How to Get a Spouse to Fall Back in Love with You

Brought to you by your request

I’m finally getting back to that long list of posts that you all asked me to write.

Today brings you post #7 from the list. I’ve written about this topic before. Read I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You before proceeding, because it sums up nearly everything I have to say about this topic. Then continue on.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is this: you can’t make your spouse do anything. There is no magic formula that will win your spouse’s heart, and anyone who claims to have such a formula is probably a charlatan who wants your money. I will say this, though. Begging and pleading won’t work. Neither will telling your spouse that he or she is making a huge mistake. And being a doormat and trying to be the “perfect spouse” probably won’t work either because it makes you seem weak and unimportant.

Again, there is no magic formula, but the technique that offers you the highest probability of success is this: fall back in love with yourself. It’s a lot easier for someone else to see you as a lovable person once you can see that for yourself. I’m going to be frank. If your spouse has given you the “I’m no longer in love with you” talk, then there’s a high probability that your spouse is going to leave no matter what you do. Prepare yourself for that. If you are dependent on your spouse emotionally or physically, do everything you can to become independent. And go into counseling for yourself. Identify your personal weakness and read about and practice techniques that will help you overcome them. Get a life. Rekindle lost friendships and make new ones. Rediscover that hobby that once loved.

Be you, and be the best and happiest you that you can be.

If that’s not enough to get your spouse to fall back in love with you, then your spouse just doesn’t deserve you. That’s my opinion anyway. What’s yours?

Note: Thanks for the readers who were concerned about my well-being. It was so sweet of you to check up on me! I didn’t post yesterday and I haven’t been actively responding to your emails and comments because I’ve been happily obsessed with a work project. I’m having the best kind of busy there is. I apologize for seeming distant. It’s just temporary. Trust me.

356 comments… add one

  • mary February 8, 2015, 12:47 pm

    I’m confused and hurt and almost hopeless right now. I’ve been with my husband since I was 17. We’ve been married for 14 years and together for 4 before that. We have 1 son who is the light of our lives. Weve had many man ups and downs through the years. Financial and emotionally. He has cheated on me. But felt so much guilt over it that he told me and vowed to never let happen again if we stayed together. So I forgave him … We then had our son. Fast forward 7 years. He recently fell into a depressed stage. Where he feels he’s no good for anyone , myself, our son and other friends and family. He is lashing out at everyone with complete honesty over anything he’s ever felt. He says he’s loves me but doesn’t know if its enough. He says he’s a big flirt and always has been. He also says he bad when in comes to temptation. He feels like he could cheat again. He also is question who he is as a person and our entire marriage. He is currently sleeping in the basement. He will give me hugs but no kisses. He is trying to disconnect. I feel hopeless. I believe in my vows and love him with all that I have. I feel we can work on this but we both have to be committed. He feels like maybe he should have never got married. He feels trapped by the marriage. We are stuck living together for the next 4 months because of our lease and also he has no place to. We both have started counseling separately. I hope this will help us both with some of our issues in the marriage and as individuals. But in the meantime I feel so lost. I have to walk around like everything is normal because of our son. I feel like my heart is being ripped apart. Any advice. In my heart divorce is not a . option

    • alma April 9, 2015, 3:55 pm the same and it’s hard because I have 4 boys and been with my husband for 8 years I’m lost and dint know what to do.

      • K.L.S August 3, 2016, 3:40 pm

        I am also having a difficult time. My husband and I have been together for over 17 years we have two kids. We hit rock bOttom, we hurt each other, we fight like cats and dogs. There was infidelity throughout the years it’s been a constant back and forth. He walks around claiming single hanging with all females, easy to lay up in bed with me when he wants sex but does not want to be in a relationship again.

        Has sex with me at his convenience
        Walks around claiming single
        Hangs out with other female friends
        Continue to have family day with the kids and I
        Won’t follow through with the divorce
        Can’t stand to see another man in my life because the min he sees that he wants me back.

        I am going crazy, I am driving myself crazy and I feel
        Like I’m gonna lose it soon. Somebody please help me!

      • Krystal August 23, 2016, 12:32 am

        Omg I’m going through the same thing right now!! I been with my husband since I was 17 and we are now 33 and I just heard the same thing with my husband and we have three kids. I’m so hurt because he has cheated on me about three to four times throughout and I’ve caught him he promises he will never do it again and he does and goes through depression.He told me today that he needs to find happiness but he loves us but he can’t go on..I feel so lost and hurt with anxiety because I love him a lot and now I have to learn to move forward if he decides he going to go..I just hate for him to be selfish but I don’t know what to do and I can’t make him stay so what is the best advice to give? How is it going for you? What did u do to help yourself get through it and his depression?

    • Whoopie Pie May 3, 2015, 6:28 am

      You’ll say divorce is not an option until you walk that ass up into an attorney’s office, sweetheart. This marriage will keep deteriorating because he doesn’t want it anymore. You can’t be in love all by yourself. Leave him- he’s already left you.

      Also, don’t walk around all chipper and give him the idea that he can come back whenever he pleases. Kick him out, honey. Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn… Don’t let him think he has the option of playing with you like a teenage girl. You are a grown woman with a child. You demand more respect from the people you deal with in daily life than your own damn husband?

      Honestly, I’m mad at this jerk for just *informing* you that he doesn’t want you anymore. That’s so callous, even if he said it in a roundabout way: “a big flirt.” That’s how he’s telling you he is either screwing some dumb bunny or really wants to.

      Tell him that he needs to leave for 5 reasons:
      1. He sat you down and ended it, so it’s over
      2. Your child lives there, and his routine mustn’t be disturbed (and you damn sure aren’t leaving)
      3. It makes you uncomfortable in your own home to live like strangers and have to figure out how to act
      4. You are unable to move on with your life with him there
      5. Weekly rates at an extended stay suite hotel are reasonable, so it’s not like he’ll be living under a porch like an alley cat (he should’ve thought about where the hell he was going to live when he told you he felt trapped :-))

      Your child will be okay. Kids get used to two Christmases. You need to be okay so that you can have the better Christmas of the two.

      Stay calm and don’t allow yourself to be manipulated.

      -Whoopie Pie

      • Joni July 31, 2015, 10:44 pm

        I agree with whoopie pie. Don’t let him think he has so much control. I use to be in the same situation and I sat there and followed him around like a lost puppy dog. Until I got some dam worth and self esteem. No one deserves to be treated that way. No one!! We teach ppl how to treat us and what ur teaching him is that he can cheat and treat u bad and act like a dumbass and that you’ll still take him back and work on things. No!! Do not allow someone to treat u like that. There are a million men out there that would have more respect for u than that. What u wrote as u can tell hit home for me because I’ve been there. And him saying he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough is to try to make u feel guilty. It’s emotional abuse and his dumbass should be ashamed of himself. What a disgusting excuse for a man he is. U deserve better!!

