Marriage Improvement Monday
My blogathon homework involves writing a post about “10 blogs I can’t live without.” This sort of thing is hard for me because, as an empathetic soul, I worry that such a post will make someone sad.
I worry about this because my feelings get hurt all the time whenever I encounter a Top Anything list on the Internet. They do because whenever I see such a list, I don’t notice which blogs got mentioned. I notice, instead, the one that did not: Mine. I feel this way every time I see a list of the Top People to Follow on Twitter or the Top Blogs that Make You Laugh or the Top Movers and Shakers on the Internet. I see these lists and I think, “I’m not at the top.”
I can only assume that there are at least a few other bloggers out there who are as sensitive as I am. More important, there are a billion or so blogs on the Internet, and I’m only supposed to mention 10?! That means that I could possibly hurt the feelings of 9 hundred and ninety million, nine hundred ninety nine thousand, and nine hundred and ninety bloggers. (Or maybe it’s even more than that? The task of writing out that number made me think of one word and it was this: chocolate.)
At any rate, today also happens to be Marriage Improvement Monday. So what I’ve decided to do is this: list other marriage blogs that I read. These are the blogs that I subscribe to and read regularly:
- The Marry Blogger
- Simple Marriage
- Life Gems
- ONE Extraordinary Marriage Blog (Note: this blog is running a 7 day sex challenge in June; I’ve linked to it. More important, there’s another marriage blogger named Alisa.)
- Project M
- The Hubby Dairies
- Whispered Between Women
- Confessions of a Loving Wife
- Engaged Marriage
- Your Tango
This is not an exhaustive list. I read many more blogs. If I left you out, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you and it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be listed. More important, I’m sure there are plenty of great blogs out there that I don’t even know about. Let’s share our blog reading lists. What blogs do you read and why? More important, if you are a blogger and I’ve left you off the list, tells us about your blog and why we should all be reading it.
Note: By Your Request starts tomorrow.
Copyright 2010 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }
Yours is the first blog I have ever read or responded to. How do you find the time?
Hahahahaha. I was just thinking that my blogging and self promotion are becoming a full time job, one of that has replaced my other full time job that once paid the bills. But I’m sure it will all pay off in the end!
In all seriousness, you’ll see that I post more frequently when my paying work is light, and less frequently when my paying work is heavy. So I basically never have a wasted moment during the work day–whether those moments are paid for or not. And I don’t watch a heck of a lot of TV. And I don’t read as many books as I once did.
I just realized there are a few others that I read… because they came into my inbox.
1. http://www.the-generous-husband.com/2010/05/10/what-do-you-want-what-will-you-settle-for/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+50%2FCPIy+%28Daily+Generous+Husband+Tips%29
2. http://www.effectivefamilycommunication.com/
The blogs i read are mostly gossip to get me through the work week, so that includes perezhilton.com and dlisted.com. I have my own blog, but i havent written on it in years and i use it more like a journal to get out all my feelings so i dont hold them in as much. On that note, i really should write something because i have a molten of emotions that is ready to overflow.
I posted my five favorite blogs today, too, being in the Blogathon, and you’ve moved me with your scruples to hurt anyone’s feelings. Actually, I saw this homework as a way to spread the word about blogs and acquire suggestions on new ones and sure hope I didn’t hurt anyone’s feeling in the process, now that you mention it. I look forward to checking out the blogs you have listed! I’m amazed that you are able to read so many.
Aw, shucks, Alisa. Thanks for mentioning Project M. Yours would definitely make my Top 10 too! So would several others on your list . . . but I’m not going to say which ones, because, like you, I hate to leave anyone out! Your sensitivity towards other bloggers is heartwarming.
.-= Kathleen Quiring | Project M´s last blog ..Rock Star Skirt =-.
Hey Alisa,
Thought you’d like to know you’re in MY top ten blogs
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Link Round Up =-.
You’re definitely on my top 10! In fact, of all of the blogs I read, you’re the only one that gets delivered to my inbox.
As for my blog? It’s a humble little one that gets neglected on a regular basis. I aim to write mainly about crafts and such but have recently started writing about my thirty before thirty list. If you feel so inclined, you can check it out here: http://www.darningdiva.blogspot.com
I’m off to check out your top 10 now…
You are the first blog that caught my attention on the internet and the one that starts my hour long blog reading session in the morning. You are far and away number one on my top ten blogs. Your advice and humor has gotten me through many sticky days since I subscribed. Thanks!
Hello I am hurt and I don’t even blog about marriage.
Honestly, yours is the only marriage blog I read and it’s more because I love the way you write. I never would have thought I would be subscribed to a marriage blog.
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..I am Bringing Back Plausible Explanations for Inexplicable Crap =-.
