Imagine that your life was a TV program and you had a remote control that could flip the channels whenever you wanted. For instance, instead of watching a horror film about your marriage, you could change channels and watch a romantic comedy instead.
It’d be a great invention, wouldn’t it?
Here’s the thing: you might already have such a thing.
As I’ve written about before, I’m studying Buddhism. Recently, we’ve been learning about how what we perceive as reality is really just a projection of our minds. In other words, the life that we see unfolding in front of us is mostly an illusion, one that is colored and formed by our deluded thinking.
For instance, if your mind tells you that your spouse lacks sensitivity, you will continually see a spouse who lacks sensitivity. If your mind tells you that a friend is shallow, you will see that person as shallow.
Still with me? Even if you are not, that’s okay. I didn’t completely get it or believe it at first, either.
What I’ve found, though, since listening to this teaching is that life really isn’t what it at first appears to be. Numerous times during the past few weeks, I’ve been able to change my mental channel simply by changing my mind. Instead of believing, for instance, that someone does not have the capacity or interest to listen to my problems, I’ve given that person the benefit of the doubt. Low and behold, my mind was wrong. That person did have the capacity and interest!
Roughly nine times out of ten, I’ve found that my preconceived notions about various people were wrong. Nearly everyone around me—from complete strangers to my husband to my mother to my friends—were capable of more good than I ever thought possible. The only reason I thought they weren’t was because I had my mind tuned into the wrong channel.
It’s possible that I’m a highly deluded person and that this won’t hold true for you as well. You will never know for sure, however, until you try. Over the course of a week or two, I invite you to stop yourself whenever you find yourself thinking thoughts like, “If I ask for _____, he’s just going to do ____” and “she’ll never do ___ because she’s such a ____.” Ask yourself, “Can I change my mental channel? Can I see this person differently? Can I give this person the benefit of the doubt?
Then choose to see that person’s potential. You just might find, as I did, that nine times out of ten, people will prove to be capable of a lot more than you ever thought possible.
What do you think? Have you ever tried this before? Are you willing to try it now? Did this post make sense, or was it too dense? Leave a comment.
Copyright 2010 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I really like this idea! It makes total sense…it’s just hard to train your mind to do it this way. It’s sort of like the power of positive thinking – if you think good things, good things happen. I’m up for the challenge!
Oh my gosh, I’ve sort of done this with my husband. I say sort of because I still think he’s a slob and he is a slob. However, instead of flipping out at, sure, the dishes are done, but the countertops, stove and table are dirty and none of the leftovers are put away, I’ve started taking the hubby on a tour of the kitchen telling him what makes me happy and that when I’m happy other, really good things might happen for him too that will make him very happy. It’s starting to work and I’m happy:)
Wow – this makes all kinds of sense – thank you for the post!
Darlyn
relationship article
I totally 100% believe in this concept. I think the mind is more powerful than we know, and by learning the right skills we then have a tool which we can use to alter situations in a more meaningful (positive) way.
.-= Andi´s last blog ..French Friday – French by Heart =-.
I am trying some of the comedy creativity here!
It’s hard when the other person doesn’t want to go along with that, but I will keep going…slow progress, but progress I suppose.
“…nine times out of ten, I’ve found that my preconceived notions about various people were wrong. Nearly everyone around me—from complete strangers to my husband to my mother to my friends—were capable of more good than I ever thought possible. The only reason I thought they weren’t was because I had my mind tuned into the wrong channel.”
I’m totally with you on this, Alisa. I really think the Buddhists are onto something and I find I’m much happier and better grounded when I turn off–as best I can–what Cheri Huber calls the psycho-social conditioning that we all seem to have.
From what I learned through “Coach Tim” and Google, what you posted here reads like NLP. It also reads like reframing/basic social work stuff. More than both of those, it just reads like it’s real life tried and true tools for establishing healthy relationships. We spend so much time in our own heads making assumptions about what is happening around us. When we venture out in appropriate ways to find out whether or not those assumptions are true we often find our thinking was distorted. I’ve been working on changing my mental channel over the past year and it has done wonders — WONDERS — for the way I relate to and engage my husband. I feel like we relate to one another so much better because *I* don’t come from a place where I think I know everything anymore. I am also more intentional about making efforts to disprove my “stinkin’ thinkin’.” Plus, changing my channel has consistently been much easier than changing my husband’s!
I’ve tried changing the channels, but I still see the same thing. Not good.