      • Philoi September 2, 2015, 9:16 am

        In response to Woopie Pie: It is the meddling negative comments like yours that my wife got from her crowd that convinced her to end our marriage in the middle of us trying to saveit. While someone being mistreated has a right to feel hurt or upset this doesn’t give someone the right to abandon commitments. Two wrongs don’t make a right. This poster obviously didn’t want divorce yet that’s what you advised. That is displaying the same repulsive conceit as the man you told her to leave. People like you who encourage selfish thought and the abandonment of vows but mask it as encouraging self respect are the worst thing that can happen to a friend or woman seeking advice. You aren’t helping the woman to really better respect herself. You’re ignoring the impact a divorce would have on her and the husband and any children. If she only cared for herself why get married in the first place? Obviously those married had loved one another. It is best to preserve or rekindle such love gently but with firm conviction and not wise to just blow everything apart as relationship hooligans such as yourself would advise.

      • Emily March 1, 2016, 7:52 pm

        I agree with Philio it is not our job to make our husbands be Christlike it is our job to be Christlike wives. I’m in it to save my marriage at whatever the cost because I strongly believe good things come to those who wait and keep in prayer. Prayers for all. God bless

    • Donald June 22, 2015, 9:29 am

      Watch fireproof the movie and get spiritual awakening yall need prayer for yall but also yall need it together all you need is a muster seed of faith and I think your already there now turn it around watch and witnesses to come

    • Danny November 26, 2015, 10:22 am

      Sorry to hear this. My wife did the same thing. All of the sudden she says there’s no love, she doesn’t love herself, and that she needs to love herself to love someone. Well came to find out she’s with someone else on my back. And since that guy moved out of state she found another guy for the time been. It’s all crazy. And the sad part is that the courts still won’t give me full custody.

    • jane April 30, 2016, 12:29 am

      Life is all about good and bad experience
      Life is all about good and bad experience. It was all good and lovely when i met jully, she was a good business woman until things become rough for her and her business empire started liquidating. I was a very courageous and hardworking man so i decided to sell my inheritance to assist . We both struggle together and built the business world again. This time around the business was growing from strength to strength. I was surprise one Sunday evening when she came home with her secretary and told me that we cannot continue with this pretense called love. I was shocked and heart broken, i was in a friend, house for three weeks frustrated until i met fernando my old friend at the supermarket, he directed to me to Dr saka. I contacted saka and he told me that Jully was been manipulated by some spiritual power and he told me to provide some items which he is going to use to destroy the evil spirit. I never believe in voodoo but i had to give him a trial. To my greatest surprise, Jully called and started apologizing 2 days after i sent Dr. Saka the email. I am very happy and will continue to be happy for the good work the Saka has done in my life. Problems are been solved when good people like Saka are on this planet, please contact him through if you need any support in any problems in life. I love Dr Saka … :)

    • KK August 23, 2016, 12:35 am

      What end up happening? Because you sound so much like me right now!! I married my hs sweetheart and that’s what he tells me I’m going through hard times right now with three kids and I am lost

  • LC February 9, 2015, 9:29 am


    I would love to talk to you if we could somehow exchange info. Any ideas on how without putting it down here?

    • Donald June 22, 2015, 9:33 am

      E-mail Twitter ?

  • RICA PINA February 20, 2015, 5:17 am

    My name is RICA and me and my girlfriend are having problems we have been together for 8yrs. And she tells me she doesn’t love me anymore what do I do to get her to love me again.

    • smokey May 17, 2015, 5:15 pm

      Sorry but u should just move on cause when they say that its a done wife left me after 15years an I haven’t heard from her since.people tell me to pray about it! Been doing that and still not heard from her.really miss a lot.they. Say u never miss ur water til the well run dry

  • pollu February 25, 2015, 11:49 am

    I’ve been with my husband 15 years married for 5 .
    A few months ago he told me he loved me but was no longer in love with me.
    I never saw it coming I honestly thought we had a loving marriage

    • Gary Backstrom August 26, 2015, 9:47 am

      Same here. 20 years 3 kids
      Moved out like its no big deal while I’m left here in ruins
      Love to trade info w any one here to talk one on one. Needing people that can relate instead of people just saying oh that must be hard.

      • Cathy Shaw August 29, 2015, 1:46 am

        I can relate..23 years together since 18 years old. Married for 19 of them. Husband started to become emotionally detached, then physically in a short space of time and then earlier this year out of the blue had the ‘I dont love you anymore’. Left like he couldn’t get out fast enough whilst I am left to carry on with the remains of our life. Have dicovered during all this that he has a ‘close friend’ that is married with 3 children! It’s been really tough and the most heartbreaking experience you can ever have. I am happy to listen and share.

      • kev October 29, 2015, 6:05 am

        my wife left 6 days ago im distraught off work shakes not eating…have nowhere to go its a right mess anyne want to talk?

  • Anon March 9, 2015, 5:20 am

    i am in almost the exact same situation as Mary….

  • Anna March 9, 2015, 6:35 pm

    My man tells me All the time that everything is my fault that i stress everyone out thats why my family doesnt want nothing to do with or anything .he tells me im a hoe , slut , whore ext. He even tells me i use our daughter against him because i tell him im leaving all the time when we get into fights . we fight for other peoples problem and not even our own . he thinks i always want other guys , one day i was reading his messages and he never talks to females no matter what and i seen him telling a female how sexy she was and all this other crap and reminder he never tells me im beautiful, or anything :( i never get random kisses or random ” i love you” unless he wants me to do something or he did something ya he does alot for me but he complanes about every last thing he does for me . i feel lost and hurt and distroyed there is alot more to this then just this. Just not sure on what to do , or if i should realy leave ,…… Help me

    • Joni July 31, 2015, 10:54 pm

      This page is killing me. Omg ppl start loving yourself more. There are so many options out there. So many men and women who would treat u better than these dipshits. Understand ur worth and stop letting ppl control ur emotions and treat u like shit. That is not love. Do not except less than what u are worth.ppl wake up the world is full of endless options they aren’t the only fish in the sea dump these douche bags. U deserve better.

  • Becky March 20, 2015, 1:42 am

    Hi girls i was looking at this site because I found it due to the way I’ve been feeling. And ladies your not alone. And a lot of us are going through same stuff. If whoever reads this and needs a friend you can email me call me even text me. Times like this a friend or someone who just understands is what we need….Anna if u need to talk let me know

    • Nancy April 4, 2015, 7:58 pm

      Hi Becky ,

      I haven’t reached out to anyone …but I am reaching my breaking point here… I think if he just moved out the sense of relief would be overwhelming… To like as husband and wife with someone who does’t love you is nearly impossible….

    • jackie April 18, 2015, 11:49 am

      Hi need love advice he cheated 6 yrs ago but thngs aint the same we have kids together which makes hard to leave

    • Cheryl June 5, 2015, 5:32 pm

      Hi my name is Cheryl I’m in a simular. Position we have been married 40years loyaly up till 12momths ago my husband went on a trip overseas with a work mate where he met his sister in law recently divorced came home and apparently emailing behind my back returned a month later for 14 days and slept with her came home and started counciling after 4sessions confessed it to me saying he wants to stay with me we are both mid 50,s she was 36we have been together since I was13 had our son at 15 daughter at 16 have 3 beautiful granddaughters and I love him with all my heart but he has photoes of her I’m sure on his tablet which he now has a password to get into and I’m no allowed to touch I feel he is still emailing he at least any advise

      • Joni July 31, 2015, 10:58 pm

        If u have to check his messages it’s already over. Leave him your worth more than that.

