Comments on: He thinks strip clubs are okay. She doesn’t. Who’s right? http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/ Because life after "I do" isn't always so charming Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:39:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Cynthia http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-2/#comment-98009 Cynthia Fri, 25 Nov 2011 16:58:45 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-98009 I can see this as being an issue, not because of the technicalities of cheating, but simply because she's uncomfortable. We can try to rationalize this in that "the strippers see it as a job, nothing more", but speaking personally, that wouldn't be what made me so uncomfortable. What would make me uncomfortable is, HE'S getting excited by her. He went there for the sole purpose of having a naked woman grinding on his crotch, brushing her breasts against his face - there's no way he's not getting a hard-on from that. And that, that he does that, makes me very uncomfortable. If he thinks it's no biggie that he can get a hard-on from an actual woman touching him, even though he's got clothes on and she doesn't, then I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I went up on stage and stripped for a whole room of men and got turned on from getting compliments all night long about being hot, because hey, it's no biggie if they look as long as they don't touch. Sure, getting a lap dance boosts his self-esteem. Well, being called hot or beautiful boosts mine. In the end, we're both being selfish, because we're not being respectful to each other's limits. It's good that OP's husband agreed not to go; it shows a respect for her. A respect that more relationships need these days, imho. They talked about it, they'll probably talk about it some more, but the point is, they're doing it together, as a team. I can see this as being an issue, not because of the technicalities of cheating, but simply because she’s uncomfortable. We can try to rationalize this in that “the strippers see it as a job, nothing more”, but speaking personally, that wouldn’t be what made me so uncomfortable. What would make me uncomfortable is, HE’S getting excited by her. He went there for the sole purpose of having a naked woman grinding on his crotch, brushing her breasts against his face – there’s no way he’s not getting a hard-on from that. And that, that he does that, makes me very uncomfortable. If he thinks it’s no biggie that he can get a hard-on from an actual woman touching him, even though he’s got clothes on and she doesn’t, then I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I went up on stage and stripped for a whole room of men and got turned on from getting compliments all night long about being hot, because hey, it’s no biggie if they look as long as they don’t touch. Sure, getting a lap dance boosts his self-esteem. Well, being called hot or beautiful boosts mine. In the end, we’re both being selfish, because we’re not being respectful to each other’s limits. It’s good that OP’s husband agreed not to go; it shows a respect for her. A respect that more relationships need these days, imho. They talked about it, they’ll probably talk about it some more, but the point is, they’re doing it together, as a team.

]]> By: Suzi-Q http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-1/#comment-95855 Suzi-Q Fri, 04 Nov 2011 23:53:34 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-95855 at Hourglass, are you kidding me ?? Take it from me, because it happened to me last October I found my husband did the same thing to me for 9years of our marriage. Do Not Swallow his Bull!@*÷! When I found out I was so devastated . I am a petite fit hot looking lady, my husband 350lbs. not an attractive man , but he's mine and I love him. Don't swallow his bull and teach his dumb ass to Love Honor and Respect you. I even thought he had a "sex addiction , but not for me, and that is really hurtful, don't you think? Don't you want to be with someone who can't take their eyes and hands off of you, and makes YOU feel sexy? Keep your head up my friend and STAY BEAUTIFUL. good luck. l at Hourglass, are you kidding me ?? Take it from me, because it happened to me last October I found my husband did the same thing to me for 9years of our marriage. Do Not Swallow his Bull!@*÷! When I found out I was so devastated . I am a petite fit hot looking lady, my husband 350lbs. not an attractive man , but he’s mine and I love him. Don’t swallow his bull and teach his dumb ass to Love Honor and Respect you. I even thought he had a “sex addiction , but not for me, and that is really hurtful, don’t you think? Don’t you want to be with someone who can’t take their eyes and hands off of you, and makes YOU feel sexy? Keep your head up my friend and STAY BEAUTIFUL. good luck.
l

