Your dog does not want one of these. I know. He told me.
Yesterday I read the following tweet: “25 more days of Christmas shopping. Am I the only one who hasn’t started yet?”
I stared at my computer screen and thought, “Am I abnormal?”
It had only been three days since Black Friday—the so-called official start of the Christmas season—and people who hadn’t yet started shopping were already being relegated to the “last minute shoppers” club.
Really?
Call me a Scrooge, but I’ve never understood the allure of Black Friday. Over the years, various Black Friday enthusiasts have tried to explain it all to me. Still, to me, the words “Black Friday” make me think of four things:
- Death, due to trampling
- Mall coma (see death)
- Crowds (see death)
- Traffic (see death)
I also don’t understand the attraction of shopping in general, especially this year—during the middle of a recession. This is what I want to know: when did “the holidays” become synonymous with “buying crap for people who are just going to re-gift that crap, return that crap, or donate that crap to Goodwill”?
I only enjoy one thing about holiday shopping, and it’s that I get to see and make fun of all of the overpriced crap that lots of people will buy for People Whose Right Minds Were Destroyed By The Purchase of Overpriced Crap that No One Wants.
Crap like the Snuggie for Dogs. Yes, such a thing really does exist, and you can bet that many an embarrassed dog is going to get such a thing this year for Christmas. Crap like the Tickle Me Extreme Ernie. As if Tickle Me Elmo were not enough, now we all need to rush out and trample one another so our kids will be the first to have Extreme Ernie, too. Or the Zhu Zhu Pet Hamster, because why give your kid a real hamster in a ball when you can stand on an enormous line and part with $131.99 for a stuffed animal in a ball instead?
Don’t get me wrong. The holidays can and should be about giving, but I don’t necessarily think they need to be about shopping.
Over the years, I’ve been scaling back my holiday shopping. I started doing this for my personal sanity. Each year, after spending hours and hours in malls in search for gifts for everyone in my family and my husband’s family, too—not to mention co-workers, my hair stylist, my neighbors, my friends, my book club, and my paper boy—I felt stressed, disappointed, and drained.
At some point each year, I’d break down and cry. This usually happened after the 100th person asked me, “Are you ready for Christmas?” and I cursed that person out for asking such a stupid and unoriginal question. I’d feel like a failure for not being able to get it all done. The gift buying, gift wrapping and gift mailing sucked every bit of happiness out of my body. I’d feel overwhelmed. Then I’d overeat. Then I’d feel fat, and so I would overeat some more.
Come January I’d be ready to check myself into a place called Serenity House or some such.
So I slowly stopped doing it. I talked family members into only buying gifts for the young children. I stopped buying gifts for my friends. I quit my job, so that took care of my coworkers. And I gave whatever service person who happened to help me out during the month of December an extra big tip.
Now I only buy for my daughter, her young cousins, and a couple business associates. That’s it. The benefits of this approach are enormous. I no longer suffer from mall coma because I no longer go to malls during the month of December.
I don’t stress over the perfect gift to give my husband because I don’t buy him gifts anymore. We have an extra fancy date night instead.
I have a lot more time, because I’m not spending that time trying to badly wrap things that have no business getting covered with wrapping paper to begin with.
Because I don’t gift many gifts to others, few people give gifts to me, which means there’s a lot less crumpled up wrapping paper to clean up on Christmas morning. It also means that I have fewer cardboard boxes to store, and I no longer have the disappointment of opening a bunch of gifts only to find that the one thing that I really and truly wanted–-everlasting happiness and peace of mind—does not come in a gift-wrapped box.
Most important, I regularly experience that warm fuzzy feeling that one gets from doing good deeds because good deeds are how I’ve come to define “the spirit of giving.” Rather than spending my time shopping and gift-wrapping, I do the following:
- Spend more time with family and friends because experiences are priceless and the memories last forever (unless momnesia or senility wipes them out, but I digress).
- Plan special experiences, such as taking my daughter to see a Christmas themed play or having a family bike ride through town so we can look at all the holiday lights.
- Make sentimental gifts for family members. For instance, each year my daughter and I write a story together that she illustrates. We give it to her grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
- Cook more, because I like to cook and other people like to eat. It’s a win-win.
- Try to be more giving of my time and energy.
- Hug more. Smile more. Say, “I love you” more.
- Do at least one charity project, whether it’s helping a needy family, donating to Toys for Tots, or buying groceries for a food kitchen or holiday meal for the homeless.
- Practice random acts of generosity—giving a waitress an extra big tip, letting someone else have a parking space that has my name written all over it, that sort of thing.
I encourage you to try my Less Shopping, More Giving approach this year. I think you will find that your holidays are much easier to survive.
Next: How to communicate your needs this holiday season.
