Life is a struggle.
My mother in law gave me this shirt, which says, “life is a struggle, a wonderful struggle” in Finnish, her native language.
I love it, not just because it’s a conversation piece (no one can figure out what it says so people always ask), but because it’s so true and so freeing.
I didn’t always feel this way, of course. Until very recently, I was one of those people who went around muttering things like, “Life shouldn’t be this hard,” and “What did I ever do to deserve this?” and “Is mercury in retrograde AGAIN?!”
But then my Buddhist meditation teacher described life in the following way:
It’s like you are treading water in the middle of the ocean. Everywhere you look, you see water. You tread water your entire life. Then you die. Then you are reincarnated, and you find that, yet again, you are in the middle of the ocean and you are treading water.
I don’t know about you, but that description? It made me say, “Wow, that’s my life. Whenever I feel as if I’m just about to get to the shallow end of the swimming pool, I find that something has shoved me right back into the deep end, and the struggle starts all over again.”
More important, I used to think that everyone else had an easy life—that I was the only person on the planet who was at risk of drowning in the deep end of the swimming pool.
EVERYONE is struggling? EVERYONE is treading water? NO ONE gets off easy? NO ONE has a bright purple floatie? We’re all in this together?
It was a revelation.
And this revelation helps mightily when I have a string of days–as I did last week—during which every single darn tooting thing that can go wrong does. My bad luck streak started the moment we were leaving my in-laws’ house to drive to the Orlando airport. Here’s a rundown of the series of struggles.
- My husband gets a text message letting him know that our flight has been canceled. He calls and manages to get us rebooked on a later flight. He’s the man!
- We attempt to make our way through airport security. They test my husband’s hands for explosive residue, give me the pat down and hand search every single one of our bags. Not only does every single person in the security line get a closer look at my bloomers than I personally would like, the TSA officials even search our 5 year old’s backpack and confiscate her brand new rubber ball that she got at Cape Canaveral. It’s one of those balls that lights up when you bounce it. Apparently it has water inside, not that anyone other than this TSA official could tell. Our daughter cries for the next hour, saying that her life will never be the same without her ball.
- Our seats are not sequential, so my husband gets the luxury of sitting three rows back—by himself—while I’m in a three seat row between a stranger on the aisle and my sniffely whining “I miss my favorite ball” kid in the window seat.
- We land in Washington DC. My husband gets another text message telling him that our connecting flight is canceled. He gets us rerouted on yet another flight that leaves at 10 p.m.
- We learn that we are not technically really on the 10 p.m. flight, even though there are definitely three empty seats, because the flight has a weight limit and they won’t know exactly how many passengers are allowed on the plane until the very last minute. Does, “the plane has a weight limit” sound a wee bit scary to you? It did to me, too.
- The flight is delayed an hour. During this time my daughter complaints of feeling too hot, of her legs hurting, of missing her rubber ball, and of missing her rubber ball. She finally falls asleep.
She misses her ball.
- We are allowed on the plane! Our luck is changing!
- Whoops. Not it’s not. We sit at the gate for an hour+.
- After sitting at the gate for 1.5 hours, the pilot chews out air traffic control. I know this because his mic is on the entire time. We all clap.
- Now it’s been more than 2 hours and we’re still at the gate. The passengers are no longer as enamored with our pilot as they once were. They are yelling things that I really would prefer my 5 year old never, ever hear until she’s, oh, maybe 16 years old.
- We finally leave the gate and wait on line for de-icing. Right around the time that I no longer have sensation in either of my ass cheeks and I am quite certain that I have dangerous blood clots in both of my calves, we take off.
- We land at 3 a.m.
- We get home. We look in our daughter’s new fish tank and discover that an algae colony had taken up residence and one of her fish is dead. Now her life will never be the same without her fish and her rubber ball.
- You might think that a kid who had been up most of the night might sleep in. Not my kid. At 8 a.m., she’s up and so am I.
- I pick up my dog from boarding. They had just clipped his nails. My dog has the dog version of hemophilia. Two of his nails are bleeding, something that I fail to notice until he has raced all over the house. My house now looks as if someone has died a very slow, drawn out, painful death.
