I have a new sex column at SexIs online magazine. I started Project: Happily Ever After to offer marriage advice, based on the lessons I learned while improving my own marriage. Sex, obviously, is one part of an overall happy marriage, so I’ve periodically posted here on the topic. But I’ve always held back a bit—mostly because I wasn’t sure how you all felt about me writing about sex. Nervous? Uncomfortable? Embarrassed to read about it while at work? So, in order to spare those of you who would rather not know the details of my personal sex life, I’ve decided to chronicle my most recent sex project over at SexIs. Of course, they are paying me to write about my sex life, so there’s that, too. In any event, you are welcome to read along if you are interested. I’ll be posting there roughly every other week. Here’s my first post.- I’ve chosen Kathy as the October Commenter of the Month. Not only does she comment on nearly every single post, she offers useful advice that the entire community here can learn from. And she makes me laugh! Her reward is a Poken, which is a cute little flash drive that helps you share your social networking data more easily with others. They come in adorable little shapes. Kathy will be receiving the one that looks like a Ninja. If you’d like a Poken for yourself, please purchase it from my friend Andi at Misadventures with Andi. She currently has more of these things than she knows what to do with.
- The November Commenter of the Month will win scrapbooking software. This is a re-gift. I got it as swag, but I’m about as likely to keep a scrapbook as an elephant is to eat sushi with chopsticks. I just know I have readers who would love this software, so comment away.
- Why I don’t offer advice via email. This blog isn’t what pays my bills. Other types of writing do (see #7 for more on this). I wish I had enough time to answer every single email that comes my way, but I just don’t. Some weeks, when I’m on a tight deadline for the paying work, I just get overwhelmed. More important, there is at least one troll who emails me fake questions—so I have a hard time separating the heartfelt emails from the bogus ones. And most important, I like to answer your questions on the blog, so the entire community here can work together to solve your problem. I think this worked wonderfully this past weekend when I blogged about faking orgasms—it was a true collaborative process and the input from the community made the advice even better. This isn’t to say that I want you to stop emailing me. I love your emails! I just want you all to know why I don’t always respond. I felt terribly guilty about not responding to every single email.
- Why my posting frequency is erratic. Speaking of deadlines, I have a big book deadline coming up in December. Ideally, I like to post here 5 days a week, because doing so makes me feel like a rock star. Right now? I just can’t pull it off. I realize that erratic posting is frustrating. I thank you for hanging with me anyway.
- I’m in Woman’s Day. Writer Denise Schipani interviewed me about marital lies. Cool, eh?
- Want to know how I really earn a living by working at home? Check out this ghost writing blog that I’m collaborating on with a couple writer buddies.
- There seems to be a consensus regarding blowjobs. You all want me to write about them. Consider this fair warning. My next post will be about blowjobs and it will probably be titled something like, “Don’t read this while you are at work.”
- I’m an award winner! Fellow blogger Erin Wise at BeatNiksBeatOnLife has given me the One Lovely Blog Award. I’ve never won an award for my writing, and I’ve always wanted to be able to refer to myself as “an award winning writer,” so this is a huge honor. As part of the award, I’m supposed to suggest 15 other lovely blogs. Here are the blogs that I read regularly and why:
The Daily Norm, because I love reading about what abnormally famous people do in their normal time. (This is how I learned about Alexa DiCarlo’s blog, by the way)
The Real Princess Diaries, because professional escort Alexa DiCarlo has opened my eyes about all things sex related.
I Hate My Message Board, because if Tracy O’Connor didn’t like to eat pork brains from a can, I might be tempted to think of her as my soul mate (as the Wiccans, who apparently don’t like me very much, define the term)
Problogger.net, because I don’t know nearly enough about blogging and Darren seems to continually find new stuff to teach me
Copyblogger, because, even after earning a bachelor’s degree in journalism and working 18 years as a fulltime writer, I can still improve my writing. The people here are the ones to help me do it.
Penelope Trunk, because even though I no longer need career advice (I gave the big fat finger to the “man” long ago), I still find her posts delightful, especially when she curses or writes about blowjobs.
Nandoism, because he is an umbrella-drink loving, big-hair promoting, incredibly endearing guy who doesn’t mind answering my incessant questions about how to improve my blowjob technique
The Discomfort Zone, because Tim Brownson is the only life coach I know of who writes about his testicles. Oh, and I can hear his English accent ooze right off the page, and I just love English accents. The only accent that is better is an Aussie one, which is almost the same thing—but a tad manlier in a cowboy-boot-wearing sort of way.
