Is Positive Thinking Dead?
Ah, now we get to Bright-Sided. Keep in mind that I started reading this book the day after I stopped reading The Secret. So after being told that I can have anything my little heart desires—just by imagining it has already come into my life, Bright-Sided was a huge downer.
Ehrenreich doesn’t believe that positive thinking can get George Clooney to marry you. She also doesn’t think it will put a BMW in your garage or even a pack of chewing gum in your purse. According to Ehrenreich, positive thinking does not make one healthier. It does not slow the progression of cancer. It does not make people live longer. It does not make you rich. And it doesn’t even make you happy.
Bummer.
I really wanted to like this book. When I’d learned that Barbara Ehrenreich, who also wrote the famed Nickel and Dimed, had taken on the positive thinking movement, I thought three words: It’s. About. Time. (Or perhaps four words? No matter).
Yet, from the very beginning, I was turned off by Ehrenreich’s negativity and anger. She went on for pages about the injustice of pink ribbons and teddy bears. Pages about the injustice of the health care system I could have dealt with. But teddy bears? Ribbons?
And at first, I thought it was just the voice and tone that was getting to me. “She’s just one very angry breast cancer survivor,” I told myself. (Mind you, Ehrenreich would call herself a breast cancer victim). “I’m sure I’d be piping mad, too, had I been in her mammogram machine. Plus, I’m sure she’s much more pleasant in real life.”
But isn’t that positive thinking? Isn’t that me doing exactly what Ehrenreich would caution against?
The writing was so ruthlessly angry and sarcastic that I found myself muttering things like, “A joke every now and then would be nice. A little comedic relief every so often could really lighten up this long sad slog.”
And, remember, I wanted to like the book. I did. And, some of it, I did like. I liked how Ehrenreich explained quantum physics, on which The Secret is supposedly based. She goes as far as to interview a few quantum physicists who dispel any notion that the idea of thought particles traveling through the universe has anything to do with their science. I thought she was smart to do that. After all, one could say nearly anything is based on quantum physics and get people like me to believe in it. Quantum physics says that people have the ability to levitate? Holy crap! Who knew?!
See?
After all, how many of us actually have the slightest idea as to what quantum physics actually is anyway? I certainly don’t. If you say something is true because quantum physics says it’s true, then it makes sense to me.
I also liked Chapter 7 about how positive thinking destroyed the economy. That was an interesting read. But here’s the thing. While I agreed with almost everything she said in that chapter, I didn’t agree with the main premise: that positive thinking was what was at fault. What did destroy our economy? It was greed—the same thing that will always plague a capitalistic society—coupled with the fact that the vast majority of people on this planet are followers who do what we are told to do.
I once worked at a company much like some of the companies Ehrenreich profiles in her book. During the late 90s, I went to quite a few of those team-building workshops. In one of these, a consultant tied me and a bunch of my other co-workers together and asked us to figure out how to walk from one point to another. I can’t say I enjoyed having to snuggle up close to my coworkers in this way. I learned very little from the experience. Nearly every single one of us made fun of it. None of us were duped. We allowed the consultants to tie a rope around us—not because we couldn’t wait to find out how to work more efficiently as a team—but rather because our supervisors told us that we had to let the consultant tie a rope around us.
That’s pretty much it. It had nothing to do with positive thinking and everything to do with kissing ass, which is what modern corporate culture seems to be about these days.
So, yes, during the late 90s a lot of companies wasted a lot of money on coaches and consultants who made employees like me do silly exercises. But did they really do it as part of a sinister plot to increase productivity? The late 90s? Those were the Clinton boom years. It was an employee’s market.
Now in this most recent recession? All of those team-building exercises have disappeared, along with just about every other perk that companies ever offered. Tuition reimbursement? Gone. Pension funds? Gone. Fitness centers? Gone. My recently laid off friends now tell me that they don’t even get resume coaching anymore.
