Comments on: Anything Is Possible http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/ Because life after "I do" isn't always so charming Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:39:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: OneHotTamale25 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-10225 OneHotTamale25 Tue, 06 Jul 2010 08:42:14 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-10225 Of late I've been filling my head with thoughts that suggest it's impossible to work for someone else and like it. I'm currently working on challenging that thought by making the move to work for someone else. I'll let you know how that pans out for me... Of late I’ve been filling my head with thoughts that suggest it’s impossible to work for someone else and like it. I’m currently working on challenging that thought by making the move to work for someone else. I’ll let you know how that pans out for me…

]]> By: aguyreader http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-8581 aguyreader Mon, 17 May 2010 11:59:49 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-8581 I'm very impressed by your simple breakdown of only four skills. I suppose I never thought about it this way, though maybe I should have. It sounds like a lot when I over -think it, but looking at it as just 4 things makes it seem more do-able (ok wasn't sure how to spell that last word). I’m very impressed by your simple breakdown of only four skills. I suppose I never thought about it this way, though maybe I should have. It sounds like a lot when I over -think it, but looking at it as just 4 things makes it seem more do-able (ok wasn’t sure how to spell that last word).

]]> By: Drummer Guy http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-8493 Drummer Guy Fri, 14 May 2010 18:23:20 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-8493 Thanks Joanne & Ray. You brought a tears to my eyes but in a good way :-) It is very tough at times as you know. But the rewards are SO worth the difficult times. I feel as if I am the one who is blessed that God gave me such a wonderful woman. This illness & the trials have made me a better man & husband. I finally learned what self sacrificial love really means. Not bragging on myself. My beloved is the one who gets all the credit. She lives the example every day. Okay I am crying again lol. Sentimental old sap ain't I? :-) Alisa very good for you. I was a radio announcer for 15 years (before I figured out it was the sales staff making all the money lol). Still public speaking make me nervous. I just learned how to hide it. I have also been performing music since 7th grade. Even with over 30 years playing experience I still get butterflies in my stomach before every show. I still play the 1st couple of songs WAY TOO FAST lol!! Some of it is the adrenalin rush of playing for hundreds & sometimes thousands of people. I hope I never loose that excitement. Now if I could just get the nerves under better control. So GO ALISA :-) Thanks Joanne & Ray. You brought a tears to my eyes but in a good way :-) It is very tough at times as you know. But the rewards are SO worth the difficult times. I feel as if I am the one who is blessed that God gave me such a wonderful woman. This illness & the trials have made me a better man & husband. I finally learned what self sacrificial love really means. Not bragging on myself. My beloved is the one who gets all the credit. She lives the example every day. Okay I am crying again lol. Sentimental old sap ain’t I? :-)
Alisa very good for you. I was a radio announcer for 15 years (before I figured out it was the sales staff making all the money lol). Still public speaking make me nervous. I just learned how to hide it. I have also been performing music since 7th grade. Even with over 30 years playing experience I still get butterflies in my stomach before every show. I still play the 1st couple of songs WAY TOO FAST lol!! Some of it is the adrenalin rush of playing for hundreds & sometimes thousands of people. I hope I never loose that excitement. Now if I could just get the nerves under better control. So GO ALISA :-)

]]> By: MarthaandMe http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-8491 MarthaandMe Fri, 14 May 2010 17:55:12 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-8491 Good for you! I've done lots of radio appearances and a handful of tv. I lost my fear over it all when I realized I could just approach it like a politician. Ever noticed how they don't answer the question? "Senator how do you feel about global warming?" "Well Matt, that's an important topic, but I'd like to point out how important health care is." Basically, you can say anything the heck you want as long as you move the conversation forward, appear confident, and are smooth. I use this technique when asked a question I don't know the answer to and it has never failed me. Good for you! I’ve done lots of radio appearances and a handful of tv. I lost my fear over it all when I realized I could just approach it like a politician. Ever noticed how they don’t answer the question? “Senator how do you feel about global warming?” “Well Matt, that’s an important topic, but I’d like to point out how important health care is.” Basically, you can say anything the heck you want as long as you move the conversation forward, appear confident, and are smooth. I use this technique when asked a question I don’t know the answer to and it has never failed me.

