Tell me about your worst Valentine's Gift Ever and this wonderful device could be yours!
This promotion is now closed.
Tell me about your Worst Valentine’s Gift Ever in the comments area of this post. If my panel of judges picks your comment as their favorite, you will win an Aphrodite Vibrator, courtesy of MyPleasure.com, a site that sells sex toys.
About the question: When MyPleasure first approached me and offered one of their vibrators as a giveaway, my knee jerk reaction was to have you all answer the question, “Why are vibrators better than chocolate?” Over the weekend, while in Nashville, I tested this question out on my blogging sisters Andi from Misadventures with Andi and Laurie from You Must Take Your Chance. They both looked at me funny, the kind of funny that isn’t funny, you know? So then I said, “What if I asked about their worst Valentine’s gift ever?” They both clapped, looked excited, and said, “Now that’s a contest I would like to enter!” It was settled.
About the judges: I’ve become quite enamored with some of you all, so I’m worried that I will not be able to serve as an unbiased judge. That’s why I’ve asked Andi, Laurie, and Julie Roads from Writing Roads to be my judges. They are allowed to pick a winner based on any stinking criteria they come up with. I’ll probably ask a third person to serve as a judge, too, just to prevent a tie. That judge will be announced soon.
About the prize: The best Valentine’s gift I ever received was a vibrator. My husband gave it to me years ago and I still have it. Every woman should own one. In fact, I would go as far as saying this: if you are a woman who does not own a vibrator, your life is incomplete. The Aphrodite is one of the best vibrators on the market. Valued at $74.95, this little device is downright famous. It’s even been on Oprah! When MyPleasure offered it as a give away, I was sad that I could not enter my own contest.
About the rules: To enter, you must leave your comment here on this site. Do not send it to me by email and do not leave it on the Facebook feed. You’ll need to supply a working email address (you’ll see the prompt). If you fail to do that, I will not be able to notify you that you won. The contest closes at noon Friday Feb. 12. We’ll announce the winner sometime the following week. (In other words, whenever we get around to it).
You can only enter and win if you live in the US. I love all of my overseas readers (I’m sending you all big love vibes right at this moment), but it’s just too darn expensive to ship a vibrator that far. You also cannot enter this contest if you are a blood relative or married into the Bowman or Bauman families.
I look forward to hearing about your terrible Valentine’s Day gifts!
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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
My worst Valentine’s Gift: My first husband asked for a divorce on Valentine’s Day in front of our three year old daughter, while we were having breakfast in a restaurant. And as a follow up to that, our divorce was final on my 27th birthday.
I’ve since made up for it – current hubby and I celebrate “when we met” on Valentine’s Day – since that’s when he sent his first email to me.
And this Valentine’s day, my daughter will be visiting. While hubby is flying home from Belgium.
worst gift ever… hmm. I wish this was a worst gift for mother’s day contest – mine would be the year i was pregnant and my husband gave me Junior on DVD. hardy har har.
however, since the rules plainly state the worst valentine’s gift ever – I’m going to go for the year I got a gorilla stuffed animal…. cute as could be, sang a song, holding a heart that says “you’re the best” … and a noose around its neck.
I think mine pales in comparison to Kathy though. if I were a judge she’d have my vote.
I guess my worst gift would have to be no gift at all. Last year, I got candy for my husband and son, and made a nice dinner for them on Valentine’s day, and I got nothing. Zero, zip, nada. Exactly like my birthday this year. *sigh*
That said, I have to agree that Kathy has the best story so far.
.-= LeAnn´s last blog ..A Christmas Story =-.
My worst Valentine’s “gift” would have to be the year I found out that my new husband was involved in intensely sexual online relationships with at least 6 other women – he was stationed overseas at the time, which meant that we were restricted to online communications ourselves, and I found out while he was gone.
I’ve never felt that cheap and rejected before, and on a day focused on love and relationships, no less! Our relationship at the time wasn’t all that hot and steamy, more focused on the daily routines, and I’d been wondering what I was doing wrong and trying to improve things for us romantically. As a result, learning that day that he was getting that intimacy from others drove me into a huge depressive spiral as I wondered if I was just “another in the list”, or even if he meant anything he said to me as he declared his undying sexual attraction to some other woman.
