Project Happily Ever After

49 Responses to “Should she grow her hair just for him?”

1. Stacy Says:
   January 19th, 2010 at 12:04 pm

   I had the same problem with my husband–we are now divorced so maybe I made the wrong decision! We got married in the ’80′s and he LOVED my big hair. As time went on and as our daughter took more and more of my time, I decided to go with a shorter but easier (although I thought still cute) haircut. Since that day (almost 18 years ago), he has never commented on any haircut/color I have gotten other than to say “I want it to look like it did on our wedding day–and if it doesn’t, I’m not going to like it.” Years went by and my styles changed but I never went back to big hair so he’s hated my hair ever since. I got a bonus though…his hair was thinning and he decided since I wouldn’t grow my hair long for him, he was going to shave his head. It was a great improvement and he was much more handsome bald!

2. Angelia Says:
   January 19th, 2010 at 12:20 pm

   I must say that my husband doesn’t mind whatever I decide to do with my locks and while I want my style to be appealing to him it’s more important that I feel sexy and confident. I think he would rather those feelings come through than know that I do not feel good about myself. I would try talking with him again. Explain how much better you feel and that you would like for him to appriciate your new found confidence. Ask him how he would feel if you attempted to dictate how he styles his hair or how he dresses. How would he react if he did not feel confident and sexy because of decision you made for him?
   Angelia´s last blog ..Introducing: Teaser Tuesday!

3. Kathy Says:
   January 19th, 2010 at 12:36 pm

   I have the same battle with my husband. I like my hair short. But I also liked my hair long when I wore it that way. Since we got married a little over 4 years ago, I’ve been working on growing it long again. Well, in that process, it ended up on the shorter side (not as short as I’ve worn it before we met) due to over processing (dye, perm, unperm, more dye, etc.) – I finally just had my stylist cut it short to get rid of the fried hair. It’s now just past my shoulders – which helps pull the curl out of my hair, which makes me happy. I’ve always had straight hair, until I started getting older (what’s up with that anyway?), but the longer it gets the straighter it gets – yippee! And I’ve finally figured out how to blow it straight (less humidity in the winter helps, too!). Now husband tells me he likes it with the curl/waves. Ugh!!!! You can’t have it both ways – short = curls/waves. Long = straight, especially since I’m having to blow dry it in the winter.

   So, I’m growing it long – back down to my waist, if I can deal with it that long again. And I’m sure he’ll have something to bitch about then, too.

   I’ve never been involved with a guy that puts so much attention on my hair. I understand most men like women to have longer hair – I’ve heard them say it’s more feminine.

   But I gotta say, when I was single and didn’t have to deal with a guy’s viewpoint about my hair, I loved it really short – super simple to deal with. Towel dry and put some gel in it and go. No fuss, no muss.

   And growing it out from short to long is a hassle – especially when it doesn’t tuck behind the ear and I have to wear a barrette. (I just think barrettes on my 47 year old head looks a bit odd. LOL!!!)

   So, I too am trying to make my husband happy with my hair. And since he doesn’t ask for much in regards to my appearance (I rarely wear make up), it’s the least I can do. And he’s pretty much given up on asking me to dress sexy/cute. I’m into comfortable, so it’s jeans and a nice top. LOL!!!

4. Sarah Says:
   January 19th, 2010 at 12:42 pm

   I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. My hair was mid length when we first started dating and he loved it. As I changed jobs and started looking to change my style, I cut my hair shoulder length, maybe a little shorter. He still liked it, but not as much. About a year ago, he made a comment that he wished that I would grow my hair long again like I used to because it was so pretty, so I did. Now my hair is the longest it has been in 10 years and he has never commented on it unless I say something first. I enjoy my hair all lengths, so I personally believe that you should do what makes you happy. Unless your man wants to help you care for the long hair, it’s totally up to you. Cause let me tell you, long hair takes time to care for and style.

5. Hailey Says:
   January 19th, 2010 at 12:59 pm

   I have long hair and my husband would be absolutely devastated if I ever cut it. Granted, my hair doesn’t look very good super short, but occasionally I have thought about cutting it shorter. I have refrained in order to keep my husbands sanity in tact. I love him more than I love my hair. Therefore, to prevent his inevitable suicide, I will keep my hair long. It’s kind of mean that your husband isn’t being more supportive of your new do, but men are very resistant to change…. its hard for them

6. Short Hair Lover Says:
   January 19th, 2010 at 1:39 pm

   Hmmmm, this is a tough one. My first reaction is that she should tell her husband to get over it. If she really feels that much better about herself with short hair, he should support her. On the other hand, I feel like my husband looks SO much better with short hair, and quite frankly, I am totally un-attracted to him when he grows it out. Makes it hard to get in a romantic mood when you find your partner unattractive.
   Short Hair Lover´s last blog ..