Gerald Weber’s SEO Blog, because I will probably never understand computer algorithms and Gerald seems to understand that about me.
Happiness in this World, because this Buddhist physician should be treating every single one of us.
Recalled to Health, because there’s no way Alex Lickerman (the physician in the blog I just mentioned) would have enough time to treat all of us, so we’ll need Tim Hennessey, MD, to help out. I’ve interviewed Dr. Tim before. He’s a sweetheart, and he writes one of the most down to earth health blogs around. He updates once a month.
Mothering Outside the Lines, because Jennifer Margulis has opened my eyes to alternative ways of parenting
Misadventures with Andi, mentioned earlier, because Andi is one of my virtual BFFs
Edgy Mama, because Edgy is one of my other virtual BFFs
My Faith Project, because Jennifer Haupt continually keeps me thinking about better ways of living
Copyright 2009 Project Happily Ever After
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for the gift. Hopefully I’ll know how to use it. LOL!!! I am seriously technology challenged. Hubby offers to teach me, but I just don’t have room in my brain (refer to previous blog by Alisa).
Alisa, I for one am very thankful for whatever blogs you have time to post. I love your humor and the points that you make. I seem to learn something from each blog.
I’m currently catching up on some October blogs that I missed (I was seriously mad at my hubby that week – he really hurt my feelings). But I gotta say, staying mad at him for 5 – 6 days really got his attention. He’s been much more attentive. LOL!!!
Keep blogging!
I’m a lister too. So here’s my list…
1. I’m definitely going to check out your sex blog, although I’ll wait until I get home.
2. I knew there was a reason I’ve never sent you an email…that doesn’t mean I haven’t been tempted though.
3. There is no possible way that you’ve never won an award. Are you sure you aren’t missing something?
4. I’m going to check out some of the blogs you mentioned. Your descriptions of them intrigue me.
5. This post has been very informative. Thank you, Alisa!
You just made me feel very special because you did respond to an e-mail I sent a few months back. I haven’t gotten up the nerve to truly speak my mind yet, but I’ve stopped biting my tongue ALL the time. Thanks for that!
I can’t wait to get home from work so I can go read your new column!
.-= LeAnn´s last blog ..My Most Amazing Weekend =-.
Hahaha . . . Wiccans don’t like you very much. I read the comment yesterday to which you are referring and I considered responding to it, but thought, Alisa seems like a person who can handle it. Glad to see you deal with blatant name-calling so well.
Thanks for linking to these other blogs — I’m always looking for new stuff to read. Some of them look really cool.
Love, love; love your first article you did! It is really great and I look forward to MORE! You have a lot of balls in the air – lots of great stuff – keep it coming!
.-= Andi´s last blog ..Nuclear Free Zone =-.
Here’s my list….
1. I am stoked to check out your new column! That’s really exciting!
2. Congrats, Kathy! I need to make a habit of reading the comments and commenting more often. I typically do but I’ve fallen behind.
3. I think it is too cool that you offer stuff to people who comment. I’ve never seen that.
4. I remember seeing something about the person trolling you via email. That post was really funny.
5. Post what you can when you can, girl! We’ve got feeds…
6. Dude! You were featured in Woman’s Day?! That’s freaking sweet! (More on that on 9.)
7. I am excited to check this out too. I’ve been looking for more stuff to read lately.
8. I will keep my eyes peeled for the BJ post. LOL
9. (Wow. *deep breath*) You, lady, have made my day. I was so excited when I got the One Lovely Blogger Award and was able to pass it on. I did not expect that any of the people I passed it to would actually post it on their blog (like you, everyone is super busy! LOL) so when I read your post and saw the award there I was SO excited. I am taking advantage of NaBloPoMo to try to hone in on where I want to take my blog: I am redesigning, really trying to come up with some great content, and reading a lot of new (to me) blogs to help improve my style and help inspire me. Some of the blogs you listed I am going to add to my list of things to read.
- Thanks SO much for this post. Seriously. You made my day. Really. (It sucked before this.)
.-= Erin W.´s last blog ..Redesign =-.