Ehrenreich criticizes the corporate coaching culture. Aas an employee who once met with a corporate coach, though, I can tell you that these folks are not all a bunch of charlatans. The one I met with helped me to visualize a better future for myself. She helped me garner the courage I needed to quit my job and go freelance—a decision that allowed me to double and then triple my income. You might say that she was a pawn for a company that wanted to downsize. If she encouraged employees like me to quit, then there would be fewer severance packages to fund. True.
Those of us who left corporate life to start our own businesses are universally happier and more wealthy. (When I use the word universally here, I’m talking about my friends and coworkers and not about a national study). We may not be billionaires, but we are no longer slaves to the corporate performance review either. If we all ended up better off, whose loss is it? Is that flawed positive thinking on my part, or is it reality?
Eventually I came to realize that, in her zeal to take down the positive thinking movement, Ehrenreich was just as guilty of distorting the facts as the positive thinkers she criticized. For instance, at one point she says, “the evidence that positive emotions can protect against coronary heart disease seems sturdier, although I am not in a position to evaluate it.” I thought, “Why not? Because it would contradict your point?”
In another place, Ehrenreich talks about the dripping positivity found in nursing homes. I wondered, “But would you really want the alternative?” I mean, imagine it. Employees walking around telling the poor, dying old folks, “How’s it feel to be living your final days? How’s it feel to be sitting in your own feces? I bet you never imagined that the end of life could be this effing bad, now, did you? You’re one step away from death’s door. It must suck to be you!”
It might be realistic, but, honestly, I’d take a fake smile over that realism any day.
But my main problem with Bright-Sided is the same problem I have with the Secret. It’s the idea that positive thinking should have any benefit beyond making one feel good. Who cares if it doesn’t make me rich? Who cares if it doesn’t add years to my life? It’s my firm belief that positive thinking has some real value—especially when you want to convince yourself to endure something that is really hard to endure.
For instance, I’m guessing that Gandhi continually persevered because of positive thinking. Just imagine how far he might not have gone had he thought, “This is all a waste of time. We’ll never be able to make a difference, so we might as well stop trying.” Would women have won the right to vote if the activists thought they were waging an impossible battle? Would Harvey Milk have ever gotten himself elected to public office if he hadn’t been such an unrealistically positive thinker?
Even much more mundane and closer to home, I was at a nature center this weekend with my mother and daughter. We walked outside a building only to realize that we’d come out the wrong door. We were standing on a small island of mud, surrounded by water and wetland. We turned to go back in, only to find that the door did not have a handle to the outside.
Oops.
My mother immediately went to a negative place. She told me later that she assumed we’d all drown when the wetland tide came in. This negative thought understandably filled her with much anxiety. When my daughter complained of being cold, my mother was so flummoxed that she couldn’t even figure out how to properly zipper my daughter’s jacket.
I was a bit more positive, thinking that we’d eventually be able to get ourselves out of this predicament. After all, I had a cell phone. I could always call 911 if it came to that. I figured the worst thing that could happen was that my feet were going to get wet. I sloshed through the mud and tried to walk around the building, assuming I might find a way to climb up onto a boardwalk and then walk around and open the door.
I couldn’t climb up onto the boardwalk. I’m short and it was way above my reach. But I did spot and flag down a volunteer, who quickly walked around and let us back in.
Based on that experience and many others that I’ve had with positive thinking, I can’t tell you that positive thinking will make you rich. It might not make you happy. And it might not even make you healthy.
But it can keep you calm when in crisis. And it can help you persevere when times get tough. And, in the end, if it allows you to feel the slightest amount of hope during the bleakest of times, what’s the harm?
For the final book review: How to be rich and happy
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October 19th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Hi Alisa! Wow, you really made up for a week off! I meant to pick up a copy of Bright-Sided this weekend, I was curious about it since I loved Nickel and Dimed but the excerpts I’d read weren’t winning me over.
I do think there are elements of the positive thinking movement that do need to be criticized and examined. And you know those folks that are insisting you see the bright side when your husband left you, your doctor called to tell you some results were “troubling” and your kid is a drop out but consistantly have hissy fits when somebody cuts them off in traffic and never leave their share of the tip? They are loathsome. Not that I have anyone specific in mind.