I will add that things are vastly improved now, but it took almost a year of talking, arguing and even some near-divorce moments to finally get to a better relationship with each other. It was only our commitment to stay married that got us through. (I will also add that this site was a lifesaver in helping me struggle to ground myself and focus on what was important!)
I once had a live in boyfriend and we spent months having “the talks”. I wanted to get married and he kept waffling. Things were getting tense and Valentines day rolled around. He woke me up on the first of February saying he wanted to have “The 14 days of Valentines” I imagine this was inspired by the 12 days of Christmas, but I may never know. … See MoreFor days he gave me piles of sculpy oven bake modeling clay. I don’t care much for sculpy – his ex did though. For days and days packages of disappointing dried out oven bake clay awaited me in the morning. I really began to wonder where this stuff was coming from. It was so old and crusty – had it belonged to his ex? On the 8th day he ran out of presents and I was deeply relieved. He said he had one shiny expensive gift waiting for the 14th. He built this gift up for days and I really (stupidly) started imagining it was an engagement ring. The 14th comes and I give him some jewelry and well received records. He unveils a very expensive toaster oven which he explained was for the oven bake clay. We broke up later. I gave away the freaky clay stash. I am now married to a wonderful guy who writes lovely notes, draws pictures, plays songs on the guitar, and has never ever given me an appliance I didn’t want as a gift. I’d be very into that sexy toy, but I might not have the worst story. I guess we’ll see.
One Valentine’s Day, I got (in this order): a jewelry box (and an ugly one at that) with beef jerky in it, followed by some video game (that was actually supposed to be funny in that it wasn’t for me, but for my husband), followed by a DVD of “Bad Santa” and “Blue Crush” — movies I never saw and had no desire to see. I’m not really sure what he was trying to get at with that gift, but it really sucked. Last year, he tried to order me perfume, but shipped it OVERSEAS (via Amazon) to someone in Scotland (a coworker in her 60s who had apparently just become a widow — kind of weird to get perfume, huh?). Yes, I actually married this guy. He’s gotten better over the years, but now we have stopped giving gifts, because he seems to always end up with a comedy of errors. Needless to say, my husband has ADHD and we have learned that planning and following through isn’t his greatest strength, so now we don’t really give gifts anymore, all he has to remember is to get me a nice card, and he’s been very good at that. And by the way, this website single-handedly saved my marriage. Don’t know if that helps my case at all, but it’s totally true.
.-= Fran´s last blog ..Good List: Target Clear Rx =-.
Well, this is an easy question because I NEVER get a valentines gift so I have never gotten a bad one!!! I would adore winning this because it might help our love life and I would get a valentine next year! LOL. Thanks. I love reading your blog and read every posting.
Cheryl
I’m not entering your contest, but I laughed so hard when I read, “you cannot enter this contest if you married into the Bowman or Buaman family,” too funny. I see your point! V
ibrators sometimes ARE better than chocolate, so I have to say, I liked that headline/question too, let’s compare the two:
Vibrators are calorie free, fat free & usually cleaner than eating chocolate! Vibrators can give you orgasms, you don’t have to shave your legs or get dressed up for them, and OVERALL (even though they’re expensive) they’re usually cheaper (per use) than a man. Just saying.
However, chocolate is better sometimes because it’s less work than a vibrator, it’s not embarrassing to have chocolate on the coffee table when relatives come over, you don’t have to worry about chocolate being too loud or clumsy; and best of all, men are rarely ever intimidated by it–so you don’t have hide it (chocolate) from them either!
The worst Valentine’s Day Gift I ever got? I can’t think of one. My husband is especially romantic around V-Day and if I didn’t good gifts from exes, I just didn’t get gifts to begin with–nothing awful. This was a fun post, though, Alisa, thanks!
Many Valentine’s Day Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
An old boyfriend once gave me a set of lamps for valentine’s day. He said he found them on sale and thought they’d go well with my living room. He was the most unromantic person I’ve ever met.
.-= Angelia´s last blog ..I Bow To The Queen Of Steps-Corpus Christie! =-.
Sigh, I thought I might actually get a vibrator this time after my own blog confession that I’ve never tried one. BUT, I have to say that Fran is getting my vote so far. I don’t think I can top an ugly jewelery box filled with beef jerky (can anybody?).