- The next day, I fly to Nashville for the Blissdom blogging conference, held at the Gaylord Opryland. If you’ve never been, you should know that the Gaylord Opryland is about the size of Manhattan and Brooklyn added together. No, add Long Island to that, too. My room is at least 5 miles away from the check in area. After lugging all of my crap to my room, I discover that that my key does not open my door. It’s another 5 miles back to check in for a new set of keys. Back at my room, I try the new keys. I’m, still locked out. Maintenance is called to fix my lock. It takes two maintenance men, three different locks, and me getting locked out in the hallway three different times before the door finally works.
- For some reason, every time I order English Breakfast tea at this hotel, I end up with Earl Gray instead.
- The day before I am supposed to go home, a huge snowstorm hits the northeast. Both of my flights are cancelled and a nice lady at US Air tells me that they only possible way for me to get home that Sunday is by tele transport.
I could go on. In fact, I will in my next post. But, at this point, you get the idea. All told, it’s been a solid week of one little struggle after another. But these struggles haven’t rattled me all that much because I’ve embraced them. I’ve come to expect them as normal operating procedure. I just kept telling myself, “Life is a struggle—a wonderful struggle,” and somehow I am about laugh about it, learn from it, and move on with my wonderful life.
How do you persevere through life’s annoying struggles? Do you think life is a struggle for everyone, or do some people get off easy? Leave a comment.
Copyright 2010 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Welcome back! Yes, life is definitely a struggle. Some people flail about more than others. I remember traveling with small children as a challenge, and we didn’t even have TSA officers confiscating toys back then.
Life is indeed a struggle. You are a far better woman than I am to willingly go through airports with children. It’s a valuable talent to be able to stay positive and not get down in the muck with your struggles. It’s been a tough day (in-laws) so thanks for reminding me!
you are my favorite person in the entire world. Are you still stuck in Nashville?
Sometimes I have wished for a fast forward button – on life. It took me a very long time to realize that life is hard for everyone (on purpose). I try to remember to choose happiness and be aware of my thoughts to make sure I am staying on track. So glad you are back and feeling refreshed. I am sorry that you had so many travel challenges. I laughed out loud at the bleedy dog nails looking like slow painful death.
I am so, so, so, so glad you are back! I have been a closet reader of yours for a while now, and may I just say you have brought me back from the edge of insanity many times. You are better than therapy, because you let us know that yes, there are other people out there who are wondering, thinking, feeling just what I was wondering, thinking, feeling and I am not alone!!!!!! Sometimes a girl needs her girlfriends to give the right mix of bluntness and humor, and you give it right every time!
I 100% think life’s a struggle for everyone. Those that we perceive as having it super easy… they’re all struggling with something in their own way. I think some people just handle it better than the “fly off the handle, doom and gloom” method that seems to work for me sometimes.
I always remind myself… it could always be worse and everyone has something they’re working through, even if someone else’s struggles seem minor to me, they’re not to that particular person.
Welcome back! I’m exhausted reading your string of events.
I NEED to take Buddhism courses! If I were in your shoes, I would have been embracing alcohol like a long lost lover. I’m so glad you’re back (I know that I have said this more than once, but it’s true!) In the future when I am having a bad day, I will think of you and repeat your mantra of, “Life is a struggle, a beautiful struggle.”
This is a great quote and I think I will post it everywhere I can see it. It will definitely help me change my attitude.
A lot of the time I thought “life is a struggle, and it sucks” even though I am blessed with beautiful daughters, a wonderful husband, a job, and all of the necessities that a lot of people don’t have. I frequently thought when even one thing went wrong in my life, that I must be the only one whose life sucked and everyone else had it easy and didn’t understand. Recently though people have confided in me that I can absolutely relate to, and a light bulb went off in my head and I realized I’m not the only one struggling.
Life is indeed a struggle, but we can help each other and change our attitudes with this one quote. Thank you!
The day I made this seemingly ridiculous discovery was the day I stopped feeling swamped and overwhelmed by the entropy of housework: I used to think that my life would be really great if I could just get all of the laundry done and put away on the same day, that if I could accomplish this, somehow, the laundry would be “done”…(Forever? Why would I think this?? And what a huge goal for a college graduate, too!) At some point I realized the laundry would never be done, nor would any other household chores be truly done, they would simply by redone over and over (I used to tell my husband, “imagine if I went into your office and deleted all of your day’s work every evening, so every morning you had to redo what you thought you’d finished the day before, that is my LIFE!”) When I started seeing what I did as part of an ongoing process, rather than as completion-oriented, it made things easier. Also, my Dutch neighbour’s oft-used phrase helps, too: “It is what it is!”, this said in reference to yet another item of brown clothing her colour-blind husband has bought her thinking it was her favourite shade of amethyst…meaning, don’t gripe about things you can’t change.