Copyright 2009 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I too hate shopping, this year I ordered everything online, and I only bought for my immediate family. My Daughter and I made hand and foot print wall hangings for the grandmas, and I’m calling it quits, every one else may or may not get a card.
The presents have all been nicely delivered to my door, and this year i really have enjoyed decorating.
This is the first year I haven’t felt all BAH HUMBUG, usually that hits me around October – right when the Mart of Wal has the Halloween and Christmas decorations facing each other like they are in some sort of old West Standoff….
Personally, I’m always good with less shopping. I don’t think I can keep my wife away, though. She was one of the crazies (along with her mother) doing the all-day shop-a-thon on Black Friday. I happily spent the day hanging out with the kids.
We certainly do increase our charitable activities during the Christmas season. And we can’t help but spend more time with family. And that’s a good thing…usually!
I agree! I never do Black Friday. There is no sale worth the aggravation of the traffic, crowded stores, cranky shoppers and unhappy sales personnel. That’s the day I stay home. The past few years, I have shopped less and less. We buy gifts for children. We do a lot of charity giving. We live in a society where there is SO much excess. I learned my lesson a few years back when a hurricane blew through our town; the houses were torn apart. Tons of everyone’s cherished “stuff” was scattered everywhere. We were all in the same boat. No one had clean water, no one had electricity. What became important in a matter of hours, was how you could help your neighbor and how your neighbor could help you. LOVE. It’s the reason for the season. It’s a great time of year to teach kids to help those in need.
My family & I no longer due Christmas Presents; sure, we send cards, I get a birthday gift or two (my birthday is Dec. 23rd) and we call it a day.
The only reason I get a birthday gift or two is because if my birthday were any other time of the year, I’d be getting a gift, you know. It’s usually a piece of jewelry (earrings, a necklace), a book, or a CD–nothing expensive–and birthday dinners–at a fancy restraunt–kind of like you and your husband’s extra fancy date night, Alisa!
Anyway, my family & I instituted this no Christmas Gift policy back in 2007 and I must say, it’s been fantastic!
I don’t have to worry about trecking out into the traffic, shopping endlessly for that ‘perfect’ gift, wrapping it nicely and then delivering it (or sending it & standing in line @ the Post Office). It’s maddening! I’ll admit, I do kind of miss GIVING Christmas gifts a little bit, but I don’t miss getting them. I have enough stuff, and honestly, if I went through my strorage unit, my family & I would probably find five years worth of Christmas gifts we’d forgotten we even own. LOL! But, I digress.
In all seriousness, I love the fact that my family and I are able to focus on the love, the gratitude, the joy that comes from being family–the gift of togetherness and kindness–without the gifts. We’re big card people, so we definitely do those, but those are expensive now a days too–so they kind of count as little gifts. I’ve been known to write poems for my loved ones as gifts too–they always love that. If I feel COMPELLED to give an actual gift, however, I’ll make a donation to one of my favorite charities (I have several) in my loved one’s name–that way, everyone benefits!
My husband and I, however, do exchange gifts, we each give each other $20 and 90 minuites in Target and say ‘Go!,’ usually, we come out with 2 or 3 items–last year I got a tea kettle and some hot pink slippers–he got a movie he’d wanted and a nice picture frame; we’ve decided to continue this tradition because it works well for us. We know what we got and we remember getting it–plus, we’re not breaking the bank by spending $20. It’s so great!
I like that I don’t have to stress about holiday gift shopping, though, and I love that it forces me to look at the reason for the Season–the spiritual aspect, the gift of life and love and miracles! It’s actually pretty awesome, and there is no material thing required to obtain that magical miraculous feeling!
Merry Christmas everyone, Happy Holidays too!
Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
Being that I have always been a little wacky, I’ve always known myself well enough to know that if I overextend myself, wacky will turn into padded room. As such, I have NEVER gone present-crazy over the holidays. I think I hate shopping to a fault (I would have gotten married in blue jeans on the courthouse steps if my Mom didn’t drag me to the store). I don’t even send Christmas cards. Don’t get me wrong, I do like Christmas. I like the lights and the ambiance, the pine-scented candles and my mom’s Mystery Pecan Pie. I hate the shopping. I see the whole “Black Friday” thing as entertainment on the same level as the Jerry Springer show. That being said, there are some folks who love to shop and love to give boxes wrapped in paper with pretty bows and love seeing the looks of fake gratitude on Aunt Bee’s face as she unwraps her year’s supply of Shamwows. To those folks, more power to them. To folks like me, enjoy your candles and poinsettias, singing Christmas songs in the car with the kidlets while you drive around all the swanky neighborhoods looking at their swanky lights. Enjoy your mystery pecan pies and sausage cheese balls, and enjoy the time of year when you tend to procrastinate all those annoying little things that really need to get done around the house because they can always wait until January. Cheers.
