AKA
The Long Lost Karma Project
Many years ago, I told my grandmother that I liked her watch. She took it off her wrist and she gave it to me.
She was dying at the time, but she was dying from a disease with no defined timetable. She didn’t know how much time she had left. She only knew that, for her, death was going to happen sooner than later and that scleroderma was going to be the thing that did her in.
She also knew that she loved me beyond words, so she gave me the watch off her wrist.
I thought of my grandmother last night as I listened to my Dharma teacher talk about the meaning and importance of giving. There are many good reasons to give. If you are like me, you could probably list a few off the top of your head. (As a matter of fact, that’s a great idea isn’t it? Why is giving important? List your reasons in the comments area of this post.)
Anyway, my teacher mentioned a reason that had never before occurred to me. It was this: If you have many material possessions at the time of your death, you will mourn the loss of them as you die because you will not be able to take those possessions with you.
For instance, let’s say you have a prize-winning snow globe collection. It’s better to—during your lifetime–gift that entire collection to another collector who will be very happy to receive it than it is to worry, during your final moments of life, whether or not your children and grandchildren are going to fully appreciate the art and beauty of said collection.
That’s why the Buddhists believe that wealth only has importance and meaning once you’ve given it away to someone else. Money shoved under your mattress is meaningless. Money that puts shoes on the feet of hundreds of barefoot children suddenly has meaning.
Deep, right?
I certainly thought so.
My teacher also listed three types of gifts. They are: material gifts, advice (especially advice that helps people find comfort and happiness) and fearlessness. Fearlessness is defined as anything that reduces fear and anxiety and it can be as huge as saving a bug’s life and as small as telling someone like me that you will read my book when it is published in January—just so I know that at least one more person other than my mother will read it.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about giving ever since, and I thought it would be a good exercise to start a “giving list.” Here’s my list so far.
29 Ways to Give
- Donate your old books to the library.
- Give your old shoes to those kids in the Sudan who don’t have shoes.
- Cut those box tops off your cereal boxes and give them to your local public school.
- When you see a coupon for a brand that you know a friend uses, snip it and give it to that friend.
- Give your spare change to your kids. My daughter likes to collect those quarters with the states on the back. So I give her all my quarters. This makes her happy.
- When you are eating at a really cheap restaurant (like a diner), tip your waitress 50 or 100 percent.
- If you have not worn an outfit in more than a year, give it to a thrift shop.
- I would like to know of organizations that would embrace old computers. I tried to give two of them to our local public school and they told me they already had too many computers. Ideas?
- Offer your knowledge to someone else free of charge, but only if that person asks for it. It’s probably important to note here that Buddhists do not offer unsolicited advice. One of the Buddha’s teachings was this: only give away Dharma to people who want it. This seems like a smart strategy to me. If someone doesn’t want your advice, you can give and give and give all you want. If that someone isn’t listening, you’ve wasted your breath.
- Listen to a friend who needs to talk about a problem or hard day.
- If you see someone struggling to carry something heavy, offer to help. Chances are you are reducing that person’s fear of throwing his or her back out.
- If you see a mother with 6 screaming kids trying to unload her grocery cart while she is also holding a baby and simultaneously trying to keep a toddler from eating all of the candy bars, don’t roll your eyes and sigh loudly. Help her unload the dang cart.
- Tell a pregnant woman that she’s beautiful. Chances are she’s worried that she looks like a fat cow.
- Tell any woman that she’s beautiful. Nearly all of us worry about looking like fat cows.
- Tell brilliant people that they are brilliant.
- Tell funny people that they are funny.
- Tell generous people that they are generous.
- Tell awesome people that they are awesome. (I think you get the idea, so I’ll stop with this line of thinking).
- Shovel your neighbor’s walkway whenever it snows, especially if your neighbor is older than you are.
- Hold a sick person’s hand.
- Visit anyone who is in a nursing home, even if you are not related.
- Help a turtle get to the other side of a street.
- Help those poor earthworms (the ones who always seem to get washed into the street after a storm) find the grass that they seek.
- Give someone a hug.
- Tell your husband that he rocks your world in bed. Chances are he’s worried that he doesn’t.
- Say, “I love you.”
- Forgive.
- Apologize.
- Cook a meal for the neighbors down the street who just had a new baby. Chances are they are not quite sure where their next meal is going to come from.
What are some additional ways to give? Why is giving important? Leave a comment.
Copyright 2010 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
I think about giving all the time. I think my reasons are two-fold. I am a minimalist so I don’t like to have a lot of things. And I selfishly like the way it makes me feel.
Oh and P.S. I will read and love your book when it comes out in January!
I love this list. And this whole post. And you are awesome, Alisa, and beautiful, and brilliant! And I spelled your name right this time (I think).
Giving is so important. Like Andi, I selfishly like how it makes me feel. I think you can give the gift of TIME, which is so hard to do. TIME with your family, friends, children. That is one of the best gifts of all, and one that is in short supply.
This is a wonderful, thought-provoking post!
