How to keep marriage hot

I’ve been swamped this week, and I’ve been feeling guilty about neglecting my blog during my swamp-hood. Well, don’t you know that the other day Matt Phillips from sent me the following guest post? I think he secretly loves me. What else can explain that sort of thing, I ask? Anyway, I plan to write a post soon that explains what’s been going on for me this week. It’s a must-read for all of you who love reading about the embarrassing things that take place in my life. It has to do with a panty emergency.

But, today, Matt is going to take over. He’s a forty-something father of two. He’s been married for 15 years.

Take it away Matt.

flirtingHow to Keep Your Marriage Hot

We all remember that warm, fuzzy feeling we had when we first met our spouses. It was fun, new and exciting, which is what makes falling in love so exhilarating. However, with time, many couples get so comfortable within their relationship that they stop making an effort. They forget about little things they used to do for their partner which made it feel all the more special. Many forget that marriages need constant work–whether you’ve been together for 2 months or 20 years. Here are some ways to keep the home fires burning.

Keep things fun

1. Remember those little love notes you used to leave for your spouse?  Now, your love notes are not all that loving at all. They say things like, ‘Dinner is in the oven.” There’s a place for that, of course, but there’s also a place for romance. Leave hidden notes around the house declaring your love, or simply draw a smiley face on a note. It takes very little effort, but will provide your partner with a great, warm feeling.

2. At the beginning of every relationship, you often have what’s called ‘the honeymoon period’ where you often lavish gifts on your new partner. That’s not to say you need to continuously buy your husband or wife gifts, but you should remember that gifts do not need to be saved for Christmas and birthdays. A surprise gift, especially one with meaning, will help your spouse feel special. A spontaneous gift shows that you are always thinking of him or her.

3. Do favors for no reason. Cook a surprise meal after a long day at work (especially if your spouse usually cooks). Wake your spouse with a cup of tea or coffee in the morning. These gestures make your spouse feel looked after and adored.

Try flirting again…

1. You did this when you met. After many years of marriage, flirting sometimes gets reduced to:

“Does this dress look okay with these shoes?”

“Yes, dear.”

Bring flirting back to your marriage. It can be as subtle as a gentle touch or smile or even a suggestive comment or two. If you feel your sex life needs livening up a bit, think about different, new ideas to help bring a bit of life to it. This could be something as simple as going away for a weekend, giving each other massages, or dressing up, but never do something which makes you feel uncomfortable just to please your partner. If you ever feel that there is an aspect like this to your relationship with you are not happy with, try talking to your partner about it.


Never avoid talking about an issue. Unresolved issues will grow, often resulting in an explosive argument. Take the time to listen to each other. Listen to your spouse’s problems. Thoughtfully consider your spouse’s advice. Or simply take the time to have a general conversation with each other. You can discover new things about your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together.

Spoil and surprise each other…

Relationships take work but if you want to be with your partner ‘til death do us part’, a little bit of work will reap huge rewards. By forgetting to spoil and surprise each other, your relationship could become stale, ending it abruptly. So be creative, be thoughtful and above all—show your spouse that care.

Author profile: This blog post was written by Matt Phillips from

4 comments… add one

  • Jennifer Margulis March 26, 2010, 6:21 pm

    These are all good tips!

  • Keyona July 16, 2010, 3:01 pm

    After being married for 10 years (we got married at 20 and 21 years old), we have been through everything you could imagine…and we’re still here….together…and lately, I have found myself falling in love with him all over again…Matt, you definately know what you’re talking about…be creative, spontaneous, and try to always keep it fresh.

  • Anoneemuz May 18, 2011, 2:59 pm

    @ Keyona
    10 YEARS wow!
    I have been married to my husband a little over 2 years
    and it has been very very very explosive
    and then we find ourselves in each others arms and it all seems so worth it
    I just need to know how you cope or if you have coped
    with Him giving all his attention to other women would like to hear your feed back I know this is an old post so I don’t expect a reply. Would like to get my best friend back for good and not let him go again.


  • algreat samuel otu August 12, 2011, 5:20 am

    we are newly married and i want my marriage to be hot all the time.thanks for this little tips. i will do everything to keep it up. God bless you.


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