7. Mary Says:
   January 19th, 2010 at 2:09 pm

   I just dyed my hair medium brown last week. It’s typically highlighted blonde. I’ve always though my hair looked better blonde, but I’ve wanted to go back to my natural color (which I haven’t done in at least 10 years). So I mentioned the idea to my husband. He was against it. So, last Friday I decided it was time for a change. I made a six o’clock appointment at noon on the same day. I told him I was getting it done. He said, “I didn’t marry you because you were brunette…”, implying that he married me because I was blonde. Funny, because I thought he married me because he loves me. Anyway, I dyed it. He secretly hates it. Though, he tells me, “it’s just going to take some getting used to.”

   I think what it boils down to is that men feel long hair, curly hair, blonde hair, or whatever hair attracted them to you, is a symbol of your femininity. It’s something to run their fingers through and grab a hold of. It’s a major characteristic that very clearly displays one difference between men and women. I think it’s a visual thing.

   I like my brunette look, but if after a few months, he doesn’t like it still. I’ll probably just make HIM pay for my highlights from now on!

8. Nakita Says:
   January 19th, 2010 at 2:30 pm

   You need to show him that confidence is the new long hair. If you’re feeling cute and pretty… let him see how good that makes you feel. And when you’re feeling good, you’re more flirty and spontaneous. Confidence is super sexy!

9. Cyndi Says:
   January 19th, 2010 at 3:24 pm

   It’s your hair. Stick to your guns. You like the way it looks and the way it makes you feel. Possibly you even have a new self-confidence that is threatening to him? If so, maybe you could discuss his insecurities.

   For example: My husband is bald. He was not bald when I married him. I miss his hair, as does he. However, I am not insisting that he get hair plugs because I prefer him with hair. That’s his decision and he is attractive to me no matter what he looks like.

   “I wish he would just say, “It’s just hair. I want you to feel happy and pretty above all,” and then drop it.” – this would be a very loving thing for him to do.

   The question is, why is this so important to him and why is how you feel about so unimportant to him?
   Cyndi´s last blog ..Paralyzed

10. Stephen Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    A guys point of view: Long hair is associated with you and vitality. This has been so with men for more than 10,000 years. We are programmed to like long hair in women. Most women reinforce this by cutting their hair shorter and shorter as they age. Also, it is a very rare woman over 50 who has decent looking hair. When a spouse starts to cut her hair “cute”, she is in essence saying, I no longer care if you see me as a sexual being.

    I say go ahead, cut your hair, but don’t get upset when the men go after the 20-somethings with long hair.

11. Cyndi Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    Stephen:

    Wow, if hair is the only thing keeping a man in his marriage he is one shallow individual and I say let the 20-somethings with long hair have him….if they will.
    Cyndi´s last blog ..Paralyzed

12. Stephen Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    Obviously hair length is not the only thing keeping a man in a marriage, I am just saying that men are wired to like long hair more than short hair as long hair is tends to be associated with youth, sexuality and fertility.

    I will try to avoid the flippant remarks in my comments from now on.

13. Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Well to be completely honest long hair is just a huge turn on, and I agree with Stephen that it is a quite sexy signal. I would have a negative reaction to my wife cutting her hair very short.

    In the end the women can cut their hair however they like, but I think if your sexual partner is telling you that what you are doing is killing their attraction to you, and you do it anyway, then do so with the understanding that you are reducing their interest in you.

    And when they start thinking that you are doing that to purposely reduce their interest in you, that’s when things start getting potentially very unsteady, very quickly.
    Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life´s last blog ..Sexy Move: The Pass In The Shower

14. Kari Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    My husband perfers my hair long as well. When I cut my hair short, he gets used to it and tells me I look good. Even though he would love for me to grow it out, he knows that if I feel good about myself, I will be prettier than I would be if I don’t feel good about myself.

    Maybe you should think about taking your husband’s example and writing him a heart-felt letter. You should mention how good you feel with your hair short, and him complaining brings down your self-esteem. He loves you, so he should love you no matter what you look like.

15. M. Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    Another male view – Personally, I’ve always had a thing for long-haired brunettes. I never thought I was “wired” to like long hair and I’m not totally convinced by Stephen’s arguments.

    Any way, my wife is a brunette, but with very naturally curly hair. About the longest she will let it grow is just above her shoulders. Early in our relationship, I asked her to grow her hair long, but she explained that when she was younger (high school) she did let her hair grow long, however, with the curls, she didn’t think it was attractive. I wouldn’t like her to dictate how I should style my hair, so I concentrated on her many other qualities.

    Over the years, she has tried different styles – mainly cutting it shorter. The shorter she cuts it, the less I like it. (Hmmm … maybe Stephen does have a point.) I know communication is important in a relationship, but no one likes to come home from the stylist to hear, “God, that is an awful haircut!” So I many times she would come home with short hair and I would say, “Mm … that looks nice.”

    Luckily, weeks after the haircuts, when it had grown out some, I would compliment her on her hair so now she’s (hopefully) past the point of whacking it short.