    • becki August 3, 2015, 11:16 pm

      First time asking for advice.I really miss my kids dad,he truely is all I think about he was my best friend.we once was happy together thn we both hurt eachother ,was on drugs togwether.thn we got busted and he went to jail I put my self in rehab thn I got a inditement and had to do time since thn I hve been clean 9 yrs he’s been with some one and so hve I .he’s raised my kids himself due to hving to make hard decissions but I’ve dealt with that.during that time him and his gf had my kids taken due to thm both being on drugs and they had a baby point is I’ve bettered myslf since all started but never stop loving him. He is no longer with that girl and I pray for our family to be together again I don’t knw hw to do that I’ve been with someone for 3 yrs for all the wrong reasons and all I ever think about is my kids dad and our family I m askn how to rekindle the fire between us again a second chance for happiness .I pray and go to church and have become more spiritual with myslf and doing what I need to do on that level I’m not as weak as I used to be.I guess I’m askn for some advice on how to approucch him and tell him how I feel and how to get him to see how much I truely love him and want my best friens back. Thank u and god bless u

    • Kathy January 3, 2016, 11:21 am

      Hi Becky im going through. Hard time been with my boyfriend going on 2yrs and found he haa been using drugs and blames for everything ans akways on porn wen using well we have been fighting and he tells me that hw loves me but the same cuz of the fightin im so lost dont lnw wat to do ive told him i lovevand care about him and that he means the world to me and cryed to him ans its like he told me its all fake crying he lost his marriage of 20years and been divorse for 8 been 2yrs proir yo his marriage falling a part ans his kids r grown and qant nothingvwith him but its hurting me how can hes say i love u butvnot yhe same i dbt knw wat to dovim so hurt and beggin him plz help me

    • Valerie May 31, 2016, 7:42 pm

      Hey anna or anyone out there please say a prayer for me because im going through alot right now.

  • Nancy April 4, 2015, 7:55 pm

    Yep ….I’ve been told ” I love you but I’m just not IN love with you.” Whatever that means… Then I asked ….are you moving out and he says no I don’t want that… I feel like I am walking on egg shells….I never saw this coming…. And WOW this hurts… Two small kids and a home to deal with full time job with a million responsibilities… Ugh… Boy would I do things differently knowing what I know now….

  • alexis April 9, 2015, 3:42 pm

    I been in a committed relationship for 2 1/2 years. Our child is going on 1 yrs old next month. Since i had her our relationship has not been the same. I’ll admit, I’ve been a nag, a lil insecure from the weight gain and not trusting him all of sudden. The good thing is he haven’t switched up his routine. He still comes in at a respectable time, he answers calls and my texts. I dont know what it is but i still accuse him which leads to arguments. He’s tired of the bs. I need help! How can i get him to be in love with me again. To look at me how he use to? I don’t wanna loose him, he is a goid dude.

  • Andrew April 11, 2015, 12:43 am

    I am A man in a very complex relationship of 23 years. Our two Sons are 15 and 17. I was a wild kid when I met her at 19. We both dropped out. I went back for my diploma but always wanted to do something great. Married at 22. And never really out of the high life stage We separated for 7 months in 1995, starting when I quit my job and wanted to do my own thing with a chauvinist business partner and disobeying her wishes, some noble, some I thought were hyprocritical – she was also a bartender and I didn’t like the attention she was getting even though she claimed loyalty (and subsequently my actions were ignoring her needs, even picking her up at night). I always thought I was the intellectual type (who just took a few years to grow up!). She was the pragmatic one. She is the type of girl that makes friends easy, can be thoughtful and caring. Yet she has a dark manipulative side. Blames a lot of that on me though. We have many GREAT times and I love her but we also had turbulent times before 1995 – I always felt she was very controlling, bossy and never satisfied/difficult to please and always played many mixed message games with me from the get go of our realationship. I am an idiot though, I also was with a girl a couple weeks before wedding day in an uncertain drunken regret and I came clean 8 ish years after we had kids. Additionally, In 95 we both had lovers and when we got back together in ’96, I never came clean on the “sleeping with” part on my side… I think she had more lovers than me and it made me feel upset. After we made amends, I asked her to renew our vows, to leave the past in the past. She stayed home (not working) ever since 96 & We had our beautiful kids over a yr later. I studied my butt off for a few years and got into IT where I really starting making great income for the family. The child rearing was great, I made our own baby foods for them, was hands-on, read nightly stories, homeschooled for a year, had a great 6-8 years as a dad and hubby but I also have had many arguments dealing with either my memory, or that I wasn’t as organized as her, didn’t do things her way (there is no compromising with her) this led to anger with me, occasional hole in the wall, throwing something. Never hitting her though. over the years some heated arguments over trivial things got so ugly with verbal abuse (I avoided namecalling but eventually fell into it after I couldn’t take it), I even contemplated ending it – although I never really thought it was fair that I had to go because I couldn’t deal with her over the top condescending attitude, I refused to let myself be the depressed type. Anger happened Mainly after name calling – that I rarely tolerated. Although there was many good times, when they were good but passion and sex started to drop to once every 6-8 weeks at best.
    As a renewal in our life, we bought a big house in a nice neighborhood when the boys were 8 ish (2006). Mind you we had many good times. But the “hard to please” lifestyle was growing. I was told lack of sex was because I needed a vasectomy. got that around 07 and since then our sex life even dropped to once every 2-3 months. That was confusing. tension was growing but hidden within us. I was tired of giving the affection, getting it rarely. She also had back issues and seen a chiropractor (after the 2nd child) So I spent the past 13 years rubbing her daily for at least an hour avg. to help her. Sometimes she would scratch my leg or something while I was doing that….still, much of the “rubbing” was less about therapy and more about routine. because it was “rub my feet, hands, neck, shoulders….. It replaced all intimacy.
    since 2008, Anger of yelling and arguing led to agreement of marriage counseling but she skipped out and said I was the one that needed to go… after 4 councelors, each one saying they would like to get HER story, they said there is nothing they can do unless we both go. Even if I was the one with ALL issues, the family should support each other especially in a family situation, but she never wanted to go. I know there are things I can change…. today we fight so often and the kids usually side with her because she has plenty of womanly charm yet I do see impartiality and peaks of those “wait a second here mom” moments. The bad thing is we are BOTH bad filters to our kids. I am usually the one who calls that out the most and when I try it, it always seems to backfire, and that manipulative angle I seen in her years earlier comes through hard. I am just tired of doing 1/2 the laundry (the kids do the other half) she is good with shopping and getting coupon deals, shes better with time management and schedules and sweeping the floor. But we men do the dishes and take care of the animals, and all the other chores, painting, fix-it type stuff (although I always get criticized for that too) There is so much that is not fair that I was never able to get a fair objective view from anyone else, I feel she is empowered and uses that in her favor. I cant leave because the older kid is greatly affected by our arguing that hell skip school when it happens. She uses the kids as a councelor and I don’t know where to go anymore. For the past year, she hasn’t hugged me or kissed me… I cant even approach her unless im rubbing her. We have had sex less that 4 times in the past 4-5 years. I get phone calls and texts from her while work telling me for example I left a medical bill on the counter or there were crumbs left from the night before…. If I apologize I get criticized. Sometimes the argument is not as many hours If I say that shes being petty – then the argument still lasts for hours because I didn’t “Humble” myself. There is plenty of regrettable things I have done over the years, but I don’t have any surviving family left to talk about these things and she has “phone councelors” she uses but will NEVER go see a marriage councelor with me. I truly suspect she is afraid of what they will say. I am truly no angel and I will come clean and face my woes with my head forward and get this family moving strong but for right now, we are truly in a weekly and almost daily battle where no one is happy. She gets to stay on the couch most of the day alone thinking or watching her shows, or whatever she likes to do while I go to work, come home and seldom get to spend quality time with my family, my kids or wife one on one, help fix my home (outside of routine “chores”) let alone with my hobby/me alone time like she is blessed to get.