My version of positive thinking isn’t blind optimism or Pollyanna, it’s more realizing that I have the means to make positive changes in any situation that comes up, even if it’s just my perception.
You know who I’d like to write a book about the Positive thinking/Self help movement? Mary Roach. She’d be awesome.
October 20th, 2009 at 6:22 am
Yeah–well I aim to please. Everyone sounded so sad that I was taking the week off that I decided to come back with a bang. It’s really just one super long post split into four parts. An optical illusion if you will.
Totally agree on when others try to get others to see the bright side. That’s annoying. I think it’s something that has to be personal–either you embrace it or not. But other people can’t push it on you (he’s in a better place, this is a learning opportunity, it can only get better from here, what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, etc). Whenever I’m around someone who has had something tragic happen (lost job, illness, death whatever), I just say, “This really sucks.” But I think part of all of that is that, as a society, we are incredibly uncomfortable with sadness and grief, so we try to sugar coat it. It would have been a lot more interesting if she’d gotten into the psychology behind the positive thinking response in certain situations.
I agree about Mary Roach. Or Malcolm Gladwell, who somehow has a new book already. How does the man write that fast? I’m envious.
October 20th, 2009 at 7:56 am
I am not letting my positive thinking die!(although on most days it does anyway)!
I will wake up and be positive.I will spread positive thoughts.I need to for my children and because my husband and in laws and parents are not such positive influences!So Damn it , For now I shall be positive!I will spread the cheer ,well wishes and Joy!
I know that if I dare complain certainly..no one will care!
Another day started with positive thoughts and the best of intentions to all .
October 20th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Oh Alisa. You’re so impatient. I was gonna write out some stuff for you, but then I found this article, which gets at what I was thinking.
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Doyle14.html
Chris´s last blog ..Some thoughts about aging
October 20th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
This is a provocative concept, and I am going to buy this book to check it out. I loved “Nickle and Dimed, and am excited to read this. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Jen´s last blog ..Yelling is Good for Your Health
October 20th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
But doesn’t that pretty much make it impossible to refute? Like, if you can never trust reality and never know if you’ve ever attracted what you want, how can you ever claim that the law of attraction doesn’t work? (Or is that what you were getting at? I think you were, but I wasn’t completely sure.) Sorry for being so impatient. It’s part of my nature. I’m a lot more patient than I used to be, though! Also, I’m sorry your comments keep getting stuck in my spam filter. I just found and released this one. I hope there were not others? I just upgraded the spam filter in a major way, and I think it might be blocking a few non-spammers from getting to the site. Not sure.
October 20th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Excellent analysis!
October 21st, 2009 at 12:11 am
Thanks for managing to maintain your sense of humor about this. I’m a believer in positive thinking, but like you, I don’t think it will fill my bank account. I prefer to think of it as making my *life richer! Why get bogged down in negativity? I’ve got a family member who’s been waiting to die – for the past 25 years. Now that’s sad!
Kris Bordessa´s last blog ..Cash in on Your Kids!
October 21st, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Alisa, check out ‘Learned Optimism’ by Martin Seligman. It’s a brilliant book that explains at a scientifc level why optimistic (not positive btw) thinking helps people. This guy has spent 25 years studying it and is the worlds leading expert.
It is a very balanced read because he also take a look at the up sides of negative thinking.
I’m not sure I see the value of books like this to be honest. Is anybody any better off for reading them?
October 21st, 2009 at 7:31 pm
I am one of those people who is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, so I think the idea of positive thinking is a good one. I wish I could be more positive, actually. After reading your take on this book I’ll probably skip it. It’s not going to do someone like me any good.
October 21st, 2009 at 8:37 pm
In your story about being locked out, was that “positive thinking” or just being level headed? I was stuck in an elevator with my daughter many years ago. I don’t like elevators much to begin with – I’m claustrophobic. I knew that if I lost it, my daughter would completely got off the deep end. So, I stayed level headed. And got us help to get out of the elevator within 30 minutes.
