I got my first-ever bikini wax three summers ago as a present for my husband. I won’t go into all of the details of that experience because it’s in my book. If you want to know more about what happens during a nether-grooming wax and rip session, go to amazon and preorder it.
What’s important for you to know now—before we get to the Grooming Guide—is that there are three myths about nether grooming.
Myth #1: You groom your nethers because your man likes them that way.
As I mentioned, I initially did it as a gift for my husband. I found, however, that I’d given a gift to myself. A freshly groomed vulva is not only a work of art to behold, it’s downright sensitive to the touch. If you’ve had issues with sexual desire, a bikini wax just might fix the situation. Grooming also makes your vulva more inviting for oral pleasure. Not only is there less chance of an errant hair getting in his mouth, your entire womanly package feels silky to the tongue. (And, men, the same holds true for your bits as well. Trim the hair and your lady will be more likely to want to go south).
Myth #2: Nether waxing hurts more than childbirth.
It hurts some, but definitely not as much as childbirth. I’d compare it to the sting of getting a shot. Over time, you can develop pain coping mechanisms. For instance, deep breathing really helps.
Myth #3: Only rich people can afford nether grooming
The typical Brazilian wax might run you $80 or so. For this amount of money, you will find out what it feels like to have zero strands of hair on your front side and back. And, yes, you probably have more hair in your butt than your realize. Once it’s gone, you’ll be all like, “Wow, so that’s what a hairless butt feels like.”
If you are a hairy sort like me, then you’ll develop a 5 o clock shadow almost instantly. That means, if you want to remain silky at all times, a weekly wax would be in order.
That’s expensive. Sure.
For those on a budget, there are also these wonderful inventions. They are called razors. The rest of this post will teach you how to use one. And don’t feel bad about going the razor route. This is how professional strippers groom their nethers. How do I know? I’ve asked them.
Now, if you are wondering about other hair removal options, let me tell you. I’ve tried most of them. For instance, let’s talk about the Epilady. I do not know what evil person invented that device. All I can say is this. Taking an Epilady to your privates may very well be as painful as childbirth. I managed to Epilady off about 6 hairs before tears ran down my face.
I’ve also tried hair removal products like Nair. But these things stink up the bathroom. They also require you to walk around the house pants-less for 10 minutes with stinky cream on your front side. My husband always got a big kick out of seeing me this way, but it wasn’t exactly what I would call a turn on for either one of us. And there’s always the fear of accidentally getting the Nair somewhere you really don’t want it, such as your eyebrows.
There are also home waxing kits. I’ve never been brave enough to go there.
How to Shave Your Bits
Step 1: Purchase the right equipment.
You’ll need:
- A top quality razor. Those disposable cheap plastic things that you might be using on your legs will turn your pubic area into something that resembles ground beef. You want a sturdy three or four blade razor with a replaceable head, such as the Schick Quattro. Note that the Schick Quattro is designed for women. I use my husband’s Quattro, the same one he uses on his face. I just swap out the razor head. You can do the same if you are on a budget.
- A small, electric razor. I use the EpiLady Lady B. It came at a discount when I bought the torture device that this company also sells. There are many other brands that work on the bikini area. You’ll use this to give your nethers a pre-trim. More on that in a bit.
- Shaving cream. I’ve used many different brands, ranging from super expensive stuff from specialty catalogs to really cheap stuff available at any convenience store. The cheap stuff works just as good as the expensive stuff. I use Skintimate brand, but there are others. Just don’t use soap. Soap doesn’t lube up the area enough. It’s a blood infusion waiting to happen. Note: I’ve read that shaving cream is toxic, and the list of ingredients does have all sorts of words like “triethanolamine” and such. I asked my Frugal Kiwi friend Melanie if she had a DIY shaving cream recipe, as she’s created all sorts of concoctions ranging from DIY toothpaste to DIY shampoo to DIY deodorant. She had not yet created a DIY shaving cream, but she sent me to this article from Ehow that has instructions. Note: I have not tried this myself; I have no idea whether it will turn your nethers into hamburger.