    I’m curious as to why the reader doesn’t think she is pretty with long-hair. Clearly her husband thought so. But did he tell her or show her that he thought she was pretty? Maybe it is more of a communication issue between them. My advice would be for her to sit down and explain to him why she feels prettier with shorter hair. He could then tell her why he prefers longer-hair. Maybe in the talking, they might get a better understanding of each other’s needs.

16. Lisa Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    I’m going to go the unpopular route here, and agree with some of the men. If there is any way you can have your hair longer and still feel cute and sexy (maybe a long layered style? Or long with some bangs?), I would do it. Your husband is being honest with you and letting you know that he finds you more attractive that way, and that is meaningful. Think about when you were first dating – wouldn’t you gladly do anything that would make him more attracted to you? To nurture your relationship, it’s worth compromising on something that is essentially not that big a deal.
    I say all this from the perspective of a woman whose husband wants her hair long, too. I gladly do that for him because he has done the equivalent for me: he shaved off his mustache a few years ago, and it was such a turn-off for me, I begged him to grow it back. Even though the mustache is gray and it makes him look/feel older, he keeps it for me!

17. Cort Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 11:52 pm

    Oh my husband and I used to go on and on about this topic. I had long hair when we met, I loved my long hair, but as time went on I decided to take chances with it and I cut it shorter…and shorter. My husband hates it! He’d make snarky comments here and there, and now he doesn’t say anything, not a word. I cut it how I want and he shuts up. I love my hair short, but I also do it because I have fine, thin hair so it doesn’t look good long. I try to explain this to my husband, but he’ll always wish I had long hair. I find that unless you have a very nice, long-hair style, some women end up trying to look too young. I feel my short hair makes me look like a hot mama (I’m only 30) and that makes me feel good. I would hope that your husband married you for more than your hair and that he could see the sparkle in your eye and spring in your step because you feel good about yourself.

18. Andrew Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    I also “make” my wife keep her hair long. Fortunately as it is getting longer now she is actually coming to agree with me that it looks more feminine. Very few women look better with short hair than with long hair. Fashions come and go, (and I am one of the least traditional people you will ever meet), but long hair for women has pretty much been the standard of most cultures on Earth for at least the last couple thousand years. It may seem shallow, but it is nonetheless a fact that men pretty close to universally prefer long hair on women.

    My personal view on marriage is that we both need to bend as much as possible for the other. There are many little ways that each of us can do something that is inconsequential for us but would mean a whole lot for the other person, and we should strive to do those things.

    In my case, my wife has a large influence on the clothing that I wear, she picks my cologne outright herself, and although my hair looks terrible when it gets any longer than about 1/2″, I would grow it longer for her if she wanted, even though I would secretly be hoping to prove to her that it doesn’t look right in so doing.

    I guess what I’m saying is that in the best of all worlds it goes both ways. My wife now plays video games (sometimes more than I do), and I accompany her to the grocery store every single time. I probably do less chores than she does, because I genuinely don’t care if the house is clean, but I do the chores that she hates the most every single time. Financial matters are mine, bureaucracy and paperwork matters are hers. We try to do what works and what keeps both of us happy.

    As far as the woman asking for advice, perhaps since you feel so strongly about keeping your hair short, you could offer something else in place of it. For instance, perhaps though your hair is shorter, he comes home to find you wearing lingerie more often. Of course, he ought to be doing something that makes you feel very happy as well.

19. Kelly J. Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 12:26 am

    After reading everyone’s response before I wrote down mine, I was very opinionated on the subject of her hair. I personally see both sides but I think that it might be more than about hair. Because really, it’s just hair and that’s what extensions are for and if he misses it that much, he can purchase extensions for her. I would see if there were anything else wrong before assuming it’s just the hair. My opinion, it’s her hair and she can do what she wants. My husband’s opinion, “the guy’s a douche because if he is that hung up on her hair and being oblivious on how happy it makes her, then his priorities on their marriage is messed up.” And there you have it!

20. Zarna Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 3:19 am

    I think the wife should put her foot down and say that she needs to do something that makes her feel good, and while she’s not trying to hurt him by having it short she understands that while it’s not his intention either he is hurting her by saying that she doesn’t deserve to feel good about herself.

    PS if he married her for more than just her hair (which I’m hoping he did because marriage based purely on looks is never going to be a good thing) then surely he can look past this 1 thing and see all the other things he fell in love with her for.

21. Judy Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 9:14 am

    What is it with men and long hair? Is this a throwback to cave man days? Do they secretly want to drag us by the hair back to the cave? LOLOL

22. SueB Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 9:21 am

    I had a similar problem. I like to change my hair every so often so I have had short hair, long hair, brown, blonde and red. The last time I cut it short I thought it was cute also. I have natural curls and it curled so nicely when it was shorter and did not have the length to pull it out. My husband of course complained. He loved me anyway but really wanted me to have long hair. As a compromise (and kind of to be funny) I went online and bought a Jessica Simpson hair extensions. It clips in and made my short hair look longer. Although it really did not look all that natural I put it in and waited until he got home from work. He walked in, took one look at me and cracked up.
    I figured I would be able to have my short hair but could use the extensions for when we had alone time to make him happy.

