4 Ways Life is Bitter Sweet

(plus a few announcements)

1. As a parent, you will spend an inordinate amount of time fantasizing about the freedom you will have once your kids finally grow up. You’ll yearn for the day you can just go for a run or a walk without having to plan such an excursion with your spouse. You’ll get downright wistful about all of the things you’ll be able to buy for yourself once those money-suckers are out of the house. Then, just like that, you’ll be stuffing your little one’s ever-growing feet into a pair of suddenly too-small shoes, and you’ll think, “You are growing up to fast. Where’s the pause button?”
2. Just when you’ve become completely frustrated with big companies and government organizations, someone will do something to renew your hope. For instance, not long ago I told you all about how the TSA officials confiscated my daughter’s cherished rubber ball that she’d recently gotten at the Kennedy Space Center.  I emailed Kennedy Space Center asking them if they would help me to purchase a replacement ball. I didn’t expect to hear back. I was sending the email to one of those nameless “info” addresses after all. Plus, with recent funding cuts, I figured it might no longer be anyone’s job to answer emails sent to “info” addresses. And why would any government employee want to go the extra mile just to make my kid happy? Well, the other day, someone at the Kennedy Space Center emailed me back asking for my address so she could send me a replacement ball! I was so happy that I offered to bear her children for her.
3. On a morning that you really need to meditate (or heads will fall!), you tersely inform your husband and daughter that they are not to bother you. You trot down to the basement with not-so-nice thoughts rummaging around in your brain about what you will do if either one of them dares to yell “Momma! Do you know where the [insert just about anything here] is?” Just as you settle into your black and white breathing, you hear your 5 year old shout, “Daddy! You farted and you didn’t say excuse me!” Instead of feeling annoyed, you are thankful for this distraction because it makes you smile, fills you with compassion, and helps you sink into inner peace that much more quickly.
4. When you cannot find your car keys and your husband is not home, you will get mad at your husband. Surely he moved them! Then, seconds before you pick up the phone to accuse your husband of hiding your car keys, you find them right where you left them, and you will think, “I am so thankful that man puts up with me. What a keeper!”

Now, the Announcements

January’s Reader of the Month: I’ve chosen Alexandra Grabbe, who visits and comments regularly. Alexandra also happens to own and run the eco-friendly Chez Sven Bed & Breakfast in Wellfleet, Mass.  This is quite fortunate as January’s prize is The Condition, a novel by Jennifer Haigh that is based in nearby Cape Cod. I know Jennifer from years ago, when we both worked at Rodale, Inc. I’ve followed her career as a novelist with awe (she won the PEN/Hemingway for Mrs. Kimble, her debut novel!) Jennifer has graciously agreed to personally sign The Condition for Alexandra. I’ll be reviewing The Condition here next week.

The Worst Valentine’s Gift Ever Winner: The judges (Andi, Julie, and Laurie) unanimously picked Kathy, for this comment: “My first husband asked for a divorce on Valentine’s Day in front of our three year old daughter, while we were having breakfast in a restaurant. And as a follow up to that, our divorce was final on my 27th birthday. I’ve since made up for it – current hubby and I celebrate “when we met” on Valentine’s Day – since that’s when he sent his first email to me. And this Valentine’s day, my daughter will be visiting. While hubby is flying home from Belgium.” Happy vibrating to you, Kathy!

A New (and V. Cool!) Reader of the Month Sponsor: The sex toy site MyPleasure.com will be sponsoring future Reader of the Month prizes. From now on, instead of old crap that I no longer need, you’ll be getting a gift certificate from them.

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