    This has turned a bit into a rant and I am trying to pack in far too much detail. Maybe in hope someone has ideas. I have a lot to lose and my boys seem to think all I have to do is do “the right thing”… buut when I bite my tongue and as much argument avoidance I try, I am faced with a wife who will find the cats fed or litter box changed late, a routine missed, or lord forbid I foget the order she tells me on what food to make for the families lunch or simply the weather is bad as an excuse to argue. I never get a break. I cant just leave. She said she will bury me in alimony and will ensure I don’t see my kids again…

    I so crave positive – I only get that from work or outside. I dont know what happened for it to get this bad, but man I’ve never felt so alone and vulnerable in my life. I only have hope that there will be something or someone that will be able to help the 4 people here to be happy if that means apart, then so be it. But I really just need everyone to be happy by whatever that means to them, including me for the first time in many years.

    • Whoopie Pie May 3, 2015, 5:57 am

      I wish you had a sister to kick her ass. :-/ Bury you in alimony and take the kids? What a psychotic lady, with the threats. Sleep with one eye open! :-P

      My advice is to talk to a lawyer. Don’t be a dummy and tell her- she obviously wants to ruin you, sad as it is. Get an idea of how much you’ll have to give her if you decide to divorce. But remember this: the longer you stay married, the more it will cost you… she legally “deserves” to be paid for sitting on her duff while she could’ve been working some idiot job. America. We wouldn’t give African-Americans reparations for hundreds of years of abuse and slave labor, but a woman who married a man and didn’t work at all gets alimony. :-( Sorry, bud. I hope she remarries asap.

      As far as child support goes, you will have to pay if she takes you to court. Speak up about your hand in raising your sons- homeschooling, taking them to soccer, whatever. How much you’ll have to pay depends on how much money you earn, how much money you spend on yourself, your bank account balances, your custody arrangement (if you have the kids 3 days/week, you’ll pay less; you just may be blessed with full custody) and what bills you pay for your kids (private school, homeschool textbook guides, backpacks, computers, clothes, insurance, etc).

      If you’re the type of father you seem to be, you’ll find a very eloquent way of explaining your divorce to your children. They probably think “the right thing” is to take care of their mother. If she were the type of woman who deserved a man like that, they wouldn’t have to tell you to handle your functions. I’m sure they’ll love seeing your happiness. Remind them that Dad loves them and will always take care of them, and that has nothing to do with Mom.

      Don’t go bad mouthing her, either. You probably wouldn’t, but just in case. Boys will side with their mother. Like you mentioned, that womanly charm. That old “she’s just a woman, leave her alone” thing.

      I wish you so much, my dear. You deserve appreciation and passion. Perhaps that’s worth the price. :-)

      -Whoopie Pie

      P.S.- When, not if, you get this divorce, buy life insurance for yourself. Name your sons the beneficiaries. Without your horrible wife around to make your final arrangements (she’d probably cremate your ass), they will need to be able to. It’s a very unselfish, loving thing for a younger father to do for his children. Just in case, pal. That’s what I’d tell my own brother.

  • Angel April 23, 2015, 10:09 am

    I was reading some of these post and realized I’m not the only one going the same tjing. My husband have been together for 7 yes been married for 5. We have been having problems for while now it was like we was just roommates. At that point I didn’t think I was in love with him anymore and was always pushing him away. Well bout a month ago we got into a fight he said he wanted a divorce well next day we talked he told me he loved me and always will but wasn’t in love well that’s when I was still in love well he wanted a break well stayed at friends house for 2 days. But he wanted me back home. We have been trying to work our marriage out and really could talk to somebody going through the same thing and vice versa. If anybody interested maybe we can exchange email or something. Thanks

  • Luin May 26, 2015, 11:08 pm

    My wife and I are going through a hard time as well. She wants to separate but I don’t. She doesn’t want to work on the marriage at all. We’ve only been married less than 2 years. Right after we got married, my wife started using drugs (meth( please do not bash her for that)) when I found out I sent her to California to be with her mom (who was there visiting family). She was gone for a month and when she came back everything seemed fine until about 3 weeks later she says she’s not happy and wants to separate. I only got so far as to my vehicle when she stopped me and told me to stay. A week later, same thing but we separate for a month. We get back together and things go well then she starts hanging out more with her cousin and friends and is never home but only to sleep and take a shower. She told me the she wants to separate because she isn’t happy. We work things out and things go good. We buy a house together and now we’re going through it again. This time she’s saying divorce. Her reasons are she isn’t happy and the way I talk to her. (In my defense I’m not a mean guy. I say and do things that hurt a lot of people’s feelings and I’m at fault for that I don’t think before I speak) she also said that I wasn’t as outgoing as I used to be and that I don’t take her out anywhere anymore. Which is not entirely true because we have been doing work on our house and both trying to work full time jobs and make time for our family and friends there isn’t a lot of bonding time together. Yes we both could have made time but didn’t. I’ve been seeing a therapist and she actually called my wife to get her side of the story and my wife told her that she hasn’t initiated sex in over a year which I know and she knows for a fact is a lie because we both did. Me more than her. She also told her that she feels disconnected from me and doesn’t want to go through the same pattern we have been going through. She says we get back together and everything is fine and then I go back to my old ways. Which some of that is true. I won’t lie and say it isn’t. We both talk to each other saying things and at those times we both laugh because we know it isn’t true. Or so I thought anyways. She told my therapist that I speak bad to her when I really don’t. I am a human being and I do make mistakes, and know I realize I’ve could’ve been differently and she could have been too. I feel as if we’re both at fault on this and not just me. She’s so content with leaving and I’m content with working it out, but she feels as if she can’t do it anymore. Any advice would be helpful. I pray to God everyday to lead and guide me and her as well. And to help us both forget the past and to work on this marriage. We’re both believers but I feel as if I am more of a believer than she is but I’m not her so I can’t be for sure. I feel as if I’m the only one committed. We’re both young (I’m 22 and she’s 21) and have our whole lives ahead of us and we’ve always talked about what we wanted to do in the near future (which was travel) and then all of this happens.