]]> By: Joanne & Ray http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-8489 Joanne & Ray Fri, 14 May 2010 17:32:12 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-8489 Dear Drummer Guy; My mom has stage four liver disease. She is 71 and has had it for years now. We almost lost her 2 years ago when she had a bleed out. We got it contained and brought her back from the edge. Since my dad passed one year before she got so horribly sick we really felt she just wanted to follow him but we just poured so much of our love and energy into her that I think she is here now because she is enjoying the love. She has 5 daughters and 11 grands and even though she lives in her own home still she is never alone. Thing is as much as she feels we are doing for her, she is our glue our lives are only sweeter because she lives. I spent alot of time not resenting her or her needs through this illness but resenting the illness so I know what you mean. My goal with her is to make sure she knows how loved and treasured she is because just like your wife she was given months and she has given us years. I know her disease is fatal but I don't envision the end being anytime soon. It sounds like you feel the same about your wife and let me say, Love is so powerful it can prolong a death sentence. Keep up the good work and give her a kiss from all of us. Dear Drummer Guy;

My mom has stage four liver disease. She is 71 and has had it for years now. We almost lost her 2 years ago when she had a bleed out. We got it contained and brought her back from the edge. Since my dad passed one year before she got so horribly sick we really felt she just wanted to follow him but we just poured so much of our love and energy into her that I think she is here now because she is enjoying the love. She has 5 daughters and 11 grands and even though she lives in her own home still she is never alone. Thing is as much as she feels we are doing for her, she is our glue our lives are only sweeter because she lives. I spent alot of time not resenting her or her needs through this illness but resenting the illness so I know what you mean. My goal with her is to make sure she knows how loved and treasured she is because just like your wife she was given months and she has given us years. I know her disease is fatal but I don’t envision the end being anytime soon. It sounds like you feel the same about your wife and let me say, Love is so powerful it can prolong a death sentence. Keep up the good work and give her a kiss from all of us.

]]> By: Drummer Guy http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-8485 Drummer Guy Fri, 14 May 2010 16:30:11 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-8485 Thanks Alisa. Actually I had never thought of your #2 but it is really something to think about. At times it is hard to look at because of my fear of loosing her & my worries of things like will she suffer? This has without a doubt been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. When you love somebody so deeply the thought of having them pass is very scary. But I do need to do all I can to help her through this so that is a GREAT idea. I have some materials her hospice nurse gave us last year. It explains the various stages. It explains the whole process. It is easy to put off reading them due to fear of facing it. But it would be very helpful. I can also go to the book store & see what they have. I got over the resentment problems. I really felt guilty that I even had resentment. I found out it is a normal reaction for the spouse to feel resentment for the person that is ill when what we really resent is the situation itself. It is highly misplaced & I wonder why I would ever even felt that way. I have to remind myself that it is through no fault of her own & she deserves MUCH better than that. So I channel those energies to how can I make her life better. Growing in my compassion is something I had to learn along with a self sacrificial love. My method is mostly my Christian faith. It is a faith we share together & has really helped us both become better spouses for each other. Something I have been told I need to work on in relation to that is I need to do more for me. I REALLY struggle with that. I feel guilty if I do something for me. I am told it is important for care givers to do. I just find it hard because I feel like I am being selfish & feel how could I think of me when she is so sick? But I have seen a negative effect on my own health with stress etc. I do have my music as my release. Nothing like after a hard day of work, care giving etc than banging on my drums like a mad man lol. :-) But that is just 2 hours a week for practice & then the shows we do. The good news is she had been in remission for the last 6 months or so & her life was better. She still had to deal with the damage already done from end stage liver failer which can seriously make her sick at times but not as often. But after a second round of Chemo she lowered her viral load from over 14 million to double digits. The bad news is she started getting really sick again yesterday. I am hoping it is just a temporary setback but she is having some of the same problems she had when it was at it's worst. I am waiting on her home nurse to come evaluate & see if we have to put her back on hospice. Needless to say I am really scared. But she has been on hospice twice in the last 2 years & improved so there is hope. Something that would be helpful would be how do I get her to feel better & more secure in herself? What this disease did to her physically appearence wise has been really hard for her to cope with. I try to assure her in so many ways that she is still that beautiful bride that I saw walking down the aisle & I mean it. I am just worried about how it has effected her & if there is anything I could do to ease these feelings? Oh & yes that was very helpful. You made me think of things I could address that I hadn't even thought of. Your the best :-) I guess my goals will be ways I can become a better husband & care giver. You gave me some GREAT resources for that. Thanks Thanks Alisa. Actually I had never thought of your #2 but it is really something to think about. At times it is hard to look at because of my fear of loosing her & my worries of things like will she suffer? This has without a doubt been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. When you love somebody so deeply the thought of having them pass is very scary. But I do need to do all I can to help her through this so that is a GREAT idea. I have some materials her hospice nurse gave us last year. It explains the various stages. It explains the whole process. It is easy to put off reading them due to fear of facing it. But it would be very helpful. I can also go to the book store & see what they have.