Another great idea I have for reducing holiday stress is to focus on ONE thing–for me, it’s the Christmas Tree. For my husband, it’s the decorations. I handle the Christmas Tree, he does the decorating. For others, it might be Christmas Dinner, or baking cookies for everyone at the office. I say pick ONE thing that is SUPER important to you (and if it is Christmas shopping and gift giving, than that’s fine, nothing wrong with that at all, if that’s your thing!) and let the rest go. I LOVE Christmas decorations and MUST have them up, but my husband knows that’s HIS job, just like I know the tree is MY job–both are equally important to us, but we picked our strong points and the house always gets decorated in time! My husband and I know we can’t do it all, and so we don’t try. We put up a tree, we decorate the house, we send cards and we do our $20 thing–and we’re done. I’m sure if we had kids it’d be a much different story, but even then, I don’t plan on giving my kid(s) a hundred gifts at Christmas–my favorite gifts are ‘just because’ gifts with no holiday required–and I plan (key word, PLAN) to do that with my kid(s) too. I think Christmas is for kids and they’re wish list can get out of line, and I’ll definitely give them presents at Christmas, but I think teaching your children the meaning of the holiday season (Christmas, Hannaukah or otherwise) is way more important, gifts are just an accent to that, not the whole purpose of it. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, back to my original point, pick ONE thing–decorating, Christmas tree, baking, cooking, serving, gift giving–and let the rest go! No one can do it all, and at the holidays especially, everyone should work together so that we can ENJOY the blessed season!
Many Holiday Blessings,
-Sarah Liz
One last thing–the book idea is AWESOME! I love that tradition, Alisa, your daughter will treasure those co-written/illustrated books for the rest of her life!
That is pretty terrific! Oh and Judy, I went to Kohls on Black Friday(at 1pm) just to look–I was curious–and the line was TWICE around the permiter of the inside of the building–some people had been in line for 3 hours just to PURCHASE what they’d “scored”. I thought “Good Lord, NO gift is worth THAT. NO “good deal” is worth standing in line for 3 hours AFTER I’d found what I’d wanted…I’d rather pay that extra $10, $30–thanks!” And it made me REALLY glad I didn’t HAVE to be there and that I didn’t have to buy gifts for ANYONE! Yay!
I think you’re my long-lost twin sister. LOL!!! I gave up on the gift giving years and years ago. My daughter wasn’t yet three, we lived on a sort of farm, I baked, I made home-made jam from berries we had grown, I sewed, I crafted, etc. I don’t think I got one Thank You from the extended family. They had all boughten expensive gifts. And toys I didn’t want my daughter to play with. (Even my daughter at that young age thought one particular horse toy actually looked like a pig. LOL!!!) Since I had spent my time – lots of time, I think I started baking, canning jam, etc., in the early fall since that’s when the berries were ready, I had a huge freezer to freeze baked goods, etc. I must have spent months (at least 2 to 3) preparing all the gifts.
I was truly disappointed in how my gifts were received. It wasn’t worth it to go to so much effort, for not even a verbal thank you, let alone a written thank you. (Yes, I still believe in mailing Thank You cards.) And I hate shopping with a passion to even consider going into a mall during the holidays, let alone any other time of the year. (OK, I’ll go to Vickie’s to try on a bra to verify my size. And I’ll go into DSW, to buy shoes, since my feet don’t seem to be the same size as the shoes. LOL!!!)
Today I bought two gifts on line. One for my daughter and one for my best girl friend. And one for me. I saw scarfs in a magazine, checked with my girl friend and daughter on their color preference. And it worked out – we all wanted the same argyle scarf.
Friday (yes, Black Friday) hubby and I went to Lowe’s and bought ourselves a wine refrigerator. We’ve wanted one since we bought this house over a year ago. But since we went on vacation and did some wine tasting and had 11 bottles of wine (which will take us 2 years to drink – LOL!!!), we decided to buy ourselves a joint Christmas gift (my girl friend’s suggestion). That’s it, our shopping is over.
And the Christmas cards with photo of hubby, me and puppy, went out on Saturday.
I’m done with the “holiday season” obligations. And I’m a much happier person for it.
Per my hubby who used to shop on “Black Friday”, he says the stores are relatively uncrowded. I wouldn’t know. I never shopped on Black Friday and he hasn’t been out Christmas shopping since we met in 2005. So, I don’t think his information is valid. LOL!!!
Have a wonderful Holiday Season everyone!!!!
I’ll have to buy one more thing now. As soon as I finished my above comment, I went and checked the mail. Harry & David catalog arrived (never gotten one before) and now I have to buy some pears. They have the BEST pears in the entire world.
