Don’t Even Think About Reading This At Work

Seriously, If You are in a Cube? This is Not the Post To Read Right Now

Consider Yourself Warned.

Because This Post Is About: How to Give A Great Blowjob

So I’m feeling insecure. Here I went and bragged that I give fantastic blowjobs. A number of you commented that you wanted a step-by-step lesson. I agreed to provide.

And, now, I have performance anxiety. I’m sitting here and I’m thinking all of these negative thoughts. What if what I do only works on my husband? What if my husband is faking it? What if I still really suck at blowjobs?

I had to smack myself around and give myself the “believe in your beautiful self” talk.

And thankfully, the mailman delivered three new DVDs yesterday, and one of them was Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex – Fellatio. So I watched that, too.

All I can say is this: Phew. I was doing mostly everything right. I could have written this entry without watching the DVD. But I did learn a couple new tricks, so it wasn’t a waste of money.

Before I get into how to do a blowjob right, let’s first go into how to do one wrong.

How to Give Heinous Head

I learned the word “blowjob” right around the same time I learned about the movie Deep Throat. As a result, I assumed that good oral was based on deep oral—the deeper it went, the more the guy thanked you later.

As a  result,  I would pop my husband’s shaft into my mouth as if he was a hotdog that I was devouring in an eating contest. Then I’d proceed to bob and suck like no porn star’s business.

My husband would feign a slight hint of excitement, so I’d try to go faster and faster and deeper and deeper. That problem with this is that I have a seriously sensitive gag reflex. I’ve been known to projectile gag various pills and supplements from one side of a room to the other.

I’d breathe deeply. I’d try to relax. Buy inevitably I’d find myself hoping and praying that I would not accidentally barf all over my husband’s junk. Meanwhile, the sucking was uncomfortable for him and the gagging sounds were quite the turn off.

After carrying on like this for a while, my jaw would go numb. I would start counting in my head, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5” to take my mind off my pain. Usually by the time I got to 15 or so, my husband would read my thoughts and say something like, “Hey, I’d rather have intercourse.” And that would be the end of it.

I might have been born with a lot of talents, but doing the deep throat thing was not one of them. Live and learn.

How to Give Beautiful Blowjobs

Here’s the most important thing I’ve learned from all of this: you can rock a man’s world in a big way without even remotely going deep throat. The secret lies in knowing a little anatomy.

Generally, the most sensitive parts of a man’s package are:

  1. The head—the smooth, round part at the top.
  2. The frenulum—the cute little flap on the underside of the head. It’s similar to the little flappy thing under your tongue, only smaller.
  3. The perineum—the area between the balls and the butt.
  4. The balls.

Do you see “very bottom part of the shaft” mentioned anywhere above? Nope.  It’s just not all that important to get this part of the penis in your mouth. So why torture yourself? It’s not as if you can win an award for doing it (that I know of).

What follows is how to rock a man’s world without going deep throat. It’s certainly not the only give head. It may not be the best way. And it might not even be a good way if your husband likes different things than mine. It’s just my way. Copy what you want. Ignore what you want.

Part 1: The Tease

I very lightly brush my husband’s shaft with my fingertips while I kiss and lick other parts of his body. Then I lube him up with some coconut oil. I like coconut oil because it’s real food. It has little to no taste—unlike most commercial lubes that taste medicinal. Lube is important because the skin on the shaft of the penis is thin and sensitive to chafing. If you’re going to be using your hands on your man, you need lube. Otherwise, he’s going to get pretty uncomfortable. Alternatively, you can lick him up and down and spit on him a little, using your saliva as lube. Whatever works.

I kiss and lick the shaft. I circle the head with the tip of my tongue. I tickle the frenulum with my tongue. I lick his balls, his perineum—basically everything. Occasionally, I suck his balls. This drives him insane, so I don’t do it for very long or very often. I might do it once or twice during a session. That’s it. I don’t do this licking and ball sucking in any set order, either. It’s whatever I think up in the moment. As I lick him here and there, I’m using my hands in other places. I might cup his balls with one hand while I massage his chest with the other, for instance. Or, if I’m licking his shaft, I might gently press my fingers into his perineum.

I progress from lighter licks (just brushing his skin with the tip of my tongue) to harder and harder ones (using my tongue on him as if he were an ice cream cone).

I don’t tease my husband for all that long. He’s more of a Bobbing kind of guy. Use your own best judgment as to how long this stage should last. Note that the longer you tease, the closer you’ll have him to climax when you move onto the Bob. If you are worried about your stamina, tease more, bob less.

Part 2: The Bob

I put one hand around the bottom of his shaft. Then I slowly bring my lips over his head. At first, I’m all lips and tongue. I roll my tongue around the head. I bring my lips around the edges of the head. Stuff like that. Eventually, when he seems like he’s beside himself from it all, I move into the bobbing thing.