I was involved with a women’s group. I missed our last meeting a few weeks ago. But it was all about “positive thinking”. Well, I kind of think it’s all about rose colored glasses. I see these gals posts on Facebook and I’m wondering what fairy tale are they living in? What’s wrong with feeling an emotion? What’s wrong with getting mad about something that deserves mad feelings?
I was involved with “a group” for many years. Emotions were “bad”. If you weren’t happy, something was horribly wrong with you.
I haven’t been involved with that “group” for a little over three years now. I’m just finally learning to FEEL again. To hurt when I’m hurt. To cry when I’m sad. To be joyous when my puppy/dog totally cracks me up. I’m finally feeling for the first time in my adult life and I’m 47 years old.
Do I hold “good thoughts”? Damn straight I do. Both parents and aunts on my mother’s side died of cancer. You bet I’m holding “good thoughts”. But I’m also not fooling myself that just because I’m holding good thoughts that something won’t happen to me. I’ve gotten “level headed” and have taken steps to protect my health – exercise. I’ve always thought of exercise as a bad word. But I’m finding I’m enjoying it while doing it, I do get a wee bit of an endorphin rush (if I wasn’t so dang tired, I’d probably get a huge endorphin rush) – but I’ll take what I get.
I guess I’m a bit of a pessimist. I hope for the best, but am prepared for the worse – and I’m always really thrilled when it’s turned out good. I guess growing up with abuse and neglect kind of puts a damper on one’s mood for life. But then again, I’m taking “positive steps” and getting counseling to get over all that drama from my childhood and adulthood. I just got a late start.
October 21st, 2009 at 10:17 pm
You know, this is making me think about something. I think I’m a natural born pessimist who is trying to be an optimist. I’m so far to the end of pessimism that any optimism just brings me almost to normal.
I actually think all emotions are good, even the negative ones. At least you are feeling something. Some people say that depression is anger turned inward. Whenever I’m depressed I just don’t feel at all. So I think it has to do with being flat–no ups, no downs.
October 21st, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Tim–I definitely will. You know he’s one of the people the author interviews and tries to bring down, right? Not that that means anything. I’ve heard a lot about him, so I’d love to read his book.
October 22nd, 2009 at 8:07 am
@ Karen – You CAN change the way you think. I know that for a fact because I did and I see clients do it all the time.
I used to be a really miserable *******! Then after being told once too often I’d never climb to senior management with my ‘attitude’ I realized the rest of the world was right and I was wrong.
However, to change you have to have the belief you can change and really want to.
October 29th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
This book irritates me to no end. It has been a huge topic of discussion in my house this past week. I am a naturally positive person and don’t think I am being by naive by trying to find something good in every situation. What the hell is it going to help an already bad situation to commiserate? But if I approach an already bad situation with grit, determination and a smile, at least that is something. I may live in the land of leprechauns to believe this, but I am very happy there!
I do sympathize with the author about her experiences with cancer therapy, etc. People with cancer should be able to process their feelings, even anger, about having the disease, and she should not have been ganged up on when she tried to express them. People process things in different ways, I just think that in the same way she would have appreciated being allowed to vent, she should also just allow the happy people to be happy.
And happy doesn’t mean unrealistic – an argument my husband and I have all the time!
Andi´s last blog ..Asterix and Obelix turn 50
October 30th, 2009 at 9:03 am
I stumbled upon this review as I am a strong believer in positive thing. I will definitly skip the book! Time had an interesting article last spring “Staying Sane Is Easier Than You Think.” One of their preventative measures?…positive thinking. This resonates with me as my mom has struggled with bi-polar disorder for 35 years and has a hard time maintaining happiness for more than a few minutes at a time. I think so many people would benefit from strategies that taught them to be positive. Based on the book “My Stroke of Insight” and other recent insight, it seems like positive thinking would also create positive pathways for your neurons in your brain that will re-wire your brain with repetition. I also believe in Buddhist thought that we should be aware of our perceptions (how we view the world). Embrace your negative feelings and work through them, but approach the world by staying in the present- this practically guarantees a positive attitude since you are not bringing bad memories with you as you walk through your day.
April 11th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
It is great that you took the time to write all this up