I was reading The Generous Husband this morning. The post encouraged guys to cuddle with their women after sex. I’m guessing that most women would appreciate that. Indeed, most women probably get annoyed with husbands who conk out right after climax, especially if they’ve failed to completely take care of business (and I’m talking about her business if you’re not quite sure). But I have to say, I really hate the post-sex cuddle. In the beginning, I did it with my husband out of obligation. I would lie there and I would count in my head. Eventually, I’d think, “This must have been long enough,” and then I would get up or move away. He never seemed to care. Eventually we talked about it. It turns out that neither one of us wants to cuddle after sex. So once it’s over, we embrace for about, oh, 10 seconds, we thank each other, and then we get out of bed and get dressed. Sometimes my husband takes a nap, especially if I’ve rocked his world in a big way. It always makes me happy when that happens, because it’s his way of giving me a compliment as far as I’m concerned. (Note: we generally have sex during the day).
This leads me to a theory. It’s this. Just as some people are introverts and others are extroverts and just as some people are cleaners and others are messy, I think there are two different types of physical personalities. Some people are melders, and others are not. What do you think? Do you cuddle after sex?
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
If he’s done his job, I’m the one who passes out and sleeps like a baby. If he’s especially proud of himself, he’ll take the kids out or clean something to ensure that I wake up happy. Happy means that I will make him pass out later. If he passes out first, I do nothing to ensure that I will pass out later, but this works well for us. I like to pass out. It does make me happy, as do clean dishes (at someone else’s doing) and quiet kids. Hubby knows me well.
The trick is to say “come over here” and cuddle her to you. Her head on his shoulder, his arm around her. There’s a mix of dominance and sweetness that way.
.-= Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life´s last blog ..The Baby Sniper Answers Lots Of Questions =-.
I’m with PrttyBrd – if he’s done his job right, I’m the one who is ready to fall asleep. Last thing I want to do after sex is move. But generally we do kind of cuddle – not necessarily full out, but either lay next to each other holding hands or I lay with my head on his chest/leg/arm/something. And we talk. I love post sex talks (almost as much as the sex) because that’s one of those times we both feel really good about everything.
Occasionally, we’ll just force through and go after sex, but I much prefer to let that good feeling linger for a bit.
Perhaps it is me letting my femine side have its rein, but I have to cuddle after sex. To me it completes the act. I usually have sex at night and it is part of the going to sleep process. I also enjoy post coital conversation. I start with her having her head on my shoulder and me with an arm wrapped around her. After talking for a while, we spoon with my arm wrapped around her and a boob cupped in my hand. It is security for me and my protector side bundling her up in my arm. If it works for you and hubby more power to you. At least you both agree that you don’t like cuddling afterwards. It is a problem when one partner wants cuddling and the other does not.
Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder
.-= John Wilder´s last blog ..Sexual Advice For Single Men =-.
We are both the cuddle type, but we don’t cuddle after sex … quite a lot in the foreplay time, but none after. Nothing to do with satisfaction or lack there of. Something else completely …
My husband’s body temp is SO much higher than mine, that after a truly great session, the last thing I want to do is touch/be touched by him. I’m already over-heated – cuddling would make me so hot, nausea would surge, immediately followed by vomiting …
I can see it now, “gee honey that was great * bleh * no really … I loved it.” =/
Seriously, we tried the cuddle thing – his heated body against my heated back lead to me running for the bathroom just enough times that we figured it wasn’t worth it.
Instead, we lay on our sides of the bed (away from but facing each other) and talk – and when we’ve cooled off enough, Round 2 … Ding, Ding, Ding !
Oh yeah … my opinion … cuddling, as with “being normal” … Vastly Over-Rated.
I’m not a cuddle person. I told my husband this once and he remembered
I was already close to him, as close as a person can physically get and I need to be apart from him, even for a couple of minutes. He loves to cuddle, so we made the deal that he can have his hand on my leg or have his foot touch mine for a bit and then I will cuddle with him after that intense feeling goes away.
I was a cuddler when I was younger. Now, I just don’t care. Hubby is big on cuddling, so I do cuddle him for a wee bit to make him happy.