  • Donald June 22, 2015, 9:12 am

    I believe it starts with you, you have to love yourself first enough to except that no one truly understands what love is or how to for that matter its when you stay in it and aloud GOd’s word to leads both of you to grow spiritual and then only can you find out whats truly happening why not go to the provider that creates love to find out. I know without him im to selfish and i know nothing about love and as a foster kid never loved because everyone was gone before 3 yrs old growing up in a sex ring I thought sex was how I can show it lost I was but awake now and you should be too. I claim no religious affiliation just his word BAsic Instructions Before Leaving Earth get it bible . Simply put relationship between you and your provider its simple if its to hard to get it its not him hes basic instructions on the way to live try it and be a witness like me

  • Bill July 2, 2015, 9:51 pm

    Ok here it goes… My situation is quite in depth… My wife of 5 years who I have been with for 7 years and have 2 children with ages 5 and 1 decided that she wasn’t in love with me anymore… She works for her aunt and got a new best friend who is 23 and has no responsibilities… Little by little my wife started hanging out with her more and more… Getting a sitter while I was at work and going places… This past month we got in a fight and she said she wanted a separation… I have the kids on my days off and stay at my moms and she has them when I work… When she’s not with the kids she’s out every chance she gets… She has even lied about who she was with because she’s sick of her family telling her it’s not a good idea to hang out with this girl… While I do admit that I have neglected her emotionally and we do fight an awful lot, I’m not a bad husband… I provide and am a great father… Now here’s the tough part… Wife found out she was pregnant last month and decided to terminate because she said our relationship was too messed up to have another kid… Then I decide to hack into her phone and come to find out while at the bar with her little friend she met a 48 year old guy and has been having what appears to be an emotional affair for more than a month… She swears it’s not sexual… Yet… But he sends her nice messages… Things I never did… So fast forward 2 miserable weeks and I beg yet again telling her I can change and show more affection and she says… “I know you can… But I don’t want that from you anymore… I don’t miss you in my bed and I’m doing things I was never able to do and having fun…. One minute she’s completely mean to me and the next she tells me to send her the pictures of what the kids and I are doing… When I confronted her about the other guy she says she’s not lookin for a boyfriend or a new husband and that she hasn’t had sex with anyone other than me in six years and that she currently has no desire to have sex whatsoever… It pisses me off because she puts pictures of herself on social media lookin all happy and posts things saying “be with those who bring out the best in you not the stress in you” and of course doesn’t she call me at 1 in the morning saying she needs milk for the baby and of course I bring it to her… She knows I would never neglect my children… What pisses me off the most is that she tells me that I never took her anywhere and always made her look stupid which I’ll admit I kind of did but she’s focusing on everything negative… I’m guilty of putting my children first… We did things as a family every chance we could… This person my wife has become these past few months is not the woman I married… My begging pleading and crying has fallen on deaf ears… I’m trying so hard to move on because it seems that’s the only choice I have left but how can someone who once loved her kids more than anything in this world go without them for four days and just go out and hang out at the bar???

  • Gavril July 13, 2015, 8:29 am

    To Bill,

    Run, don’t walk to pick up a copy of “Love Must Be Tough,” by James Dobson. It gave me back my self respect, and I was able to stop begging and pleading. I also started getting a good night’s sleep again.

    Here’s the thing: At this point, your wife is unlikely to be rational. She’s “in love” and even God Himself appearing in from of her and telling her to knock off the nonsense would be ignored. Her actions and words are completely in line with a woman in her situation.

    You have to be strong for your kids’ sake, and for your own. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. And what you REALLY need to be asking yourself is, do you REALLY want to keep her? Her judgment is poor, and any 48-year-old man who wants to take on a woman to two small children, is, to say the least, unlikely. More likely is, she’ll get physically involved with him (and sorry to say this, but she probably already is, as in most cases like this), and it won’t last very long, but the damage will have been done to you and your kids.

    Hang in there, get the book, and then decide what it is YOU want. I did, I stuck it out with my first wife until the children were gone, after which, she was, too. Frankly, I’d have been better off to cut the cord and move on, but my conscience is clear, as far as the children do. Having said all that, they still take her side against. No good deed, I guess. . .

    • Bill July 13, 2015, 9:47 am

      Thank you for the advice… I assume she’s already been with him… When she pushed for the separation and I found out about him she said it was just a crush which of course I didn’t believe… She told me the other day she was happier without me doing things she’s never been able to do aka hanging out with her friends and him as well I’m sure…. I’m going to give her the separation and at this point I’d love to say I’m not going to take her back but I have to wonder if eventually she will realize she’s being an idiot…. Part of me feels that a 28 yr old with 3 kids and a 48 yr old won’t last very long… And going out with her friends will get old especially when all but one is married with kids… And at that point maybe she’d come crawling back but she is very thick headed and I doubt she will… As much as I love her , I also just want to see this all explode in her face and laugh at her… Like I said our marriage wasn’t perfect but I sure as hell didn’t do anything to deserve this

      • Gavril July 13, 2015, 10:30 am

        Bill, if you are doing okay during this very painful time, then I am happy for you. Be strong, and love those kids of yours. They did nothing to deserve this. People in a marriage often take each other for granted, and there is always a wolf at the door that can woo away the needy partner in “a New York Minute,” like Don Henley sang about. A little more recently, Brad Paisley wrote that a man should “Love Her Like She’s Leaving’” which is good counsel. Your wive sounds selfish, and willing to hurt not only you, but her own babies. But, people can rationalize any bad decision they make.

        In any case, please try to get a look at that book. You should probably talk to a lawyer sooner than later. Am I suggesting you file and get on with your life? Not necessarily. But letting her know that the cage door is open can sometimes bring amazing results, if THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT. At this point, the ONLY consideration is the security of your children and your own happiness, not hers.

        I know I’ve rambling, but I made a decision to honor my faith during my ex-wife’s shenanigans, and to not become involved with anyone sexually unless I remarried. I honored God, took care of my children, and I believe that He brought my second wife into my life 17 years ago. She’s given me two more beautiful kids, and she is the probably the most beautiful woman (I mean like pinup girl beautiful) you’ll ever see.

        My ex? One unhappy affair another. A single man has a lot more value on the dating market than a mother with two children.

        Peace, and may God Bless you and your babies.

  • Gisele July 13, 2015, 11:48 am

    I met my spouse I was 31 he was 20 (back in 1995). We went on dates after almost a month – I broke up with him because he made me feel wonderful yet because of the age difference – I broke off with him then I was so miserable without him for 2 weeks I reconnected with him. Then December 96 he proposed, I accepted him but we never got hitched. Before my son was born we used to do ballroom dancing and the jive I had to stop because I had problems with my knees (overweight) then found out I was pregnant. We have a son who is 15 yrs now. When my spouse told me he is no longer in love with me but still loves me. I asked him to give me chance but somehow he is not sure of what he wants. We are still living together, he sleeps on the couch – since May. We both play bowling on Wednesday night (September to April) at the banquet we danced to a special dance Angel Eyes (Lionheart). Also found out that I am alergic to nickel. So my engagement ring had nickel I bought another ring to replace it, also back in April – he told me not wear it yet because he wanted to do something special. So in a space of 3 months he has fallen out of love. This year he turned 40 the first time I planned a surprise party since he did for me when I turned 40. He loved it. For my spouse’s birthday his brother gave him a introduction course to motorcycle (2 yrs prior we met he had a bad one – that was his fear) he went and loved it. He has his M1. The 2 mistakes I did was: He said I wasn’t supportive of him – to trying it. I was negative yes but I fear he will get hurt because people in my city are not careful with the motorcycles. I fear he will get hurt. And the other well since I had my son I feared going to the movies so we went to see the Avengers the 2 one.. My stomach got upset it was IMAX but one thing I notice I found it loud. My spouse tried to take my hands and I withdrew my hand – I was feeling a bit anxious and so on…twice I had to go to the bathroom…Made me realized that I miss probably a lot of good movies but the actions are hard for me – my heart start to beat quicker….On July the 18 we are coming to the 1 year anniversarry of his mother car accident (she passed away on september 10th) – I was his rock, just like he was when my dad passed away (2006). I just don’t know what step to take now. He toldme on July 4th he is no longer in love with me but he still loves me.
    Gisele´s last blog post ..Keep Calm, It’s Only a Dream

