How to Get a Spouse to Fall Back in Love with You

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I’m finally getting back to that long list of posts that you all asked me to write.

Today brings you post #7 from the list. I’ve written about this topic before. Read I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You before proceeding, because it sums up nearly everything I have to say about this topic. Then continue on.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is this: you can’t make your spouse do anything. There is no magic formula that will win your spouse’s heart, and anyone who claims to have such a formula is probably a charlatan who wants your money. I will say this, though. Begging and pleading won’t work. Neither will telling your spouse that he or she is making a huge mistake. And being a doormat and trying to be the “perfect spouse” probably won’t work either because it makes you seem weak and unimportant.

Again, there is no magic formula, but the technique that offers you the highest probability of success is this: fall back in love with yourself. It’s a lot easier for someone else to see you as a lovable person once you can see that for yourself. I’m going to be frank. If your spouse has given you the “I’m no longer in love with you” talk, then there’s a high probability that your spouse is going to leave no matter what you do. Prepare yourself for that. If you are dependent on your spouse emotionally or physically, do everything you can to become independent. And go into counseling for yourself. Identify your personal weakness and read about and practice techniques that will help you overcome them. Get a life. Rekindle lost friendships and make new ones. Rediscover that hobby that once loved.

Be you, and be the best and happiest you that you can be.

If that’s not enough to get your spouse to fall back in love with you, then your spouse just doesn’t deserve you. That’s my opinion anyway. What’s yours?

Note: Thanks for the readers who were concerned about my well-being. It was so sweet of you to check up on me! I didn’t post yesterday and I haven’t been actively responding to your emails and comments because I’ve been happily obsessed with a work project. I’m having the best kind of busy there is. I apologize for seeming distant. It’s just temporary. Trust me.

293 comments… add one

  • mary February 8, 2015, 12:47 pm

    I’m confused and hurt and almost hopeless right now. I’ve been with my husband since I was 17. We’ve been married for 14 years and together for 4 before that. We have 1 son who is the light of our lives. Weve had many man ups and downs through the years. Financial and emotionally. He has cheated on me. But felt so much guilt over it that he told me and vowed to never let happen again if we stayed together. So I forgave him … We then had our son. Fast forward 7 years. He recently fell into a depressed stage. Where he feels he’s no good for anyone , myself, our son and other friends and family. He is lashing out at everyone with complete honesty over anything he’s ever felt. He says he’s loves me but doesn’t know if its enough. He says he’s a big flirt and always has been. He also says he bad when in comes to temptation. He feels like he could cheat again. He also is question who he is as a person and our entire marriage. He is currently sleeping in the basement. He will give me hugs but no kisses. He is trying to disconnect. I feel hopeless. I believe in my vows and love him with all that I have. I feel we can work on this but we both have to be committed. He feels like maybe he should have never got married. He feels trapped by the marriage. We are stuck living together for the next 4 months because of our lease and also he has no place to. We both have started counseling separately. I hope this will help us both with some of our issues in the marriage and as individuals. But in the meantime I feel so lost. I have to walk around like everything is normal because of our son. I feel like my heart is being ripped apart. Any advice. In my heart divorce is not a . option

  • LC February 9, 2015, 9:29 am


    I would love to talk to you if we could somehow exchange info. Any ideas on how without putting it down here?

  • RICA PINA February 20, 2015, 5:17 am

    My name is RICA and me and my girlfriend are having problems we have been together for 8yrs. And she tells me she doesn’t love me anymore what do I do to get her to love me again.

  • pollu February 25, 2015, 11:49 am

    I’ve been with my husband 15 years married for 5 .
    A few months ago he told me he loved me but was no longer in love with me.
    I never saw it coming I honestly thought we had a loving marriage

  • Anon March 9, 2015, 5:20 am

    i am in almost the exact same situation as Mary….

  • Anna March 9, 2015, 6:35 pm

    My man tells me All the time that everything is my fault that i stress everyone out thats why my family doesnt want nothing to do with or anything .he tells me im a hoe , slut , whore ext. He even tells me i use our daughter against him because i tell him im leaving all the time when we get into fights . we fight for other peoples problem and not even our own . he thinks i always want other guys , one day i was reading his messages and he never talks to females no matter what and i seen him telling a female how sexy she was and all this other crap and reminder he never tells me im beautiful, or anything :( i never get random kisses or random ” i love you” unless he wants me to do something or he did something ya he does alot for me but he complanes about every last thing he does for me . i feel lost and hurt and distroyed there is alot more to this then just this. Just not sure on what to do , or if i should realy leave ,…… Help me

  • Becky March 20, 2015, 1:42 am

    Hi girls i was looking at this site because I found it due to the way I’ve been feeling. And ladies your not alone. And a lot of us are going through same stuff. If whoever reads this and needs a friend you can email me call me even text me. Times like this a friend or someone who just understands is what we need….Anna if u need to talk let me know


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