I worked at Harry & David one holiday season when I lived in Oregon. They would give us the fruit that wasn’t fit to ship. (A wee little blemish.) They gave us pears one night. I sliced it open and ate it with a spoon and it was the best pear I’d ever eaten.
I hate the holidays (at the risk of sounding like Scrooge). I really do. Everything gets crazy and crowded and everyone gets nasty and stressed. I’m ever-so-happy when January brings and end to all the madness…thanks for this post. I like your gentler, kinder approach!
this is why I love being Jewish this time of year. Yes, I buy a few gifts (nearly all online, thank you god for the Internet) but mainly I do a big latke party for all my goyim friends and otherwise sit back and smile smugly at you Christians running around like headless chickens.
My family seriously curtailed our gift-giving starting last year, partly because there are very few things we truly NEED and partly because we’re all on tight budgets thanks to this lovely recession. We now do Secret Santas: All the adults (extended family including my parents, siblings, aunts and uncs, grandparents) put their names into a hat and each person draws one name to buy a gift for. I have never been a Black Friday person, but I do enjoy the holiday shopping—the hustle-bustle, the thrill of the hunt. So there’s a little less of that. And the family’s gift-exchange tradition is a bit anti-climactic now as well. We used to sit around in a big circle with coffee and Christmas cookies, carols playing on the stereo, and take turns opening one gift at a time, with the youngest family member going first, then moving up with seniority before doing another round with the youngest again. Everyone would admire each gift, there was a lot of laughter, and thank-you kisses all around. And the whole process would take the better part of the day. Now, the unwrapping is over within an hour, and then we all sit around looking at each other like, “Now what?! Might as well watch ‘A Christmas Story’ for the 1,000th time. Then take a nap.” LOL.
Everything in this article, I totally agree, its like your read my mind!
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I am not a mall shopper. I bought almost everything online this year. I don’t even know when the last time was that I was in a traditional department store. I have cut back a lot this year also and am so relieved not to be buying gifts for family members I would only see once a year.
Maybe I’m the only crazy one who loves everything about the Holidays. I enjoy shopping for my family (although I don’t really love the crowds in the stores in December, so I try to do most of my shopping in November or online). I love wrapping the gifts and making them look nice. I love hunting for the perfect tree, and decorating it. Decorating the house. Making Christmas cookies with my mom. Getting together with family and friends for Christmas parties. Sending Christmas Cards and recieving Christmas Cards. All of it. I think the key for me is that I truly enjoy doing this stuff, when it starts to feel like work, I stop. And if these things are not something you love, then you shouldn’t do them, why waste time doing something that makes you miserable! I truly believe that Christmas is about the time you spend with your family and friends and not about the gifts, but that doesn’t stop me from buying for those I love.
The other question I despise is “What are you supposed to be?” at Halloween!
The holidays has lost much of it’s whoop-de-do for me as far as the work required to throw together the decorations, baking, shopping, wrapping and dinner.
I was usually so burnt out by the time company showed up, I could no longer enjoy the fruits of my labor.
It feels kind of bad now because my daughter is in a position to give us really nice gifts and likes the shopping, albeit she and her husband live out of state and spend Christmas with his family there. Here we are retired and budgeting our Christmas spending. At the end of our big gift giving, we asked each one what they wanted and made sure they got it. Still had a dollar limit, but it was more than now. We don’t even have ideas for their presents anymore. Like you said, Alisa, you don’t want to spend time, energy and money on something they will never like or use.
After Halloween, my anxiety starts to arrive. It really isn’t much fun the last quarter of the year at our house.
We don’t have the friends to spend time with and our ultra small family is ultra busy.
I have been under the weather going into the season a couple of years now. Last year, we took in my brother-in-law after his lung surgery just before Christmas and I played Julia Child for two months-hardly ever repeating a meal. So, when holidays start showing up on the calendar, I get a bit nervous!
Hope you all have a good holiday in whatever sense that is to you. Forget
Courrior and Ives and Norman Rockwell!
Great post, excellent points. My wife and I have started many of these ideas. Anna’s extended family stopped the adult gift giving (kids get presents), and in my extended family my sister just the other day suggested we don’t bother with gifts between adults. I am in agreement to give it a try.
I personally like gift giving, but the line-ups, shopping, searching have made it not worth it for myself. The best part of Xmas for me is having everyone together, trying to make sure everyone has a nice visit.
-mike
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The holidays drive me crazy too. I weaned my entire family off of presents years ago. I buy one gift each for my two nieces and that is it. We all have so much stuff, who needs more. I hate shopping and would never submit myself to black Friday. In fact the weekend before Thanksgiving my husband and I try to do a super run at Target and Costco so that we don’t have to go near there or anywhere else except our grocery store until after January. I will do nearly anything to avoid it – at all costs!
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