Comments on: Reader Poll: Is This Cheating?

By: bill357

bill357 — Mon, 31 May 2010 14:45:59 +0000

I agree, the guy was cheating. However, what caused him to cheat in the first place? We’re hearing “her” side of the story. What’s his? Unresponsive wife? One too many of her headache excuses? Sounds like more of a communication problem, because if they really communicated with each other, this would likely never have been posted.
.-= bill357´s last blog ..Happy Memorial Day! =-.

By: Tracy

Tracy — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:50:00 +0000

As soon as a party enters the marriage who is neither you nor your spouse, it’s cheating.

By: OneHotTamale25

OneHotTamale25 — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 07:19:49 +0000

Hands down, no questions asked, period. YES IT IS CHEATING!!!!! in my opinion.

By: MarthaandMe

MarthaandMe — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 18:02:21 +0000

If it happened in my marriage, I would consider it cheating

By: Jess

Jess — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:31:00 +0000

It’s cheating. He wouldn’t have to hide it if it wasn’t.

By: Stephen

Stephen — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 16:23:21 +0000

I think it is cheating. Way too much deception going on to be harmless.

By: Mrs. Smith

Mrs. Smith — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 16:13:45 +0000

This is Wikipedia’s definition of cheating… I think it sums it all up…
Cheating is an act of lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition. Cheating characteristically is employed to create an unfair advantage, usually in one’s own interest, and often at the expense of others,[1] Cheating implies the breaking of rules. The term “cheating” is less applicable to the breaking of laws, as illegal activities are referred to by specific legal terminology such as fraud or corruption. Cheating is a primordial economic act: getting more for less, often used when referring to marital infidelity. A person who is guilty of cheating is generally referred to as a cheat (British English), or a cheater (American English).

By: Eric

Eric — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 15:54:57 +0000

OF course its cheating – anyone who thinks differently has got to have their head examined. He is breaking the vows of his marriage.

By: Judy

Judy — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 14:54:40 +0000

I agree with lxmn1981. My husband was drawn to and had several intimate conversations with a subordinate married woman at work. She was younger, pretty and intelligent. He became emotionally attached to her. I could tell because he would come home and that’s all he would talk about…HER. The giant smile on his face gave it away. He began stopping after work to have drinks with his subordinates… something he’d never done before….Then one day, she confided to him that she was having an affair and was going to leave her husband. At that point he decided to tell me about it and he started to cry. He told me he felt like HE was getting a divorce. He told me he even was angry with her and had even tried to counsel her about it. I would call that emotional infidelity. WOW…wake up call. Our marriage was not in a good place at that time. We had drifted form each other emotionally. We had turned away form each other instead of toward each other. As I said the the counselor, “my best friend found a new friend.” We have come a long way since then, but there is still a little crack in our “foundation of trust”. Thank God for “women’s intuition”.

By: lxmn1981

lxmn1981 — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 05:31:03 +0000

A few questions come to mind for the husband:

1. How do these activities make your marriage better?
2. Why was it necessary to keep the secret email accounts? (Yes it’s been asked but it had to be asked, AGAIN.)
3. How much would it bother you if your wife corresponded with a man or two – other than you – about her fantasies, thoughts, emotional dreams, and desires?
4. How much Would it bother you if your wife sent them provocative or nude pictures of herself?

Some of the comments I have read focused on integrity, staying true to his vows. How do you measure the value of that trust when it’s intact in a marriage? The effects on the relationship are clear – she doesn’t trust him, for GOOD reason – and that foundation of trust has absolutely been cracked. Who knows what it may take to repair it?

Cheating, emotional or otherwise, has been taboo in just about every civilization since the beginning of time, even in cultures where men could have multiple wives. (I highly recommend Jay Budziszewski’s book, What We Can’t Not Know. He makes the strongest case I’ve read for a Natural Law to which all human beings are accountable. He is a prolific writer and professor of philosophy, for what that’s worth.) You just don’t mess with another man’s wife or another woman when you’re married. Period.

This isn’t just limited to sexuality. The Natural Law also encompasses stealing, lying, and about 6 of the other Ten Commandment-like principles. But what’s important here is not Natural Law, per se, but the result that manifests itself in the person themselves. Cheating changes the nature of who you are forever, and once that genie can’t be put back in the bottle once it’s out.

I’ve never physically cheated on my wife, but I have struggled with emotional fidelity and I know when I’m not moving toward my wife and choosing the relationship over other things, another woman or an activity like racquetball (I’m addicted), I’m moving away from her.

And it’s always eerily uncanny how she just seems to know it . . .

Just some food for thought and a little gas for the fire.