One Valentine’s Day a long, long time ago, my English visa had expired. I had told my British employer when they hired me that there was no need to worry about the expiration of my visa because my boyfriend and I were planning on getting married. A week before Valentine’s Day, my employer asked to see my updated work visa. I went home and told my boyfriend that we would have to live out our plan of a shotgun visa wedding so that I could stay in the country. He said no.
We went to the island of Ischia in Italy on the day my visa expired so that I could re-enter the United Kingdom with at least a tourist visa. On Valentine’s Day we sat at a table overlooking a cliff’s edge, olive green waters sparkling, the sun glistening down, red wine in our glasses, and love in our hearts . . . while I listened to him tell me why he wasn’t ready to get married. Then he gave me the last bread stick.
Ah, love. We’re married now and I have a visa to live in any European country I’d like. I thought that I’d never forgive him for that, but time really does heal most of our husbands, stupidities.
I can’t tell you about the worst Valentine’s gift I ever got, because I generally did not get Valentine’s gifts after moving to France at 22 and before that, my ex-boyfriend, in America, always gave me roses, which is lovely the first time, but not so exceptional after the second and third. However, I can tell you the BEST gift that man ever got. I bought some cotton, with little red hearts on white background, and sewed him boxer shorts. Imagine that for devotion! For the second-best present I gave him and why he didn’t appreciate it, you will have to see my blog post today, Monday. While you there, please tell me what your most UNUSUAL V-day gift was.
Honored to serve as judge can’t wait to read all the stories!
Hi, my friend Angelia pointed me to your blog
Nice to meetcha!
*sigh* I’d hoped never to think about this gift again, but I think a free vibrator’s worth dredging up the memory.
My husband (shortly after we’d moved in together, but before we’d gotten married) got me a deep fryer. Getting appliances for Valentines day is, in my opinion, always rather tasteless, but when I opened it and found the candy, I figured it had SOME redeemable quality to it after all. That is, until I took a closer look and realized it was the leftover Christmas candy I’d put in his stocking. He’d already eaten all the good stuff; the bits that ended up in my deep fryer were the rejects.
Do you know how HARD it is not to to register disappointment?! Somehow the ole “It’s the thought that counts” mantra doesn’t really help.
Worst gift I ever got was a sample pack of birth control! BF thought it might “come in handy”
This is tough competition – I just cringed as I read through them all!
Mine was more embarrassing. My boyfriend (and now wonderful husband who has learned better) came up to my table in the college cafeteria with an elaborately wrapped V-day gift when I was sitting with all my girl friends. All attention was on me as they begged me to unwrap his gift.
I unwrapped a red leather Bible verse pack. Yes, a pack of Bible verses that were held in fancy red leather case. He was so proud of himself and my friends were frick’n confused. They never even heard of such a thing and made me explain OVER and OVER what he gave me with confusion on their faces. Uncomfortable and Awkward. I still have it.
Okay, this is not going to sound like the worst gift ever, but you have to understand the circumstances surrounding it. I adore roses. Totally love them. Grow them even when I have the ability to do so, but I”m also massively allergic to them. They stay outside where I can look at them through the window and enjoy them without using a nebulizer.
So my husband, then boyfriend, gets me two dozen of the most beautiful roses I’ve ever seen. Absolutely gorgeous.
I lasted two minutes before I passed out from the fumes. . . and lack of oxygen.
The poor guy. (and honestly, I don’t think this is really so bad, and believe that Kathy definitely deserves the prize in this one, but I can’t tell it on my own blog because on of his friends will tell him that I told).
I don’t really have any bad gifts because I wasn’t allowed to date while in school and was always single by the time Vday showed up! I am enjoying reading other people’s stories though!
A bottle of cheap shampoo.
Well, I’ve only gotten exactly one Vday present ever, the first year we were married – a fake blue rose, the kind with the fake water drops on it, and a .99 price tag from the grocery store still attached. Uh, thanks, honey. After that spectacular effort, he’s never even bothered again. So maybe my worst gift has been apathy?
But that’s nothing compared to some of the other poor women here!! Y’all have my sympathies!
I got nuthin’.
I have a man’s brain sometimes – and I can’t remember any Valentine’s gifts – good or bad. And some of these stories are just awful and heart wrenching, so I can’t compete.
