Marriage Improvement Monday
When my marriage was in deep trouble, I had a business card for a marriage therapist. I never made the appointment, though.
Why? Oh, I had plenty of reasons, but they all boiled down to one thing—fear. I worried that the counselor would take my husband’s side. I worried that my husband would sit mute during the sessions. I worried that my husband would skip appointments or be late for them.
I worried that I would not like the counselor. I worried that the counselor might smell funny, and not in a good way.
I worried that the counselor might have uncomfortable furniture and that I’d have to sit in this furniture for a very long time.
I worried that the appointments might conflict with something important, such as my weekly viewing of Criminal Minds.
Oh, I worried.
In the end, I bought and read marital improvement books. That worked for us because I’m an avid reader and professional book learner.
But that approach might not work for everyone. It might not work for you.
If your marriage needs professional help, you know it. You don’t need to take a test to find out, either. All you need to do is think about how you feel after you read this or other marital improvement blogs. If you are frustrated because you don’t think the advice will work for your marriage, you need a professional—someone who can take this advice and customize it for you particular situation.
But you might have a big problem with that. It’s the recession. You are on a tight budget. You don’t have the $100+ to drop per martial therapy appointment.
That’s where marriage therapist Corey Allan, PhD, from Simple Marriage comes in. Corey is offering two relatively low cost options for couples.
1. His marriage jam sessions cost $25 a month. For these, couples email Corey questions. Twice a month he answers these questions during a telecall.
2. For slightly more money ($125), you can join his Adults Only Marriage program. This program organizes couples into small groups of 6 to 12 people. You meet 6 times over 8 weeks with Corey via a telecall and he walks you through ways to solve your marital issues.
Note that I have not participated in Corey’s jam sessions, but I know him personally, have read his blog for about a year, and have been interviewed with him for various publications and podcasts. He knows of what he speaks. I think I can say this with conviction: If you love Alisa, you will love Corey just as much and possibly even a tad more.
Note: if you love him a tad more, don’t tell me because that would hurt my feelings.
I am not earning money by referring you over to Corey’s site. I’m telling you about it because it looks like a good service for a good value. Recently I asked Corey some questions about the jam sessions. This is how he answered them.
Q: How are the adults only program and jam sessions different from traditional couples therapy?
Corey: Traditional therapy is best used for crisis and chronic struggles which surface in marriage from time to time. Participating in an adults only program is designed to help address some typical issues that occur in marriage BEFORE they may hit crisis levels. The men’s group and the women’s group will cover the idea of moving beyond the Nice Guy or Nice Girl role and into a better way to live in marriage and life.
The jam sessions are designed for anyone interested in finding solutions for typical marital problems and/or improving their marriage by taking a couple of hours each month to listen to some new ways to look at or address marriage and its problems. If you’ve been married any length of time, you’ve realized that marriage is not always romantic and smooth, instead it’s being upset at each other over the pair of socks left on the floor or time spent at work. The jam sessions will cover how to approach some of these issues, as well as the topics submitted by members.
Q: How will you personally guide couples through the process?
Corey: The groups will be lead by me and will include a weekly teleclass lasting about 90 minutes each week. During the calls group members will receive teaching as well as time to interact with other group members and myself. Plus, each group will have a members only discussion board to interact more throughout the process, again with each other and myself.
Q: Why are the advantages of a group approach versus toughing it out on your own?
Corey: There is tremendous benefit to working through things in a group, not only does it completely dispel the myth that you’re the only one with marital or life problems, it also gives you access to other thoughts, ideas, suggestions, and listening ears. There are many ways to handle life and marriage problems (books, family members, therapists, groups, etc.), but going through problem solving with others is one of the best ways. The other great thing about adults only marriage groups and the jam sessions is they can be participated in from the comfort of your own home. No travel to a therapist’s office is needed.
Copyright 2010 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Sounds like a great service, especially for people on a budget-and let’s face it, who isn’t these days? Thanks for passing it on!
.-= Frugal Kiwi´s last blog ..Does DIY laundry detergent REALLY work? =-.
Alisa, thanks for sharing this resource. It’s always great to have a good reference.
I thought that going to marriage counselling meant that my marriage was ending–the last stop before separation and divorce. I was happily WAY wrong about that. Marriage counselling is the most wonderful experience. It has deepened my marriage in ways that we couldn’t have alone, and we’re still going even though we essentially don’t have any conflicts we can’t handle on our own any more. It’s just great to have someone to check in with, who hears you both, and can guide the marriage toward a stronger path. If anyone is thinking about it, I’d say do it!
So, I guess it would be in poor taste to ask what are the odds of a Springer-esque fight breaking out among participants before making my decision to participate? Because, frankly, witnessing Springer-esque fights always brings my husband and me closer together.
You know, though, if your business were in trouble, you’d have no problem hiring a consultant to look at things from an outsider’s perspective and give you the benefit of their experience and knowledge to guide you in making choices to improve things in the future.
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..The Reinvention of Edison Thomas: A book review =-.
What a great service, especially in these lean times. I’ll keep it in mind should I, or someone I know, need it!
I think a lot of people don’t go to counseling for all the reasons you stated at the beginning of this post. There is a fear, a stigma, a chance that it could make things worse (although doing SOMETHING is better than nothing, always!) and of course, the exhorbatant cost. I also think there’s a general denial between most couples that “oh, my marriage isn’t THAT bad,” when in reality, it sometimes is. I also think that a lot of people still think that only “crazy” people go to therapy, but that’s just not true. I think your suggestion of Corey’s services is wonderful, it sounds like a reasonable, and yet quality, deal! It could be a great starting point for a lot of couples. I also think the biggest thing with therapy is that it DOES force you to look at YOURSELF, yes, you can go as a couple and point fingers (though that’s not the idea of it) at each other, but without a doubt, therapy MAKES you look at yourself–and for a lot of people, that’s hard, and they just don’t want to do it. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I think therapy (whether marital or otherwise) is a great thing and I think people should be more willing to go participate in it, and not just when things go wrong–but BEFORE that. I think pre-marital counseling should be REQUIRED of all engaged couples and I also think that marriage counseling can be a great thing! Wonderful post, Alisa, thanks for sharing!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
Your blog is a testament to the effectiveness of working in a group to address marital woes.
I don’t suppose my husband and I need therapy. I mostly need to get over myself and get real about my fears. I also need to remember he is his own person and I can’t control him into doing what I think he should do/what I want him to do. I have to verbalize my desires just like I expect him to verbalize his.
Criminal Minds, huh? I knew there was probably (yet another) reason you are so likable.
In case anyone is looking for a therapist, we posted some tips for how to pick a good therapist here: http://poweroftwomarriage.com/indexcounseling_howtopick.html . Bottom line, if you’re going to pay for therapy, make sure you expect your therapist to provide your money’s worth!!!!