Step 2: Give yourself a pre-trim
If you are sporting all of your womanliness, you’ll want to trim down some of that woolliness with the electric razor. Otherwise you will do in your razor head before you’ve finished your first shave. Either stand on a bath towel or in the tub for your pre-shave. This makes clean up easier. Use two fingers (such as the flat insides of your middle and index fingers) to gently pull straight the hair, and then use the razor to chop it right off.
If you’d like to shave a pretty picture into your nethers, I suppose you could turn the whole endeavor into a group project and ask your man to draw lines on your front side with eyebrow pencil. Or you could do what I do and settle for any old shape that emerges. Right now, for instance, I’m sporting something that resembles Hitler’s mustache. It’s a little crooked, but it serves its purpose.
Step 3: Follow up with the razor.
Do this part in the shower with the hot water running. Wash off the entire area. Physician types like to caution against shaving the bits because they claim all sorts of scary infections can set in. I’ve never gotten a scary infection down there. I think that’s because I give myself a good soap down first.
Once you are nice and clean, put shaving cream on the parts you want to shave. Then slowly take the razor to yourself. You’ll probably have to concoct your body into all sorts of unusual positions in order to get all of the hair off. For instance, to get the pesky little hairs in the crack between your vulva and thigh, you’ll probably need to step one leg onto the side of the tub and then do an impressive squat straddle. Count it as your exercise for the day.
Periodically rinse off the shaving cream and run your fingers over your vulva. This is your quality control test. If you feel stubble, you’re not done. If you feel silky oh la la, you’re done. Soap yourself up one more time.
Step 4: Lube up.
I rub coconut oil all over my privates when I’m done. It’s my understanding that coconut oil is a natural antibacterial, so this might be another reason I’ve never gotten a horrific skin infection from shaving my nethers.
Step 5: Jump your husband’s bones
There is no greater aphrodisiac than a freshly shaved front side. Use it to your advantage.
What are your nether grooming tips? Have you tried DIY shaving cream? Has a freshly trimmed front side improved your sex life? Share your insights with others.
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Don’t forget you can use soap and an old fashioned whisking brush for shaving cream OR lotion. Either will give you good results.
.-= Frugal Kiwi´s last blog ..Moving Tips: The Kitchen =-.
Thanks for the tips Alisa. My worry has always been the lips and how to get all the hair off there without hurting myself. I will try Schick Quatro with the trimmer and see how that works for me.
There are LOADS of natural shaving creams/lotions – just go to Whole Foods or something like that.
But speaking of toxic – Nair and crap like that smells like that because it is poison!!! It’s burning off your hair. I wouldn’t put that shit anywhere on my body – but especially near my precious bits.
Excellent as always, Alisa.
.-= Julie Roads´s last blog ..This’ll only take a second =-.
#1 SOOOOO TRUE. After I started menopause orgasms gotta little harder to achieve. I shaved as part of my celebration for loosing 50 pounds and because I thought it would turn ray on but let me tell you, the first interaction with my husband and I will never grow hair there again. Also, the oral sex is better not just for him. I’ve just made it part of my morning shower routine. My husband is very shy so it took a bit of convincing for him let me trim him but he promised this weekend he would give in to it.
Skintimite is just as good as anything else, I use the one with Aloe but I use baby oil after. It isn’t as difficult as shaving your legs where I always managed to nick myself but it is a routine. It is important to change razors often though so I do get the throw always just the 4 bladed kind.
By the way where was this blog a year ago when I tried the Nair and darn near ended up in the emergency room with some serious burns on my lips? I had been away for a week and wanted to surprise Ray when I got home. I had to trial and error on my own to come up with the best way for me and I have always wondered if there was an easier way, now I know because you described the routine exactly.
Ray says he agrees with the silky feeling on the tongue thing.
Joanne–weird. I burned the skin off my top lip, too! I thought my skin was just super sensitive. Now I just shave my lip like a man. Anyone got a problem with it???
Julie: Oh, yeah, I knew that Nair was NOT good for me, but, well, you know. All in the name of being a professional guinea pig and all.
I love this post, 1) because it’s true, and 2) because it’s true.
