Comments on: How to Find Yourself, Part 2-B http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/10/how-to-find-yourself-part-2-b/ Because life after "I do" isn't always so charming Sun, 01 Aug 2010 01:31:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Angelia http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/10/how-to-find-yourself-part-2-b/comment-page-1/#comment-4274 Angelia Fri, 09 Oct 2009 15:42:44 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2731#comment-4274 I think very often people try to be 3's and end up 1's. It really is a rare friend who can be a 3 and even rarer that we accept them as 3s and don't allow our minds to makes them 1s. I'll be honest here, I often think that I am being a 3 with my husband and end up coming off as a 1. There is such a fine line. I'm with you on the social situations too. I have only a handful of very close friends and would love to expand that but seem to be unable to initiate conversation with new people. If someone else makes the introduction or it's a round table group then I'm fine. I never thought about like you presented it. Even with the "anonymity" of the internet I often shy away from commenting on new blogs I find because i'm concerned about how to jump into the conversation. I'll be practicing! I think very often people try to be 3′s and end up 1′s. It really is a rare friend who can be a 3 and even rarer that we accept them as 3s and don’t allow our minds to makes them 1s. I’ll be honest here, I often think that I am being a 3 with my husband and end up coming off as a 1. There is such a fine line. I’m with you on the social situations too. I have only a handful of very close friends and would love to expand that but seem to be unable to initiate conversation with new people. If someone else makes the introduction or it’s a round table group then I’m fine. I never thought about like you presented it. Even with the “anonymity” of the internet I often shy away from commenting on new blogs I find because i’m concerned about how to jump into the conversation. I’ll be practicing!

]]> By: Aimee http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/10/how-to-find-yourself-part-2-b/comment-page-1/#comment-4225 Aimee Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:39:29 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2731#comment-4225 I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a social dork as much as a social....um...well...nothing. I have no friendships save my mother, sister, and husband, that extend any further than stupid facebook status updates. Anyone (aside from said mother, sister, husband) I consider a friend knows absolutely nothing about me and I try to keep it that way. I'm beginning to think that maybe this isn't the smartest of tactics. It's sort of like how Michael Jackson only surrounded himself with "yes men," except my situation is worse. I surround myself with no one, so I am my own "yes man." I really don't feel as though I belong anywhere. My husband has been in the Army for 16 years (and we have been married that long) and I want nothing to do with (and have never had anything to do with) spouse support groups. I homeschool my children but am VERY non-religious, so that pretty much excludes any homeschool support groups. I don't think I'd ever be able to open up enough to someone to count them as a friend anyway. I don't have time for superficial conversation with half-acquaintances. Loneliness sucks. I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a social dork as much as a social….um…well…nothing. I have no friendships save my mother, sister, and husband, that extend any further than stupid facebook status updates. Anyone (aside from said mother, sister, husband) I consider a friend knows absolutely nothing about me and I try to keep it that way. I’m beginning to think that maybe this isn’t the smartest of tactics. It’s sort of like how Michael Jackson only surrounded himself with “yes men,” except my situation is worse. I surround myself with no one, so I am my own “yes man.” I really don’t feel as though I belong anywhere. My husband has been in the Army for 16 years (and we have been married that long) and I want nothing to do with (and have never had anything to do with) spouse support groups. I homeschool my children but am VERY non-religious, so that pretty much excludes any homeschool support groups. I don’t think I’d ever be able to open up enough to someone to count them as a friend anyway. I don’t have time for superficial conversation with half-acquaintances. Loneliness sucks.