]]> By: Hourglass http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-1/#comment-95828 Hourglass Fri, 04 Nov 2011 21:15:44 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-95828 What about a husband who is an introvert and doesn't do the male bonding thing...but enjoys going to the strip club by himself sometimes (maybe once a month) to unwind after work? What if he swears he doesn't do anything out of line, but just wants to be in the atmosphere of loud music, dancing girls, and a beer or two? He promises he hasn't had an affair with anyone ever during our marriage (we've been married 20 years). It didn't bother me for a while, but now that we're getting a bit older (young 40s), it is beginning to bug me. He says he won't go anymore if it bothers me, but I don't know what to think. I'm beginning to think we need marriage counseling. I need advice, please. Any male introverts out there who have gone to strip clubs on their own? Any strippers who can share what they think of a married man coming to the club alone? What about a husband who is an introvert and doesn’t do the male bonding thing…but enjoys going to the strip club by himself sometimes (maybe once a month) to unwind after work? What if he swears he doesn’t do anything out of line, but just wants to be in the atmosphere of loud music, dancing girls, and a beer or two? He promises he hasn’t had an affair with anyone ever during our marriage (we’ve been married 20 years). It didn’t bother me for a while, but now that we’re getting a bit older (young 40s), it is beginning to bug me. He says he won’t go anymore if it bothers me, but I don’t know what to think.

I’m beginning to think we need marriage counseling. I need advice, please. Any male introverts out there who have gone to strip clubs on their own? Any strippers who can share what they think of a married man coming to the club alone?

]]> By: Suzi-Q http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-1/#comment-94128 Suzi-Q Wed, 19 Oct 2011 01:46:11 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-94128 Jay, when was the last time YOU did anything for your girl to make her Want to feel sexy for YOU? It takes two to tango babe. Maybe she does''nt find YOU attractive. Jay, when was the last time YOU did anything for your girl to make her Want to feel sexy for YOU? It takes two to tango babe. Maybe she does”nt find YOU attractive.

]]> By: JAY http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-1/#comment-94084 JAY Tue, 18 Oct 2011 18:43:43 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-94084 I HAVE READ MANY QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS REGARDING IF GOING TO STRIP CLUBS ARE CHEATING OR NOT, SOMEONE COMMENT ON MY POST PLEASE. IM NOT GOING TO A STRIP CLUB (YET) BUT ONLY BECAUSE MY GIRL WOULD NOT APPROVE, HOWEVER I AM A FAILRLY YOUNG GUY OF 32 AND OF CORSE WANT THE PLEASURE OF SEEING NUDE WOMAN ONCE IN A WHILE. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HOW MY GIRL LOOKS IN FACT SHE IS QUITE PLEASING, MY PROBLEM IS SHE FOR SOME REASON NEVER FEELS LIKE DOING ANYTHING AROUSING. WHAT I MEAN IS SHE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANY KIND OF STRIP TEASE OR ANYTHING, HECK A FEW WEEKS COULD GO BY WITHOUT EVEN SEEING HER NAKED AND MONTHS GO BY WITHOUT HER EVER PUTTING ON ANYTHING SEXY (LINGERIE) YES I PAY AS MANY COMPLEMENTS AS POSSIBLE IN AN ATTEMP TO REASSURE HER THAT SHE IS SEXY AND TURNS ME ON BUT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM TO MAKE THE DIFFERENCE. I FIND I AM THINKING MORE AND MORE OF GOING TO A CLUB NOT FOR LAP DANCES OR ANYTHING BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE A NAKED BODY ONCE IN A WHILE MAN. I DON'T THINK THERE ARE ANY SERIOUS PROBLEMS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP I THINK IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT HER SELF, BUT AS I MENTIONED NOTHING I SAY OR DO SEEMS TO HELP HER WITH THAT. I GUESS TO GET MY FIX (LOL) IM GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO STRIP CLUB BUT DON'T WANT MY GIRL TO THINK IM CHEATING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF COMMENTS TO EXPECT FROM MY POST BUT LADIES IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR GUYS GOING TO CLUBS YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING SEXY AND EXHILARATING EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, IM SURE YOUR MAN WOULD'T BE WITH YOU IF YOU DIDN'T "DO IT" FOR HIM. BABES ARE AWESOME AND EVEN MORE SO WHEN YOUR ACTING ALL SEXY AND LOOKING GREAT WITH SOME LINGERIE BUT IT'S EVEN BETTER WITH ALL THAT IF YOUR IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL RATHER THEN ONE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. (AT LEAST IT'S LIKE THAT WITH ME.) I HAVE READ MANY QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS REGARDING IF GOING TO STRIP CLUBS ARE CHEATING OR NOT, SOMEONE COMMENT ON MY POST PLEASE. IM NOT GOING TO A STRIP CLUB (YET) BUT ONLY BECAUSE MY GIRL WOULD NOT APPROVE, HOWEVER I AM A FAILRLY YOUNG GUY OF 32 AND OF CORSE WANT THE PLEASURE OF SEEING NUDE WOMAN ONCE IN A WHILE. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HOW MY GIRL LOOKS IN FACT SHE IS QUITE PLEASING, MY PROBLEM IS SHE FOR SOME REASON NEVER FEELS LIKE DOING ANYTHING AROUSING. WHAT I MEAN IS SHE DOESN’T FEEL LIKE DOING ANY KIND OF STRIP TEASE OR ANYTHING, HECK A FEW WEEKS COULD GO BY WITHOUT EVEN SEEING HER NAKED AND MONTHS GO BY WITHOUT HER EVER PUTTING ON ANYTHING SEXY (LINGERIE) YES I PAY AS MANY COMPLEMENTS AS POSSIBLE IN AN ATTEMP TO REASSURE HER THAT SHE IS SEXY AND TURNS ME ON BUT DOESN’T REALLY SEEM TO MAKE THE DIFFERENCE. I FIND I AM THINKING MORE AND MORE OF GOING TO A CLUB NOT FOR LAP DANCES OR ANYTHING BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE A NAKED BODY ONCE IN A WHILE MAN. I DON’T THINK THERE ARE ANY SERIOUS PROBLEMS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP I THINK IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT HER SELF, BUT AS I MENTIONED NOTHING I SAY OR DO SEEMS TO HELP HER WITH THAT.
I GUESS TO GET MY FIX (LOL) IM GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO STRIP CLUB BUT DON’T WANT MY GIRL TO THINK IM CHEATING.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF COMMENTS TO EXPECT FROM MY POST BUT LADIES IF YOU DON’T WANT YOUR GUYS GOING TO CLUBS YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING SEXY AND EXHILARATING EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, IM SURE YOUR MAN WOULD’T BE WITH YOU IF YOU DIDN’T “DO IT” FOR HIM. BABES ARE AWESOME AND EVEN MORE SO WHEN YOUR ACTING ALL SEXY AND LOOKING GREAT WITH SOME LINGERIE BUT IT’S EVEN BETTER WITH ALL THAT IF YOUR IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL RATHER THEN ONE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. (AT LEAST IT’S LIKE THAT WITH ME.)

