Project Happily Ever After

You’ve Been Warned

Really, If Your Boss Sees This On Your Computer?

You’re History, Sister. History.

So Read This One At Home.

And Then Print it Out for Your Man.

Yes, it’s the long-awaited cunnilingus post. Many of you – mostly women – have asked me for this post. You’ve asked. You’ve asked. And you’ve asked. I hesitated for a while, mostly because I have no Earthly clue what my husband is doing when he goes down there and I’m almost certain that he’s too shy to tell me.

I wanted to supply you with the info. But how?

Enter Violet Woolf. I met her a while ago. She’s bisexual. She told me a few stories that got me thinking that I wanted her to come to my house and give my husband some lessons about how to please a woman in bed. For instance, she told me that she regularly—using just her mouth and her hands—gave her girlfriend multiple orgasms. The most they counted was 10. Yes, that’s not a typo.

I became even more intrigued when she told me that this multiple orgasm thing was a regular occurrence for her. When she pleasured a woman? Major earthquakes took place in that woman’s womanly bits.

So I begged her to share her skills with you. If you are a woman, print this out. Give it to your partner. Tell him to read it as if it were scripture.

Please note that Violet uses some terminology that most of has have been taught to never say. My first instinct was to clean up her language. Upon further reflection, however, I realized that she used these terms with such reverence that she made each and every slang term for a woman’s vagina sound downright beautiful. So I left it as is.

Here’s Violet.

How to Go Down On a Woman

When Alisa asked me to write a How To guide for cunnilingus (aka, giving a woman head, going down on her, eating her out – which is a particularly odd saying, isn’t it?), my very first thought was, Impossible. You see, I can lay it all out here in vivid detail – all the ins and outs, the tricks, the techniques, but you’re going to have to put them together in a way that makes sense for the woman receiving this gift.

Every woman is different – not only from other women, but also (and sometimes, confusingly) from themselves on a day-to-day (even hour-to-hour) basis. That said, there are a couple of hard and fast rules. For instance, I would never spread a woman’s legs open and immediately start pounding her clit with my tongue or sucking on it voraciously. There’s always something to be said for build up, teasing…making her go get that pleasure.

Take your time getting there. Unless it’s one of those intense sexual hook-ups where the throw-down is in over-drive or you only have 10 minutes until the kids come home from school, don’t go straight for the goods. Take some time to kiss her whole body, every once in a while brush by her pussy – with your lips, your fingers your tongue – just enough to let it know you’re on your way.

Dive in sideways. Have you ever looked at a pussy? It looks like a mouth, just turned sideways. You’ve got lips, you’ve got a deep, warm hole, you’ve got the clit and its hood and shaft sticking out like a tongue. I suggest that you turn your mouth, or your whole body, sideways to meet it where it is – and make out with it. Soft kisses at first, all over. Then, bring the tongue in, lightly at first – keeping your lips glued to hers, literally just like you were kissing her real mouth. Let the tongue go deeper, suck the clit, its shaft and hood (the whole central area of the pussy) in and out of your mouth. Sink your tongue inside her vagina. Have fun – the sensations your lips and tongue are feeling can be almost as delightful to you as they are to her. She’s so soft and warm. Go from light and easy to deep, strong kissing – teasing her, letting her excitement rise and fall, but ultimately building. Note: many women don’t enjoy or can’t tolerate hardcore sensations for too long. It can be too much and actually cause numbness.

Lick from stern to stem. The first – and one of the most glorious – times that I received head, the giver placed her tongue at the bottom of my pussy (below the opening to my vagina) and licked slowly all the way up, over my clit to the very top of my pussy. She used a feather light touch, deep pressure and everything in between.

Use the right part of your tongue. How exactly should you hold your tongue? There are really two options – you can point it, using the hard tip, or you can keep it flat and soft. You’ll have to ask her which she likes more – or maybe she likes it all. But, personally, I love the flat, soft mode.

Make love to the shaft. A surprising number of people don’t know this – but the clit isn’t just a little button floating in the pussy. The button is connected to a shaft – much like the penis. It’s incredibly stimulating to have a finger on each side of the shaft rubbing up and down – just as you would do to a penis. (Up and down can either mean from the base up to the clit or back and forth from the top of the pussy towards the bottom). Of course, the tongue can also rub the shaft and the lips can move around it as they would on a cock.

Add some fingers or a toy. Some women really love and need penetration to achieve orgasm. If this is the case with your woman, add fingers or a dildo to the mix – matching the rhythm of your tongue on her clit to the thrusts of the penetrating tool. Again start slow and build up your pace and pressure in time with what you’re getting from her body.

Be patient. This whole process from the easing down of the panties to orgasm will take exactly…as long as it takes. I know some women that come within seconds, others that take hours and some that just can’t come via oral sex. But they all say that it still feels fantastic. If you’re not in it for the long haul, that’s okay. Cunnilingus is excellent foreplay.

Watch, listen and feel. Remember how I told you that all women are different, all the time? As such, it’s your job as the giver to watch, listen to and feel what’s going on with her. When you’re doing something right, her body will rise and writhe, she might tremble or shake, she’ll get wetter and wetter, she’ll moan, pant, scream, tell you what to do (“harder, more, do that other thing again”), grab your head and pull it in deeper. Or? You’ve got her laying there fairly motionless. If that’s happening, you need to read this again (or better yet, talk to her and find out what she wants.)

So, let’s review the golden rules to giving good girl head:

1.  It’s not about you. It’s about her.

2.  Follow her lead, her moans, her pushing into you or pulling away.

3.  Enjoy yourself. There are few things in this world as pleasurable as licking a soft, sweet pussy while a woman writhes around you, grabbing your hair and yelling out in ecstasy.

Have fun, seek pleasure and always, always, honor the pussy.

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