23. Marissa Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    i think that a compromise might be in order, a medium do perhaps.

    but i also think that Hair shouldn’t have a thing to do with love. It may influence attraction, but shouldn’t be something to fight over.

24. Teresa Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    I know that if my husband wrote a letter about something I would find that VERY meaningful. I think you should buy a hairstyle magazine and go through it with your husband talking about lengths and styles to find something that you can agree upon. It will mean growing your hair out some, but you might even like it better. He will feel honored and isn’t THAT what marriage is about. As an added bonus at some future date you will be able to play this card to get him to change something you don’t like.

25. Sarah Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    I can’t think of one man I know who likes short hair on women, men always seem to love long hair. Maybe it’s because long hair is so obviously feminine, whereas short hair can look more masculine. I think long hair tells your husband (or any man) that you are still a sexual person, and short hair gives the impression of a utilitarian, practical woman…2 guesses which one your husband fantasizes about having in bed? My husband hates short hair, even cute chin length bobs, he finds them “matronly.” Keep in mind that what a woman (and perhaps her friends) think is “cute,” men often find less sexy, this applies to clothing as well as hair. Example: I recently bought a shirt from Victoria’s Secret (waaay out of my comfort zone) that is snug across the boobs, and blouses out across the tummy (empire style). I was wearing it so that the seam under the boobs actually ran across them, otherwise it would have been super low cut (it was quite scoop necked to begin with). Anyway, he said he liked it, and I said, “well, it’s supposed to worn like this” and I bent over and tugged the seam under my boobs, so that they were half exposed and looked like something Jessica Simpson would wear. He (conservative guy) said, “what’s wrong with that??” Point being, men like their wives to look sexy, not cute. If you like “cute” clothing, then there’s little doubt you’ll ever let yourself look over-the-top, but I think it’s good to try to wear (hair and clothing) what appeals to your husband. What would you think if he wore sweatpants everyday, even when you went out, and had some dorky haircut that you hated? It may seem superficial, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting your husband to want you. What do you think he’s thinking every time he sees some other woman with long hair? Personally, if I were you, I’d rather he were having those fantasies about ME… And, pasting this in from Kathy, who posted above: “And he’s pretty much given up on asking me to dress sexy/cute. I’m into comfortable, so it’s jeans and a nice top. LOL!!!” Sorry guys, I just don’t think that’s something to laugh about! Your husband wants a wife who is HOT, not someone who is “cute” or “practical.” Put on your big girl panties (and for the love of God I don’t mean Jockey for Her briefs!!), buy a really good (sexy) bra (go to a specialty store, not a chain) and get a few tops that expose more than your collarbone, and grow out your hair, use nice products like Fekkai shampoo/conditioner and Biosilk serum to tame it….seriously, who wants to remind him of his mum? Lastly, READ STEPHEN’S POST for a wake-up call!

26. Sarah Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    O fer cryin’ out loud, Stephen, the world needs more more flippant comments…I, for one, completely agreed with you, I even put your post in my first comment. Whether people want to admit it or not, humans are hard-wired to respond sexually to certain things, and “mom jeans” and masculine haircuts on women don’t make the list. There’s a big difference between something that’s out of a person’s control, like going bald, and telling your husband, through your hair and clothing choices, “I couldn’t care less whether you see me as a sexual being.”

27. Kathy Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Sarah, I appreciate your comment. My husband loves my ass, so he likes my jeans. I have less on the top side (as in boobs), so there’s not much to show and I’ve never been into showing what I do have.

    We hang out mostly with bachelors, so I tend to be ignored by hubby and the guys when we’re out. So why in the hell would I dress in a way that is going to attract the attention of other men or even the men we hang out with? That is just completely WRONG, in my opinion.

    I don’t dress like a slob and I take care that I’m well presented. But looking like a “tart” is not where I’m at. Especially at 47 years old. I stopped wearing mini-skirts at 35 – besides the fact that my legs changed with age, I think there’s a cut off point of looking too seductive/tartish.

    Also, I have the sexy shoes that hubby likes, but I can’t walk in them unless he’s holding on to me. And unless we’re alone, he’s not paying me that much attention.

    We all should live in our comfort zone. I’m not out to impress women or other men. My hubby knows my attributes. The rest of the world doesn’t need to know them. Just my opinion.

28. M. Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Kathy said: “So why in the hell would I dress in a way that is going to attract the attention of other men or even the men we hang out with?”

    While you might attract the attention of other men or even the men you and your husband hang out with, the main point is that you would attract the attention of your husband. It is quite possible to show some cleavage, some leg and even showcase your behind without looking “tartish”. In fact, the classier you look while doing so, the sexier you will be.