Oh and I didn’t do my stinking homework.
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..I am Bringing Back Plausible Explanations for Inexplicable Crap =-.
Tracy–top 10 strange food blogs?
Alisa,
Thanks so much for including me! I’m truly very flattered… and now, I’m feeling incredibly guilty for being so slack on blogging. Dang job, keeps getting in the way of doing what I enjoy!
I have your blog in my reader too .. it’s always great stuff!
.-= The Hubby Diaries´s last blog ..“Mail” Traits? =-.
It was difficult to choose! I can totally relate. I read so many, too, and it’s hard to pick a favorite. (Found you through the Blogathon.)
A friend of mien recently asked this on facebook, I’d love to know the answer and even perhaps point her to your blog with your answer on it. goodness knows her friends and family don’t know how to answer it. Can you help?
“adults shouldn’t drag there children into there problems…how do u get ur spouse 2 understand .. He’s only hurting them & him self ?? Asking and pleading dosn’t wk?? @ my wits end !!!”
Alisa, I have the same issue with this blogathon assignment! I start having the last-picked-for-kickball second grade flashbacks and don’t want to do that to anyone. That said, I’ll take a look at the marriage blogs; if you read them, they must be good.
Hi Chaz, Great comments. While I am not a professional I see this one so much from couples & their kids. Most of the time in divorce (as in turn the child against the spouse) but many times in daily life. My personal opinion & it is just that (my opinion only) Sometimes perhaps the adult does it to validate their position on an issue. Perhaps they feel that the spouse never listens to their position or they dismiss their position as unresonable or “just silly”. Or it could be that they know there position is unreasonable. In other words no adult would agree with them so they try to get their kids to take their position. This gives them ammunition to use against the spouse.
I knew a couple from my church where the wife was doing exactly this thing. She was so set on “my position is right” that she started this same behavior. The way the husband finally stopped it was to record the wife telling her kids what a “bad thing” daddy had done. Most of the time it was just typical marriage disagreements. Apparently though after hearing herself saying these words to her kids she was surprised at how bad it actually sounded. He was then able to to get her to rationally discuss how this was affecting her children. I would hope in the friends case that the love for his kids would be greater than his need to rationalize whatever he is doing.
Like a lot of problems in marriage the spouse also has to approach this or any subject in a non confrontational manner. If they attack the spouse & just say ” I can’t believe you are doing X or Y” or any similar tone the spouse will be immediatly on the defensive & all rationality he may have or willingness to help goes right out the window. He will then retreat to the “my position is right” attitude. This may be why he started this behavior in the first place. Perhaps he feels that the spouse never takes his view into consideration so he tries to get the kids to back him up. I don’t know this particular couple personally. However this could apply to any couple who reads this blog who has the same problem.
Now if it is just a person who is totally self centered then this wouldn’t apply. We have all known people who just don’t care how their actions effect others. They continue to hurt others with no thought or concern for the damage they do. I used to work with a woman who is exactly like that. She is downright mean, self centered & unfortunatly takes it out on everybody in her personal life. I hope she likes being alone as she scares off every man she has even dated within a few months.
Once again this is all speculation as I don’t know the couple. Anytime a parent brings kids into their personal life it is just wrong. How many times do parents argue in front of the kids? Kids have enough difficulties dealing with their own lives. How can they deal with the parents problems as well? As I said it is just a comment & my personal opinion. I would be interested to see the comments of others on this subject. One of the reasons I love this blog is you can get so many perspectives here. Best of luck to your friends. I hope they can resolve this & stop the behavior.
You’re too kind, Alisa! Thanks for including me and counting Engaged Marriage as worthy to list among those other nine awesome blogs. PHEA is definitely one of my favorites, and I plan to feature this site in an upcoming “Check This Out” post over at EM.
.-= Dustin | Engaged Marriage´s last blog ..The REAL Family Emergency =-.
We are honored that ONE has made your top 10 list. We are excited that you and your husband are joining us for The 7 Day Challenge. And best of all yes there is another Alisa out blogging too. ; )
.-= Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo | ONE Extraordinary Marriage´s last blog ..020 – Shaking Things UP! =-.
Drummer Guy,
Thanks for your supportive advice. your comments in paragraphs one and two are what me and another friend have agreed she should do. problem is, the husband is like the mean lady you describe, he just dont care. everything is for him, about him, and on his schedule, he doenst listen and doenst care who he hurts. I’ve stood up to him when he starts bullying those kids in my presence, but his wife doesnt have the guts to stand up to him like I do.
He is just plain mean and ugly mannered. after 16 years of marriage and 6 years of a cold war, the wife is saying, okay its over, and he is saying, “but wait if i cant have you, I wont even let the kids have you, I’ll destroy you before i’ll let you be happy without me.” (not in so many words, but definitely in actions both to them and to friends and family outside the home.)