Maybe it’s my age-bracket, but I’ve been shaving pretty intensely in my nether region since my late teens/early 20s. To me, it’s just normal and I like it better. I feel better in a bathing suit too (which is why I started light shaving there in high school). Granted, I don’t shave all the time, maybe once or twice a week. But it’s just nice to have things clean. Every so often, I go totally bare, which always brings some interesting comments. 
To make it easier for myself, I prefer to shave while taking a bath. The contoring is a little easier, and there’s less chance of falling that way since I’m already sitting. Also, and I know this is a no-no to many women… I don’t use any sort of shaving cream or soap. I haven’t for years on legs, pubic region, or armpits. I rarely knick myself and have never gotten an infection. I wash first, then shave. I know this may not work for everyone, but it’s worked for me. I find I miss spots more when I use shaving cream. And it saves me money in the long run. Lotion afterwards. It helps. And I’ve also been using the Quattro for a few years now and love it!
Oh, and I’m slightly entertained at the fact that this topic doesn’t really seem to embarass me to talk about… but sex stuff still makes me feel awkward. Ha! I’m still maturing I guess.
I am waiting to see if any of the men chime in
Natalie–I meant to say this in the post, but I forgot. I think whether or not shaving cream is a must depends on the type of hair you have. If it’s fine (basically you are a blond), you can probably get away with water or just soap. If you have hair like mine, major lubrication is in order because the hair doesn’t come off easily.
Sabrina- I agree, I of course texted Ray with the details and as usual asked for his comments but other than one I would be to embarrassed to write (something about a tongue) he won’t comment. He just keeps saying, Baby steps, Joanne, Baby steps. I’m still trying to get his input for Eden’s Fantasys, hope there wasn’t a time limit on that gift certificate Alisa!
Joanne–I don’t think there’s a time limit. If it doesn’t work for you, just let me know and I’ll get you a more updated gift code. But it shouldn’t be a problem.
Just joking Alisa, Ray being abit shy about looking at the sight. he is just a bit repressed and I really get a kick out of pushing his buttons (I know he’ll see this).
I’ve always sort of wanted to try the Brazilian bit, just for the fun of it…and I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to try a home kit. Like Natalie, I’ve always used a razor for a smoother look; otherwise I’d have hair poking all over the place when I’m wearing a swim suit and that is NOT attractive.
But my two tips are this:
Conditioner works REALLY well. Alisa, I’m like you. Thick hair and lots of it. I find that I miss fewer spots, it coats the skin better and I end up with a smoother shave overall.
Also, rather than contort into doing squats, I sit on the edge of the tub with a bath full of warm water. Sitting on the tub gives me pretty good access.
Am I the only one self conscious about getting a brazillian???? I cant imagine myself spread eagle with a stranger down there.
“A freshly groomed vulva is not only a work of art to behold, it’s downright sensitive to the touch.” — Alicia, I just love how you don’t beat around the — well, you know.
Another myth — or not? After a certain age, you’re exempt. I thought everybody who did this was young. I was kind of hoping I was too old for a Brazilian.
.-= Ruth Pennebaker´s last blog ..Mellow Nello =-.
This post is hilarious and true! A hairless butt…LOL! I like counting squatting over the tub (which is true!) as my excerise for the day! LOL! I also like the suggestion that men trim their hair too–SO TRUE! Guys, come on–it’s so much nicer and it makes your friend look a bit bigger! Seriously! I don’t expect men to be bald down there (quite honestly, that’s a bit gross) but a little trim is SO NICE–ALWAYS well appreciated!
I have to admit that I keep myself bare more in the summertime because it gets so darn hot in Vegas that as long as I’m shaving EVERYTHING else–why NOT that too?! I’m there, razor in hand? I’m not finatical about it and I don’t do it all the time, but it DOES feel better all the around! Sex is heightened, and sensitivity is always increased when there’s no hair down there.