I use my hand as an extension of my mouth. This prevents me from having to go anywhere near the gag area. I try to do this seamlessly, so my hand and mouth are working together to put tension on the top of his penis, gently pulling open the hole where the semen comes out. (I’m sure this “hole where the semen comes out” has an official name, but I didn’t feel like looking it up).

As I bring the shaft into my mouth, I slide the head along the roof of my mouth. This seems to generate more pleasure than just bringing the head to the back of the throat, but I mostly do this to avoid accidentally gagging myself.

I start with slow, even bobs, progressing to faster ones as my husband responds.

When my husband is about to climax, his penis gets harder, arcs back a little bit and starts to throb. I don’t know if all men are that way, but I thought I would mention it. My husband usually likes to warn me that he’s about to bust open, which is nice, but not necessary (for me. You might be different). I swallow, but not all women do. I don’t think it makes much of a difference either way. If you are not going to swallow, finish him off with a hand job or with intercourse. If you do the hand job thing, consider allowing him to ejaculate on you—perhaps on your breasts.

If you think that’s gross, that’s fine. I’m not trying to talk you into doing anything that you find uncomfortable. I’m quite certain that your man will be quite happy with whatever you do at this point. If your technique was good enough to get him to climax, he’s not going to give you a failing grade because you didn’t swallow or let him get you sticky.

That said, I do want to mention that our beliefs about what’s gross and what’s not largely stem from socialization. If you don’t believe me, just think about what babies and toddlers have been known to do with their poop and boogers. We teach our children that bodily fluids are gross. That doesn’t necessarily mean that all of them are. If you allow yourself to think of semen with an open mind, perhaps it won’t seem so gross to you. Just a thought.

Now, every man might be slightly different. What works for my husband might not work for another. So communicate with your husband as you try out new things. And PLEASE, feel free to share your tales of success here, so others can learn from you.

And, I feel the need to say that I’m not sure I’m going to be able to look various people in the eye after writing this post. Got any advice about that? Let me know.
This post was sponsored by (love that name). If you liked my take on how to give an awesome blowjob, then you’ll love theirs. They have a great free report on 7 Common Mistakes you do NOT want to make when giving head to a guy. There are some great things to learn there. Check it out now while it’s still free by clicking to learn —> how to give a blowjob (and an amazing one at that). Enjoy!

155 comments… add one

  • HardlyAnyExperience October 16, 2013, 6:12 pm

    Thank you, thank you! I’ve only ever given 2 blow jobs and I found them completely repulsive. I’m in a new relationship and I really want to please my man so have been reading around the topic quite a bit! This post is so useful – first one I’ve found that just gives a complete step-by-step overview of what to do. Perfect! Just what I needed to boost my confidence. Look forward to putting this lesson into practice :-)

  • mary October 17, 2013, 3:16 pm

    omg you have saved me i was concerned and never realy know what to do in that particular area cuz i hated deep throat and i had this idea “from porn” that the deeper the better and also i have a gag problem so i gave my fiancee horrible blow jobs but now im so exited to see him and try it i realy love to please my man ..but there is one problem though he dosnt let me to go to the balls area he says that hes so sensitive down there

  • Scared November 6, 2013, 11:44 pm

    So. I’ve tried this whole blowjob thing once before, when I was with my first ever boyfriend, and he seemed to like it when I first started and then suddenly, mid action, he was like, “Okay, are you going to stop?” And I’m not sure if it was me being terrible at it or if it was something else? (I’ll mention that we had been together for over a year at this point, if it’s significant) Either way, I’m in a different relationship with a guy I love, and I really want to but I’m terrified of it. I just don’t want to be rejected again… He says he doesn’t care that I don’t, but I still wish that I could grow some lady balls and just do it.

    • Amanda August 13, 2014, 12:05 pm

      Don’t worry about the rejection part, all men are different. I had a similar experience, and my enthusiasm and self esteem went way down after that first time. But I have b since meet another man who says that I am fantastic at giving bjs….so I think it all depends on the guy

    • Guy January 9, 2015, 3:37 pm

      If it was during foreplay, he might have been concerned he was going to come before intercourse. I’ve asked a girl to stop for that reason. I doubt it’s because you were terrible.

      • sharukh March 17, 2015, 3:44 am

        PlZ give me sex wark

  • cathy ruehl January 9, 2014, 6:22 pm

    cathy April 19, 2013 at 10:29 pm
    Some great information for you from the Berkshire Mountain Rang, I love giving my husband blow jobs. I learned a lot about giving blow jobs in college where I also learned about having my ass licked and fucked. As time went on and I found myself in the workplace I started giving blow jobs to men at my work place. I worked as an admin at a private school in Washington Depot, Connecticut and started having weekly end of day in the dark blow job sessions with a very nice good looking older school director, he loved the fact that I swallowed his entire huge load of cum without gagging! later on I was frequently asked to lunch by the director and school psychologist both where we would drink wine at the psychologist home and the director would wisk me off to the bedroom first cum in my mouth and then again in my vagina, then a quiet knocking would occur and sure enough it was the psychologist and he would end up doing the very same thing! Fun really started when I suggested that they double penetrate my vagina which they did with great pleasure for them and me, they also took turns fucking my mouth while the other fucked my vagina this went on at least twice a month for over two years. Forbidden fruit is so much sweeter and enhanced my relationship with my husband.