Sarah S., you must be living my life in a parallel universe! Thanks for sharing! This whole stream is making me feel that I was not crazy for feeling like I had been punished and sent back to the end of the parenting line when I found out I was expecting baby #3 at the age of 40 and the other 2 were hitting their stride of independence at ages 12 and 7. She is now 2, and I have had a hard time reconciling being ever so thankful that they are all healthy, smart, active kids while also struggling with having to “start all over”. This gives me a new perspective to look forward to!
Love the saying on your shirt. Yes, life is a struggle. Somedays, not so wonderful.
Your trip back home sounds like my move from Florida back to CA in 1998. If it could go wrong it did. To the point that my car broke down (for about the 5th time in as many days) and had to be repaired. But the movers were arriving the next day and I had the check to pay them – No, they would not unload our furniture, etc., without the check in hand. I had to rent a car to get me, my daughter, one hybrid wolf, two cats and six fish to our destination and the credit card was maxed out. I nearly cried in front of the rental car person and 3 army guys (and I hate to cry in public).
But I made it to the new rental house, the moving van was nearly unloaded and life went on. Yes, it all made me a stronger person in the end. But it certainly wasn’t fun while I was going thru it all.
Another move I made was nearly as bad. But, I got thru that one also and have moved several times more. Call me crazy.
Life goes on. And tomorrow is either better or worse than the day before. But we (or at least I) keep hoping for a better tomorrow and that life will someday be better/easier.
Great post! I’m sorry to hear about your daughters ball and fish
I do know what a bouncy ball means to a 5 year old! 
I have to say that I do believe everyone struggles and is surrounded by water at all times. I also believe in the law of attraction. If one is constantly fretting about their bad day and how bad th…ings always happen to them, they will continue along the never ending pathway to disaster! If one takes their bad day and makes it a conscious lesson to be learned and looks at it in a positive light, their bad times are easier to handle and less disastrous. I can tell you from firsthand experience that I struggle every day with looking at things in a positive light. Sometimes my ocean looks bigger than everyone else’s. Then I remember it’s how they handled it that made all the difference. It is what’s in your own mind that makes your life easier or harder than your friends and neighbors!
I would just like to add that the only place I have had trouble with electronic keys was the Gaylord Palms in Florida, where I had not one but two keys fail on me, when I completely beat from work travel and just wanted to check into my room. I finally called the front desk from my cell phone outside my room because I couldn’t handle the thought of schlepping all my luggage back down to the front desk again for yet another new key!
I like this quote! It all depends on the person’s attitude. I tend to be a positive thinker while my hubby is the pessimistic but he like to say a REALIST.. so at times it sounds like all he is doing is complaining and how he has “bad luck” I tell him stop being so negative but I guess we balance each other out.
And yes Welcome Back, Did you get all your books read?
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Not quite the Rocky Mountains but this will do =-.
Welcome back Alisa! Missed you! Life is definitely a struggle for EVERYONE. some people hide the fact that they struggle better than others. Some are graceful strugglers, (these are the ones, we think, that have perfect lives) while others publicly wail about their struggles. (these are the ones, we think, who are a mess!) I think that our philosophy about life can help us. I think there is a necessary balance. “Praise and blame, pleasure and sorrow, come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a great tree in the midst of them all” ~Jack Kornfield. I think we do have to embrace every aspect of life.
For me it is about changing the way that I am thinking, changing my state. Life always throws things at you that you say you would rather not have, but looking back it is always those difficulties that define who we are. Of course it is how we deal with those difficulties that makes us who we are.
One great way I’ve been trying to change my thoughts is asking the right questions. What did I ever do to deserve this, is a question that will only lead to trouble. If you did actually answer that question, would it make you feel better or strengthen you? I doubt it. Instead, if we ask ourselves questions such as, “What is the best thing about this?”, “How can I enjoy this moment?”, or “What can I learn from this?” These questions can change your focus very quickly.
Sorry for the rough week, but I would be curious in your next post if you could tell us some good things that perhaps you are not acknowledging or just you are not seeing.