I must say that you’re a better woman than me, Alisa, because I don’t think I could write a post about how and when I shave my own nethers–I mean, I’m trying to be discreet in my comments about it. (Don’t think I’ve succeeded, but I still wanted to comment!) I think it is totally cool that you do though! You’re helping a lot of women and a lot of sex lives–and who couldn’t use a little more of both?!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
Okay Alisa I think you finally pot up a post I can’t comment on….HA! So see Sabrina & man did chime in. I can say that we men can trim for our wives. I have for years before I even met my beloved. Like most men as we age the hair get’s thinner on our head (the one attached to our neck lol) & thicker EVERYWHERE else
I don’t think it increases pleasure for us but sure makes the wife well….I leave it at that & go take a cold shower 
Opps Put up a post
Regular bikini wax…have had those. Not too painful and worthwhile.
But a Brazilian really, really scares me. Ouch.
.-= sheryl´s last blog ..Things Every Woman Must Know About Strokes =-.
This is enlightening and hilarious. I use an electric shaver/hair conditioner combo. It’s not silky smooth, but it’s quick. When I was a vibrator peddler, I had to recommend a particular product that we sold, but regular old hair conditioner works just as well. A more natural version is definitely a good idea, though. Maybe Aveda or somewhere similar.
My husband complained that it wasn’t smooth enough. More conditioner? It was as close of a shave as I could get, and he saw it shortly after I shaved.
He said it was too prickly. Now, I’ve let the hair grow back in, and I’m afraid to shave it again because I might not be able to get it smooth enough for him. I will say that I did enjoy it more shaved.
Any suggestions?
I knew you’d do this well. Might I add a tip for those of us out there who are prone to ingrown hairs no matter how close the shave? Tend Skin – you have to order it online, but it works wonders.
Thank you for starting this conversation!
.-= Kim Tracy Prince´s last blog ..Nurse Mom =-.
Does anyone have any tips for itchy regrowth? Please don’t say shave every day because I can’t even manage to shave my legs every day.
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..Wow, I’m tired =-.
Great tips, but I still get razor burn, and I hate it.
Mari– try the coconut oil or another oil type product.
Tracy–get with the shaving every day, will ya? Actually, the coconut oil seems to help that, too. But not completely.
Edgy–not sure, but I think the razor burn comes from a bad razor. Also maybe the tend skin product would help? Not sure.
Here’s my one warning about scissors and the nether region – be very, very careful. I wasn’t using a comb between me and the scissors. Oops. Lost a wee bit of skin down there that day.
I only shave the bikini line. I use a beard trimmer on the rest of the area. I think I need hubby to the areas I’m not flexible enough to get to.
I tried waxing years ago when I managed a hair salon and could get my waxing done for free. But for me, it didn’t work any better than shaving.
I’ll try the coconut oil after shaving next time. I use tea tree oil pads to clean the area after shaving. That really helps. I’ve also recently started using a heating face mask – I’m not getting razor burn with this new regime.
Hubby prefers me nice and trimmed down there. And I prefer it also. And when I remember or notice hubby’s nether region, he gets a trim from me. He used to do it himself, but then his hairs are too prickly and that’s just not enjoyable.
LOL this post is funny but helpful at the same time.
I’ve shaved everywhere as long as i can remember..but the good thing is I don’t really grow a lot of hair..and the grown ones are thin so it doesn’t bother too much even if i become lazy sometimes. I shave often so i’ve never had a problem with hair popping out of my clothes or something. I use Venus embrace and any type of body wash i have :s lol i don’t know if that’s what we’re suppose to be using but i find that it gives enough lather for the process.
I really wanna try the brazillian wax but i’ve never tried any sort of wax and just by seeing or hearing people, i get so scared so i haven’t come up with the courage to go get it done. It would also be awkward at the salon. Ugh! Someday maybe. =)
I would be like Alisa and have hairs that are downright stubborn. Through the years, I’ve tried everything. Yeah, waxing yourself is an experience that I don’t care to ever repeat. Let’s face it, if you can’t really see it too well, how good of a job can you really do? I have spent hours down there trying to prep the area for a special evening just to be told, “you missed a spot”. The only time that pure and utter smoothness occurs is when hubby does it. I was so embarrassed when he asked me if he could. Just the thought of bright lights and close inspection during the process, not at all sexy. I was sooooo WRONG. Let’s face it, after so many years, it’s not like he doesn’t see it regularly or anything. Anyway, he was so gentle (afraid of nicking me), and so precise that I vowed never to do it again myself. Of course, he has to be in the mood to do it. I just tell him that he can’t complain about the state of things in between his grooming of the area.