  • Bill July 13, 2015, 11:54 am

    I understand what you’re saying but at the same time everyone else has explained it to me that she makes it seem as though everything is my fault so she can go party with her friend… She literally drops the kids off on my 4 off and she goes out with this 23 year old girl to party…. Or she goes out with other people… She says she enjoys life without me because she gets to hang out with friends… She says that everyone tells her how much happier she is without me but it seems like it’s only that way because she’s without the kids for 4 days… Anyone would be happy… I just don’t get it… Will she ever wake up???

  • Gavril July 13, 2015, 12:02 pm

    I hear you, Bill. Please, be attentive to, and invest yourself in your children. You cannot control her. She is on a road to self-destruct, don’t do likewise. And absolutely start keeping records of how much time you have and spend with your kids. I would speak with a lawyer sooner than later. Those little ones need a responsible parent, and custody discussions need to be started. If you want her, then you have to be the grown up. But the little ones! I’m sure you are hurting, but they can’t possibly understand what’s happening.

    And don’t forget the book! God bless you, and keep you during this. Many of us have been there.

    • JM July 13, 2015, 10:06 pm

      Bill, you’re not alone. I’m a little bit further along a similar road and I feel your pain. I posted my story last fall, but basically my (normally level-headed and smart) wife of 16 years had a long distance affair with a coworker and decided to end our marriage. She’s changed her mind several times (be prepared for that – what they say often doesn’t stay true long enough to mean anything), but Saturday night she said she was done, and I’m going to hold her to it.

      Gavril’s right – concentrate on what’s good for you and your kids. I found that doing that helped me think more clearly and feel better about myself. You can beat yourself up about whatever you could have done better in your marriage, but she’s obviously not perfect either. She chose to make things worse rather than try to improve them, like you have.

      You can’t predict what’s going to happen. You don’t have any control over what she’ll do. Maybe she will get her stuff together and want to work things out and maybe not, but you want to take the long view and act in such a way that you won’t have regrets later. You will want to be able to answer your kids’ questions about what happened honestly when they have them later. This kind of garbage saps your brainpower and makes you doubt yourself, which is the opposite of what you need. You didn’t make these choices – she did.

      Gavril’s right about consulting a lawyer, too. Get some books from the library about the divorce process and familiarize yourself with the laws & procedures in your state, Even if you end up working things out it can help you to know what to expect and make it somewhat less intimidating. Get a handle on your finances yesterday. Be strong – either way you’ll need it. It might even impress her if you aren’t fazed by her antics, you build yourself a better life, and you aren’t begging her to stay. And if it doesn’t (like it didn’t for my wife) you’re in a much better situation to face what comes.

      And joint or full custody is a lot easier to get as a dad if you can show the court you are heavily involved in the kids’ lives, so make a list of what you do for them, especially if you’re doing it while she’s out partying, and then do more.

      Best wishes to you and your kids.

  • Maxwell July 29, 2015, 6:44 am

    Thanks for the article. Out of the many pieces about the topic out there, it might just be the only one that would hopefully really help me. Provided I keep on finding the strength to stick up to it.

  • Brokenheart August 10, 2015, 1:05 am

    I am male, 33 married for 7.5 yrs. My issue is completely reverse of what I have read so far. My wife does not want me any more. Reason : she does not feel any love towards me anymore. I work in India and for an official trip had been to Munich for 72 days since May 2015. After my return I see drastic changes in my wife. While I was away my parents and her parents had some big arguments taking up old topics. The friction between our parents have always been there however she was never so a different. Every second statement of hers is asking for divorce. She is encouraging me to marry someone else,infact she is ready to find a match for me. She does not feel any love towards me. After returning today it’s been 15 days and overall 90 days since we have been physical. She does not want to do anything with me, forget doing doesnt like me touching her. She doesn’t change dress in our bedroom if I am there. When I asked the reason she says she feels what we did was enough. Rest of her life she wants to live like this. We are living like strangers now. When I ask when her behavior would change her response is don’t know. She says she needs time or sometimes she says she might be like this rest of her life. Now her opinion is after expanding family husband and wife should live like brother and sister. We have a 2 yr old son and he is the one who will suffer the most if we divorce. I see no sense if remorse in her but I can’t live without her. My parents I’ll treated her sometimes in the past and I understand all that. I spoke to my patents and now I can ensure she won’t undergo such things in future. Is there any way to get her love back for me? Would she leave me?

  • h@ppily August 25, 2015, 2:27 pm

    Dear Alisa,

    I want to thank you very much for this blog and for all your experience which you have been sharing with everyone here.

    Many years ago I found your story and your blog/webpage accidentally, I read about all your posts and your story made me hope in a seemingly very hopeless situation stuck in a difficult relationship with my spouse.

    Times were very hard, they got even harder and the situation got even more hopeless – all my life seemed to be full of failure, bad luck and darkness.

    Finally, after many many attempts and hitting rock bottom several times (not thinking that it might become even worse some day), trying so many things, I finally found a way to get out of that misery:

    seeking advice in mariage counseling was a very important first step – my wife did not want to take part, so I went there alone.
    I learnt a lot about me, my past and I finally managed to change myself and thus the bad situation also changed and my wife changed her negative attitude towards me too.

    So finally, we are happy after many many years of difficult marriage, frustration, accusations and criticism and I can not thank you, Alisa, enough for the courage of telling your success story here publicly. I admit I never bought or read your book, but I loved your blog.

    I finally discovered also other ways to learn more awareness, positive thinking (in the sense of Dr. Joseph Murphy) and I want to ENCOURAGE every man or women coming here hopeless to try everything to save your marriage (if it is worth it).

    I wish you all the best


    • M October 5, 2015, 10:40 am

      Good for you. This place needs more positive stories like yours.

  • Viet September 5, 2015, 7:24 am

    Hi i have been married for 13 yrs with my wife. I am a very jealous person but I have never cheated on my wife.she has cheated on me once before we got married and she told me I never give her the attention she needed and I realized that so I asked her to marry me and she accepted..4 years later I been so busy with work and I’m still the jealous person…she don t work she has no friends and I still don t pay attention to her and the kids I always say no when they wanna do fun things.. Now it’s to the point where she has had it up to here with me and wants to separate but still stay home and help with the a house…she keeps telling me to do it for the kids and she ll always have love for me but she wants to separate she don t want me to hate took it to this point where i realize that she no longer wants to be with open my eyes and I lover her to death and can’t be without her..I ve ask her if I would ever have a chance to make her fall in love with me again and she just shakes her head and says I can t and I ask her way and she tells me she don t want me to hate her if she says no…I’m so lost we are on a camping trip now and I ve showed her that I am doing everything for our kids now they are so happy and she is happy but when I try to talk to her she don t wanna hear it and just tell me to stop…what should I do? Give her space? Move out ? End it now? I told her that no matter what I will wait for her but it’s so hard I wanna hug her kiss her hold her hand I cried for her..please help me I love her to much to let her go and my eyes are wide open!!!!