Teresa: Hey! I, too, had a 3rd child after the first two (they were 4 1/2 and 7), and although I was exponentially more tired, I think I was also a better parent (to all of them) after that, I think because there is no possibility you’ll be the hyper-organized super-parent, you just learn to pick your battles and enjoy what comes along…I definitely became more chilled out. I remember a friend saying, in a horrified voice, as child #3 peeled the cork pad off the bathroom scale, “you NEVER would have let X do that!” and I thought, “yeah, well, we’re probably all happier for it, too!” Rememeber that scene in the movie Parenthood, where the Steve Martin character is freaking out about a school play going wrong, and his wife is watching the same thing and laughing her head off, and the voice-over says something about he realizes parenthood is all about enjoying the ride, not controlling it? I LOVE that movie…
Aaah, what a great story you got to tell though. I imagine you aren’t home yet, but I hope you’ve found some cozy nook to keep you sane until you can travel again!
Matt–Thanks for your comments. I just checked out your site. I was unaware of you til now (I like to follow all of the the relationships/marriage bloggers). Just subscribed. Thanks for the idea. I will do a gratitude post, just after or before my next one that is already written and is maybe a downer–but definitely a good one, I think.
Alison– I couldn’t figure out how to call the stupid front desk from my phone because the number on the access key was just an extension and I didn’t know the prefix. What’s up with that? But I did eventually learn that those phones in the hallways are actually for the guests. If you pick one up, it will dial maintenance. I used that hallway phone a lot!
.-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..Life is a Struggle, a Wonderful Struggle =-.
If life were easy, more people would be good at it.
Damn. My husband’s travel mantra is “Be a sheep.” It’s his version of “don’t stress out over what you can’t control.” Although it seems to me that these things happen more often when you’re traveling with kids.
Glad you’re home safely.
P.S. Don’t joke about blood clots. I got them in my left calf after traveling for 24 hours from Sweden last summer. Not fun.
Anyone who can write a string of events like this and keep me laughing all the way does not need to worry about looking for the positive. This is one of the most positive transformations of the “slings and arrows” of life I have read (well, maybe Michael Chabon is as good).
I think we all are in this together, and every single person struggles in a different way. I find that a bit comforting. I’m not saying that I like to see others struggle or suffer, but it makes me feel better that I’m not the only one with problems.
I think struggling is what makes us grow, it’s what makes us appreciate the good. We wouldn’t appreciate the sunshine if we never had the rain. I know that sounds cliche but it’s true.
I heard a phrase a few weeks ago that said “suffering is necessary until you realize it isn’t,” and that was just amazing to me.
Struggling and suffering are two different things, sometimes, the best thing we can do is just to accept things as they are, as insanely difficult as that can be. I’m struggling with that myself right now.
As for your plane fiascos, daughter’s fish and 5 mile trecks to and from the hotel room–I empathize with you. That all sucks. I am sorry to hear about fish, that is devestating to a five year old, poor girl. But, I do believe that we are where we’re supposed to be when we’re supposed to be there–plane delays (while a HUGE inconvienance and annoyance) might be God’s way of keeping us from a crash. Just a thought. People in airports are nuts, and something about being crammed into some place, FORCED to wait, at the complete mercy of another person (the pilot, airline, whatever) is ultimately frustrating and not fun. Thank God you’re home now, that’s all I can say!
Life IS a struggle, but it’s also a precious, beautiful, constantly teaching struggle–and when we really think about, what’s the alternative? (Especially if we all get re-incarnated and have to come back and do this all again, man, that’s just scary.). We are blessed to be aware of our struggles, to admit them, learn from them and hopefully, move on to new ones.
Thank you for making us feel a little more normal, and reminding us that life is wonderful!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
I just got to say, “Life is a struggle, a beautiful struggle”. Through gritted teeth and everything. I also through in the ocean treading thing. It helped!
“EVERYONE is treading water? NO ONE gets off easy? NO ONE has a bright purple floatie? We’re all in this together?”
I love that line Alisa!
.-= Jennifer Margulis´s last blog ..BlogHer Conference August 6th and 7th in New York City =-.
I am 100% convinced some people get off easy… at least 5 out of the 7 days in a week. As for the other two, they probably get slammed like the rest of us. I cope with getting slammed by watching HSN and making fun of the products. It is a quite delightful pastime.