]]> By: Rose http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-1/#comment-90739 Rose Mon, 03 Oct 2011 01:04:51 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-90739 U know it was that time of year that we go n I got nautously sick n pissed ofd of wat I saw women have no respect. Some dancer at tex mex friday allowed every man in the club to suck on her breast n rub her vaginal area made me cry U know it was that time of year that we go n I got nautously sick n pissed ofd of wat I saw women have no respect. Some dancer at tex mex friday allowed every man in the club to suck on her breast n rub her vaginal area made me cry

]]> By: Rose http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-1/#comment-90351 Rose Fri, 30 Sep 2011 18:16:37 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-90351 I am ridicoulosly sick of wat todays society is. I think strip clubs are nasty n dnt like them. I can honestly say that evan though I hate it we only go on his bday, and as much as it pisais me off I like the after math cuz he feels so guilty I get pampered for 2 weeks straight. Im not a fan of those clubs, becuase well we were there a dancer asked my husband to leave me n my kids to b with her I thought it was insualting I am ridicoulosly sick of wat todays society is. I think strip clubs are nasty n dnt like them. I can honestly say that evan though I hate it we only go on his bday, and as much as it pisais me off I like the after math cuz he feels so guilty I get pampered for 2 weeks straight. Im not a fan of those clubs, becuase well we were there a dancer asked my husband to leave me n my kids to b with her I thought it was insualting