    Husband’s are programmed within the first year of marriage to tell their wives that they look “fine” or “nice” regardless of what they are wearing or how they look. Unfortunately, the end result is often that the wife stops dressing sexy and goes for practical. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for practical. Just don’t forget that there is also a time and place for sexy.

    As one of the earlier commentators mentioned, if a woman dresses in sweatpants and baggy sweaters (even really nice sweatpants and sweaters), they shouldn’t be surprised if their husband’s stop seeing themselves as sexual beings. Even worse, the woman may stop thinking of herself as being a sexual being.

    This, of course, cuts both ways. Husband’s should also take the time and effort to groom themselves, exercise, etc. so as to be appealing to their wives.

29. Alisa Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    Hi everyone, this is Alisa typing this comment from my iPhone. I love this discussion, and I can’t wait to write a related post that is has inspired. I’m mostly trying to stay offline these next two weeks, but I felt compelled to step in here because some of the comments seem hurtful. At least I would feel hurt if they were directed at me. Please remember that we are all people here–people with real feelings. I encourage discussion and differences of opinion. But I don’t encourage an attack on one coo
    enter in order to try to make a point. Please play nicely in the sandbox. Okay?

30. M Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    grow your hair, if you liked it, tell him, if you don’t, tell him.
    and once you’ve grown it, try looking for a style that makes you feel as cute as you are with those barrettes.

    it takes a lot more time to grow than to cut, so you should try as much style as you can before resorting to cut.

    or maybe you can ask him if there’s a particular style in his mind and you could try it and be honest whether or not it makes you feel cute.

31. Jess Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    The majority of men I’ve known (relatives, friends, significant others) have told me that they like long hair on women, so this post and a lot of the responses are not surprising to me. However, and I could be way off base here, it could be an issue of more than just the hair. If this haircut makes this person feel very confident and pretty, that is more important than the preference of her husband, and her husband should see the positive effect the cut has on his wife. In the past, I’m sorry to say, I have forced a boyfriend to cut his hair. It was ponytail length and I am a little old fashioned in my preferences, I think men shouldn’t have hair past their ear lobes. He was not any more or less attractive either way; his hair looked basically the same short as it did pulled back. It was a power struggle: I wanted him to give up his dearly loved long hair to show that he loved me more than the hair. I wanted the control. Obviously, I was much too immature to be in the relationship and it ended a couple of months after the haircut. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. If she’s really so much more confident because of her haircut, could it be that the husband is trying to subvert this confidence? Or gain control of the situation, so that his compliments about the long hair are the source of her confidence instead of a haircut independent of his influence?
    Maybe I’m just projecting my own issues onto this couple. I’ve always been happiest a relationship where my decisions are supported when they have a positive influence on my self-esteem, regardless of the personal preferences of others.

32. Angela Says:
    January 22nd, 2010 at 11:45 pm

    My husband loves short hair on women, so I usually keep mine short and sassy. That being said, he really doesn’t care how I wear it, just as long as I feel good about myself. He’s a keeper.

33. MarthaandMe Says:
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    My answer would be it’s my body. Period. Would he be willing to grow his hair long for you or shave his body hair? I doubt it.

34. Deb Says:
    January 28th, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    I’m not sure what this means, but my man likes my hair short. I realize that most men like long hair on their women, so I thought it was ironic when he said – you know, you’d look good in one of those short angled hairstyles. Before that my hair was a little below my shoulders and slightly layered. I’ve had the short hair for over a year and I’m now going back to shoulder length. I found the shorter style too expensive to maintain.

35. Becca Says:
    January 29th, 2010 at 12:02 am

    Wow, I’ve been with my husband for 11 years and we’ve never had a discussion about my hair. It’s been really long, really short and everywhere in between. I guess he sees more in me than my hairstyle. I will say that I love my hair long, but it sure does take a lot of time and effort, and with kids and work and everything else it always ended up getting tied back. When I come home from getting my hair done (now shoulder-short) I feel awesome, and I know that shows – pretty sure I’ve heard somewhere that confidence is a major turn-on for a guy.

36. Maile Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    My husband doesn’t have a preference. I have thick, long, curly hair and he loves it. But I’ve also had it cut short due to migraine issues, and he never had a problem with it.
    I would have to guess that for some men it is a major issue. I have an ex who just loved my long hair, and was livid when I chopped it one day – due to migraines – and just never seemed to get over it. So I see your point. You like your hair a certain way, it’s your preference. Your man prefers it another way. IF there’s a length you can both compromise on, then go for it. But A) it’s just hair, if you cut it, it will grow back & B) it’s attached to Your body, not his, so ultimately the decision is yours. Looking cute and feeling cute is a definite confidence boost – at any age.

37. Sam Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I think men prefer long hair b/c its associated with youth. Also, a lot of women cut their hair ater they have kids b/c it takes less time. Women, after kids, might also be a bit heavier and might not spend as much time on keeping up appearances.

