A while back, after I’d written a post about losing it in an elevator, someone asked me, “Is parenthood worth it?” I didn’t know how to answer that question at the time other than to say, “Yes, it is, in a way that I can’t describe in words.”
And then, this weekend, my daughter spilled a glass of water on the kitchen floor. I asked her to clean up the mess and she said, “Mommy, it wasn’t my fault. God did it.”
I could only do one thing when I heard her say that. It was laugh. And that got me thinking about all of the reasons parenthood is worth it for me. Parenthood has:
Forced me to be a better person. How can I teach my child to tell the truth if I consistently tell one lie after another? How can I teach her to share if I don’t share the money I earn with those who are less fortunate? How can I teach her anger management if I don’t know how to stay calm in crisis? In order to be a good parent, I find I must stretch and grow in so many different directions. But whenever I successfully manage to grow, I am rewarded with the greatest sense of accomplishment.
Reminded me how fun it is to jump on a bed.
Allowed me to rediscover my inner goof. For instance, just this morning, she and I were singing, “Sponge Bob Circle Pants” just because we could and just because we both knew that his pants are squares and not circles. Boy, was that fun.
Rewarded me for my natural talents. For instance, whenever my daughter tells me that she’s about to throw up because one of my personal fairy tales has gotten her laughing that ridiculously hard, it’s gratifying. Her laughter is a greater compliment than any nice thing a client could say about my writing.
Renewed my sense of wonder about the magic that is our world.
Encouraged me to dare to imagine. For instance, did you know that dinosaurs might be living at the center of the Earth?
Made me more empathetic, especially because, as my daughter tells me, “everything has feelings, even elevators.”
Allowed me to feel that warm sensation that comes from spending a snowy day indoors while making gingerbread cookies. I would never have baked anything had it not been for my daughter. Yet the process and smell of baking creates the same sensation I once had as a child when I was small enough to sit on my mother’s lap.
Given me someone who, without fail, enjoys hugging me back, kissing me back, and loving me back.
Allowed me to unabashedly be proud of someone—her. Because she’s so darn cool. And smart. And funny. And sweet. And caring.
Taught me how to forgive myself, because she always forgives me, no matter what.
Ensured I am ready for any emergency. You would not believe some of the things you could, at any given moment, find in my purse. These things often come in handy at the strangest of moments.
Helped me remember to cherish the small things, like the gift of a good night’s sleep.
Molded me into someone who doesn’t get worked up when the toilet overflows and leaks into the basement—because I’ve cleaned up much worse than that.
Given me a being that, without fail, brings a smile to my face and a warm, happy feeling to my chest whenever I think about her.
Yes, being a parent is one of the hardest and most challenging jobs I’ve ever done, but it’s also the most rewarding. As with marriage, it might not be for everyone. As with marriage, becoming a parent is an incredible act of selflessness. But, for people who are so inclined, the pros to outweigh the cons. For me, it is so worth it.
Do you think parenthood is worth it? Why or why not?
Copyright 2009 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
my daughter just turned 2 in September, and the worth it Pros have just outweighed the not worth it cons (which include a complicated pregnancy, the pod person, and a big part of the start of the bad part of my marriage)
parenthood totally worth it… here’s why:
-the poopy pee pee song my daughter was singing last night on the toilet. i would never have that experience without it….
- “hey momma? MOMMA!!!???
“what. yes, what is it?”
“i love you too”
- hugs, and cuddles, and how har i laugh when she tries to lick my face
- she brought me tissues when i was crying, that’s love.
-what better reason to have Popsicles for breakfast?
not worth it:
-mean mommy didn’t exist before this, she’s mean. irrational. mean. and not me.
- she doesn’t barf on my husband, why is that?
Worth it: belly laughs at least several times a week, the chance to marvel at what is rattling around in their brains (mom, why doesn’t Santa just use the door?), markers of time marching by and reminders that I shouldn’t just plow through life and end up missing life.
Not worth it: let’s face it, kids can drive you crazy a hundred different ways.
I think parenthood is definatly worth it!!
My son is only 16 months old but he makes the whole family laugh…he dances when you tell him to dance,he gives me kisses all the time,he hugs me, and he has a wonderful smile, he just makes coming home fun and exciting. But yes parenting does have its down side like when he wants m&m’s for breakfast(who the F* eats m&m’s for breakfast???)
only he would and when i dont give him any he trows his little temper tantrums, but in the long run its great to watch him learn and grow, and someday when he gets older and hes a succesfull man, I will be so proud that everything was worth it.
Oh, absolutely so worth it. Now that my 2 sons are in their 20s and I see the remarkable results of all the hard work that my husband and I put it, even more so…
Parenthood is worth the stretch marks, the nearly 24 hours of labor with OUT drugs and the changes it’s makes on your body, your mind, your soul, your LIFE in every way.
My daughter will be 24 in February. She’s the best thing in my life. I honestly don’t know if I’d be alive if I had not had her. (I had some bad habits before I had her.)
Now granted in her younger years and my younger years, it was the most intense love-hate relationship I’ve ever had. How can a child that came from my loins do what she is doing? But they do grow up. They do grow a brain. And they do make you proud.