    • Gavril September 5, 2015, 8:15 am

      Hi Viet,

      Seems like you are learning a hard lesson about making your wife feel that she is valued and loved. They say that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, and she is now indifferent to you. Therefore, you feel the absence of that attention and affection, and it is an extremely painful situation for you. Just a kind, loving word or touch would heal you, but right now, you are bleeding and it can be almost unbearable.

      Several ideas come to mind for you in particular. Note, this is only going to possibly work if you are ABSOLUTELY SURE that there is no third party involved! If there is any doubt about that, there is precious little you or anyone else could do to change her mind. That said,

      First, you are still under the same roof, and that is always advantageous. I would not move out if I were you, but be willing to show her all the consideration and attention you would as if you were courting her, but demanding nothing in return.

      Second, you have to be willing to do this for as long as it takes. Many times, consistency over a period of time to prove to her that you really have changed your ways can be the key.

      Third, if she wants to move out and leave you with the children, I truly suspect that a third party is involved. In any case, you have to open the cage door, as they say, and if she wants to leave, your attitude should simply be, “I love you, and the kids and I will miss you.” However, if not, I do not advise you to move out. White you are physically with her, you have the opportunity to influence her positively.

      I strongly recommend a couple of books: “Love Must Be Tough” by Dr. Dobson, and “His Needs, Her Needs” by Harley. Get them, read them BY YOURSELF, don’t try to get her to read them.

      Change is hard, and painful. Please make sure in your own mind that you are really willing to do whatever is necessary to fix the flaws in your own character. For many people, it is just too hard. But even if you are unsuccessful in saving your marriage, you can improve your chances for success in a future relationship.

      I wish you the best of luck. I navigated a very painful divorce, and realized finally at the end that I did not want her back. My ex did truly heinous things to me and my family, but I came out in the end far better off than I ever thought possible.

    • Gavril September 5, 2015, 8:17 am

      By the way, Do Not CRY! Women never respect weakness. Admit your shortcomings and begin to address them. THAT, my friend shows strength, and women appreciate strength of character in their men.

      • Viet September 5, 2015, 8:51 am

        Dear Gavril

        I am truly committed to doing what’s best for her and my kids and willing to show her for as long as I can. But I am getting hints from her that it’s never going to work out…is that a phase she is going thru atm cuz she so hurt from what I did? I know I have a long road ahead..

  • Gavril September 5, 2015, 8:56 am


    Who can say? You are going to be able to control only yourself. Giving up is something only you an do. Hanging in there is likewise your decision.

    You know, EVERYTHING is a phase.

    Try the books I suggested.

    Best of luck,


  • Viet September 6, 2015, 11:59 am

    Dear Gavril

    I know now that it is definitely a 3rd party involved..but this person is so far away to the point that she has to get a passport to see him…and she told me that she will never take the kids from me..she told me that if it don t work out then she will be with me again..I’m so lost and afraid..the path ahead is a dark one I don t know what I should do anymore?please guide and help me

    • Gavril September 6, 2015, 3:49 pm

      My dear friend, Viet!

      First, my heart goes out to you. My first wife tore my heart and soul apart over a man who did not even really want her, only to “knock her up” and run away.

      But I found, after a long time, that when we wanted to return, I really did not want her back.

      God blessed me with a much more beautiful and wonderful wife because I raised my kids.

      I can’t tell you what to do, but at this point, I would tell her that the door is open, but don’t expect to find it open if she decides to return.

      Be a man, and don’t beat yourself up.


  • JP October 9, 2015, 4:15 am

    i am 30 and my wife is 24 now and we have been married for 2 years and we have a 9 months old son. We live in a country where sex before marriage is totally not accepted.

    we met 4.5 years ago and started dating. Like any other couples we flirted, we kissed and even some physical action. Three months later while hiking in the woods we got physical and i accidentally made her lose her virginity with my finger. We never planned this to happen. I was totally scared and didn’t know what to do. She was like “it’s OK don’t worry don’t let this affect our relation even if things don’t work out don’t let it affect your decision if you are not happy with me” she said this every time i tried to talk to her about what happened and what she wants me to do.

    after that everything was great and we got engaged for a year before marriage. Since we got married we had ups and downs like any other married couple and she always says that i don’t talk much when i come home from work and don’t take care of her so much. And yes i am not a talkative person and over simplify things and maybe take her for granted.

    two weeks ago she came to me crying and told me that she was not happy and doesn’t love me anymore because she tried to fix things so many times and every time she talks to me i get better and things get great for 2 months and then i get back to the way i was before.

    she said she pretended to be so strong all the time even when she lost her virginity and she said she only married me for that reason because she was young and afraid if her parents found out and didn’t know what else to do. And she never told me that before because she didn’t want to hurt me but she couldn’t anymore.

    since we met she always told me that she doesn’t believe in love and she believes in actions and happiness. Things were great and she was so happy to be with me and i treated her right and she even said that in a certain period i made her love me because of the way i treated her and now she doesn’t want to give affection and doesn’t want affection in return anymore. She will keep taking care of the house and me and cook for me and take care of our son and everything else just like before but of course no sexual or emotional life and our son will be her only interest and she wants me not to ask for anything more than that. And she is still my wife only because it was a decision she took.

    i am so deeply in love with her and would do anything to fix our marriage but she said that i can’t fix anything anymore. And she doesn’t want me to fix anything and she will not love me again whatever I would do or change because i will get back to the same way we are now and she will get hurt again. Now she stopped talking to me the way we did before unless it was something about our son and she says that she doesn’t want me to get her involved in anything concerning my own life and doesn’t want me to interfere in her own life.

    please help me with some advice what should i do?

  • Tracey October 16, 2015, 1:22 am

  • J. November 20, 2015, 2:35 pm

    5 years of dating, 27 years of marriage 2 children later 1 married 1 13. Husband hooks up with an older woman on line. Claims they just talk. I have always done everything he wants. Be a good wife, be there for him always even at one of his lowest points . Stood by him and keep my mouth shut for him. I am always here to talk to but we don’t talk much. I’m 45 he 48. Can he be going through a change?