All I know is that I want the vibrator. And I think Valentine’s Day was just invented to make us all feel bad and by more tissues. Seriously, I think Hallmark and Kleenex are in cahoots. They’re also working with Hershey’s and Weight Watchers. It’s a frickin’ conspiracy.
.-= Julie Roads´s last blog ..What are you saving it for? =-.
The very first year with my husband, I went all out (I guess I’m the more romantic of us two) with 6 huge mylar balloons (one for every month we had been together) sexy lingerie, and because a woman mustn’t forget that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach I aso got him his favorite Chocolate chip cookie cake…only to find out on Valentine’s Day that he hadn’t gotten me one single thing….not even a card….he made up some story about going to a travel agent for tickets to disney, but we literally live 30 min from Disney so, that was a complete lie….So we ended up going to Disney World 4 days AFTER Valentine’s Day with the last of our savings for the month…..We have since gotten married and 7 years later, I guess that present started a tradition because we go to one of the Theme parks in Florida every year. But that first year was rotten….absolutely heartbreaking.
It’s a bad gift, but it’s also not because it is just the kind of guy my hubby is, so I wasn’t mad, it’s just hilarious! He loves to be different, and he’s given me so many great gifts that I can easily forgive him for this. We were married with no kids, he was on his way to pick me up from work, so he stops on the way to get me a V-Day gift…nothing was left because it was 6pm..so I get a card, in SPANISH! Which neither of us are..and a box of non-v-Day themed chocolates. Of course the shops were sold out of everything, so he just made do. E for effort, but A for hilarity!
When we were dating, he also bought me lingerie one year, about 2 sizes too small..just because I’m short doesn’t mean I’m an extra-small size! It’s the thought that counts for sure in this case!!
All of these ladies stories are great! Don’t know how you are going to pick just one!
The worst Valentine’s Gift I ever received was a suitcase. Yep, a suitcase…with nothing in it and no surprise tickets to somewhere nice. I just looked at my husband and asked “so where is the real present?” He stated that it was a practical gift; I needed a new suitcase so he got me one. I thought it was a suggestion that I should move out. I must say he is much better about getting me jewelry for Valentine’s Day now.
The very worst Valentine’s day was when my now hubby and I were dating. I invited him over to my house, we were young and my parents were out of town! I spent the day online researching recipes and fixing Lemon Pepper chicken on a bed of rice with green beans, and strawberry shortcake. The shortcakes were even HOMEMADE. Ten min. after he got to my house, I started throwing up in the bathroom. So I got the FLU for Valentine’s day, while he enjoyed the first home cooked meal I ever made by himself! BTW: while I was in the bathroom and he was eating, he kept asking if I tried the food and if I thought that it was still safe to eat, because he didn’t want to get salmonella poisoning!
Needless to say, we didin’t enjoy ourselves as much as we were looking forward to. I spent the rest of the evening in the bathroom and he sat on the couch watching t.v. He ended up getting me two DVD’s when I didn’t even have a DVD player!
What a memorable day!
I have had quite a bit of horror Valentines. One year the guy I was seeing then, asked me to not get him anything so he wouldn’t have to get me anything. There’s also one that had one of his buddies came over on Valentine to play video games. Let not forget the “Can we split the bill?” one too.
My last one could top the chart: My ‘ex’ decided that he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. We broke up the night before and I ended up leaving his place with all my stuff on the morning of Valentine’s Day. Heartbroken and upset; I went home and had a bottle of wine to myself, while getting ready. Not sure what the heck I was getting all dressed up for …. anywho, finished the bottle around 11 am (not the best idea at all)
Roommate came home with her mom; had absolutely no idea what was going on with me. Me on the other hand, trying to be on my best non-drunk/happy face to chat with her mom. Who was telling us girls that its ok to be alone on Valentine and we are great etc etc. Finally she left — then I convinced my roommate to have a drink with me and then go out. So she did. Well, I blacked out by 2 pm and passed out til 10 pm. No idea what had happened til days later when my roommate showed me a pic of me in my dress sleeping in the bathtub.