    • Horny January 30, 2016, 1:34 pm

      Cathy, please tell us how to get in touch with you…

      • cath April 20, 2016, 6:49 am

        if I cannot talk then leave number and best time

  • thelma mutasa March 22, 2014, 9:56 am

    thank u so much my boyfriend was thrilled and it was fun to watch him reach climax and be vulnerable .

  • Barry May 13, 2014, 7:33 am

    This is good practical information. Using good information and adding intense passion is the way to get good experience at giving blowjobs. I have received about 20 blowjobs in my life, but I have given hundreds of blowjobs and loved every second of it. Enjoying it with passion brings good techniques to life.

  • AB June 16, 2014, 4:25 pm

    I just started this ‘practice’ having been a lesbian until recently finding I’m interested/physically attracted to men. So now I have this friend with benefits and he’s mentioned I could learn by watching porn. I’d rather not watch that act, so I’ve read up on it and thought I was following the suggestions, but he still mentioned watching porn, I’m trying to find out what I could be missing that they would do there that I can’t find out when googling.

  • Raven July 30, 2014, 2:53 pm

    I LOVE giving my lover a blowjob. It’s just a huge turn on for me. So i always try new things with him. One thing that works on him is moaning in my throte, while the head is up against that goowy part of the back of my throte right before my gag reflex, while licking the shaft fast with the tip of my tounge.

  • SB August 13, 2014, 9:03 pm

    I am recently single after 21 year marriage that was free of any oral sex. So I’m find myself learning to give a BJ in my mid 40s. And so far I love doing it, but have been very self conscious about doing it correctly. This was very good information and has been very helpful. Thank you

  • Lory October 16, 2014, 11:53 am

    I trually loved your article on How to Give A Great Blowjob, it was very helpful being that I was so nervous in doing this with my BF since he is very picky about things… I want to say thank you and I look forward to trying this out tonite!!!!

  • Marco December 7, 2014, 9:44 am

    Thx for the article :) I noticed the comments are mostly made bij woman. I found this article searching for advise “which method can my wife practice to like giving a blowjob” she takes it in her mouth, but dont’want to make me cum. This made me unhappy for over 25 years. I’m I selfisch? She likes it when I give her an oral orgasm, why can’t she do the same to me? I don’t ask anymore. Should I ?? Over and over again? some advce is welcome. Greetings from Marco (the Netherlands)

    • Gummybear January 12, 2015, 9:17 am

      Never force her to do something she doesn’t want just continue going down on her and eventually she might go down on you, I say this because at first I was so scared of going down on my fiance but he was very sweet he did not pressure me but continued to go down on me so I eventually returned the favor. All I can say is give her some time

  • audrey October 28, 2015, 7:44 am

    Hey I have a prob am dating this one guy and he is 7 years older than me I like it when he wants me to go down on him and I do it but I never get him to cum am I doing it wrong or what I don’t mind swallow at all actually love it but can’t deep throat so how do I get him to cum fast

  • babyBoo October 28, 2015, 7:48 am

    If anyone knows what I can do send me a emai love this guy and wanna do it perfectly

    • Chrissy February 1, 2016, 7:42 pm

      babyBoo, I always try to put my rear within reach so he can do whatever while I am “performing” he seems to cum a lot faster when I do, remember guys are visual, keep your lips over your teeth and act like you love it especially the first time and plan on what you are going to do with the cum, get it on you or swallow, dont try to decide when its happening. I like looking at him while I have him in my mouth.

  • Chrissy Silvers February 1, 2016, 7:31 pm

    I always swallow, he loves it and for some reason it just does something for me, I get super wet, something about pleasing my man, but my trick is I take it as for as I can in my mouth so he ejaculates into the back of my mouth/throat so I barely taste anything while holding his balls and I try to suck it out like a milkshake, which makes me extremely ready for a good pounding. When in the mood, usually around my period, I start when he has already went to sleep. I think this maybe the wine talking.

  • Barry August 3, 2016, 12:00 am

    I enjoyed reading your advice and agree with almost all of it. The only disagreement that I have is about deep throat. I have given a lot of blowjobs and most of them have included some deep throat. I really enjoy performing deep throat and having the guy’s balls on my chin. It probably helps that I have trained myself to control any gag reflex.


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