Comments on: I Was Wrong

By: John

John — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 11:18:22 +0000

I believe, wether a woman should talk about faked orgasms or not depends of the reason. If they live in a healthy relationship and the problem is just poor technique #3 will work. If they are not satisfied because of emotional reasons like not feeling accepted, safe and connected during sex the issue should be adressed as it is a symptom of underlying relationship problems that need to be solved. When my wife told me she had been faking orgasms for years this was very important to me to understand how much I had estranged from her

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:01:44 +0000

Alisa, Your honesty and tone is hilarious! I enjoyed reading this post. Ok, now, I’ve been married a very long time – 28 years. I believe in honesty in a relationship, absolutely. However, I also believe in sparing one another hurt feelings. That said, I think if someone strays and they tell their spouse, it’s more to ease their conscience than to protect the spouse and have a totally honest relationship. I’m NOT advocating cheating on your spouse but just a little discretion when it comes to totally hurting their feelings and ego. I think it’s all so individual as to what you want to say and how to say it. The situations have to be weighed carefully as does the repercussions of telling them. If your spouse sucks in bed, there are better, more tactful ways to tell them than just coming out and saying, “You SUCK in bed.” You can say you want to work together at making your sex life more exciting; you can gently guide the lovemaking to be more the way you like it, etc

By: Jennifer Margulis

Jennifer Margulis — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:20:49 +0000

This is so hilarious. I love that you love the word blowjob. Apparently there’s a great book for men about how to go down on women called She Comes First (I haven’t read it but I hear it’s a winner). I think healthy communication about sex is really important but there is no real reason to PRETEND to like something that you don’t. (That said, I agree that there’s no reason to “come clean” if you have been faking it. Luckily, this isn’t an issue in my marriage!)

By: Steph

Steph — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:15:01 +0000

Okay, I am of the “I’d rather know” variety. All things tend to come out eventually. Therefore, if it’s bothering him then he should tell me. I, on the other hand, suffer from TMI. I will tell him everything that is bothering me in a slightly mislead effort to purge my mind and gain some peace. Unfortunately, my voice tends to put hubby to sleep and that starts a whole new “discussion”. Then again, I’m so paranoid that every few years i give him a free window of absolution. “If there’s anything you want to tell me, I won’t hold it against you”, kind of deal. Like I said, I’d rather know.

Now, about the blowjob. The best advice I ever got was from a group of gay friends. However, I’m willing to add to my repertoire, so feel free to dish.

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:08:26 +0000

Yep, I’ve faked the O. And your offer of spilling the beans on a better BJ? I really want to read that post, Alisa. Start typing!

By: Natalie

Natalie — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:36:00 +0000

Up front honesty about orgasms and major concerns within the relationship is something I do believe in 100%. It’s those little things that I know I’m blowing out of proportion in my own head that I tend to keep to myself until/if they become a problem that I need to talk with him about.

As for the post on BJs… please, bring it on.

By: Sachi

Sachi — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:49:54 +0000

I’m all for full disclosure in a relationship (sometimes too much, in fact). I want to know everything, especially when it comes to sex. It can only benefit both partners to know what works and what doesn’t. Fragile territory, yes, especially when there’s already been years of misconception… but would you rather suffer in silence? I wouldn’t.

That said, though, full disclosure gets tricky if you know it’s harmful to the other person in a way that can’t be remedied. I agree that if my husband had slept with someone early on in our relationship, I wouldn’t want to know now. In theory I’d want to know because I get a weird high off knowing everything — but as I was in tears from finding out, I’d curse myself for being the curious cat, wanting to know something painful, unchangeable, that means nothing to the current (happy) state of our relationship.

And yes yes yes absolutely to sharing blowjob tips (I too have an odd fondness for that word). I think lots of BJ-curious women, especially the ones too shy or embarrassed to outright ask about it, would benefit from such a post… and pass it on.

By: Momof3boys

Momof3boys — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:15:01 +0000

My husband and I have recently begun to talk very openly and specifically about sex (among other things we are being honest about), and while I’m getting better, I still suffer from being shy about my wants. I’ve never O from intercourse and we are currently working towards it. I never faked it with him, so it was never an issue, but we are working on a lot of things in our relationship, so the O is one of them. Sorry, but don’t need advice on the BJ, he says I’m pretty good at that already!

I can understand how a guy would be putoff if a wife had being lying about the O for YEARS. It might be easier to take early on in a relationship, but I know my husband is sensitive about his prowess, so to speak, so after years of lying about the O? Tread lightly is my advice.

By: JANET

JANET — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:57:54 +0000

yes alisa please do so write a post about giving a good as blowjob!!!

By: Marissa

Marissa — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:32:57 +0000

I’d love to hear your take on how to give a great blowjob… I think that your take on “how to” would be stimulating… (wow that was bad, but oh well)

I don’t think I would want to know about cheating. IF it was in the past at a bad point in the marriage and would NEVER, no way, no how happen again I wouldn’t want to know. I once found out about an ex boyfriend that cheated on me – 4 years AFTER we were long long over, and I was still hurt. With that being my personality, that I take hurts to heart and remember them for ages, I don’t think I could survive that sort of knowledge and stay married. I’d be totally devastated.

speaking of exes and fake orgasms, I once admitted to a boyfriend that I was faking them (granted i did it in the heat of an argument, it was still the truth – just doubly hurtful.) And soon after the relationship was over. That wasn’t something that he could handle or we could survive.

and on the other hand I think I WOULD want to know if my partner wasn’t satisfied in bed, but don’t believe there to be a good way to bring it up without somehow it being hurtful to the ego…