I don’t know anyone who married someone who they had NO physical attraction to.

I do NOT understand why people let themselves go entirely once they get married. Sure, it takes more effort, sure it might even become harder as we get older–but, PART of the reason they married you is because they liked the way you looked–in a lot of different ways. No one has to (or should be expected to) look their best all the time, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so, occassionally, it’s good to play on the physical part of that.

Why would anyone ever think “I’m married, I don’t need to look good, comb my hair, shave, wear a nice dress/shirt, whatever.” Granted, your spouse (hopefully) married you for YOU and you can love and like each other regardless of how you look. And that’s a very beautiful thing. And of course there are times (or most of the time in daily life) where you’re not going to look all sexy and dress up nicely. It’s just not feasable. And that’s okay. It really is. But, once in a while (once a week, I think–at least once a month) I think it’s GOOD to get dressed up, put on your spouses favorite outfit, style your hair the way they like it and so on.

It’s not that you HAVE to impress them, it’s that you WANT to look good for them.

Let me be very clear and say I would never advocate doing something (hairstyle, dress, etc) that makes you feel inherently uncomfortable or out of place–because that’s just not sexy.

But, it is okay to get gussied up and put effort into how you look.

As for this woman’s predicament, again, no, I do not think she should grow her hair long just for him. It is her hair, and she is the one who has to take care of it, style it, manage it, etc. I don’t think it’s right or nice of her husband to focus so much on her hair, but it is okay for him to tell her how he personally likes it, he needs to respect her decision though and let it go.

I would never grow/style my hair just for my husband, but I do tend to do other things that I know he likes.

That being said, my husband wishes that I would dress “sexier,” (as in, show way more skin than I do) and I just can’t do it. In my opinion, not EVERYONE needs to see so much of me. I pick one asset (breasts, legs, butt) and show it off.

I just wouldn’t feel comfortable dressing all skimpy in public; however, I DO dress that way at home sometimes.

(I have to say though, to the husbands out there–if you think your wife looks pretty/hot/sexy, TELL her. Don’t just think it and keep it to yourself. Because you never tell us we’re beautiful, if you rarely ever say we look pretty–than of COURSE we’re going to stop trying. Because what’s the point? I think most women know on some level, but we want to know that our husbands know it too!!! I think some of the reason women let themselves go is because men stop complimenting us, and that’s sad.)

I think a big part of marriage is making it fun–God knows there’s enough in life that isn’t fun (bill paying, house cleaning, endless family decisions), so a part of marriage that can remain fun is the attraction and physical desire for one another.

While I inherently believe that it’s not all about looks, I can’t deny that it plays a part of it. I think the best thing about being with someone (that is, if they keep themselves groomed & hygenic–not necessarily “sexy) is that they tend to become better looking to you over time–and not because they look/dress a certain way, but because you know them better and fuller than you did x amount of time ago.

This women should not grow her hair just for him, but she should take into consideration that at least he’s honest enough to tell her what he wants. She should do other things to keep her appearance up, as should he. It’s a two way street. I think women want their husbands to look and dress nice just as much as men want that from their wives. It is no more acceptable for a man to let himself go after marriage than it is a woman. Again, I know real life gets in the way, but you should still court each other on a consistent basis–however it is that you define that. As for an individuals hair, there are PLENTY of other things that make people (especially our spouses) attractive, I know that men are more physical than women, but if hair is the ONLY attractive (or un-attractive) thing about someone, than I think there’s a bigger problem. I think this husband should focus on her OTHER attributes, like her body, her face, her innner qualities.

One suggestion I have is for this woman to buy a wig–wear it either at home or when they go out–that way, she can look like he wants her too for a few hours at a time, but still be comfortable in her every day life. I think that’s the best suggestion I have. It’s all about compromise and happy mediums.

Whew, sorry for rambling, but I hope I helped!

Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz

Frankly the same is true of men as well, they put on weight as they age, their hair may fall out, etc. But women are not as visual as men, in general, so men put more stock in how their wife looks and long hair likely reminds the man of the young hot thing he married.

I have long natural blonde hair, my husband would be upset if I cut it short. Some days when I’m spending 30 minutes on my hair style I’d prefer for it to be shorter. He has a full head of beautiful hair that he keeps in a short cop/military cut. I’d rather he keep his hair a little longer, but guess what, he ignores me.