A quick warning. You will both be shocked at the amount of hair that is removed from tip to tail. I don’t have a lot of hair on my bottom, but who knew how much could be hiding in the crevice beyond the zone. It never occurred to me that it needed shaving. I was so wrong. That’s okay though, the difference in the ooooooh factor is well worth that little bit of embarrassment.
Oh, Tend Skin does work to help razor bumps, but it stings really badly. The best thing that I’ve done to prevent razor burn is to go commando until your skin settles. Excessive rubbing from panty elastic or sweat will irritate the area more quickly. This is easier if you shave at night. Of course, if you want to go commando during the day, go for it.
Tracy I’m with ya, I’m lucky right now if i get BOTH legs shaved in one sitting.
WoW! Thats about all I have to say
Learn something new about Alisa everyday!
Why am I so nervous to try this? I keep things neat I think, but I am terrified of using a razor down there! Waxing would be like cliff diving for me, so that is out of the question…but reading everyone’s tips is encouraging. I think the potential of increased arousal is a good reason, but I am still unsure about going all the way to the backside, and DEFINITELY am not inviting hubby to participate.
I guess when it comes down to it, I’m conservative about this stuff, although I never thought I was! Oh well, someone said it earlier, baby steps…baby steps…
definitely a treat to shave down there (though I was expecting you to write about a bunch of other things as well — like douching and what kind of soap/shampoo to use and nice undies…). It’s a fun thing to do from time to time though I must admit I find it a bit too painful to get that kind of wax often…
.-= Jennifer Margulis´s last blog ..A Letter From an Angry Fit Pregnancy Reader =-.
Love it!!! The first time I did shave my nether area was upon request of my husband & since then it has stayed hairless. It DOES give a new sensation that is absolutly fabulous!!!!
Mom0f3: just to make a slight correction, I don’t shave my rear. A Brazilian wax will go deep into the butt crack, but I don’t go there with the razor. Not that there’s anything wrong with doing so. Just that you can get the bonus of extra sensation without going near the back side. If you are tentative, you could slowly shave little bits at a time, starting with the sides of your vulva and making the shave slightly narrower over time as your confidence allows. For oral, the most important part to shave is around the lips and underneath. Again, you can use a light touch and go a little at a time.
.-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..How to Tell if Your Relationship Can Be Salvaged =-.
Sabrina–I was very self conscious about my first wax. Really. I was all like, “you mean I have to take my pants off?” And it is way more up front and personal than the gyno. At the same time, it helps you get over any bit of self consciousness you might have and leaves you with this incredible sense of pride in your womanliness. That’s a great feeling to have. I think a lot of us have been told that our privates are dirty and so forth. Having a good wax lady do you over and tell you that you are beautiful down there can start you down the road to… what should I call it? Pussy pride?
.-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..How to Tell if Your Relationship Can Be Salvaged =-.
I don’t find bikini waxes to be that bad. It’s a few seconds of discomfort, but the worst part is being naked in front of a complete stranger, in my opinion. I’ve heard that pre-emptively taking a little OTC painkillers can dull some of the pain, but I prefer to tough it out.
More than I thought I needed to know, but apparently, I need to know this. You are a brave writer and a braver woman than I.
Alisa, what do you do about itching? My grooming regimen is pretty low-maintenance: I use a little ladies’ electric razor to buzz everything down to about 3/4 inch, to avoid full-on ’70s bush, and then clean up the bikini line with a multi-blade razor. But the last time I tried to go shorter resulted in 2 weeks of maddening, infernal itching, until it grew out again. Seriously, I was scratching like a centerfielder with crabs. It was not sexy. It was not ladylike. You do not have this problem? It’s not as if I’m unusually sensitive down there—the one time I got a Brazilian, I didn’t think it was even particularly uncomfortable. But shaving was another story…. Oh, and hubby hates the taste of coconut, so I don’t think organic coconut oil is the solution.