    Frankly the same is true of men as well, they put on weight as they age, their hair may fall out, etc. But women are not as visual as men, in general, so men put more stock in how their wife looks and long hair likely reminds the man of the young hot thing he married.

    I have long natural blonde hair, my husband would be upset if I cut it short. Some days when I’m spending 30 minutes on my hair style I’d prefer for it to be shorter. He has a full head of beautiful hair that he keeps in a short cop/military cut. I’d rather he keep his hair a little longer, but guess what, he ignores me.

38. Sarah Liz Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    I don’t think we should do things JUST for our spouse(s). But I do I think we should recognize that our spouse probably knows us (or at least parts of us) better than anyone else–positive, negative and everything in between. I think it’s easy to feel hurt when our spouses criticize our appearance, but I also admire the honesty. I think it takes guts to tell someone you’re not exactly happy with the way they look. Granted, it’s not ALL about looks, but let’s face it–it’s hard to be romantic, or feel sexy with someone you’re not attracted to. Physical attrativeness, sex and all of that IS a part of marriage–it’s not everything, it’s not even in the top five, but it is a part of it.

    I don’t know anyone who married someone who they had NO physical attraction to.

    I do NOT understand why people let themselves go entirely once they get married. Sure, it takes more effort, sure it might even become harder as we get older–but, PART of the reason they married you is because they liked the way you looked–in a lot of different ways. No one has to (or should be expected to) look their best all the time, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so, occassionally, it’s good to play on the physical part of that.

    Why would anyone ever think “I’m married, I don’t need to look good, comb my hair, shave, wear a nice dress/shirt, whatever.” Granted, your spouse (hopefully) married you for YOU and you can love and like each other regardless of how you look. And that’s a very beautiful thing. And of course there are times (or most of the time in daily life) where you’re not going to look all sexy and dress up nicely. It’s just not feasable. And that’s okay. It really is. But, once in a while (once a week, I think–at least once a month) I think it’s GOOD to get dressed up, put on your spouses favorite outfit, style your hair the way they like it and so on.

    It’s not that you HAVE to impress them, it’s that you WANT to look good for them.

    Let me be very clear and say I would never advocate doing something (hairstyle, dress, etc) that makes you feel inherently uncomfortable or out of place–because that’s just not sexy.

    But, it is okay to get gussied up and put effort into how you look.

    As for this woman’s predicament, again, no, I do not think she should grow her hair long just for him. It is her hair, and she is the one who has to take care of it, style it, manage it, etc. I don’t think it’s right or nice of her husband to focus so much on her hair, but it is okay for him to tell her how he personally likes it, he needs to respect her decision though and let it go.

    I would never grow/style my hair just for my husband, but I do tend to do other things that I know he likes.

    That being said, my husband wishes that I would dress “sexier,” (as in, show way more skin than I do) and I just can’t do it. In my opinion, not EVERYONE needs to see so much of me. I pick one asset (breasts, legs, butt) and show it off.

    I just wouldn’t feel comfortable dressing all skimpy in public; however, I DO dress that way at home sometimes.

    (I have to say though, to the husbands out there–if you think your wife looks pretty/hot/sexy, TELL her. Don’t just think it and keep it to yourself. Because you never tell us we’re beautiful, if you rarely ever say we look pretty–than of COURSE we’re going to stop trying. Because what’s the point? I think most women know on some level, but we want to know that our husbands know it too!!! I think some of the reason women let themselves go is because men stop complimenting us, and that’s sad.)

    I think a big part of marriage is making it fun–God knows there’s enough in life that isn’t fun (bill paying, house cleaning, endless family decisions), so a part of marriage that can remain fun is the attraction and physical desire for one another.

    While I inherently believe that it’s not all about looks, I can’t deny that it plays a part of it. I think the best thing about being with someone (that is, if they keep themselves groomed & hygenic–not necessarily “sexy) is that they tend to become better looking to you over time–and not because they look/dress a certain way, but because you know them better and fuller than you did x amount of time ago.

    This women should not grow her hair just for him, but she should take into consideration that at least he’s honest enough to tell her what he wants. She should do other things to keep her appearance up, as should he. It’s a two way street. I think women want their husbands to look and dress nice just as much as men want that from their wives. It is no more acceptable for a man to let himself go after marriage than it is a woman. Again, I know real life gets in the way, but you should still court each other on a consistent basis–however it is that you define that. As for an individuals hair, there are PLENTY of other things that make people (especially our spouses) attractive, I know that men are more physical than women, but if hair is the ONLY attractive (or un-attractive) thing about someone, than I think there’s a bigger problem. I think this husband should focus on her OTHER attributes, like her body, her face, her innner qualities.

    One suggestion I have is for this woman to buy a wig–wear it either at home or when they go out–that way, she can look like he wants her too for a few hours at a time, but still be comfortable in her every day life. I think that’s the best suggestion I have. It’s all about compromise and happy mediums.

