Alisa’s Top Dating Tips

My friend Dana asked me to write a post for single women. She might have been joking when she asked this. I’m not sure. I have trouble picking up on that sort of thing over Facebook. At any rate, I thought, “Why not? Let’s give this a shot.”

Before I even offer one dating tip, though, let’s get one thing clear. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years. Before I met him, I dated fewer than 20 guys, and that’s if you include my high school boyfriends and the various guys I sucked face with at parties because I had too much to drink and they seemed cute at the time.

I’m probably the world’s least informed person when it comes to this topic. That said, I learned nearly everything I know through trial and many, many errors.

On a first date, don’t mention that you are in treatment for depression. That didn’t go over too well the time I did that. I would imagine that it’s also not a good idea to mention that you’ve recently lost a lot of weight, that you think you might have a drinking problem, that you live with your mother, that you recently got fired for threatening your boss with bodily harm, that you don’t really know the identity of the father of your children, or that you have an STD but it’s clearing up nicely. Save those revelations for the 5^th or 6^th date.

Don’t do dinner or a movie on a first date. Dinner lasts a long time. It also forces you to stare at each other and make a lot of eye contact. Worst of all, it’s really noticeable if you run out of things to talk about. A movie isn’t the best place for a first date either because it doesn’t allow you to get to know one another.

In my opinion, the best venues for first dates allow you to have a conversation while you are doing something else. They are a little bit physical, which helps to alleviate anxiety. I highly recommend: shooting pool, playing mini golf, hitting golfs at a driving range, ice skating, and playing games at a video arcade.

If you want someone to like you, don’t talk about yourself. Don’t try to be funny. Don’t try to tell the most interesting stories ever told. It’s a lot easier than that. Just ask that person a lot of questions, shut up, and listen.

If a guy tells you that he’s never been in love with a woman, don’t set out to be the one woman who gets him to fall in love. Probability is not in your favor. It’s much more likely that he’s really incapable of loving anyone, including you.

If you suspect that a guy might really be gay, trust that instinct. That’s all I have to say about that.

You can spot a guy who is after only one thing. He lures several women into his bed a week. He’s well practiced in the art of getting women to like him. That means he’s confident, he’s polite, he’s great at making eye contact, and he’s a sweet talker. He’ll tell you everything that you want to hear—that you are beautiful, that you are sexy, that you look much younger than your real age, that you have great hair, and that you don’t look like you could possibly be a mother. Guys who are truly interested in getting to know you do not try to bed you on the first date. They also are not as practiced. They are a little awkward. They are not anywhere near as confident, and they don’t make as much eye contact.

Don’t set out to find Mr. Perfect. I don’t think he exists.

Know what you want, and ask for it. If you want to go out again, just call him already and suggest a specific date. Don’t sit at home, pining away as you wait for him to call you. Either he will say “yes” or he will say “no,” but at least you’ll have an answer.

Stop playing games. Just be yourself (except for what I mentioned earlier about what not to reveal on a first date). You’re going to have to be yourself eventually. It’s much less painful to find out sooner that he doesn’t particularly like the real you than it is to find it out later, after you’ve already invested a few years in the relationship.

What dating tips have you learned the hard way? Share your worst dating mistakes.

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