Alisa: Kudos to you for your unabashed honesty on a subject not everyone would be willing to, um, wax on about in such a public forum. Plus, you’re way too funny, girl.
What to say? The price of a Brazilian in your neck-of-the-woods seems really exxxy & don’t forget that a good set of tweezers can be a gal’s best friend for ingrown or stray strands.
And as for pain: Are you kidding me? I’ve been through both childbirth (12 years ago) and a herniated disc (18 months & counting but acute phase as I type) and, in comparison, most hair removal procedures –over in mere minutes — don’t even rate on the ouch-o-meter.
Alisa, this should be printed and hung up in every high school girl’s locker room in the US. I didn’t figure all of this stuff out until I was into my 20s, which means there was much unnecessary pain and drama from ages 14-23. How you could have saved me!
(And, men, the same holds true for your bits as well. Trim the hair and your lady will be more likely to want to go south).
SO TRUE!!!
.-= Stephanie – Wasabimon´s last blog ..Food Blogger Spotlight: Hank Shaw, Hunter Angler Gardener Cook =-.
What I love about this blog, is how normal I feel after reading it…This is not a subject that really comes up, even with my closest friends, but here, it’s all fair game! I’ve had a couple of bikini waxes (not quite brazilian, but close) which were nice, but I always hate the growing out period required in between so I have stuck with razors for now. Oh, and I have tried at home waxing down there, just normal bikini line stuff…I was good the first couple times, but the third time I tried it, I couldn’t bring myself to pull the wax strip off. I was just sitting there with wax and a cloth strip stuck to me, contemplating if there was some other way to get rid of it…needless to say, since then I have not done any at home waxing!
Alisa I think you are soooo funny and sooo real! I’m going tomorrow to get a full wax. The lady who I go to has been away for a few weeks and I miss her!! Life is just not the same if you know what I mean!! If anyone is afraid of having a Brazilian done don’t be. It stings when the strip comes off but that’s all. Make sure you go to a very reputable salon not just some nail place offering a special. I’m not naked when I have it done, she just moves my underwear around so I don’t feel so exposed! She uses Neosporin after to stop any infection. I use Finipil cream at home which stops infection and ingrown hair. I also use a scrub or a shower puff which stops ingrown hairs. I have to say it’s made such a difference all around. I’ll never go back! My husband loves it too! But I love it more!
I was a keen waxer until recently (although I’ve always been a bit too chicken for a Brazilian – I just feel like I know my waxing lady too well at this stage, and it would be icky) – but I bought a pulse light hair removing machine a few months ago. This gradually gets rid of your hair permanently, over about 12 sessions. It’s slow, feels like giving yourself electric shocks to the groin, and you have to shave in between, but I’m enthusiastic about it despite that. I mean: no more bikini line hair forever? What’s not to like? After 6 sessions, it’s thinning out nicely…not suitable for all those Brazilian areas, though.
.-= Betty Herbert´s last blog ..Seduction #19 – Remote Control =-.
How hard is the zap? I mean taking that thing to your nether lips and zapping!!! To never have to shave again it might be worth it as long as you don’t pass out from an electrical charge.
Just be aware that shaving may leave scars after ingrown hairs form and heal. An electric razor won’t leave the skin smooth but it will lessen the chance of ingrowns. Otherwise wax.
I am happy to report I’ve never had an ingrown hair down there–and I shave all the time, nary a problem with cuts. I will not wax. Nope. And I would have never thought to use either Nair or that awful Epilady torture tool. Eek! What a boatload of readers you had for this one!
.-= Jackie Dishner´s last blog ..Inspired by visuals =-.
Oh my labia. You must see this from my friend Jessica Gottlieb:
http://www.jessicagottlieb.com/2010/06/my-labia-are-not-feminists-mom-dad-im-begging-you-do-not-read-this/comment-page-1/#comment-11809
Kim–thanks for linking. I hadn’t read that. I’m glad we’re of similar minds!
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