Thank you again.

I’m not trying to blame others here, but what I am saying is that somewhere among the “husband/wife/lover/friend/mother/father/sister/brother/daughter/son/writer/cook, etc” that we consistently take on and answer to—we are bound to get lost!

But, it’s not always a bad thing, getting lost, I personally find it invigorating to re-define who you are and who you want to be.

We are human beings, constantly evolving (I hope) and changing–change is the only constant in life; so, even if/when we “find” ourselves, chances are…in a few years, our lives will have changed again and we’ll have to find and re-define who we are then. God, I hope this makes sense.

I too went through a serious depression this last summer. Horrible. And for a while, I didn’t know who I was. I think at the point, you have to get back to the basics. Get back to the simplest things that at least at one time, made you so happy. You can’t know where you’re going until you know where you’ve come from.

I also believe that after major changes in your life (i.e.: getting married, becoming a parent, being fired/hired, the death of a loved one, etc), we kind of are forced to “find” ourselves all over again.

That’s what happened to me. However, according to my friends, I’ve “always known,” who I was. And I agree on some level. I knew at a very early age that I was a child of God (not better than anyone else, but ultimately, His creation), that I was kept here for a darn good reason, and that I would always be Linda’s daughter. I always knew I loved music and singing, food and writing. None of that has changed, regardless of what has happened in my life.

So, when I get “lost” and need to “find” myself again, this is what I do: listen to music, sit & write–sometimes poetry, talk to my mom about my childhood and who/how I acted back then, cook one of my grandma’s famous recipies, surround myself with friends’ kids (I adore kids! They’re the best! They always put everything into perfect perspective!), talk with my husband and/or friends, and above all…I meditate. Sometimes I do all of the above, or just one at a time. I can’t say these always help me, but they always make me feel a tiny bit better–and some progress is better than no progress, you know?

Anyway, I think, (again, I hope) we find ourselves more and more the older we get. There are days when I feel very much my age (in my 20s) not having a clue about who I am, but that’s okay. I will know more someday, but I will never know it all. And for me, there’s such beauty in that. There’s such grace and hope in that because it means that I get to spend my life learning.

Now, as for who you are in a marriage? I’m still trying to figure that one out. I’m newly married and we are trying to figure out who we are as a married couple (like the lady above said) and trying to mold ourselves into one another’s lives. That’s very hard sometimes, but, also, such a fascinating journey! I had a pretty good idea of who I was before I got married, which is honestly, even at my younger age, one of the reasons I waited until this year. I knew, instinctively, that I would know more about who I was this year, than last year. I will probably say the same thing this time next year, but I digress.

Anyway, like you, Alisa, meditation has helped me a great deal. More than anything, actually! All of my friends and family and husband too, will say “you’re cranky, have you meditated lately? ‘Cause you need to…go…meditate.” That is how much it helps me. It’s not always easy, and definitely not always convenient, but so ultimately important for me to do. Great topic, thanks for sharing!

Many Blessings,
-Sarah Liz

but i totally agree–just “do something” and see where it leads you–cause “if nothing changes, nothing changes”.

Alisa, you inspire me.

So thank you. Can’t wait to read the next post.

I never thought I knew who I was. I didn’t think I had ever been allowed to be myself growing up, then as a wife, I felt like I had been too busy being all those people one is expected to be in a marriage. But somewhere along the way, I had gravitated toward certain interests and activities. Wouldn’t have done them if I didn’t enjoy them, right? So, they became part of who I am.
As you said, we are never “done”. We are always on a journey. Its quite a trip, isn’t it? I am learning to not be so neat and tidy about my growth. That’s not an easy task. Just when you figure out who you are, you change! Take pictures!