I love when people (my friends) tell me how great my kid is. It’s a “yippee, I didn’t screw her up too much”. I love seeing how much her friends love and care about her – we’re friends on Facebook, so I get to see her friends comments.
I love hearing that her boss wanted to hire a person in their mid-30s, but took a chance with my daughter because she is “so mature for her age” (she was 22 when she landed her current job).
The defining moment of being a mommy was when my daughter was about 15 months old, walked up to me, wrapped her little arms around my knees and hugged me. I was a puddle of mush on the floor – and forgot all about labor, the fact that I hadn’t slept since before she was born, stretch marks, projectile vomiting, etc.
The other defining moment – we started a game. I would say “I love you”, she’d respond with “I love you, too”, then I’d ask “how much” and the very first time she said “five”, not knowing this is my all time favorite number and there is no number greater than five, to me. And I recently found out, that five is also her favorite number. LOL!!!
Now, if she’ll give me grandbabies, I’d really be set for life. LOL!!
To me, parenthood is the most rewarding and worthwhile adventure I’ve ever taken on. And parenting doesn’t stop when they hit 18 or move out. My daughter still needs/wants me in her life to help guide her or just be an ear that she can trust. We talk on the phone several times a week, since we’re in different states now. And we can both tell by the tone of the other’s voice if things aren’t exactly right with the other. It’s a very interesting bond. And we can totally disagree with each other and still love each other.
Being a mommy is the BEST!!!!
I’m not a parent (by choice), but I do love being an Aunt. One niece, in particular, is about as close as I’ll ever come to parenting since somehow my sister gave birth to a mini version of me. The two of us get a real kick out of each other.
“Cherish the small things” and lots of hugs get my vote. When I had kids, we all hugged so often that even great occasional hugs from my second husband do not make up for all the wonderful family hugs I shared in the 1970s and 1980s. I had three kids at a young age. I wonder if that is why I did not reach some of the same conclusions as you during that time? What has changed me as a person, I can tell you, is my granddaughter. For her sake, I want to make the world a better place. But, I agree with you. Parenthood is definitely worth it.
SO worth it.
Pro’s: I’ve never experienced giving or receiving that kind of love before. Seeing the world through a child’s eyes. Sharing the experience of having kids with my partner. Hearing, ‘I like you, mommy’, even though my son has seen the worst of me. The opportunity to learn selflessness.
Con’s: 5 years and counting of sleep deprivation, colic, and the curse of having to learn selflessness
I’m just leaving a four year relationship because I want children and she does not (we’re both women). This post could not have come at a better time for me. I’ve been positive, for a few years now, that I’m going to be a parent someday. It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do, and something that I can’t imagine my life without. I know that it will challenge and change me in ways that I can’t possibly imagine, but I’m also certain that I am meant to be a mother, that I will be lucky to have my children, and that they will be lucky to have me. I’ve been blessed with certainty on this point. I know that we don’t always get to choose what we have in life, but I’m positive, in a weird way, that I am destined to be a parent, and that, yes, it will all be worth it.
Thanks so much for your honesty, insight, and humor, Alisa. I’ve been reading your blog now for about six months. It started out as something that I did in order to help improve my relationship, and I kept reading because I enjoy your writing, and your insight, so very much. Your comments, reflections, and advice are all wonderful gifts, and I feel thankful that my relationship struggles have brought me to this community, and closer to myself.
Thanks again, and I hope that you have a wonderful day!
When my 20-month old Isabela smiles at me Or says “Amo Mama”, It is genuine……..
nothing fake about that…….That makes me feel wonderfully good about being a parent!!
Yes, it is worth it. My three children and now my four grandchildren (with two more on the way) allowed me to “re-live” my own childhood, experience the wonder and excitement of old experiences in a new way, and laugh and laugh and laugh. Alisa said it all in one sentence: “Yet the process and smell of baking creates the same sensation I once had as a child when I was small enough to sit on my mother’s lap.”
Yes, yes, yes, parenthood is worth it!!! For all these wonderful reasons you have here, and the ones everyone else has added, and more. I love children — all children (I find them so interesting) but especially my children. They teach me so much and I am so glad to have them.
.-= Jennifer Margulis´s last blog ..Take a Segway Tour of Jacksonville =-.
Being a parent is the hardest job I have ever encountered. I have never cried more, loved more or cared more. I have learned more from my children than I ever learned in school or at work. They are the greatest teachers. They taught me that messy is OK; that different is neither good nor bad – it’s just different; that patience is necessary; that love is unconditional; that even when the well is bone dry, you can still squeeze out another drop and that poop can be used as artistic media. I can see God’s face in a child. It is worth every single second.
To me, your post was all about gratitude. Practicing gratitude daily is liberating. There is nothing more important to me than being a parent and now a grandparent.
Watching my kids grow up has really given me hope for the world. Not because it now contains five amazing new people but it’s given me so much more empathy for other people and a realization, a real, in my gut realization, that most people have more good than bad and are doing the best they can, just like me.
There is something profound about holding a baby and having it hit you that we all started off just like that. If that is cheesy, well I am unabashedly cheesy. I don’t believe that you have to have a baby of your own to feel that connection with all of humanity, but it’s the way it happened for me.