]]> By: JANET http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/10/how-to-find-yourself-part-2-b/comment-page-1/#comment-4215 JANET Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:36:19 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2731#comment-4215 OH Thank You Alisa for sharing this post. I really thought that I was the only woman on earth like that. I dont know how to start a conversation or end one with new people. I get so nervous weather its a man or a woman. I feel very akward even just saying Hi because I think Im so lame and I cant even start a real converstation. I know how to talk to my friends and family but not to people I dont know. I try to act nice or be polite but I think people think that I am snobby and dont want to talk to them. But its not that I dont want to talk to them its just that I dont know what the heck to say to them.I do this all the time even with like my husbands family members especially because they are all mostly guys I dont know what the heck to talk to them about. I prefer just to talk to my husband then to talk to them. I have always been like that ever since I could remember. In the other hand my husband is the exact opposite he could talk to anybody weather he knows them or not. He knows how to start a converstation and how to end one. Sometimes I am so jelous.I really wish somebody thought me how to be a good converstation person. So if you do get a hang of that please let us know because I think alot of woman are like that but just never talk about it. OH Thank You Alisa for sharing this post. I really thought that I was the only woman on earth like that. I dont know how to start a conversation or end one with new people. I get so nervous weather its a man or a woman. I feel very akward even just saying Hi because I think Im so lame and I cant even start a real converstation. I know how to talk to my friends and family but not to people I dont know. I try to act nice or be polite but I think people think that I am snobby and dont want to talk to them. But its not that I dont want to talk to them its just that I dont know what the heck to say to them.I do this all the time even with like my husbands family members especially because they are all mostly guys I dont know what the heck to talk to them about. I prefer just to talk to my husband then to talk to them. I have always been like that ever since I could remember. In the other hand my husband is the exact opposite he could talk to anybody weather he knows them or not. He knows how to start a converstation and how to end one. Sometimes I am so jelous.I really wish somebody thought me how to be a good converstation person. So if you do get a hang of that please let us know because I think alot of woman are like that but just never talk about it.

]]> By: Sarah http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/10/how-to-find-yourself-part-2-b/comment-page-1/#comment-4205 Sarah Tue, 06 Oct 2009 22:04:09 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2731#comment-4205 I don't have any answers to the questions you posed but wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this post! I consider myself to be a "social dork" as well ... when you get the whole openings and closings thing figured out, please share because I need all the help I can get. :) I don’t have any answers to the questions you posed but wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this post! I consider myself to be a “social dork” as well … when you get the whole openings and closings thing figured out, please share because I need all the help I can get. :)

]]> By: Sarah Liz http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/10/how-to-find-yourself-part-2-b/comment-page-1/#comment-4201 Sarah Liz Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:43:16 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2731#comment-4201 I consider myself one of the most blessed women on the planet because I have not one, but TWO, absolutely fabulous friends who both fall into category #3. They are strong, courageous, optimistic and always brutally honest; however, I know in my heart, that they always come from a place of love. My husband made a comment the other day that the three of us have "some kind of girl love-fest going on, not sexual, but you're close, it's obvious," and that made me SO happy. It honestly brought joy to my heart. I mean, he's a guy and he noticed it. My two best friends and I can tell each other ANYTHING and we often do, this is such a privillage and such a gift. I too am brutally honest with them, and they know it--when they call me, it's usually to ask me what I think about this or that in their lives and I say "do you want what I'm supposed to say or how I really feel?" and time and time again, they say "tell me how you really feel," and I do. We always tell each other what we think and how we feel in a sandwich way "positive--negative--positive," and we always do so in an encouraging, loving way. It's pretty awesome, actually! One of those best friends of mine and I, have had one single fight in 9 years of friendship. I was thinking the other day about how I want to be remembered when I die--kind of morbid, but it does occur to me occasionally. And I thought "I don't want people at my funeral to say, "she was the nicest person ever," that would be nice, indeed. But I'd rather people say this at my funeral "she always told it like it was, she was always really respectful about it, but she had no bones about speaking her mind" that is what I'd rather people say. I'm one of those truth-tellers, but I try and do it with tact and respect, because it's so important. I'm not always great at taking criticism, but I have a bigger problem with being stood up, or ignored. At times, my friends (all of them) have criticized financial decisions or wedding decisions and I appreciated their input. Sometimes, I followed their advice, some times I didn't. At the end of the day, only YOU can truly know what is right for you. However, you're absolutely right Alisa, some people know us (at least parts of us) better than we know ourselves. Nobody likes being criticized, but sometimes it's absolutely necessary. If you're good friends with someone, it should be obvious that they're not doing it to be spiteful or mean, it's because they love you and they care! I believe that it's important to learn from everything and everyone. I think we should encourage and uplift one another more often than we criticize each other--but, I think in a true friendship--involving two pretty secure people, there's room for everything! More over, I think it's most important to HONOR our friendships, and our friends--as well as honor our differences and the individual choices we make for ourselves. The best part about true friendship is when we can continually honor one another and embrace each other; the good, the bad and the ugly. (A lot like marriage, but then again, oh so different.) There is nothing in this world like a true best friend, and like I said, I am beyond blessed to have more than one of them! Many Blessings, -Sarah Liz I consider myself one of the most blessed women on the planet because I have not one, but TWO, absolutely fabulous friends who both fall into category #3. They are strong, courageous, optimistic and always brutally honest; however, I know in my heart, that they always come from a place of love.