I said Thank You to my hubby after sex and he kept asking why I said it. Well, because it was good and I like to thank people when they’ve done something nice for me. Duh! Well, I’ve stopped saying Thank You. Thank you, Alisa, for letting me not I’m not the only one that says Thank You. (Strangely, I never said Thank You to anyone before my husband.)
Glad to know I’m not the only one grateful enough after good sex to say it out loud! No cuddle, no talk, roll over and go to sleep. Anyone get this reference: can you make me a sandwich on your way out.
I almost didn’t read this post because I am jealous. At least you have husbands who can be interested in you. My husband takes a medication that affects his libido and we make love less than once a month.
Our normal is to lay side by side after sex and hold hands. Normally it’s bedtime when we have sex so that is the way we fall asleep. He’s the one that is really hot after because of his high body temp so that gives us both what we need. My cuddle time and his time to cool down to fall asleep.
I imagine this may have been your intent, but I found the answers on your poll rather limiting. Sometimes I want a cuddle, but I don’t feel cheated if it doesn’t happen on occasion. Sometimes I may feel I need to get up after sex and my husband is okay with this. So, my answer would be “Sometimes we cuddle, and sometimes we don’t” It’s worthwhile to add we rarely feel cheated or obligated.
Hmm. I guess I never thought about this before. We have more of a nice hug than a snuggle. We have two small children, so we make the effort to have sex but at the same time, sleep is extremely valuable. So our routine is sex, hug, kiss, tell each other how much we love each other, conk out. It works for us.
I’m kind of with Rosie as far as not knowing what to answer. Honestly, after sex, we both get up fairly quickly and do the clean up routine. Then, sometimes (if it’s before bed) we lie side by side for a bit, sometimes cuddling, sometimes just holding hands. We both need “cool off” time and lying cuddled right next to each other isn’t really appealing. So, more often than not, we don’t cuddle right away… but occasionally, we’re close to one another. I’m more inclined to want to be close to him for the rest of the day (if morning or afternoon sex happens) or the next day. Extra touches, etc.
Too sweaty! And too many dogs that are ready for us to open the door.
Cuddling is fine, but not obligatory at our house after sex, for either me or my husband. More often we cuddle watching TV, for instance, or reading books.
i find my husband (and thinking back , nearly any one i dated) to be incredibly uncomfortable to lay on, with or cuddle. I think shoulders are boney, and the awkward arm in the belly/hip space between us is , well, AWKWARD…. and where do you put your arm when spooning, and when that arm falls asleep – then what?! and if i do manage to find a comfortable cuddle…. then I’m hot.
phew. no thanks.
but I’m pretty sure my husband would like more cuddles. i try… really i do… but … [insert lame excuse here]
Sorry but if all goes well I pretty much pass out and sleep like a baby and hubby thinks that is adorable and will spoon me pretty much all night. It works for us. It also leads to a morning repeat more often than not and I think morning sex is even better than evening sex.
I couldn’t find a cetegory that really fit us. For us it really depends on many factors: time of day, intensity of the encounter, temperature of the room/bodies, etc. Generally we at least like some form of skin contact, though, regardless.
.-= Scott´s last blog ..One Flesh (Part 5): One in Body =-.
Alisa,
I wondered if this poll was my fault when I saw the title!
Interesting results. BTW, see the “Outliers” post that will show here via CommentLuv (another great thing I got from you!)
.-= Paul Byerly´s last blog ..Outliers =-.
I’m all for a cuddle, but it doesn’t have to go on for too long before I’m perfectly satisfied. Enough is enough!
.-= Frugal Kiwi´s last blog ..Svelte Felt Sphinx Minx =-.
Wow I was beginning to think my wife & I were odd. While her illness (terminal) now precludes sex, when we did, probably 70% of the time she didn’t want to cuddle & about the same for me. I had been told all my life cuddling was a have to do. It seemed odd at first when my beloved didn’t want to most times. Now looking back, many times we if we really went at it. Afterward she would just want to conk out. Made me feel like I was “taking care” of her
Okay now I feel the need for a cold shower…. Se ya 
This post reminded me of the importance of not making generalizations based on sex. Not all women are cuddlers, but I sure am. My husband is more sensitive to that than he use to be.