We, her friends and family, just hate seeing the kids crying every night, getting calls and messages from them that they just want to be left alone to to sleep in peace in their own beds without being dragged out of bed into the adult fight.
We also hope to get her to start recording it all. maybe getting the kids to record it on their cell phones, and see if playing that back to him will get any results.
.-= Chaz Sugar´s last blog ..Best Day Ever =-.
Hi Chaz, So sorry to hear of your friends plight. It is a real shame that the behavior of some adults can be worse than that of a 5 year old who lost his favorite toy. Recording his rants may be a good idea for her lawyer when it comes to custody matters. I personally wouldn’t ask the kids to do it. They already feel caught in the middle & this would make them feel worse. It is hard for a child to take a side even when the father is abusing his position. While you can’t excuse the behavior in their eyes he is still their dad. This could also build resentment against the mother because they feel asked to pick a side. Once again just a personal opinion but if the idea is to stop someone involving a child then the answer wouldn’t seem to be to involve them again.
Your friend is lucky to have a concerned caring person to lean on. I hope everything works out to the benefit of her & more importantly for the kids involved. It really breaks my heart to know that somebody would use their kids & do real damage just to get their way in a divorce or punish the spouse. It does seem as if that is a common tale though. A real shame. I was married & divorced before myself. We were lucky though. No kids & I honestly haven’t a bad word to say about her & she does the same. She was a good person. But unlike a lot of people I since met & married a wonderful woman who is the center of my life. How many people can say they got that lucky twice in life? I wish I had learned the many life lessons I learned since divorce. But I guess by learning from our mistakes we can keep from repeating them. Best of luck to everybody
Alisa!
I am so glad to be part of your list!! I haven’t read Confessions of a Loving Wife – I need to get over there and check it out! Thanks for the tip.
Stu
.-= stu@themarryblogger´s last blog ..Return to the Scene of the Crime! =-.
Chaz Sugar- Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse and it sounds like that is the case here. It may be time to bring in the professionals. If she has the children seen by a psychologist and a report made then she should seek out a good attorney. It sounds like the children’s health is at stake.
How do you find time to read all these blogs, Alisa? I can barely keep up with yours (which is DEFINITELY IN MY TOP TEN) and the few others that I love. And I don’t make it through all the comments most of the time, though I WANT to read them… I was a reluctant blog reader and now I love and admire so many. I wish I could spend hours reading them but I also have to make a living. Maybe a subsequent post can be able finding time to nurture your marriage AND read all these amazing blogs?!
Alisa, I found your blog doing a search on “happiness”. I’ve stuck around because I like that you are so honest. I wasn’t even looking for a marriage blog.
Kathy, the same thing led me to this blog. I enjoy it so much!
.-= Sarabeth Geddes´s last blog ..Sweet Memories =-.
Alisa,
I feel very honoured to have made this list, I follow many of the blogs listed above and I count myself in great company!
You’ve also listed some marriage blogs that I’ve yet to read – thanks for the suggestions.
.-= Shannon O | Confessions of a Loving Wife´s last blog ..How to Find a Spouse – What’s Your Story? =-.
I’ve been in a little hole recently. In my writing classes I’ve been hearing a lot of “too cliched” and “too sentimental” about my writing. It’s made me fear my blog and I’ve stopped writing as much. I truly appreciate being on your top ten list and it feels like you’ve given me a little marriage badge of courage. That’s sentimental and cliched and I don’t care because at the end of a bad day, you’ve made me so happy. Thank you.
.-= Mrs. Levine´s last blog .."Cooling down [after an arguement] is good but I just don’t like the distance it puts. Sleeping…" =-.
Hi Alisa and everybody,
I am pretty new to the whole world of online marriage blogs and forums amd I am completely stunned by the number of sites out there. This blog here is one of my favourites, because it is easy to read, has got interesting posts and is current with a lot of active followers. Some blogs have had their last posts years ago, Who wants to read that? Thanks for the good work, Stefan!
I know about 5 of your top ten and communicate with them pretty regularly, why haven’t I met you on Twitter or something? I think I first saw you mentioned on Dustin’s blog (Engaged Marriage.) I will subscribe and be back to read.
Hopefully when you get a chance you can check out my wife Thea and me on our blog. I can make it on your list next year.
.-= David Patrick´s last blog ..A Woman’s Treasure Box =-.
Alisa, yours is the only blog I read regularly, so I guess that makes you my #1 blog.
Other blogs I just like to browse when I am looking for something specific. I imagine as more topics are introduced into my life (parenting, owning a home, aging parents, and other topics of interest) I will read more of them. For now, I am content following you and a devotional everyday…ish.