  • DaRealCY November 29, 2015, 1:41 am

    Hey i am,going through the Same thing you guys got years I’ve been married 10 months it’s my first her second and what I am going through is my wife saying she don’t love me anymore. She up and move to another state and I follow to find myself going back and forth of course wemovein with her parents to get on our feet but I never lived in all my things I left things behind so I trace back and forth between 3 states to get them. Of course we have had are disaggreements and arguments but nothing to bad we couldn’t fix. So being in her parents they dictate her every move and ways for us to go about our marriage I’m not comfortable with this already we don’t have enough privacy and on top of that she has 3 kids and says she can’t put me before her kids I never asked that to begin but kids are forever regardless right? So any way we get into a verbal one day I’m using her phone and she gets a text and it’s some guy not worried but curious I question her “babe you not seeing anyone or anything like that you would cheat on me would you.” she responds no not at all I show her the pic on the phone and she says it’s my friends baby dad I say ok no problem and we drop the convo only for her to bring it up again later and say some things of why she thought I was thinking. I told her you don’t want to know what I’m thinking let’s just drop it she goes into a rage and walks away from me and from the store.I find myself going to get her and she starts swinging and saying get the f away from me don’t touch me stuff of that mature. Time passes and I smoke and she gets in the car and I tell her she will never be able to do that to me ever again and not long after she does it I walk out with my things not to end the marriage but tell her we should take some time apart so I can go get the rest my things while we wait for the keys to our apt. I get a call later from her saying you freed us you toss me away like trash and she has not spoke to me in weeks only to hear and talk to her mom a process server is looking to serve me divorce papers after she gets in the place and I get ready to come back to her ibdont get it at all how does one do this kind of thing to a person. I mean an argument is fixable and this is a cheap way out right. So lost and confused. Marriage is something that is serious and not to be played with and ibdont understand how some justify absurd and childish behaviors instead of helping people try to walk through you instigate that departure is the best thing bshit really.why get married if you are not truly in love or if you can’t handle the situations brought about I agree with some of you people but not all of you.if anyone has any advice for me please feel free to express or reach out to me

  • Charmain Dunn December 7, 2015, 6:11 am

    I am currently struggling to win my husband back. she seems better than me to him and she is aggravating hurt inside of me. I’m married to him, we have a baby thats 1 years old. I am just confused

  • Maria February 4, 2016, 7:36 am

    I’ve been married 41 years. My husband has been telling me that he doesn’t love me, that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I’m so hurt that broke my heart. Everything bothers him. If I talk on the phone, if I go into Facebook etc. If I say conversation about health issues etc. Says I have enemies of cousin his family hasn’t made my life easy. They never wanted me to be his wife. They were controlling and I never let them do it to me. My husband never stood up to them and never gave me my Place. Now he has left the bedroom and ignores me and doesn’t talk to me. I’ve try taking to him and he just shuts me out least to say we go out and the conversation is limited. I’m hating to go out. He claims that I always want to hang out. If we get invited to social gatherings and he doesn’t want to go, puts up an argument but goes and has a good time but when we leave starts acting up again. No talking. There’s to much to say but I’m not happy and don’t want to continue this way. I just want to say there is no need for my husband to be this way. We have everything. I want us to be happy for we only have a few more years of life. I want to grow old with him.

    • maria February 9, 2016, 10:11 pm

      Please respond

  • Leroy Martinez May 26, 2016, 4:25 pm

    I am replying on the topic when your spouse tells you they love you BUT they are not in love with you.

    What does that really mean? In my opinion, they have no clue what love really is or the difference between the two.They are confused what love really is.

    What do you do when your spouse tells you this after thirty-seven years of marriage especially when she says the marriage is over, DONE.

    You cannot convince your spouse or ask her to do anything such as counseling, marriage workshops, clergy, etc. They are done …, and only they have to do these things on their own. Trying to get them to do these things only pushes them away more and will resent you.

    My wife told she isn’t happy and hasn’t been for quite some time. This was never communicated to me or did I have any clue she had been. Bottom line is when your spouse is unhappy and they don’t communicate with you they are the one’s with the issues. Some say they are guilty of something they have done in the marriage such as an affair, cheating on their spouse, or in the process of an affair, or the other person is waiting for your relationship to be over so they can be together.

    All you can do is pray to God for your marriage. Ask him to intervene. Leave it in his hands. This will not be a quick fix so don’t expect too much right away. Keep praying everyday. Pray for your spouse as well. Remember, it takes two for the marriage to fail. Don’t blame yourself. You are both responsible for why it got to this point.

    I’ve gone through Marriage Fitness courses, have Prayer groups pray for reconciliation , just about everything I can come up with. Still she won’t budge. They tell don’t give up. Even if the divorce is final. Keep trying!!

    She tells me the Divorce will be good and that you never know, reconciling is possible later on. The way I look at it, she needs her space to think things out. But at the same time, she wants her freedom even if that means another relationship.

    Keep in mind, the grass is not always greener on the other side. She may be happier for awhile, but she will say the same to him that was told me at some point, I Love You, But not in Love with you. Do what you can to save your marriage. Be Patient as well. Tell them to give a Year and see what they say. You never know. I have seen couples rekindle their relationship days, months, even years.

    In my case I don’t have many years left To be in another relationship. My current spouse tells me I will find someone which tells me she doesn’t want me anymore. But I am going to keep trying . Call me stupid for doing this. But when you have been with the same partner as long as we have it is tough to give up on them.

  • Alish May 29, 2016, 3:40 pm

    I didn’t think it was possible to make clones without actually having the target phone in hand. See this would be very difficult for me to do because he always ALWAYS has his phone on him. Hides or tucks it away when I walk into a room, always has it out when he goes to the bathroom, but when he leaves HE NEVERS answers my calls or text EVEN when I know he isn’t doing anything wrong like has the kids with him at the grocery store. Makes no since. He could even be sitting right next to me and I’ll text a flirty message, and NOTHING! We have a great sex life almost everyday. We’ve been together since I was 14 him 17 and now I’m 31 him 34! Married ten and together for a long time before that, 4 kids aging 2 – 13, I have always been faithful never cheated not once I’ve never even looked at anyone else with lust in my eyes! He’s all I look for. Well mostly other then the part where he’s cheated. Destroyed my confidence, self esteem, the whole package. That was when we were in our early 20s and all the kids were very small still in diapers. House was always choatic! Still no reason for betraying me. Anyway so the past 7 years or more it’s been rocky, I have forgave him and was able to fall back in love with him this past few months! However that’s when his behavior started again. And just my luck HE would make me fall back in love with me just to crush me again! Being 31 and having 4 kids I know my chances of finding any serious relationship I know isn’t in my future if I decide to leave and will probably spend most of my life on booty calls, bars, cheap thrills, and no commits. Where have all the good men gone. It seems like in every relationship it ended because of drugs or sex or both!

    • Alish May 29, 2016, 3:45 pm

      Not to mention he started sleeping in the basement so he can tend to his phone and every time I go do there he always on porn it seems like and I recently found out he may be back on drugs!
      As I said we have a great sex life and still have sex almost everyday but o feel like a booty call to him because he leaves sooooo much and his inter action with the kids has almost dwindled into nothing which is not what none of us are used to!

  • randy June 11, 2016, 4:39 pm

    My soon to be wife feels that maybe some one out there can make her happy or happier we been together 6 years we have a five year old and two year old . we have fights like everyone money household duties the norm I’ve been in situations with her in the past with her saying this or needing security which I know a lot of women do want she does a lot for me and I do a lot for her I understand her and then I just don’t understand why she would say that maybe someone out there can make her happy or happier or just be single

  • Suzanne Kruger June 15, 2016, 1:20 pm

    I just don’t have the “i want to fix it anymore”


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