To make it worse (or better)… I am still not over my ex. I’m still trying to make thing work and this Valentine will be a year of me trying to get back together. Its like all the hearts, balloons, red and pink colors, romantic cards and flowers is not enough – did you know they have a special card section at Safeway dedicated to the “Love in Trouble” category. And yes, I bought one of those cards. oh boy…
I miss that feeling… Don’t get me wrong, my ‘ex’ is a great guy and I still think Valentine is special
Valentine’s Day was a Sunday that year…overcast, weather not looking good. I put out treats, big balloons, candy and cards for the hubby and kids on the kitchen table the night before, like I do every year, so they could all ooh and aah over the love showered on them. For me on the table? NOTHING – not even a card from the kids (which every mother knows that daddy has to have given some concious thought to the holiday in order to buy the cards for the kids to give mom in the first place.) Off to church we go, in which I am sure I my prayers went something like “God, how bad is it that I am totally pissed off at my husband in church?” On the way home, I ask “Did you get me a card?” Answer: “No.” (not in a mean way, but in a nonchalant way, like it still hadn’t hit him what the display on the kitchen table was for) We all get home from church (Walgreens is around the corner from church, btw. Helloooo-stop for a card?), me now absolutely sad. I proceed to put on crummy yard clothes and go out in the POURING RAIN for about and hour and a half so I can dig up dead shrubs I had been meaning to get to anyway, and I can cry as long and loud as I want and so the tears will blend in with the rain. Finally he must realize that its a little weird his wife has been out in the rain for so long, comes out and see his wife upset and feels really bad. Never did get any cards that day, but have received flowers and cards every year since. Girls, there is hope for Mr. Oblivious syndrome!
The worst Valentine’s day gift I ever got was not actually a gift for me. My now ex-husband and I were in the process of mediation — on the way to divorce — when I found a receipt for porn he ordered for himself. Interesting to note that one of the reasons for our divorce was that for 12 out of the 14 years that we had been married — we hadn’t had sex (his choice, not mine). It just felt like a slap in the face.
You didn’t specify that the “worst Valentine’s gift ever” had to be one we received, so I’ll enter this contest by telling about the “worst Valentine’s gift ever” I gave someone.
I had dated this guy–we’ll call him Bill–for nearly 4 years. For a couple months, I had wrestled with the idea of ending things with him. The day before Valentine’s Day, I stood in the shower, and I just knew I had to break up with him, that whatever we might have once had together had ended.
However, one might say I waffled because I decided I just couldn’t break up with him on Valentine’s Day. That would be cruel and unusual, right? Instead, I bought him a pocket knife. Subconsciously, I hoped he’d see the symbolism, a cutting off.
I walked into his apartment, accepted his gift, and handed him the knife. When he tried to kiss me and be romantic, I couldn’t really respond. I left him alone there with his knife that night.
This contest is now closed. Any comments made after this point will not be counted or judged. I will be announcing the winner soon. Thanks for entering everyone!
I just want to say that Mr. Sam is a wonderful, loving husband but he sucks at giving gifts. This past Christmas, I got myself gifts b/c I was tired of not getting anything to unwrap, I’m planning the same for Valentine’s Day.
Sam – that’s a great idea! Great attitude too.
We celebrate the 12th (today) – anniversary of our first date. Sweet hubby is hit or miss but this year he got me flowers and chocolate from my favorite chocolatier here in Madison, WI (Gail Ambrosius chocolate rocks!).
Alisa, am so honored to be a judge!!
Ok this isn’t an entry, and (luckily) it’s never been “given” to me ….but yesterday I stopped to get gas on my way home from work. Next to the gas station is Mini Price Self Storage. You know those signs that include a place for changeable letters so that a business can post different messages to potential customers? Well this is what this one said and, of course!, I immediately thought of your contest:
“Give Your Valentine The Space She Has Asking For”
Yep. Nothing says romance & love more than giving your loved one a storage unit.
Let me know about judging ….can’t wait!
.-= Laurie´s last blog ..Two Conclusions =-.
I couldn’t think of any bad gifts I have received because I have probably only received about 5 or so in the span of my lifetime. Kathy definitely got my vote on this one. Her experience read like it was extremely traumatizing. Sarah is definitely second. I am impressed she is still married. She is courageous and committed!
I think it was so sad how many women got nothing for Valentines day. Me included.
Boo hoo
.-= Maureen´s last blog .. =-.