    Whew, sorry for rambling, but I hope I helped!

    Many Blessings,
    -Sarah Liz

39. Ron Says:
    February 12th, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    The fact that some guys do not care about hair length is irrelevant. The fact remains that to many guys, maybe a third, long hair is a spectacular turn-on. For women who marry this kind of man, a simple rule of thumb should be, if you wouldn’t cut it and risk his disappointment BEFORE you marry him, don’t be shocked if he sees a negative message in a shearing AFTER you close the deal, and becomes upset.
    To me, the greatest gift my wife has ever given me, short of our children of course, is the return of her waist-length hair a decade ago. No make-up or jewelry can be its suuogate. She is past 50 now, and colors her hair, but my message is that if your guy tells you that he REALLY loves LONG hair on you, believe him. It’s not a control issue; it’s a sexiness issue, especially for older women.

40. Michele Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    I can SO RELATE to this! I am MISERABLE with my hair! I totally hate it! I only have it the way it currently is to make my husband happy. I am always asking myself what in the heck is wrong with you? Why are you allowing such a stupid thing make you so miserable! IT is my head! My husband has his hair how he wants it, my son has his hair how he wants it, my daughter has her hair the way she wants it, so why in the hell can’t I have my hair the way I want it?! I consider myself a very confident strong individual, but this hair thing has really gotten to me. EVERYONE compliments me on my hair when it is short. One person even said it suits me like it suits Halley Berry. The only person who does not like my hair short is the person I am married to. The sad thing is it was short for a long time before we got married, short when we got married and he shared with me once not too long ago that it looks dikey (sp?) short. WOW! SO I looked like a dike to my husband on our wedding day? NICE! I am so much more confident and happy when my hair is short and it is so very sad that I have my hair in such a way that makes me feel ugly, just to please my husband.

41. Michele Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    one more thing…I will be turning 44 next Wednesday, I am 5′ 4″, 110 pounds, I work out and eat well and take care of myself. I am fun and outgoing and a very nice and giving person…life it way too short for me and Goldilocks to be miserable because of such a ridiculous thing…don’t you agree Goldilocks? I think I will be cutting my hair short on Wednesday:)!

42. Ron Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Sounds like a bait and switch on HIS part, Michele. But you should know that lots of guys feel embarrassed admitting how much they love long hair on women. It’s perceived by some as a “gay” thing. I knew one woman who loved her long hair, went in for a trim, and on a whim, cut it pixie length and permed it! Her husband of five years, according to her, was devastated. She asked him, “Why didn’t you ever tell me that you liked it long?”
    Some guys just don’t open their mouths. Women can’t read our minds! The good news, Michele, is that he must have really dug YOU despite the hair. The bad news is that now that he’s had a taste of the other side, he’s bound to be sorely disappointed. As I stated above, to some guys, tresses on women are the sexiest thing imaginable. But since you really hate it….. what can I say? Good luck deciding.

43. Michael Says:
    May 11th, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    My girlfriend called me from the salon and said that she would like to change her hair… she just turned 40 and he hair was mid back length… but she wantedto try something shorter and donate it as well (yes, I know people have problems with these charities, but that is not the point). I suggested that she wait a week and if she still felt the same way I would support her decision. Well she decided that just above the shoulder is what she wanted and some red highlights is what she wanted. It turns out that her hair was not long enough to donate, but she was so sweet to consider it that after the styalist cut off 7.5 inches of her hair I wrote a check to the charity of my wife’s choice in her honor and took her and her much shorter hair out to dinner. So gentleman my lady is beautiful not because of the length of her hair, but because of her kind heart.
    Michael´s last blog ..Should she get pregnant against his wishes?

44. Michael Says:
    May 11th, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    For the record I do not have a wife and a girlfriend. She was my girlfriend when she cut her hair and I married her later that year. Smartest thing I ever did.
    Michael´s last blog ..Should she get pregnant against his wishes?

45. Lisa Says:
    June 21st, 2010 at 12:13 am

    I just cut my hair a week ago. It was about mid-back length and I was tired of dealing with it so I cut it VERY short. My husband has been a real douche ever since. I knew he liked long hair (he said it wasn’t quite long enough before the cut) and he knew I wanted to cut it for years. Before I made my final decision (with the help of my best friend..his sister) I asked him, “How long would you be mad at me if I cut my hair short?” He replied, “Probably until it grew back to the length I like it.” That made me hesitate and I almost reconsidered, but then he said, “I’m the reason you’ve kept it long!” That one comment was the deciding factor for me. I can’t live my life trying to keep him happy at the cost of my own happiness. Either he’ll get over it and we can move on with our lives, or he won’t and we’ll break up over a haircut. If my haircut is a deal breaker, I really think I married the wrong guy.