My husband made a comment the other day that the three of us have “some kind of girl love-fest going on, not sexual, but you’re close, it’s obvious,” and that made me SO happy. It honestly brought joy to my heart. I mean, he’s a guy and he noticed it.

My two best friends and I can tell each other ANYTHING and we often do, this is such a privillage and such a gift. I too am brutally honest with them, and they know it–when they call me, it’s usually to ask me what I think about this or that in their lives and I say “do you want what I’m supposed to say or how I really feel?” and time and time again, they say “tell me how you really feel,” and I do. We always tell each other what we think and how we feel in a sandwich way “positive–negative–positive,” and we always do so in an encouraging, loving way. It’s pretty awesome, actually! One of those best friends of mine and I, have had one single fight in 9 years of friendship.

I was thinking the other day about how I want to be remembered when I die–kind of morbid, but it does occur to me occasionally. And I thought “I don’t want people at my funeral to say, “she was the nicest person ever,” that would be nice, indeed. But I’d rather people say this at my funeral “she always told it like it was, she was always really respectful about it, but she had no bones about speaking her mind” that is what I’d rather people say. I’m one of those truth-tellers, but I try and do it with tact and respect, because it’s so important.

I’m not always great at taking criticism, but I have a bigger problem with being stood up, or ignored. At times, my friends (all of them) have criticized financial decisions or wedding decisions and I appreciated their input. Sometimes, I followed their advice, some times I didn’t. At the end of the day, only YOU can truly know what is right for you. However, you’re absolutely right Alisa, some people know us (at least parts of us) better than we know ourselves.

Nobody likes being criticized, but sometimes it’s absolutely necessary. If you’re good friends with someone, it should be obvious that they’re not doing it to be spiteful or mean, it’s because they love you and they care!

I believe that it’s important to learn from everything and everyone. I think we should encourage and uplift one another more often than we criticize each other–but, I think in a true friendship–involving two pretty secure people, there’s room for everything! More over, I think it’s most important to HONOR our friendships, and our friends–as well as honor our differences and the individual choices we make for ourselves. The best part about true friendship is when we can continually honor one another and embrace each other; the good, the bad and the ugly. (A lot like marriage, but then again, oh so different.)

There is nothing in this world like a true best friend, and like I said, I am beyond blessed to have more than one of them!

Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz

]]> By: Frugal Kiwi http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/2009/10/how-to-find-yourself-part-2-b/comment-page-1/#comment-4200 Frugal Kiwi Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:59:28 +0000 http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com/?p=2731#comment-4200 Listening to the Truth Tellers in our lives is hard. EXCRUCIATINGLY hard. But you do learn more than staring at your belly button. Listening to the Truth Tellers in our lives is hard. EXCRUCIATINGLY hard. But you do learn more than staring at your belly button.

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