Gee…I’m sorry if my reply last night wasn’t a favorable one. I’m 59 yrs. old and if I think something is disgusting on someone’s blog, I would think that since they put it where anyone can read it, they ought to be able to take it! I said that I took full responsibility for going onto Alexa’s blog and clicking on the pictures, but that I was totally put off (it made me want to puke). What’s so wrong about saying this on here that it would be deleted? I know you’re trying to help people, but not everyone is suited for pornographic pictures. I also stated that sex toys make me sick and I don’t watch “adult” movies or page through the manuals. I have never been in an “adult” book store. Somehow, I think I can make it through life without these experiences just fine. My husband and I have great sex when we have it with just the art of making up
fantasies. I don’t understand what the standard is for replies on this website. If you’re going to talk about sex, then be prepared to hear from the more conservative of us!
As an almost 69 year old, I have to say I learn something new and wonderful every time I read this blog. I LOVE this generation of open, forthcoming, comfortable-with- their-sexuality people. To finally be able to candidly talk about sex is such a relief. I wish I could comment on Alisa’s first contribution to SexIs, but I did not see a way to respond there. Her description of an ordinary, but ofter unshared, sexual experience is priceless! Thank you Alisa. This old dog is happy to be learning new tricks (and so is her husband).
Linda–I didn’t delete your reply. I think that comment is on a different post? I’ll look into it. I remember reading it, and it made me think about how two people can see the same situation very differently.
Also, I think you and groovy granny are talking about two different things–one comment is about my post over at SexIS and the other is about Alexa’s site. I encourage all discussion. I don’t require anyone to agree with me. I only delete comments that 1) are attacks of other commenters 2) are spammy 3) are unhelpful attacks of me (basically a string of curse words with no point). To date, I think I’ve only deleted three comments in the past year–and they were all left by the same troll.
.-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..9 Important Announcements =-.
Linda: Yes, just found it. You left that comment on this post: http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/10/what-to-do-when-your-spouse-sucks-in-bed/ See? Not deleted. Still there. I’m a former newspaper reporter. I don’t believe in censorship.
Alisa i truely think that most women can handle the blog about the bj’s.
I think we as women shoudlnt have to hide or be embaresed about what we do.
I mean its all natural.
-linda i undertand you are very sensitive about sex and its more personal for you.and i truely respect you for that!
i think all women are different and we all have different opinions
but i think its great that you and your husband are really hitting off
Congrats on the new column. You are a brave woman to put your sex life out there!
I thought I had read that post also on another blog day. I read your new article very well written. Humour is great. But I don’t like the forum format so did not reply there.
I read what you said for Woman’s day – How totally true. I also read your Ghost Writing blog. You are a hoot to read just like Tracey O’Connor. I also read Tim Browns blog. He is hilarious as well. I just finished his one on testicles. LOL
Thanks for responding to my email as well.
I think I will add a few more of your recommendations to my daily list.
Alisa…
Thank you for your indulgence. I appreciate your finding that post for me! thank you for not deleting it. I’m sorry for going off. Its so embarrassing to have forgotten where I said something. Yes, this did have to do with Alexa’s blog/pictures. I wasn’t blaming you for anything. Like I said, I went and looked. Curiosity killed the cat. I won’t be going back. My husband is so matter of fact about stuff like that. I still feel like my mother will find out (and she’s deceased 15 yrs!) The older I get, the more inappropriate sex seems. I REALLY have to be in the mood for it. C’mon blue moon!
Congratulations on the award! I have always wanted to win one, too. Wish I had the time to read your blog on a regular basis and follow the links to other blogs. There is so much to digest and so little time with real life pulling at my coat strings. I’m wondering if you have an idea on the age of most of your readers? This would be really interesting to know. I was sorry not to make your list of lovely blogs. Maybe next year?
Loved, loved, LOVED your first post on sexis. I wish there was a place to comment over there! I’m so happy to hear that even though you have mostly worked out your marriage issues, you still don’t always want to have sex. That makes me feel so….normal…
Congratulations on the award!! Can’t wait for the next article, should be interesting
Can’t wait to read the post about the BJ’s…my hubby says there is always room for improvement!
So wonderful, congrats on the award and all your success. You work hard blogging and it shows!
I’ve started reading one of the blogs that you mentioned above: The Real Princess Diaries and I love the way that she writes. I think it adds a perfect insight to sex with her going to school to become a Sex Therapist and actually working as a consort for a living. Thank you very much for suggesting the site. It has opened my eyes a little more to the relationships that women and men can have.