46. Theresa Says:
    August 7th, 2010 at 4:38 am

    I very recently ran into the same issue! (today!). I will be 44 in about a week, I had gastric bypass surgery in September and I have lost 100 lbs – after my brother was found dead on Monday….I have been struggling. My best friend/sister/cousin took me for a pedicure, haircut and color. (a little background – I have four boys 3,6,9,14 – that I homeschool and I work for a private investigator – I take medication for ADD and depression.). I love the “messy” short styles because I can look like I’ve “done” my hair with out muss or fuss. I also had it colored a beautiful coppery red, that looks fab with my tanned skin and rimless glasses. My husband threw an Armegeddon style hussy that wound him in the ER with a broken hand from punching his 350 lb gun safe. Claiming we should have discussed it. ((((?????)))) and flatly told me it shouldn’t matter how I like to wear it or how I feel about my messy new do….I should wear it like he likes it period. (because he has to look at me). I am so angry with him for picking this fight while he knows I’m still grieving. I have lost pretty much all respect for him not giving a crap how I feel, or the fact that a trip to the hair salon is a much loved treat for me. I apologize for this rambling so much….but I finally came to the conclusion, that feeling great about myself should more than make up for the loss of hair. So, I’m gonna rock my 10 sizes smaller jeans an adorable little tank (XL – not 5X) the tiny sparkle of my peridot nose stud, and the gorgeous Japanese cherry blossom tattoo (with my kids initials hidden within, because I feel younger and sexier…and after 15 years if that’s ot ok…then here’s your hat …….what’s your hurry.

47. Ron Says:
    August 7th, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Wow Theresa… I am very, very sorry about the sad turn of events in your life. Now, I’m not taking your husband’s side whatsoever, but remember, men are a jumble of emotions as well, including probably a measure of grief now on his end. Basically, we are very simple. We like what we like.
    I’m sure that he loves you for your heart and commitment to your family. But, he may not always express it well. Many guys do not. Among the things that he may have loved about you, and revved his engines, was the way your long hair had looked. He was not prepared for this change, or how to respond to it obviously. It’s just a fact that there are many men who really, REALLY love the fact that their gal has beautiful, flowing hair. It goes to the center of one’s heart, and we are proud and boastful of it, sometimes only to ourselves. And when it changes suddenly, sometimes we don’t deal well with the disappointment. Please know that it was only hubby’s emotions talking; he was hurt, shocked, maybe felt betrayed (irrational I realize), but it probably has very little to do with his love for you. He probably feels like a real creep right now, or soon will when he settles down, and that might be another thing that he has trouble expressing. But women should know a secret: If you marry a man who is insane about long hair, it’s a hard-wired thing that can’t be changed. The best you can do is work with such a guy. God bless. I hope that things between you improve soon, and that your grief subsides and gives way to faith and hope. Yours, Ron

48. Theresa Says:
    August 7th, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    I really have to apologize to everyone for my rant. I want to thank you Ron for adding some perspective…I am not heinous all the time… Just very frustrated that every issue has to revolve around him and how in some way I’ve wronged him. “why do you always need to go hither, dither, and yon while I’m at work….”. The 75 plus text messages a day. I do love him and of course I am not blameless. I just think if you found a do that makes you feel young and attractive then you know that light is gonna shine “everywhere”. I feel more adventurous… And after a new tattoo I am a wicked mess of solid endorphin rush…..so good things do come those who are open minded. Long hair or a spouse that sends you to work with one eye Twitching, broken, battered, bruised, and limping. (and you can’t wait till you do it again)

49. Ron Says:
    August 7th, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Theresa, you are not being “heinous” at all. I hope you can work everything out for the sakes of your four children. I’m on your side, totally. If this episode was just “one more thing”, and DH is very controlling (as it seems), then you must be very firm with him. (Now, I’m assuming here that you are not talking about *yourself* as being battered.) Then, it’s time for a PFA. But if he’s just a man who has trouble controlling his emotions, you should sit down with him and just let *him* talk and talk. Let him know that his insecurity stems from lack of confidence in himself. Let him also know that love is a CHOICE, and you choose to love him, warts and all. He must know that text messages are forbidden during work hours. If he can’t trust you, you have nothing! Shut the phones and computer off when he’s at work, period. Do not respond. You need respect for what you are doing with your beautiful children, homeschooling and all!!!
    On the far less serious hair issue, maybe you could work with him, and tell him in the future, you’ll consider his feelings about it. When it gets longer, ask him to help you with it. It could be your secret relaxing time. (You do enjoy pampering.) Or, all of a sudden he may decide that short hair on you is OK after all! My wife can do anything and go anywhere. and I’m pleased when she’s happy. But the one thing I’ve pleaded with her about is keeping her long hair. I’m not the worst, though. One guy I know grew a beard that his wife HATED to protest her haircut. For the last 11 years, she’s humored me and kept her locks long to very long. lol And I’m grateful, and she knows how to keep me in line. All she has to do is put two fingers up to her hair like scissors! lol All the best, Ron

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