I got over the resentment problems. I really felt guilty that I even had resentment. I found out it is a normal reaction for the spouse to feel resentment for the person that is ill when what we really resent is the situation itself. It is highly misplaced & I wonder why I would ever even felt that way. I have to remind myself that it is through no fault of her own & she deserves MUCH better than that. So I channel those energies to how can I make her life better.

Growing in my compassion is something I had to learn along with a self sacrificial love. My method is mostly my Christian faith. It is a faith we share together & has really helped us both become better spouses for each other. Something I have been told I need to work on in relation to that is I need to do more for me. I REALLY struggle with that. I feel guilty if I do something for me. I am told it is important for care givers to do. I just find it hard because I feel like I am being selfish & feel how could I think of me when she is so sick? But I have seen a negative effect on my own health with stress etc. I do have my music as my release. Nothing like after a hard day of work, care giving etc than banging on my drums like a mad man lol. :-) But that is just 2 hours a week for practice & then the shows we do.

The good news is she had been in remission for the last 6 months or so & her life was better. She still had to deal with the damage already done from end stage liver failer which can seriously make her sick at times but not as often. But after a second round of Chemo she lowered her viral load from over 14 million to double digits. The bad news is she started getting really sick again yesterday. I am hoping it is just a temporary setback but she is having some of the same problems she had when it was at it’s worst. I am waiting on her home nurse to come evaluate & see if we have to put her back on hospice. Needless to say I am really scared. But she has been on hospice twice in the last 2 years & improved so there is hope.

Something that would be helpful would be how do I get her to feel better & more secure in herself? What this disease did to her physically appearence wise has been really hard for her to cope with. I try to assure her in so many ways that she is still that beautiful bride that I saw walking down the aisle & I mean it. I am just worried about how it has effected her & if there is anything I could do to ease these feelings? Oh & yes that was very helpful. You made me think of things I could address that I hadn’t even thought of. Your the best :-) I guess my goals will be ways I can become a better husband & care giver. You gave me some GREAT resources for that. Thanks

]]> By: Alisa Bowman http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-8483 Alisa Bowman Fri, 14 May 2010 14:46:16 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-8483 Drummer Guy: so I think you are saying two things. 1) You want to be able to come to a place of acceptance about her illness (vs feel resentful) 2) You want to find a way to help her have the best death possible. Is that right? For #2, I would think of it like this. What is a good death? What would help her? How does it feel to be her? What skills do I need? I would: * Read whatever I could about the stages of dying, loss, grief and about dying a noble death * Work on growing in my compassion. Now I have a Buddhist slant, but I'm sure there are other ways to learn this skill if you are not a Buddhist. I just don't know what they are. * Help her grow in her humility, which means I need to grow in mine so I can better understand it and not feel as resentful Basically, I would try to know everything that a hospice worker knows. I would study these people. I would seek out people -- chaplins etc -- who are naturally comforting and I would study and mimic how they comfort others. Does that help? .-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ProjectHappilyEverAfter/~3/WENUsY4jaFQ/" rel="nofollow">Anything Is Possible</a> =-. Drummer Guy: so I think you are saying two things. 1) You want to be able to come to a place of acceptance about her illness (vs feel resentful) 2) You want to find a way to help her have the best death possible. Is that right? For #2, I would think of it like this. What is a good death? What would help her? How does it feel to be her? What skills do I need?

I would:

* Read whatever I could about the stages of dying, loss, grief and about dying a noble death
* Work on growing in my compassion. Now I have a Buddhist slant, but I’m sure there are other ways to learn this skill if you are not a Buddhist. I just don’t know what they are.
* Help her grow in her humility, which means I need to grow in mine so I can better understand it and not feel as resentful

Basically, I would try to know everything that a hospice worker knows. I would study these people. I would seek out people — chaplins etc — who are naturally comforting and I would study and mimic how they comfort others.

Does that help?
.-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..Anything Is Possible =-.