]]> By: Dave http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-1/#comment-85533 Dave Mon, 29 Aug 2011 14:53:48 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-85533 Wow, a lot of different thoughts on this one. All of them make me love my girlfriend so much more. Is it cheating to go to a strip club? My answer leans towards no, if you don't have sex with the dancer, but there is no denying it is a sexual experience, especially if lap dances are involved. If the man lies about it or hides it, I would consider it cheating. However, if he is open and honest about it, and you have no issue with it, it can hardly be called cheating. If it is just male bonding, and while I would say a married man should not be headed out all the time with single guys, but there are instances like bachelor parties where this is something expected, how can he not hang out with the guys. If you trust your husband and he is open, this may not be an issue for you. It sounds to me like this wife however is not OK with her husband seeing any other naked woman in any context. Which is alright, so long as your husband respects your wishes, which it seems like he is willing to do even though he may not agree it is cheating. For the record however, it is not so bad, and it does limit what he can do with his male friends, and this might be important bonding time from which he is being excluded. He must love you to choose you over his friends, and you should be thankful for this. In further context, I will say there is no double standard. I see nothing very wrong with strip clubs, for either men or women, but not so sure about lap dances, that is different altogether. I have been to the strip club with my boys and promised not to get a lapdance, and have no issue with my girlfriend going with her friends either so long as she does not get a lapdance. So long as we both trust each other, and respect each other enough to do what is asked that is cool. I also have been with my girlfriend to both the male and female strip clubs. We each also got a dance in each others company. In both cases we each found it fun and sexually enhancing. I would not consider that cheating. Quite honestly each relationship is what the two involved decide it should be. I am glad this sparked a conversation as both partners should know what the other considers cheating. While I was OK with the nudity, I would not be so OK with her going and having dinner with another guy fully clothed, or talking to him on the phone late at night. The key is you have to know and respect your partner, and that can only happen if you talk about things. Wow, a lot of different thoughts on this one. All of them make me love my girlfriend so much more.

Is it cheating to go to a strip club? My answer leans towards no, if you don’t have sex with the dancer, but there is no denying it is a sexual experience, especially if lap dances are involved. If the man lies about it or hides it, I would consider it cheating. However, if he is open and honest about it, and you have no issue with it, it can hardly be called cheating. If it is just male bonding, and while I would say a married man should not be headed out all the time with single guys, but there are instances like bachelor parties where this is something expected, how can he not hang out with the guys. If you trust your husband and he is open, this may not be an issue for you.

It sounds to me like this wife however is not OK with her husband seeing any other naked woman in any context. Which is alright, so long as your husband respects your wishes, which it seems like he is willing to do even though he may not agree it is cheating. For the record however, it is not so bad, and it does limit what he can do with his male friends, and this might be important bonding time from which he is being excluded. He must love you to choose you over his friends, and you should be thankful for this.

In further context, I will say there is no double standard. I see nothing very wrong with strip clubs, for either men or women, but not so sure about lap dances, that is different altogether. I have been to the strip club with my boys and promised not to get a lapdance, and have no issue with my girlfriend going with her friends either so long as she does not get a lapdance. So long as we both trust each other, and respect each other enough to do what is asked that is cool.

I also have been with my girlfriend to both the male and female strip clubs. We each also got a dance in each others company. In both cases we each found it fun and sexually enhancing. I would not consider that cheating. Quite honestly each relationship is what the two involved decide it should be. I am glad this sparked a conversation as both partners should know what the other considers cheating.

While I was OK with the nudity, I would not be so OK with her going and having dinner with another guy fully clothed, or talking to him on the phone late at night. The key is you have to know and respect your partner, and that can only happen if you talk about things.

]]> By: Alissa http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-1/#comment-72779 Alissa Sun, 05 Jun 2011 05:34:08 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-72779 I recently found out my husband has been visiting strip clubs, Then i found a receipt for a hotel room and checked it against a calender and realized its when our child was out of town and I was at our summer home?? He said the hotel room was close to the club so he wouldn't have to drive home after drinking, also our daughter was flying in the next morning! When confronted, he said he didn't even use the room. I recently found out my husband has been visiting strip clubs, Then i found a receipt for a hotel room and checked it against a calender and realized its when our child was out of town and I was at our summer home??
He said the hotel room was close to the club so he wouldn’t have to drive home after drinking, also our daughter was flying in the next morning!
When confronted, he said he didn’t even use the room.

]]> By: Lisa http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2010/02/he-thinks-strip-clubs-are-okay-she-doesnt-whos-right/comment-page-1/#comment-70577 Lisa Thu, 19 May 2011 16:17:59 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=3496#comment-70577 I think it is cheating...I dont think my boyfriend would be ok with me going out to a bar and take off my clothes an rub up on everyone. I think it is cheating…I dont think my boyfriend would be ok with me going out to a bar and take off my clothes an rub up on everyone.

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