My mother is one of the single most generous people I’ve ever known, sometimes to a fault. However, she is also really inspiring because she exemplifies and LIVES what it means to truly give.
I am sorry to hear about your grandmothers demise due to scleroderma, Alisa, it is a vicious and horrible disease, your grandmother sounds like she was a great person, grandma’s are just the best! It’s sweet that she just gave you her watch–now you can remember her by having that–what a gift!
I think with the economy the way it has been (or is) it’s made us all realize that we’re all in this together and what goes around, comes around–literally!
I think we’re all in search of less THINGS, but more meaning. And the things we do find we NEED (or really, really want) we don’t want to pay through the nose for anymore, and I think that’s a good thing–it’s smart! I have a strong desire to clean out my closet and storage, but the thought is overwhelming, however, I really don’t need all that stuff and others could probably benefit from it!
I like the idea of sending shoes to kids in Sudan, or donating your items to a thrift shop.
Here in Las Vegas we have a website called FreeCycle.com, it might be nationwide, but anyway–it’s a website where you “trade” things for free–it’s very local (no fee of ANY KIND is allowed). You just go on the board there and post what you have to GIVE and what you would like to RECEIVE. There are so many people on there who never ask for anything and just give and give and give. They inspire me! I can’t say I’m ready to give all of my possessions away, some things are meaningful and special to me,(like a watch from a grandmother, or the pearls I wore on my wedding day that my best friend bought for me) but for the most part, we all could be a little more giving–of our possessions, our positivity, our love and so on.
Suggestions #13 & #14 made me literally laugh out loud, that’s always a good thing! I think that’s why blogging has become so normal and encouraged–because through blogging we can all give each other advice, support, encouragement and so on–and that’s a very good thing!
Today, I’m going to find a special way to give a special something to a random stranger, just because. It gives me something positive to focus on and it’ll make the other person feel good! Here’s to the givers everywhere!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
I’m using one of those paid grocery coupon services now, and sometimes there is something you can get for “free” because of a sale price, combined with a coupon that gets doubled, etc. Even if I don’t want/use/need the item, I’ve started grabbing it and donating to our local food bank.
A few weeks ago, I decided to send a friend who was short on cash a little moolah using Paypal out of the blue. I hadn’t had time to tell her I’d done it, so I had to laugh when she emailed me to warn me that my account had been hacked. She assumed it was the case when she got the email alert that I’d given her money.
Three days later, I learned that I’d won a contest and that someone else would be paying MY way to a blog conference. It was nice symmetry since I’d decided to give my friend the $$, after I’d figured out that I probably could NOT afford to go to the conference.
I love your list – giving is something we could always do more of, thanks for sharing.
.-= Shannon O | Confessions of a Loving Wife´s last blog ..Privacy in Marriage, How Much is Too Much Information? =-.
Great list! I love the addition of the gift of time, that is one I have always tried to provide and now find I have less and less of. I especially liked the idea of visiting friends or even non-friends in a nursing home. My mom was home-cared by me, but she spent three weeks at a rehabilitation center prior to coming home, and I was able to observe the elderly people there who were so delighted by visits, flowers, etc. The hardcore interns, not the ones in rehabilitation, would sit in wheelchairs, near the front door and peer out through the pane glass. How happy it would have made those elderly folks to have someone push them around the courtyard! Old people are simply old, and should not be considered scary. My mum was always so happy when friends or acquaintances came to visit her at the end of her life. Unfortunately, it did not happen often, even though she was in her own home and had friends who were alive and young enough to get visit …
Great list – especially the “fat cow” parts. I’ll have to work on saving the earthworms though
Just one note – I work at a public library and yes, we do love getting donated books, just not the really old ones. So please, send us your books after you’re done with them, but no one really wants to borrow a really old, yellowed book and at our library we have to recycle those ones.
I actually did #22 once. I didn’t get out of my car. But I stayed stopped where I was until the turtle got out of the way of traffic before I continued on my way. It felt great!
I give humor. I email/chat with two friends thru out the work day while they are at work. If either is having a bad day, I’ll write something funny so they laugh and feel better. And then I feel better for helping them.
I’ll read your book when it comes out. I just can’t believe I have to wait so long to read it.
I regularly offer to help – either holding a door open, or some other form of help. One day at the grocery store the gal in front of me was in a wheel chair and was having difficulty getting her groceries out of her cart. I asked first if she’d like help, before I stepped in and helped her. She did need help and appreciated that I helped. (I could tell that she also appreciated that I first asked.)
When any one holds a door open for me, I always say Thank You! I so appreciate when that occurs. When I was pregnant, I can’t tell you how many doors my arms were too short to stop before they nearly hit my huge pregnant belly.
Here’s one I just thought of after writing the above. When in a long line for a public restroom, offer the pregnant woman to use the toilet before you. If you’ve been pregnant, you’ll understand why I suggest this. ; )
Alisa, this post really turned my week around. It’s been miserable around these parts the last couple days, and your thoughts literally brought tears to my eyes as it encouraged me to focus on someone beside myself. What you discussed reminded me of this site: http://givingchallenge.ning.com/, where the woman talks about how prioritizing giving for 29 days really changed her perspective on life. Your words today made a big difference for me and subsequently for my family. Thank you!