]]> By: Drummer Guy http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-8482 Drummer Guy Fri, 14 May 2010 14:37:22 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-8482 Darn I did it AGAIN!! I forgot to check the notify me of follow ups. One day I may learn lol ;-) Darn I did it AGAIN!! I forgot to check the notify me of follow ups. One day I may learn lol ;-)

]]> By: Drummer Guy http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-8481 Drummer Guy Fri, 14 May 2010 14:36:39 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-8481 What a neat idea. I never thought of setting goals for a better marriage. I have been in sales for quite a while & in most jobs you have to set yearly sales goals. With my marriage being somewhat unique because my wife is so ill I am having trouble coming up with goals. I am sure there would be some good ones BECAUSE she is so sick. When she was first diagnosed I was told she may not survive a year. That was about 6 years ago. Early in her illness it did have an negative impact on us as a couple. Mostly my fault. As I had to take on the role of sole care giver & provider I found myself resenting my situation. Financial difficulties, working, house keeping, medical care etc. I learned through wise counsil that my reaction was normal for people in my situation & learned to deal with it & not let it effect my marriage. My beloved has had to deal with this in much worse ways than I. I am not sick 24/7. I don't have a death sentence hanging over my head. All her life she had been that beautiful woman. High School cheerleader, beauty queen type stuff. Suddenly the disease took away a lot of that. To me she will always be my beautiful bride but this has been hard for her to accept. I do all I can to reassure her that she is my beauty queen for life but I understand how she feels. I would probably feel the same. After getting through the early struggles & realizing that I didn't resent her but at times resented the situation this has put us in I can be a better husband. I need to do all I can to make whatever time we have left together the best I can for her. So I guess my question would be, what are some good goals for me to set? I know how to do career goals but have never really set any marriage or life goals. Anybody got any ideas? What a neat idea. I never thought of setting goals for a better marriage. I have been in sales for quite a while & in most jobs you have to set yearly sales goals. With my marriage being somewhat unique because my wife is so ill I am having trouble coming up with goals. I am sure there would be some good ones BECAUSE she is so sick. When she was first diagnosed I was told she may not survive a year. That was about 6 years ago. Early in her illness it did have an negative impact on us as a couple. Mostly my fault. As I had to take on the role of sole care giver & provider I found myself resenting my situation. Financial difficulties, working, house keeping, medical care etc. I learned through wise counsil that my reaction was normal for people in my situation & learned to deal with it & not let it effect my marriage.

My beloved has had to deal with this in much worse ways than I. I am not sick 24/7. I don’t have a death sentence hanging over my head. All her life she had been that beautiful woman. High School cheerleader, beauty queen type stuff. Suddenly the disease took away a lot of that. To me she will always be my beautiful bride but this has been hard for her to accept. I do all I can to reassure her that she is my beauty queen for life but I understand how she feels. I would probably feel the same. After getting through the early struggles & realizing that I didn’t resent her but at times resented the situation this has put us in I can be a better husband. I need to do all I can to make whatever time we have left together the best I can for her. So I guess my question would be, what are some good goals for me to set? I know how to do career goals but have never really set any marriage or life goals. Anybody got any ideas?

]]> By: Liz http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/05/anything-is-possible/comment-page-1/#comment-8480 Liz Fri, 14 May 2010 14:26:45 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=4084#comment-8480 I get what your saying about anything is possible, but I really dislike the example you gave of Steve Jobs. He is incredibly talented and creative, and some things are innate and not learned. You could think about good ideas all day long, strategize, and plan, but that doesn't mean your going to create a billion dollar company, or two. Just because there are a few people that are out of bounds on the norm, does not make them the norm. The are the exceptions. I am sorry to be a downer, but I think it's just really unrealistic to think anything is possible, when in reality there are limitations on life. The only thing you can absolutely control is your own perspective, but other things are out of your hands. I get what your saying about anything is possible, but I really dislike the example you gave of Steve Jobs. He is incredibly talented and creative, and some things are innate and not learned. You could think about good ideas all day long, strategize, and plan, but that doesn’t mean your going to create a billion dollar company, or two. Just because there are a few people that are out of bounds on the norm, does not make them the norm. The are the exceptions. I am sorry to be a downer, but I think it’s just really unrealistic to think anything is possible, when in reality there are limitations on life. The only thing you can absolutely control is your own perspective, but other things are out of your hands.

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