Great list. Thanks for including so many thoughtful sites to peruse. Being happily married is a tall task. If you don’t weed the garden on an almost daily basis, for many, the love gets choked out by the weeds. As one of many Pasadena psychologists who provides marriage counseling to a broad spectrum of couples, I have developed a niche specialty, treating “high maintenance” couples with a history of unresolved injuries and disappointments. These couples tend to bicker often, they frustrate easily, and the partners compete over whose injuries are the most deserving of love and attention. Your blog list will serve as a resource!
Thank you for sharing the great list! Keep it up.
Change Relationship´s last [type] ..Take the Love Yourself Quiz
Am so Glad to have come across your wonderful site. Got nothing much to say but I will definitely be coming back again and again..
Marriage is tricky. I just read a funny blog called “Couples Credit” about who gets credit for what in a relationship. It’s so true!
http://readkt.blogspot.com/
Personally (and professionally -smile) I think the more information that is out there the better. We are all going to get stuck and, if we can reach out for insight and support, we may be able to address the tasks at hand. thanks
very good post, i will be ragular reader of your posts and will complete all your posts soon. You are at top ten in my listing , keep on posting and sure you will be appreciated
“if you are a blogger and I’ve left you off the list, tells us about your blog and why we should all be reading it.”
Well, since you asked!
I owe you a huge debt of gratitude, Alisa, because I think you’re a big part of why my wife and I are together today. We had a marriage (divorce?) crisis a little over 3 months ago and are still slowly and carefully wading our way out of it. Both of us reading your book was one of the single biggest leaps forward we’ve made in all this time.
My wife told me very early on, “I want to fix it… if it can be fixed.” Very strong emphasis on “if.” She was convinced it couldn’t be. When she read your book, it was like a ray of hope. A lot of our problems are very similar, and reading about you making it through them really gave my wife confidence in our ability to do it.
We’ve started a blog that we are going to use to chronicle our problems and discuss solutions to them. We’re going to let our story unfold slowly over many posts (so as not to overwhelm ourselves or our readers), up to and including when we read your book and what it did for us.
We decided to start out being brutally honest about our issues (which are many and some are ugly), but I really believe that it will quickly evolve into a blog about a happy couple who stuck it out.
It’s called ‘I’m the Sane One’ and it’s located at imthesaneone.com .
Let us know if you get a chance to check it out, and thanks again!
Hi Jon– Wow I’m so honored. Your site looks fantastic, and I’m so happy to hear that you are making things work!
I would like everyone to check out a new blog entitled: Sex: If You Don’t Know, Now You Know. I’m ready to be married and I have given myself 1,095 days to do it! This blog is an in-depth reflection on my personal thoughts and encounters with men and people in general. My goal is to at least be engaged by July 29, 2014! Want to join me? Want to give me advice? Check it out. Peace. Hannah Faye
Hannah Faye´s last [type] ..Can Marriage Kill?
Im definitely ready to settle down now. Im 42 and Im done chasing girls I dont even go to bars anymore. All I can see is settling down and enjoying the simple things in life. Coming home to someone, cooking, watching movies, family time. I dont want to grow old alone.. Thanks for sharing everything on this site.
Hello, my name is Nikki and I am currently doing a study on the PREDICTORS OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE. I am looking for married individuals to complete a short, one-page survey. I would GREATLY appreciate if you could take a few minutes out of your day to complete this survey. Thank you very much for your time!
*To complete this SHORT, ANONYMOUS SURVEY, please follow the link below http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/QXZB35S
There’s one thing that people never really talk about in connection to a marriage: it’s kindness. When partners are kind to each other, they will not only thrive in love, but will survive the low moments of anger, frustration or disappointment. They will help one another grow and be the best one can be. Without kindness, love can easily turn into hate. Love can hurt, but kindness never will. After all, it’s kindness that teaches us to be patient, understanding, caring and forgiving. It works in all kinds of relationship; the one we have with our children, friends, coworkers, or mothers-in-law…
Please check out my blog at http://www.abettermarriage.blogspot.com. I post once a week and try to make sure that the article is concise and practical. I also post the articles in the Charleston, SC examiner.
nice site I really liked the simple marraige one. Recently I went through a divorce. Its been hard on the kids but Im fortunate to have an understanding ex husband. We both did everything we could to keep our business running and avoid any drama after our separation. I like reading these blogs because it helps to remind me that I am not alone. A lot of people divorce for what ever reason. I just dont like change and its taking me a while to adjust. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Thanks Sam.. I did look at your blog. My wife and I have been practicing a lot of the principles that you mentioned. We both wholeheartedly understand that marriage is a mutual agreement between two people that promise to work things out for the rest of their lives. We’ve had some issues with our children but it may be because of the age range they are going through.