We all have our weaknesses. Unfortunately for my wife, I have difficulty apologizing. Naturally, I blame my parents.
Good post. When you try to do the right thing, try to think it through and discuss with the recipient whether your generosity is something that wont inconvenience them, embarrass them or is simply not needed. School may not have enough staff to handle multiple brands of computers – especially older ones. Donating canned foods is a problem for non-local charities – local food pantry generally needs the canned foods. Charity that is sending items overseas cannot use it (costs more to ship than to buy it locally).
Thanks for a well though out post. Like most people, lists are easy for me to read. But rarely get more than a handful.
.-= Jacob´s last blog ..Katya Mansell story of getting healed from Anaphylactic shoc =-.
Alisa, What a great list. You are right on every single one. And the one about telling a pregnant woman that she is pretty so TRUE.. when I was pregnant I always felt like a fat cow. As I was getting to the end of the list, I got teary-eyed because it made me think of my younger sister. She had a medical scare this weekend and she said it was a wake up call for her to really live to the fullest. I’m going to pass this post to her because it deserves to be read by everyone!
I try to tell my family, now that I am thousand of miles away how much they mean to me and that I love them. Also my friends like Nando, he is a brilliant and awsome person.
Thank you, like always for giving us something to think about.
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Croatia and the Countryside =-.
I like this post Alisa, thanks for the inspiration. I will pass it on my sisters as well.
saludos
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Croatia and the Countryside =-.
On the computer donating item on your list – I live near Green Bay, WI and the prison is always looking for old computers. I donated our old one a few years back. Just be sure to wipe it clean of any personal information before donating!
Great post. I’m a practicing buddhist…(well, I’m trying
) and these are really great ideas…how do I give my shoes to kids in the Sudan???? …..and about your computers, there is a really great yahoo group called “freecycle” they usually have one for most cities or one close to you. You post all the things you don’t want anymore and someone will come and take those things free of charge. It works in the reverse too…I was given a perfect bread machine that my family uses almost every week. People on freecycle are always looking for clothes, computers (broken or working), mismatched dishes, shoes…etc. I will also read your book. I look forward to your posts and miss them when you have busy days!
I feel more charitable and energized just from reading the list, Alisa. Not that I’ll stop there. Thanks for the reminder that even a small kindness can have a significant effect.
.-= Frugal Kiwi´s last blog ..DIY Clean Green Shampoo Alternative =-.
Girl, I love it when my OWN friends pass YOUR blog post along and NOT mine–I see you up there Elisa!! But it makes me happy that they are reading awesome material from the best BLOGGER out there!
This particular post inspired me right after reading it–so not only am I gonna GIVE, you also inspired a blog post out of me–which I’m currently writing as I type this comment. Come on, I’m a multi-tasker, sister!
Thanks for the constant nod of inspiration. I miss ya!
.-= nandoism´s last blog ..Who Are You Not Dating? =-.
I would participate but at #12 you had me bursting into tears because I, I am that mom. It really does mean more than people could know when they just offer to lend me a hand like I was a regular person not some sort of space hogging population bomb.
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..The Reinvention of Edison Thomas: A book review =-.
Tracy–I wrote #12 just for you. Except you only have 5 kids I think.
I ended up here after reading your post about the Zimbabwe Gecko Society video. I immediately went to their web site but couldn’t figure out how to purchase those beaded geckos. Guess I’ll send them an e-mail.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I like that lots of your suggestions don’t cost anything. I was feeling bad that we couldn’t give any money after the Haiti earthquake. We were literally struggling to pay our mortgage for a few months. I even stopped going to church because I was embarrassed to not put money in the collection plate. So I started giving what I could in other ways, like formula coupons to my neighbor, hand-me-down clothes to friends, and inviting people over for dinner. In some ways, I think those things are a lot more meaningful than writing a check.
Abby–so true. And when I was at the Dharma class, my teacher even said that material giving is the least powerful of the three types. I know I tend to remember and feel fond of the non material gifts people have given me. It seems to take more to give our time, talents etc., so it’s more meaningful and, often, does more inherent good, too.
it’s really an interesting article. superb… for reading it, Nice article. Thank you
30. Let someone use your cell phone when they ask. They don’t want to take it. They want to call someone and discuss something.
31. Donate financial resources to causes that you want to help but “don’t have the time.”
32. Offer to volunteer at a school if you enjoy the company of children. Kids love guests, and teachers will undoubtedly welcome the relief.
33. Take someone out to lunch.
34. Feed your neighbor’s dog.
35. Rake the yard for the elderly couple down the street in the fall.
Most of those were a list to myself with exception to 35. I wanted to stop at 35 because I have a thing about numbers that end in 5 and 0, and I couldn’t think of 5 more.
P.S. I can’t believe a PUBLIC school said they had enough computers. Blessed district!
good way of thinking
I have been seeking for more information on these types of coupons for a long time now.