after my seperation I read somewhere to keep a ‘Gratitude Diary’ and record every day things that went well and I should be grateful for – it could be big things (i.e. won the lottery – I wish!) to little things – i.e. I got lots of green lights instead of red lights on the way to work (sorry girls, something that is important to us impatient men!) Anyway I did this for about six months, and it really helped, as it got me focussing on positives, big and small, and made the days much better. Believe me, it really helps.
So, a list of what we like and admire about ourselves is a great thing – afterall, if you can’t find a way to love and admire yourself (and i don’t mean false pride!) then why would anyone else see those qualities in you!!
May 24th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Alisa, YOu most definitely do not suck. And whatever was in your mailbox? Ignore it. You have way too many good things going for you to let something like THAT get you down.
May 24th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Alisa you rock and I AGREE with each and every “I do not suck” item on your list. It’s and awesome list and one you should be proud of. I swear the next time I am thinking the same thing I am going to come back to THIS post and read it and everything is going to be right in the world.
Andi´s last blog ..Rewards Based Doing
May 25th, 2010 at 7:34 am
@ bern;
I come from the Jersey shore where every block has a light and my mom and sisters taught me that there is a law at work in the world of traffic lights and it is universal: You always must stop for the first two red lights but any more after that are merely suggestions.
May 25th, 2010 at 7:34 am
Alisa you inspired me to do my own little folder to remind myself that I do not suck. I call it my I’m okay folder. Do ignore whatever came in the mail. I can tell you from experience that there will always be critics of any artist work & you are an artist. Our band has done 3 albums. Recently our last album reviewed had over 20 critics that loved it & 2 slammed it. In his own day Shakespeare had quite a few critics that were vicous toward his work. But I think history worked out well for him. Just know that you still ROCK
May 25th, 2010 at 9:33 am
@Bern;
I told my facebook family about this whole Not Sucking nonsense and gave them all individually something I think that is wonderfully non-sucky about each of them. To my surprise I have been getting texts all day about how unsucky I am. I never knew, really, it is so cool. Some of this stuff you have to wait until your eulogy to hear. All I wanted to do as I stated on the Facebook page was start each of their feel good folders because I think that is a totally neat idea but they in turn are sending each other and me additions to all of ours. We actually start a whole movement here.
May 25th, 2010 at 11:53 pm
Alisa — and the other commentators — thanks for sharing your “I don’t suck” lists. It seems like we’re conditioned to downplay what’s awesome about each of us — and we obviously don’t have one thing but so many, many things that make us the wonderful people that we are.
It’s energizing to know that there are so many kind, funny, talented, giving, insightful folks out there (not that I thought otherwise, although on certain days…). And it’s most valuable that you all recognize those traits in yourselves, proudly proclaim them and nurture them in others. Thank you!
May 27th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Those days DO suck. I’m glad you’re feeling better and I love your list. A couple years ago I was feeling sad most days and decided to make a list of everything I was grateful for whenever I felt sad. I had a little handmade pot that was totally wonky, but I loved it because I had made it. I set it on my desk at work and told myself that when the pot was full of gratitude lists, I would buy myself something really special. The idea was that I would retrain my mind to look for gratitude instead of sorrow by making the lists. A funny thing happened–the pot only ever got 1/3 of the way full. By then, my days were happier. But I’ve still got it, and plan to buy myself something special if it ever does hit the top.
Mrs. Levine´s last blog ..Conversations with My Mother
June 27th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Just now stumbled on this post and the timing is, well, perfect.
When I was a newbie writer I had a folder for rejection letters — some of them were, ah, blunt, brutal, or both. Some were even poorly written. Now I’d never dream of holding onto such things. Why wallow in negativity?
But a Feel Good Folder? I like the sound of that. Thanks for planting the seed.
sarah henry´s last blog ..Berkeley Bites- Samin Nosrat- Ex-Eccolo Chef -amp Co-Creator of the Pop-Up General Store
July 12th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
I don’t suck because I get up and face every day no matter what it brings. (I don’t always face it well, but I DO face it.)
I matter because I offer love, support, and encouraging words to people in my professional and personal life who may sometimes feel they don’t deserve any of that.
Most assuredly I have weepy days. I had one on the 4th of July. I got a pick-me-up from the hubby that reminded me things aren’t all bad and I don’t suck. It was a nice reminder.
Two more things: Alisa, you also don’t suck because 1) you keep it real. You don’t put up a facade about anything, and that is quite refreshing. 2) You do a most excellent job of NOT allowing your biases to prevent you from being objective and open to the thoughts and reflections of others. It seems that can be a challenging thing in the world of blogospheres. I consider you to be a champion at it.